Three Hearts Entwined
by Mrs Muir
Summary: A Spike / Buffy / Angel romance. The three are thrown into a relationship by mutual needs but end up deciding when given a choice for freedom that this relationship is what is best for them. Now Complete. Epilogue added.
1. Prologue

Title:                 Three Hearts Entwined

Author:              Mrs Muir

Rating:              R

Disclaimer:        All things BtVS belong to Joss Whedon, UPN and Mutant Enemy. I have no claim to them. All original characters and places are mine, however.

Prologue

The sun was just beginning to peek over the horizon as the Greyhound bus rolled past the 'You Are Now Leaving Sunnydale' sign and Buffy scrunched down in her seat as she watched it. There was even a slight turning of her head to give it one last glance before she pulled her knees up to her chest and leaned her face against the coolness of the window letting her eyes flutter close. It was hard to believe she had actually done it. She had left home. It couldn't technically be called running away because she was eighteen and a high school graduate now. The only thing that was similar was that she hadn't told anyone of her plans just a note resting on her bed. They wouldn't care anyway. That was obvious with the events that had happened since they had blown up the high school. 

First it was her mother telling her that it was best if she go east to college. She had never accepted Buffy's life as a Slayer and wanted her as far away from it as possible.  Then there was the blasé announcement that if she didn't follow her mother's plans then there would no help from her parents to finance her education. It didn't seem to matter that Buffy had already picked out classes with Willow's help and was looking forward to going to Sunnydale U with her friends. Joyce wanted her to be normal. Whatever that was.

Then Giles announced he was going back to England. It wasn't because her mother wanted to send her across the country to college but because he felt that he couldn't help her anymore. Her Watcher said that there was nothing else to teach her just when Buffy was ready to tackle the role chosen for her with total eagerness. It had taken a long time for her to get to this point but when she defeated the Mayor she had felt a pride in getting the job done and like she had told her mom this was something she could do better than anyone else. 

The uncomfortable feeling between Watcher and Slayer had never fully recovered from the fiasco of her eighteenth birthday. A working relationship had been what they compromised on even though Buffy still thought of him as her father. He just wouldn't let himself relax around her anymore. Travers had given him that one last chance to prove that he was the Watcher they wanted him to be but it left the Slayer without the guidance she needed on the killing fields or in her personal life.

Personal life. There wasn't one anymore. Thanks to Angel. At first she had thought he was waiting to make love to her until she turned eighteen but it hadn't happened. Next she thought it would be after Prom but still nothing more than the heated kisses and hands over clothes they had shared since early in their relationship. Graduation was the only thing left and she had even gone to buy new underwear to surprise him on the 'special date' that Angel had arranged. Yeah, special in the fact that he dumped her.

His words were 'I love you but you need more than me. You need someone who will take you into the light and be normal with". It wasn't until she was screaming her heartbreak at him that she learned the truth. The gypsy curse prevented him from having a moment of true happiness so there could never be sex between them. To her it was a ludicrous reason for breaking up but not to her boyfriend. Angel said that it was better for her this way. If he left town then she could find a new boyfriend, one that was human. The vampire was her first love though and she would have compromised to stay with him. She figured that logically you couldn't miss what you never had.

The three most important people in her life had dumped her all in one week leaving her emotionally devastated. When she had tried to turn to her friends Willow and Xander but they were both busy with their own lives and the relationships they were involved in and didn't give her the support she needed. Never feeling so alone in her life she planned this escape. If they didn't want her then she didn't need them. In a way she knew it was being selfish just disappearing but a small part of her wanted them to hurt like she did. Plus she knew if she told them what she was doing and actually tried to plan a move they would run roughshod over her and it would never happen. Buffy wanted to stretch her wings and see if she could do it without them and without Buffy. 

Her mom had said go east so east was where she was headed, to Daytona Beach, FL, the world's most famous beach and runaway capital of the world. But Buffy knew she was smart enough not to get caught in the traps that so easily ensnared many. It was picked as her destination because it was so far away from home and it would be a totally different atmosphere. She had always wanted to go on Spring Break but Slayer duties always prevented her. Now it was going to be home. 

Yeah, it was time to build a new life and Anne was going to do just fine.  

TBC


	2. Looks Like Home

Chapter 1 – Looks Like Home

_Two Months Later_

"Hustle Anne, you've got two new customers waiting," Blake, the manager of The Seaford Shack barked at her but then affectionately reached out and yanked on her pony tail.

"I'm going, I'm going," Buffy told him as she grabbed two bundles of silverware and headed to the table he had indicated. It was late Friday night and the place was bursting at the seams and she hadn't even had a break yet. Her sore feet and back could attest to that fact. 

She kept her head down as she laid the silverware on the table and reached for her pad and pen, "Hi, I'm Anne and I'll be taking care of you tonight. May I go ahead and get your drink order?"

She looked up at the customer on her left and looked into familiar brown eyes.

"Hi, Buffy," Angel said softly.

Licking her lips nervously she stood straight up and frowned. A snicker on the other side of the table revealed the presence of Spike which surprised her. This was just what she needed Angel with a guilt trip and Spike who only brought trouble to her life bringing trouble to her new life. All she wanted to do was tell them to go to hell but a quick glance up and she saw Blake watching her. "My name is Anne." She repeated firmly. "May I take your drink order?" 

With a start she felt a hand on her shoulder.  "Is there a problem gentlemen?" Her manager asked. As much as he liked 'Anne', Blake knew she was still relatively new at the job and sometimes difficult customers threw her off. 

"No problem. Actually Anne is being really sweet to us." Angel told him as he smiled innocently. 

"Good, good, if there is anything you need just let Anne know and she'll be glad to get it for you." Blake said before dismissing him and moving on to bother one of the other waitresses.

"We need to talk," Angel said.

"And sorry I need to work. I have four other tables. Do you want something to drink?"

"I'll take a whiskey straight." Spike said from the other side of the booth. Buffy glanced at him momentarily taking in his standard smirk before turning her attention back to Angel. 

"Just bring me something."

Buffy hurried off to put the order in at the bar before going to deliver food to some other customers. As she moved about the restaurant she could feel the stares of the two vampires on her. Curiosity was licking at her as to why Angel would have Spike with him but she pushed it aside. That was part of her old life and it was over. 

With a grin she picked up the drink orders and headed off to deliver them hardly able to wait to see Angel's reaction. Spike told her thanks as she laid his whiskey on the table and then there was stunned silence as she placed a drink in front of Angel.

"What is this?" He groused as he studied the frothy pink confection in front of him with about five different fruits sticking out of it. Spike laughed but was silenced by one deadly look from his sire.

"It's called a Pink Poodle. They're quite good from what I'm told. Now, are you ready to order or do you need a few more minutes?"

"We came to talk to you," her ex-boyfriend repeated as he pushed the drink away.

"Look, you're in a table for dinner and if you don't eat then Blake has something else to bitch about to me. Now, order or get out," she whispered fiercely. 

"I'll take one of those onion things and some wings," her perpetual thorn in the side stated.

"Great appetizers. I'll put the order in for those while you decide on dinner." 

The two vampires watched her walk away with smiles on their faces.

"She's still Buffy." Spike commented while watching the sway of her bottom as she moved across the floor.

"Yeah, with some minor changes," Angel agreed.

The girl they had come to find looked different from the Slayer they had known in Sunnydale. Her blond hair was now dark red, there was a silver ring hanging from one nostril and her fingernails could now rival a cat's.  Although her top was a restaurant issued t-shirt, Buffy's white denim shorts barely covered her ass cheeks.

Buffy moved around the floor with practiced ease delivering food and drinks, smiling and conversing with the customers enough to up the ante on her tips. Her visits to Angel and Spike's table were short but always polite. She didn't see any reason to be rude after coming to the decision they were just customers and no longer a part of this new life she was creating and therefore no concern of hers.

Angel knew he couldn't create a scene here so he bided his time. They ordered a full meal that he only played with but Spike ate with relish. He never could understand the other vampire's enjoyment of food. It didn't sustain him or give him anything but the pleasure of the taste. But anything that gave Spike enjoyment ultimately kept him in a winsome mood which was better for everyone around him so Angel didn't say anything, and relegated himself to watching. When Spike had finished eating they paid their bill with cash and left 'Anne' a fifty dollar bill for a tip and left. 

Buffy sighed as she watched them walk out the door. At least if they weren't in here she could relax a little but she wasn't naïve enough to believe that they were gone. Angel had come 3,000 miles to Florida to find her so there was no way he was going home without talking to her. It didn't mean that she had to make it easy for him. After the restaurant closed and her duties were finished, she slipped out the back door and skirted the parking lot to head down to the beach, her preferred route of going home. 

She could let her tired feet relax in the warmth of the ocean as she walked the four blocks until she had to head back to the street. Home was a rented room two blocks off the main strip in the house of a bartender at the restaurant. Sheila had taken Buffy in the first day she had applied at The Seafood Shack, gave her advice on what to do and what not to do, and then turned out to be a great friend in the bargain.

Halfway down the beach she felt the familiar tingle of vampires and sighed when she realized they were the two she knew.

"I know you're back there so why don't you stop stalking me and come out." 

Spike laughed as he stepped from the shadows eyeing her with appreciation. He was hoping against hope that Buffy would agree to Angel's plan because he wanted to appreciate the girl a whole lot more. He licked his lips as he watched Buffy stand ankle deep in the surf while the wind blew her hair softly around her face. 

Angel slowly walked over to her without actually getting his feet wet. Wading in the surf was not the way to go if one was aiming to be stoic. He sighed as he looked at the woman created from the heartbreak of the only girl he had ever loved. This one was angry and defiant, almost reminding him of Faith in her attitude, as she stood there waiting for him to say something.

"Sunnydale needs you," Angel said. His eyes closed as he realized that was the absolute worse thing he could have said. No girl wants to be followed by her ex and then told someone else needs her. 

"Sunnydale and everyone there can go to hell," Buffy said as she turned away from him. 

"Buffy," Angel called.

The red head kept walking.

"Buffy."

There was still no response.

"Anne?"

She paused and turned around, "Yes?"

"Would I have come all this way if it wasn't important?" 

Buffy looked at Spike standing there quietly watching the proceedings. His face was serious as he studied her reactions to his Grand-sire. It was almost as if he had a stake in the outcome of their conversation but that was ridiculous. Spike had nothing to do with her except for being her mortal enemy. 

She sighed as she turned her attention back to Angel. If only he had said that he missed her or that he loved her anything besides cold business she might have listened to him.

"I don't care. I cared two months ago. All I wanted was to be the best Slayer I could be, go to college, hang out with my friends, and be with the man I loved but none of you wanted me." She swallowed back the lump in her throat. "So, now it really doesn't matter to me what's going on in Sunnydale. Figure it out yourselves."

She started to turn again when his voice stopped her.

"Loved?" Angel couldn't help it. The way she had said it, as if she still didn't love him…

"Yeah, can I go now?"

"I need an hour. Just an hour to explain everything and then you can decide."

"I'm tired. I'm going home. Not tonight." She gave each of them one last look before walking away.

"We'll be here for a week. The Pirates Hideaway in room 617." Angel called out to her. It had been a long time since Buffy had walked away from him and it hurt. 

"I'll think about it." She called over her shoulder then turned and started to walk backwards. "By the way you two stick out like sore thumbs. Leather in Florida in August doesn't go. And keep Spike on a leash. If I catch him feeding, he'll be dust."

The two vampires watched her walk along the ocean then turn toward the street. They started to follow her at a distance trying not to alert her to their presence again.

"That went smooth," Spike commented. He felt the hurt coming off Angel from Buffy's rejection and wanted Angel to confide in him about it but Spike doubted it would ever happen. Not with Angel's pride. Anyone could have figured out that Buffy's ex had built a fantasy of this reunion. Buffy would be in need of rescue and Angel could play her hero. Knowing that she couldn't live without him she would agree to this bizarre scheme that had been cooked up so they could be together. Somehow it seemed that the damsel in distress was doing just fine on her own and had gotten over her first love as well.

"Yeah, real smooth." 

Angel stepped closer to the blonde until their arms were touching. He would never want to admit it but he needed to know that he wasn't entirely repulsive even if it was Spike that was giving him the confirmation.

As they rounded the corner that Buffy had last turned they spied her sitting on a small wall outside of a house waiting for them. Spike couldn't help but laugh when he saw her there, bristling with indignation that they had the audacity to follow her. But then she smiled in response to his laughter upping her worth in the vampire's eye. Maybe the Slayer wasn't all cold and no fun like he thought. There might actually be some good times to be had around her.  

"Good night," was all she said before she jumped down and moved toward the house. Her point had been made and she had nothing else to say to them. Daytona was her town and they were invading her turf. 

"Oh, yeah, we are real smooth," Angel announced. 

Spike laughed again causing Angel to smile at the easy way that Buffy had caught them trying to be stealth. 

"Come on, let's go see if there is any fun in this town," Spike suggested as he tried to lead Angel away from Buffy's door. 

With a quick glance back at the house Angel decided that all he could do was bide his time. It was all in her court and it was his stupid decision that had gotten them to this point in the first place.  

"Are you coming or not?" Spike called back to the statue of the older vampire.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming," Angel answered then followed Spike to find something to do to while away the time until she came looking for them. And, hopefully, it would be soon.

TBC


	3. Realizations

**Chapter 2 – Realizations **

The sun was high in the sky sending its blistering heat over the sand and the multitudes of bodies that had flocked to the ocean to worship it. Buffy lay back on the lounge smiling in satisfaction as the warmth danced over her oiled skin. It was going to be a peaceful and relaxing day. Maybe that was why she had chosen this locale; a lot of sun did not give an all out invitation to vampires and that was of the good. 

She had hours before the ones she was more familiar with could seek her out. By then she planned on being far away from the restaurant and the house she now called home. It would take them a while to find her and another smile graced her face at the thought of Angel and Spike sticking out like sore thumbs trying to get information on her. They'd probably get arrested for being predators or something and that thought turned her smile into a grin. 

"Hey, gorgeous," a masculine voice broke through her fantasies of the vampires in handcuffs and she shaded her eyes as she looked up to find Blake smiling down at her.

"Hi there," she smiled in return but didn't move from her prone position. Etiquette was different was here and Blake just threw himself into the chair next to her. His eyes appreciatively ran over her bikini-clad form before returning to meet her gaze. 

"Party tonight at the band shell.  Would you like to go with me?" At her first forming of a polite no he threw his hand up, "Shelia and Doug are going and we can ride with them. Keep you all safe and tidy."

The Slayer laughed softly at him thinking she was afraid for her safety. It was an entirely different reason that she had never gone out with him. She was afraid that she would like him too much.

"Come on, Anne, show me a little mercy," Blake begged unabashed. 

"Come on, Blake," she matched his tone as she only half joked, "you're my boss, you're eleven years older than me, don't you ever worry about sexual harassment charges?" 

"I didn't ask you for sex. I asked you to accompany me in a group to a city sponsored function, well okay, an MTV sponsored event; so how is that in any way sexual?" His grin at her was trying to show a totally innocent boy in a man's body that had been around the block a few times in this sometimes too free place. "Besides I was waiting for you to seduce me."

This time she laughed out loud. It couldn't be helped. Buffy started to say no when she thought of her plan to disappear tonight and changed her mind and smiling she said okay. They agreed for the guys to pick Sheila and her up at seven, which was still daylight, and then she didn't need to worry about the vampires at all tonight.

Yep, it was turning out to be a great day.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was a night to be free, Buffy thought as she moved to the too loud music being played from the latest up-and-coming group. Blake laughed at her relaxed state helped by a few sips from his drink. Buffy was beautiful tonight, all innocence and seductress wrapped up in her faded jean cutoffs and a baby blue crop top over a matching bikini top. Her sandal-clad feet led Blake in a merry chase as she moved through the crowd seeking out other locals. They had a tendency to stick together. If you got involved with the tourists you'd get your heart broke at least once every two weeks. 

Spotting them over in a surprisingly open area by A1A, she shouted out a greeting and took off pulling Blake along behind her. He was beginning to think that an eighteen year old was too young for him. But when she turned and smiled at him and he felt his heart catch he knew she was going to be worth every moment it took to woo her. 

After chatting and catching up with everyone Buffy returned to him and after a quick glance around she took another sip of his rum and coke then pulled him closer so they could dance. His arm snaked around her and pulled her against him enjoying the warmth of her back against his hand. After a few moments she pulled away from him laughing and twirled like a little girl. Her face turned up to the stars as she let the free falling dizziness take her over before she stopped and hollered for Blake to hold her up. 

It was a mistake. When she looked up at him and felt his body pressed against her, she knew he was going to kiss her. She just wasn't sure if she wanted him to or not. Then it was too late, his lips were against hers. A small whimper broke the silence as his tongue sought entrance to her mouth. He kissed differently than Angel did and it took her a few seconds to mimic his method. Buffy sank into his body trying to lose herself in him but all she could think of was that his body was hot and sweaty and smelled like it. She pulled back from him hoping he wouldn't be offended. He wasn't. He was just on a high that she had actually let him do it at all.

It was then that she felt them. Slowly she turned around trying to locate them. It wasn't hard because they weren't trying to hide. Both were in jeans and t-shirts as they stood above her on the sidewalk. Knowing it was safer she looked at Spike first and saw the laughter in his eyes at her antics. He didn't need to say it, she could read it in the blue depths of his eyes, that she was a child, trying to act more than what she was and he thought her a fool.

Anger flared briefly as she gave him a silent challenge to let her show him who was the fool but he only continued to laugh at her.

Finally knowing she had no choice she turned to Angel. Scorching pain, familiar from her own eyes after he had hurt her, now burned in his. It hit her gut, moving quickly to twist her heart, and then ended at her tear ducts, sending tears to her eyes, that she quickly blinked away. No more. He would get no more tears from her. Turning back to Blake she moved closer to him again as her arms wrapped around his waist. It was wrong to use him like this but she needed to know that Angel got the message that it was over. 

After a few moments she turned back to the vampires. Angel had his head bowed as Spike spoke to him. He laid a hand on the brunette's shoulder, almost affectionately, and left it there as he led him away from her. 

Buffy studied their movements. They gave off the body language of two people who cared about each other but there was no way that could be. Spike and Angel were enemies. Curiosity sparked again in her to find out what was going on between the pair but she pushed it away. Once again she reminded herself that it was none of her concern as she moved her focus to the party and having a good time.

~~~~~~~~

After telling Blake that she wouldn't go home with him about a dozen times and half a dozen kisses to tempt her Buffy finally got through her front door alone. She sighed as she found Shelia studying her over the breakfast bar in the kitchen as she walked through the living room.

"You okay?" the older woman asked the teen.

"Yeah, he was just a little more affectionate than I was ready for." Buffy confessed as she sat on one of the stools.

Sheila laughed softly, "Aren't they always, sugar?" Turning she put the soda bottle back in the refrigerator while asking over her shoulder, "Hey, do you mind if I take the shower first?"

"No, no problem, I want to get something to drink anyway." 

Instead of moving into the kitchen after Sheila had left, Buffy moved down the hall to her room. She sat on the bed as she pulled a photograph out of her nightstand. It was the only picture she had of her and Angel together. It was taken at the Prom by an overzealous classmate that had given it to her later. She was held close to him with their foreheads touching. Her face held such love for him and such hope for the two of them and now knowing that it was over, the pain she had been denying all night came surging forward. 

Curling into a ball she let the tears come in great rasping sobs that shook her small body. If only he had never shown up then she would have kept going and eventually he would have been forgotten. And the rotten thing was he hadn't come for her but for her Slayer skills.

"Honey, honey, what's wrong?" Shelia asked as she lay down next to her roommate. Her arms wrapped around her and that was when she saw the photograph. Shelia recognized him from earlier at the party. He was the one that Buffy was staring at. "It's him, isn't it?"

"Who?"

"That one guy. The guy in every girl's life that she first gave everything to and no matter how wrong he is for her, all he has to do is crook his finger and she goes running back."

Buffy rolled onto her back as the sobs began to subside. "Yeah, he's that one. I hate this. I was just relaxing and having fun. Getting things together. And he comes back and wants to talk."

"And you want to talk right back."

"He asked for an hour. An hour to explain everything." Her hand wiped at her face as she dried the tears away. "Do you think I should?"

Buffy's face was so hopeful that Shelia didn't have the heart to tell her to run. Instead she threw herself back on the bed with a sigh.

"Anne, you already admitted he's not good for you. And he's one of the reason's you ended up here. Why go back? Why give him the edge to break your heart again? But we both know you are going to. Go, listen to him, but don't make any decisions tonight and whatever you do don't fuck him."

"That is one thing you don't have to worry about," Buffy giggled out. She glanced at the clock next to the bed. "It's almost two in the morning. Should I wait?"

"Hell, no, girl, go, you've lost enough sleep over him. Let him have the same medicine." Shelia said as she pushed at Buffy to get up.

That warranted another giggle from the Slayer because sleep was probably the last thing that Angel was doing.

~~~~~~~~

There was no answer to the first knock. The second knock was a little louder and as she was about to give up she heard someone moving around inside.

"Who is it?" Angel asked as he pulled the door open.

"It's me, Buffy." _Very intelligent, Buffy, as if he's not looking right at you._

Her eyes quickly ran over him in surprise. He was wearing only a pair of black jeans and his hair was mussed. Maybe he had been sleeping but then her eyes glanced over his shoulder and she saw Spike getting out of bed. His naked form almost alabaster in the glow of the lamp. His standard mocking grin was thrown her way as he reached for a pair of his own jeans, unashamed at her seeing him nude. 

"What do you want?" 

Startled she looked back at Angel who was studying her reaction closely.

"I…I…you said you wanted an hour." Buffy managed to stammer out as a blush slowly covered her cheeks.

"Bloody good timing, Slayer," Spike hollered as he moved out onto the balcony.

"I'm sorry. I'll leave." She went to turn but found Angel's hand wrapped around her arm.

"Stay, come in," he said pulling gently on her arm. 

Buffy took in the room and the fact that only one bed looked used. _Maybe Angel was awake while Spike was the one sleeping she thought as Angel directed her toward one of the chairs flanking a table and she took a seat in one as he sat in the other. Looking around she noticed that the blinds were open and Spike was in clear view and with the door open he would be able to hear everything they said._

She and Angel looked at each trying to figure out the other's personal life at the moment and where they fit in but then it was dropped as Buffy told him that his hour was ticking. It didn't take a genius to realize and accept that something more than friendship was going on between the two vampires and she didn't think it was Angel's business what was going on with Blake.

"Spike can't feed anymore. The group that we are worried about kidnapped him and put a chip in his head and he receives pain if he attempts to hurt anyone." Angel explained.

Unable to stop herself, Buffy laughed. "Spike is neutered. That's rich." Her laughter quickly faded when she received an angry look from Angel and one of hurt from Spike. "Sorry, it's just that after all the times he's tried to kill me and our friends it's kind of like getting justice."

"He almost starved," Angel told her softly. "He came to me for protection."

Buffy got the hint, don't insult Spike or make fun of him, he was under Angel's wing and she would have to go through him to get to the blonde pest. Instead she asked more about the group that had done it. Angel filled her in on everything they knew so far, which wasn't a lot, and what Ethan had told Giles when he had breezed through town to cause trouble. As they settled into the conversation they relaxed back into the way they were in the old days when discussing business. There was no anger or hurt just what would be the best way of dealing with them.

Spike came back in the room somewhere near the end of their conversation and lay across the bed on his stomach facing them. His eyes would occasionally flicker from Angel to look at her but Buffy ignored him. 

"So, will you come back?" Angel inquired after he had told her everything he could.

"Is that it?" Buffy asked softly. She needed to know where she stood with him.  If she had to see him almost everyday and not be able to be with him she thought she would go crazy. Once she knew where she stood then if need be the issue of Spike could be addressed.

"Yes," his answer was sure and filled with determination.

"Oh, good God, Angel, go ahead and tell her the plan," Spike interjected. "You know, the one where the two of you can be together." Then he smiled smugly, "It's obvious that you two love each other still from the googly eyes you all have been making at each other since we got back into town, so go for it. It's better now than later anyway. That way she has all the facts to consider."

"What plan?"

Angel glared at his Grand-childe, angry that he was backed into a corner. What had seemed like a feasible plan in California seemed ludicrous here in Florida. There was no way Buffy would go along with it anyway so why bring it up? Of course now he was forced to say something.

"What plan, Angel?" Buffy asked again.

Brown eyes closed as he rested his forearms against his legs. "What do you know of vampire family structures?"

"Sires, children, mates? In a funny way like human families but just a bit more twisted."

"Yeah, well at least when we sleep with our Childe the innocence is already gone," Spike said defensively.

She took a moment to flash him a 'butt out' look before returning her gaze to Angel wishing he would just spit it out.

"If you were my mate," he began.

"You mean turn me?" Buffy asked horrified.

Both vampires laughed at her comment before Angel continued.

"No, Buffy, this would be modified to fit around the fact that you are human but if you were my mate then you would only be one step down in the family hierarchy. My children would be answerable to you and with my permission would be available for your pleasure. Sexual pleasure."

"Huh?" Buffy asked.

"What he means, pet, is that if you consent to be his mate or the equivalent of his wife, and since you and he can't do the nasty then you could use me for it." Spike grinned at the surprise and disgust that crossed the Slayer's face.

"You're joking right? There is no way that you just suggested that, right?" Buffy tried to maintain the indignant virgin attitude while trying to ignore the minute thrill at the thought of Spike touching her. "You mean you would let him have sex with me?"

"Buffy, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insult you but sharing is done with certain guidelines in vampire families. I am a vampire and you know that besides," he added gently,"I would be there, too."

Angel's eyes flew open so that he could look at her in surprise himself then he turned to meet Spike's eyes which looked back at him in arrogant vanity. Buffy was aroused and they could both smell the sweet scent. 

"You would be there?" She asked unaware of the silent communication going on between the other two.

"Yeah, I would want to be there, to participate in your pleasure as much as possible even if we can't be together outright."

"Oh, that just helps a lot," she muttered sarcastically. "Look, I'll think about coming back to help find those guys but you can forget this idea. I'll let you know in a few days." Buffy stood and grabbed her purse before heading toward the door. She had to get out of there because her mind and body was playing tricks on her. When the hell had she decided Spike was attractive? _The first time you saw him, a voice in her head whispered. Still, that didn't mean she was ready to admit it._

Neither vampire said a word as they watched her walk out the door. Once she was gone they turned to each other with smiles, maybe the plan wasn't so ludicrous after all.

TBC


	4. Flying

**Chapter 3 – Flying**

Spike moved through the crowd of people, sunburned and tired, trying to have a good time on their vacation. The blood that pumped through them called to him and it was in moments like this that he hated being chipped, not being able to hunt, having to beg his grand-sire for scraps of food. Sometimes he even questioned his existence. What was there to live for? He was nothing now, his way of life ripped from him and the only time that he felt alive again was when Angel held him and made love to him. That he hated most of all. But he was Spike and ultimately life was to be enjoyed and he would find a way to be happy again. 

Right now though his mission was to find a little redhead Slayer intent on making everyone's life miserable especially his if he couldn't find her. What was the big deal? Humans made these stupid rules that only made them miserable.  And the ones that found the courage to do what made them happy were usually frowned upon and labeled as freaks.  If she would only admit that she loved Angel still and wanted to be with him then they would be halfway home. Literally. Now, if she would admit that she wanted to bed him then it would be easy going. 

He was willing to admit that he wanted both of them sexually although he hated the girl with a passion. His original plans of having his way with this Slayer before he killed her were never going to happen now. At least he could have half his plan. And seduction had always come easy to him. Most of them just looked at him and were ready to rip their clothes off, male or female. There was no wavering in his confidence that if he could be with her for a little while she would admit it and be ready to spread those legs of her.  

Once that happened Angel would be happy and that would only make him need Spike more which would give Spike more of an edge to getting what would make him happy again.  It was a win-win situation as far as he was concerned, Angel got Buffy and someone to satisfy his lust, Buffy got Angel and someone to satisfy her lust and Spike had both of them needing and wanting him. Yep, life was going to be good again.

So, intent on his thoughts he almost missed her scent wafting on the night air, faint but still there above the smell of bodies, popcorn, booze and unclean bathrooms. Spike stopped when the aroma finally hit him and followed it into an arcade. It was habit at first looking for a blonde then he remembered and did another quick scan before he spotted her playing Skee Ball.

Her instincts were on mark that night and he only got about three feet behind her when she said hello.

"Hello, Slayer, what are you doing?"

"Playing Skee Ball. Ever done it before?"

He shook his head, "It looks silly."

"But its fun, it's supposed to be silly."

She reached into her pocket and pulled out some tokens to hand him. When his first few balls didn't make it in the center ring and Buffy was giggling at his lack of skill, Spike got determined to show her and he trotted off to get more tokens. 

"So, what's the point of this?" He asked on his return.

"You get tickets and the more tickets you get, the bigger the prize," she told him indicating the prize booth in the corner. 

It became a challenge to them both to score the most points. The conversation stopped as they concentrated on being the better player. Finally after almost an hour of playing they both had to concede that they were almost even.

"It's okay, pet, we're both hunters."

"I am and you were so give it a few more months and you should be easy to beat." Buffy smirked as she folded up her tickets and stuffed them in her pocket. 

"Here, I have no use for these," Spike said as he handed over his tickets to her. "And I am going to get this thing out of my head eventually so be warned."

"And you be warned that when you do it won't be a game we'll be playing."

"It never is between us," he whispered seductively in her ear.

Her hand landed in the middle of his chest as she pushed him away from her. Not willing to be drawn into a verbal sparring game of who wants who, Buffy headed back out to the Boardwalk. She didn't say anything as he followed her. There were questions she wanted to ask but she needed to work up her courage first.  Her hands were stuffed into the pocket of her jeans as she scuffled along with her head down. There was a war going on between her head, her heart and her body. And the word slut kept coming to her mind as she thought of what Angel had proposed. She would have to be to love one man and yet sleep with another with her boyfriend there. Why couldn't they just be together without the sex? It didn't really matter to her. Okay, it did but she could deal. She had been for three years.

"Ever ride that?"

"What?" 

Broken from her thoughts Buffy looked up confused then followed to where Spike was pointing to The Flyer. It was like bungee jumping but instead you swung, simulating the act of flying. 

"No, don't need an adrenaline rush that bad." 

Without thinking twice Buffy started to walk off until she heard Spike clucking like a chicken at her.

"I'm not chicken," she declared as she swung around with her arms wrapped around her.

"Yes, you are. You are just good little girl Buffy, always doing what people expect of her whether she wants to or not. Staying in your safe little box, never letting yourself go." He mocked.

"Uh, hello, left home here."

The vampire looked coolly at her then reached out and tapped her nose ring.

"One act of rebellion doesn't change anything. Besides running away didn't prove anything except they hold too much power over you."

"I didn't run away. I moved."

"Ran away. Note on bed, reaction to an overwhelming emotional hurt, yes, it was running away." 

Tears welled up in her eyes. It wasn't fair that her enemy knew which buttons to push with her. She leaned forward on the railing surrounding The Flyer and tried to get herself together again. It didn't help that he came over and leaned on the rail next to her. 

"And what would you have done, oh wise evil vampire?" She asked tremulously. 

"Gotten cold revenge," he stated matter-of-factly. "Let's start with Giles." He paused to make sure he had her attention. "I would have called the Council on him and told them that you wanted to expand your abilities as a Slayer and he wasn't helping. Have them send you a new one. He would have gotten the clue real quick that you didn't need him."

"And my mom?"

"That one is easy. Give her an ultimatum back. Tell her if she wasn't going to help with your education then you'd go get a job at the new topless bar on the highway and gotten a ring through your nipple instead."

He reached out tapping the nipple that was closest to him. She surprised him by laughing as she swatted his hand away.

"Oh, yeah, that would work."

"Would have," he insisted. "It would have shown her that you didn't need her and you would have made enough money to cover college on your own."

He waited for her to ask about Angel and when she didn't, he told her anyway.

"And as for the Pouf, you should have gone out and shagged the hell out of the first human boy you could find. Film it and send it to him as a present."

By this time she was giggling helplessly and leaning against him. He pushed aside the thought that he liked it and laughed along with her. 

"So, wild child, gonna take a ride?" 

"Nope." 

She shook her head and started to back away from him. "You are crazy and you're already dead. Something I don't want to be."

"Yeah, but I don't hide," he smirked as he reached out and grabbed her wrist. 

"Spike, no, I am not going to ride that thing," she protested as he dragged her along behind him. 

It was halfhearted though. She was finding herself falling under his temptation of living life dangerously. And even his version of how she should have done things had a certain appeal. By the time they had gotten to the front of the line Buffy had decided to do it. The need to please had been strangling her and he was right. She had run away. Maybe it was time to change things.

The operator of the ride fastened the harnesses on their bodies. Buffy was strapped in behind Spike so that she would be riding on his back. As they were lifted up to the start point, she covered her face with her hands and buried it between his shoulder blades. 

"Ready," the operator shouted and released them. 

As they flew forward giving the sensation of being about to fly over the ocean, Buffy screamed as she peeked out and Spike laughed like a madman.

"Come on, Slayer, fly with me." He shouted as they swung back.

She took the challenge and threw her head back as her hands slid along his arms then raising them so it was like she was flying. Her laughter soon joined his as the adrenaline flooded her body and pleasure was what her brain told her was going on. It was exhilarating and the most fun she had had in forever. She let go of everything as they swung into the night air and a sense of freedom came over her. A feeling that she didn't want to let go of.

All too soon the ride was over and they were lowered to the ground. Laughing they left the area.  Buffy turned to lean against the wall of a building looking up to watch the next riders take off. 

"Did you like that?"

Smiling she nodded giving him a quick glance before looking back up. Spike stepped in front of her putting one hand on the wall next to her head.

"Sex can be like that. Free and exhilarating."

"You are such a pig. I should have known there was a reason for dragging me onto that thing." 

Buffy pushed hard at his chest and he only laughed as he stumbled back. He watched as she walked off giving her a few seconds head start before following. She stopped at an ice cream cart and ordered a cone. After receiving it she headed for a bench and sat down. It was then that he joined her taking a seat next to her with his arm laid along the back of the bench.

"Why can't Angel and I just be together? The way it used to be," she asked softly as her hand that was holding her ice cream cone slowly lowered until it was in her lap.

"Because things have to change, pet, nothing ever stays the same." 

His fingers tenderly pushed her hair behind her hair, drifting down until he twirled the end around his finger.

"We've been doing fine without…you know."

"Sex?" Spike laughed low in his throat, "I doubt that. Angel was only too happy to get some again."

"Eeew, I don't want to hear about that." Buffy's face scrunched up but her statement was more to cover up the hurt than repulsion of the two vampires having sex.

"Come on, Buffy, quit being a child. Do you want to be with Angel?"

"Yes, but…"

"No buts, if you want to be with him then you are going to have to open your eyes and take a good long hard look at who he is." Spike paused as he looked over at her, "Eat your ice cream it's melting."

The chocolate confection was dripping down her hand and ready to drip down on the leg of her jeans but she only looked at it as if it was happening to someone else. 

Spike picked her hand up drawing it slowly to his mouth. Then when it was close enough he slowly licked the treat off her fingers, letting his tongue linger on her flesh before going up the cone and took a bite before releasing her. 

The rest of the cone ended up being thrown into the nearest trash receptacle before she came back and sat next down again. 

"I know what you're doing. I'm not that naïve."

"And exactly what am I doing, Love?"

Buffy turned her head so their eyes were locked together.  "You're turning on the sexual innuendos and the games hoping to seduce me."

"Nope," he moved closer until they were nose to nose, "just want you to admit you want me."

Cocking her head she smiled, "you'll be waiting a really long time."

"Then deny it. Tell me that your heart isn't racing from having me so close. Your pupils aren't dilating and that you aren't all tingly down there." His voice got lower with each word and his eyes never broke contact with her. "Deny that every time we have fought that you have wanted it to end with us bumping uglies."

As much as she hated it, as much as she wanted to, she couldn't deny it. He was so close, so very close, tempting her. And she wanted to fly again. With a soft sigh, she gave in, and pressed her lips to his. It was everything that a first kiss should be. Tentative and sweet. His lips gently learned the contours of her mouth as she appreciated the tenderness he showed. Somehow their bodies moved closer as her hand came up to cup his face. Then almost as if they could read the other's mind their mouths opened simultaneously and tongues, tip to tip, began a further exploration of the other.

But she also knew this was what he wanted. To make her vulnerable and needy. To get her to agree to their plan. She pulled back.

"What do you get out of this?"

Eyebrows furrowed together as he contemplated her question. As she waited for his answer she moved to lean against the railing of the boardwalk. It wasn't like he could tell her what he got out of it. That it was nothing but strategy so that his life would be easier and they would be easier to manipulate. He pushed aside the other things that he wasn't willing to admit yet or ever, so, he shrugged his shoulders.

"A place to live, food, taken care of and sex with two beautiful people, what more could a bloke want?"

"Basically you're a prostitute?" Buffy laughed as she looked away from him. 

He moved almost faster than could be seen as he pushed her back against the rail. His hands were on the rail on either side of her as his body leaned into hers.

"I am not for sale." He growled down at her. "He is my Grand-sire and as much as I hate it, he is my family. Where else was I to go for help? Where would you go?"

His pride had been hurt and he had precious little of it left. Buffy was a child sometimes. One that didn't understand being without. Except in her life as a Slayer her life hadn't been that hard. Never hungry or alone or not fitting in and it was one of those things he hated about her. She was a prissy girl that thought she was better than everybody else. 

"I'm sorry," Her voice was soft as she looked up at him. It was the pity in her eyes that took him over the edge and although he couldn't hurt her he could put her in her place. 

His lips took hers with none of the gentleness of the last kiss. It was hunger, a ravenous need, to dominate as he wrapped his arms around her. He knew that he was bruising her as his tongue forced her mouth open and she mewled softly in protest. At first she was stiff in his arms then she melted into him. She forgot they were in the middle of a public place and it only took her a moment then she was matching his ruthless craving with her own. Three years of sexual frustration opened flood gates in her body calling for her to answer his need. Their tongues battled against the other as their bodies shifted closer. His knee separated her legs so that his thigh could rub gently against her and she whimpered as her body flooded with need.

"So, this is where you two are?"

The pair broke apart as Angel's words penetrated the fog of desire they were lost in. He stood watching them with his hands clasped in front of him. His eyes were emotionless as he stared at them. 

"I went by Shelia's and she said you were headed down here and that my friend was already looking for you." Angel eyes stayed directed on his ex-girlfriend as she attempted to hide her passion from him by looking away. Then his gaze drifted to Spike taking in his obvious desire for Buffy. He had started this, orchestrated it, planned it and he hadn't had a clue as to how much it would hurt to see them in each other's arms. 

Blue eyes held a hint of fear as he remembered other times when Angelus would have punished him for an infraction like this. Then he tilted his head as he realized there was no anger from his Sire only pain. Spike stepped back from Buffy hoping it would ease Angel's torment. Taking the opportunity for freedom in the midst of so many emotions, she began to walk away.

"Doing what you do best, running away?" 

It was a dare. She stopped and turned around to face them. An awkward silence fell among them as they took turns looking at each other. All of them were unsure of what to do now.

"I talked to Giles," Angel spoke first. Business took priority right now. Later when he and Spike were alone he would be able to release some of the emotions warring in him. "There was a murder. A little boy was mutilated. They think it was some monster that was created at the Initiative. Spike and I are leaving tomorrow night. They need help back there."

Another dare. Another challenge to be who she was. And once again she accepted it.

"Pick me up at dusk."

Angel nodded his approval at her decision. This time they let her walk away.

TBC


	5. On The Road

**Chapter 4 – On the Road**

Tension crackled in the air between the vampires as they packed their belongings. Spike went into the bathroom to gather up their toiletries and on the way to his bag handed Angel his things.

"Quit being petulant, William," Angel said almost affectionately. Although he wasn't in the mood for Spike being in a snit he understood where it had come from; it was Buffy. They were both on edge at the thought of sharing a car with her for three or four days on the ride back to California. 

"I'm not."

Spike finished stuffing his jeans in the bag and zipped it up. His eyes never looked over at his companion but turned to sit on the bed when he was done, anything to avoid admitting that he wasn't happy about heading home with the Slayer especially after last night. 

When they had ended up alone on the boardwalk, they were still stuck with that awkward and uncomfortable feeling that she got to run from. With a sigh he covered his face with his hands as he remembered how hurt Angel had been and it made him admit some of the feelings that he was having toward his Sire. And it hurt him that it was always going to be someone else that came first with Angel. No matter how hard he tried to please Angelus or now Angel it was never going to be enough. He didn't even have the option of running anymore thanks to the damned chip. Tears were blinked away as he heard the object of his unhappiness walk over to him. 

He looked up to find Angel kneeling in front of him. "Things aren't going to change between us." Angel said trying to reassure his Childe. He softly caressed Spike's face, "I told you that you had a place with me. And I will honor that."

"Honor. Not want." 

Brown eyes flared with anger as he contemplated Spike's words. It was honor and responsibility that had given the younger vampire entrance to his home in his time of need. It would be honor that would let him remain. But it was want that had given him entrance to his bed again. 

"Fine, continue to think that. I don't take you now because of power or just for a fuck and if you haven't figured that out by now then you never will."

Angel stood and went over to pick up his bag. "You ready?"

Spike nodded as he stood and picked up his own. The tears that fell down his cheeks dissolved Angel's anger and it was with only two steps that he was able to pull the blonde into his arms.

"Don't Spike. She won't change my mind about you. Okay? You don't have to be alone again." He whispered as he hugged the blonde. Angel's hands cupped Spike's face and he pulled the younger vampire in for a kiss. It was gentle and loving in an effort to make Spike feel secure of his position in Angel's life. 

Another quick nod to show that he understood before Spike pressed his lips to Angel's again. This time their passion for each other showed as it deepened and their tongues played out the longing before they slowed it down to a few quick, hurried kisses. 

"We need to go," Angel gave his hand a quick squeeze before they left to pick Buffy up.

~~~~~~~~

"Yo, Anne, your friends are here," Shelia said to the teen who was trying to stuff everything into her bags. In only two months she seemed to have accumulated a lot more belongings than what she had arrived with.   
  
"Tell 'em I'm hurrying would you," Buffy looked up to give her friend a quick smile. Then when she turned away, the Slayer's face slipped back to show the nervousness and unhappiness that she was really feeling. When it came down to it she didn't really want to leave. It was mostly the call of her duties that was taking her back. "_Yeah, like even you are going to believe it but keep trying." _ And when she allowed herself to admit the truth, it was the excitement of being with Angel again and the curiosity of exploring this new relationship with Spike that were helping to pull her home. 

Finally zipping her suitcase closed she picked it up along with her overnight bag and took them out to the living room. Her eyes remained down as she refused to look at either of them. Turning she returned to her old room and grabbed her pillow, blanket and the big white teddy bear that she had gotten with the winning tickets from the night before. Chosen because it reminded her of a certain blonde vampire that had sent her senses reeling and it had taken the place of honor in her arms as she had lain in her bed the night before.

After dropping those next to her bags she said softly, "I just need to get the stuff in the bathroom and I'll be ready."

"Didn't you have all day to do this?" Spike asked his voice heavy with sarcasm. "It's not like we have all the time in the world."

_'So this is how it's going to be_.' He was back to being a pain in her ass. Her head flew up and her eyes met his, "And I had things to do today. Like quit my job, say goodbye to my friends and lover." _Let him think about that._

She turned on her heel and hurried down the hallway not seeing the reaction of her statement on Angel. He hadn't even been a thought in her mind when she had thrown that out and it wasn't until she was in the bathroom that she realized what she had implied to him. Spike, she could care less about, but Angel was a different matter. And as if she had conjured him Angel was there in the doorway of the bathroom and for the first time she felt fright looking at the emotions in his eyes.

"There hasn't been anyone," she confessed quickly. 

"Why?" His voice held all his pain from seeing her so wantonly responding to Spike last night and her casual statement of a few minutes ago. 

"I didn't think. I'm sorry. It was meant to irritate Spike."

The door was closed and she was pushed against it as his hand slowly caressed her face. "Are you sure there has been no one? That no one has taken what is mine."

She angered at his possession. She would never deliberately hurt him by telling him of someone else but he was the one who had released her.

"It's not yours to give but mine. You broke up with me, remember?" She pushed on his shoulders but he refused to budge. They stared at each other as the heat built between them and then in a flash of mutual need built from months apart his lips were on hers. It was demanding as he relearned the curves of her lips before sweeping into enjoy the sweetness of her mouth and tongue. His hand dipped between her legs, caressing her, before he pulled away.

"We need to go," he said before opening the door and leaving her alone.

There didn't need to be any words as his actions had proved that it all it took was one touch from him and she was ready for him. She would concede that to him. That her love for him was still there, would always be there, and with that love was the longing but she would be damned if she would just roll over like some Victorian maid waiting to be mastered.

So, she took her time packing her bathroom things. Then pulled Shelia into her bedroom for a talk before she slowly sauntered out and announced she was ready. The angry impatience was vibrating around the vampires as she daintily picked up her bedding and teddy bear and her lower lip came out in a pout as she asked for their help with her bags.

Curtly they said goodbye to Sheila before picking up the bags and going out to the car. After everything was stowed in the trunk, Angel slid behind the wheel and Buffy waited behind Spike to climb into the convertible but the tables were turned on her as Spike held the door open and pulled the seat forward so she could climb into the backseat. Her eyes flickered to Angel whose stare never wavered from the frontward stance they had. Spike's expression told her that until she agreed and surrendered to their plan that his place was beside Angel and not her.

With irritation she climbed into the back seat and arranged her stuff comfortably around her. She crossed her arms and turned her head to the side as Spike settled into the seat beside Angel. He whispered something that she couldn't hear that made Angel smile. Refusing to give Spike the satisfaction of knowing that she was feeling left out; Buffy lay down on the seat and pulled the blanket over her. The poor bear was shoved onto the floor as she forced herself to find the sleep she couldn't the night before because her thoughts were too full of someone she now told herself she despised.

~~~~~~~~

"Buffy, wake up," the voice calling to her was rough in nature but gentle in tone. Then the hand moved from shaking her shoulder to caressing her hair. "Come on, Buffy, we stopped."

Reluctantly she opened her eyes to find Angel leaning over the edge of the car. She stretched slowly as she rolled onto her back enjoying the attention from him.

"Is the princess awake yet?" 

Spike again. It grated her that she couldn't even enjoy one small moment with Angel without his irritating presence. His sarcastic remark snapped her to attention and she sat up as she combed out her hair with her fingers. "Where are we?" Buffy moved to climb out of the car but Angel surprised her by picking her up and depositing her on her feet in the parking lot.

"Truck stop. You hungry?" Angel reached into his pocket and pulled out some money and tried to hand it to her. "Go inside. Order something. We're going to go round back and see someone then we'll catch up with you."

"Blood?"

Angel nodded as he held the cash out to her again but she refused it and walked to the diner alone. There was no way she was taking money from Angel and being dependent on him. She had been taking care of herself for two months and she wasn't going to stop now. Taking a seat at the counter she pulled the menu toward her. Thankfully the place wasn't too expensive but when the waitress came by, Buffy only ordered soup and half a sandwich. In one of her bags she had packed some soda and water so she didn't have the need to pay for a drink.

After the order was placed she hurried off to the bathroom as she waited for Angel and Spike. She wasn't going to make them wait for her anymore. If Spike could be the perfect traveling companion so could she. The two were sitting at the counter with Spike contemplating the menu when she returned. She slid onto a stool next to Angel.

"I ordered it to go. I didn't know how long you wanted to be here." 

"We can all eat in the car before we take off again then." Angel nodded his approval at her forethought. 

Spike ordered some onion rings and as soon as their orders were ready they went out to the car. They all settled into their previous places as Angel moved the car to the edge of the parking lot to give them more privacy. He and Spike poured the blood they had gotten into some Styrofoam cups to drink as Buffy opened her soup and began to slowly eat it.

"How did you all know that you could stop here?"

"Net working. There are places all over the country that are demon friendly."  Angel answered before looking at her food, "Is that all you ordered?"

Buffy shrugged her shoulders, "I got half a sandwich too. I'm not very hungry." Her gaze never wavered from her soup so that Angel wouldn't see the lie in her eyes. Somehow, someone knowing her more than even the one who was supposed to love her broke into her field of vision. His slim hand appeared in front of her holding an onion ring out and she looked up into blue eyes that were apparently offering a truce and she accepted it from him gratefully. Munching into the greasy goodness she smiled a thank you to him. After the soup was done and a few onion rings later, Buffy pulled her sandwich out, ripped it in half and held it out to Spike. For now they had laid the war to rest. After everyone was done, Angel gathered up their trash and took it to a receptacle for them. 

"Do you want to ride up here for awhile?" Spike asked. "With us?" He might be willing to quit the games for awhile but he wasn't going to fully relinquish his position yet. And he wasn't willing to admit that he had felt bad for hurting her earlier when he had watched as she laid curled on the backseat looking so innocent as she slept. 

Buffy nodded and climbed over the seat and settled in the middle where Spike indicated. Angel's eyes held his surprise at finding her there but smiled, grateful that they were at least trying to be friends. It definitely made his life easier and kept him from having to constantly choose between them. 

TBC


	6. One Step in the Wrong Direction

**Chapter 5 – One Step in the Wrong Direction**

Angel glanced over at Buffy and Spike curled together in sleep. It had been almost two hundred miles back that Buffy had finally succumbed to sleep again and Spike had settled her against him then another seventy-five miles and he too had drifted off. It had given Angel time to think, to dream, to wonder if he could really go through with his plan.

It had been forty-nine days ago that Spike had stumbled into the mansion again. Only after he had his Grand-childe by the throat and ready to penetrate his heart with a stake did he see the emaciated condition of his body and the excruciating aloneness that dulled the normally vibrant blueness of his eyes and he released him. Weakened physically and emotionally hurt Spike had fallen to his knees crying. He had stumbled through his tale of being taken and the neutering of his nature before he begged softly for food and for solace and sanctuary. 

With astonishment Angel had stared down at Spike's bent head and he felt the almost broken spirit of one of his family and had joined him on the floor. If he had been Angelus the ending would have gone differently. Spike would have been tortured for being weak and then destroyed when he was finally bored with the matter.

The soul though had brought compassion and kindness to the moment and Angel had taken Spike into his arms and given him his throat. It had been a long time since he had allowed anyone that privilege and Spike had almost taken too much in his starved state but it had been what he had needed to heal. For a long time he had held him after he had fed and then the loneliness and need and reminders of a former life had propelled him to take Spike to his bed. At first Spike had given to him in obligation for the protection and after the touches were tenderer than Angelus had ever given him, the sex became a mutual want and the two fell into an easy and comfortable companionship.

Angel's heart still belonged to Buffy though. It had since he had first seen her when she had first been called and now there was a possibility that they could be together, as mates. Joyce had told him that he was selfish to hold onto her but he knew the life of a Slayer and the normal life that her mother wanted her to have would never be. He had released her though when he saw the hurt and frustration that his lack of being able to make love to her was causing her. If nothing else he wanted her to be able to love and be loved fully and if Buffy agreed she would have it with them. 

With a sigh he also knew that any relationship between Buffy and Spike would be volatile but with that intense passion was also the possibility of great devotion. If only they would let their guards down and give the other the chance to show the other what they were capable of.  Like now the seeming purity that surrounded them both as they slept was something that neither thought the other was able of achieving.  It was him that he was worried about and the ability to handle the jealousy of any relationship that they may have.

His thoughts were pushed aside as he realized it would soon be daylight and Angel took the next exit off the highway. He pulled into the first decent motel that he came across. After parking the car he reached across the seat and gently stroked Spike's arm.

"Spike, wake up," he called softly. 

They both stirred at his voice and looked at him sleepily while still seeming to be content to be so close together. 

"I'm going to go and get us a room. Okay?"

After receiving a nod in return Angel slipped from the car and headed for the office. It took only a few minutes for him to register and receive keys to a room that would have only the morning light. By the time that Spike and he woke later it would give them more mobility. 

As he slipped back into the car Buffy sat up and stretched languidly while issuing a loud yawn. 

"You can sleep again soon," he told her and smiled contentedly as she leaned her head against his shoulder. 

He pulled the car around and into a space near the room he had paid for. They climbed out of the car and pulled their bags from the trunk. Unwilling to let go of the moment of affection from Buffy, Angel slipped his arm around her shoulder and she snuggled into him, slipping an arm around his waist. 

They walked arm in arm to the room while Spike smoldered at being left from the moment. He had conceded and let Buffy in between them and he knew that she was enjoying being able to displace him temporarily from Angel's affection. When her small hand slipped into his for a moment he stiffened from the totally unexpected gesture but he squeezed it back before releasing it so that he could open the room for them. 

"Okay, if I use the bathroom?" Buffy asked as she rummaged in her bag for pajamas and her toothbrush. 

Neither of her companions objected and she headed off. A moment of privacy was all she could think of as she stood alone in the room. Being with the other two constantly was already wearing on her. Spike was making her uncomfortable around Angel because she didn't know how he felt about her anymore. Then there were the unexpected feelings about Spike she was dealing with. Waking up next to him had almost felt natural and that scared her.

Drawing out her time alone she washed her face, brushed her teeth and then her hair. Unable to think of anything else to do she donned her pajamas and returned to the main room. Her footsteps faltered for a moment when she spied Spike sitting on the end of the bed sans shirt and shoes. It made him seem almost human. Like anyone else and not someone she had fought to kill or was now competing with. 

His eyes took in the Slayer dressed in the boxer shorts and tank top she called pajamas and wondered if she realized how much she was revealing to them. In the coldness of the air conditioned room her nipples had pebbled and were poking through the thin cotton of her top and when she bent over to stow things in her bag, the shorts rode up revealing the whiteness of her bottom. 

Buffy straightened up and turned around catching Spike watching her. "Sorry," she said as she pulled her shorts down some. She turned to look at Angel and saw the frustration in his eyes. It seemed that she was once again the bad guy for unheedingly exposing herself to them. Embarrassed she quickly she turned from them and crawled into the bed that was still untouched. She curled into a fetal position watching with unseeing eyes whatever show Spike had turned on. 

"Will you two sleep all day?" Buffy asked. 

Angel didn't answer right away but instead came over to the bed she was on and sat next to her. His hand brushed back a lock of her hair then his thumb caressed her jaw.

"Most likely. Wake us if you need anything though." After she nodded her acquiesce he leaned over and kissed her cheek softly. 

He moved away and she watched as he removed two mugs from the microwave and handed one to Spike. They both sat on the other bed to drink the remainder of the blood they had gotten earlier. Her eyelids were heavy and she began to drift off but continued to fight it as she was unwilling to concede to the schedule her body was used to. 

"Is she asleep?" She heard Angel whisper to Spike and then there was the sound of the two of them moving across the room and then the closing of the bathroom door. Her eyes struggled to open to see if they had both gone in. Then her eyes closed again in resignation that again she had been left out.

Buffy lay in the bed as she listened to the water for the shower running and over its soothing rush she heard cries of pleasure from Spike and growls of possession from Angel. Hatred for the blonde vampire grew as she listened to him receive what was rightfully hers. It should be her in the shower with Angel. It should be her that he made love to and she silently cursed fate for dealing her this hand. A pillow was hugged into her arms as she cried and a corner stuffed into her mouth to silence the sound when they came out of the bathroom. After they both crawled into the other bed to sleep wrapped around each other even more tears fell. Finally out of exhaustion sleep overtook her again and a peaceful unawareness of the early morning. 

~~~~~~~~~

It was too comfortable to move from Angel's arms but the lack of any sound in the room drove Spike to open his eyes and look to the other bed. It was empty. Then he visually searched the rest of the room and found it also empty but he had already known that from the lack of her heartbeat or breathing around him. Carefully he slipped from his lover's arms to see if he could find a note or anything from the girl. Although he didn't fully understand why he cared, he needed to reassure himself that Buffy was not in danger. 

On the dresser was a cooler that was new and he cautiously opened the lid. He was pleasantly surprised when he found two containers of fresh blood. It seemed that she had been out and picked up a few things. The trash can held some wrappers from the McDonald's across the street indicating that she had fed herself as well.

"Morning," Angel said in a raspy morning voice.

"Afternoon is more like it. The Slayer has gone missing." 

"Missing? What do you mean?" Angel was suddenly beside him while looking around the room.

"Calm down. I just meant she's gone off somewhere. She left us breakfast too. I wonder how she knew where to go."

"She is a Slayer so she probably did the covert thing. She asked." Angel grinned at Spike as he reached in to take out one of the containers.

"Funny, I wonder where she is now." The need to check on her was still gnawing at him as he wandered to the window. He peeked out after making sure the sun wasn't going to pour in. Their room overlooked the pool and he spotted her lying in one of the chairs by it.  "Well, well, Angel, I now see the attraction to the girl."

"What do you mean?" Angel asked as he hit the button on the microwave. He moved to join Spike by the window when he didn't receive an answer. Glancing out he saw Buffy lying on a lounge in a bikini. "Oh." Even he had never seen that much of her at one time and jealousy sparked as he thought of Spike seeing her first much less everyone else that was around. 

Without thinking Angel stepped outside and carefully stayed in the shadows of the building until he was across from Buffy. She hadn't moved at all from the first time that he had seen her.

"Buffy," he called to her. "Wake up."

She lifted her head to see who was calling her. "Hey," she called back to him. She stood and straightened her bathing suit, wrapped a towel around her waist and grabbed her other stuff before walking over to Angel. 

There was confusion in his eyes and she played on it as she walked right up to him. She slipped an arm around his middle and lifted her face for a kiss. His hand tangled in her hair as he bent to press his lips against hers. Buffy melted into him as the remembered caress played with her emotions and she returned it with as much fervor as she had in her. She wanted to claim him again for her without having Spike around. But again as usual Angel pulled away from her before things could get too heavy and anger bristled at her. 

She walked back to the room without saying anything more to him. Her sandals were kicked off before she rummaged through her bag to get clean clothes and ignoring Spike stomped off to the bathroom to take a shower. 

"What did you do to her?" 

"Nothing. We kissed and then when I stopped it she got upset."

Spike handed him a mug and kissed him on the cheek. "She's frustrated. Plain and simple. Sexual frustration. Jealousy of you and me. And not knowing how to communicate what she is feeling."

"And when did you become Freud?"

"Don't have to be. You're just blind because you love her too much and want to keep her on a pedestal and I see her as she really is." 

"And what's that?" Angel asked with a warning tone to be careful of what he said.

Spike plopped back down on the bed after setting his breakfast on the table. He grinned at his Sire, "She's a girl who had to grow up too early. She wants to be a little girl still and has a boyfriend that wants her that way too. But then again she has this woman inside of her that is demanding attention that her boyfriend can't give her. And it's making her very bitchy."

"Whatever," Angel said as he sat on the bed where Buffy had slept. 

They both remained in their thoughts of Buffy while they finished drinking their morning blood. A few minutes later she came out of the bathroom with a towel around her waist and another towel held over her front. Ignoring Angel she sat on the bed next to Spike after handing him a bottle of body lotion. 

"I burned my back a little would you put some lotion on it for me." It wasn't entirely a lie. Her back was red and although her Slayer healing would heal the burn it wouldn't necessarily heal the dry skin. She had asked Spike to take care of it for her instead of Angel because she wanted him to know the hurt she had felt that morning at being left out. Then there would be the pleasure of having Spike touch her again and he didn't disappoint. 

After receiving permission from Angel to do it, he poured the lotion on his hands and slowly rubbed it into her flesh. The first touch created goose bumps from the coolness of the lotion and his hands. Then as his fingers stroked and caressed every part of her body that was exposed to him from her neck almost all the way to her bottom all she felt was warm. 

Buffy wanted to lie down and let him work into every part of her body and she knew she was growing wet with need. She stifled down a moan as his hands massaged her hips, fingers dipping below the towel and she had to fight the urge to lean back against him.

Spike leaned forward so that he could whisper in her ear. "Just say yes and it will all be yours. Every pleasure that I can think of will be given to you." His mouth closed in on her neck below her ear sucking on it, then lapping at it before pulling back.

With a start she realized it was time for them to know that she was capable of handling herself and wasn't just waiting to be seduced. She may still be a virgin and the only other person that she had kissed besides Angel in three years was in this room and her former boss back in Daytona but she wasn't as innocent as she used to be. It was good to have a roommate that was comfortable with her sexuality and didn't mind sharing the information she had learned. 

Buffy turned around and pulled Spike to her. She didn't even start the kiss with her mouth closed. She went in with lips parted devouring Spike's mouth with her own with a raw hunger. When she could feel his tension and Angel's jealousy she pulled away from him and stood.

"Not today. Thanks for the offer though." 

TBC


	7. Fighting till it Bleeds

**Chapter 6 – Fighting till it Bleeds**

"Get away from the window, Spike," Angel said softly. "She's across the way in the park."

Spike's head turned to look in surprise at the other man. "How do you know?"

"I can feel her," he explained laughing. "Besides if you look all the way to the left, she's on a bench, looking this way."

Spike lifted the curtain and looked where Angel indicated and saw her. Buffy was sitting right where he said she was with her knees drawn up and her arms wrapped around them.

"Why doesn't she just come back? Stupid bint. What kind of games does she think she's playing?"

Angel stood and took Spike's hand to draw him back to the bed. Once they were settled he ran his fingers through Spike's hair playfully ruffling it from its combed back look. 

"Games she doesn't know how to play. If she did, she wouldn't have run after she got dressed. Don't be angry with her."

"Why not? Why should I start liking her now? It's only because of you that I'm even doing this."

"Is it?" Angel quietly told him as he pushed the younger vampire onto his back. "Or is it because you have always wanted what is mine?" He moved until he was straddling Spike and ran a tongue across one nipple. "Or is it because you have always seen that special something the girl has and want it for your own?" Angel gently bit the nipple before he started to rain kisses across Spike's abdomen.

"She's just Buffy. I hate her and she's a bitch," Spike moaned softly and lost his train of thought as a tongue was dipped into his belly button while fingers kneaded at his hips. "She's selfish and…and aren't you worried that she might come in?"

"Do you want me to stop?" Angel froze with his fingers on the zipper of Spike's jeans. "Besides aren't you the one who keep telling me she needs the truth in order to deal." Knowing Spike wasn't going to protest anymore he finished his task of freeing what he wanted. 

"You're only doing this to placate me and keep me from screaming at her when she gets back, Aaaah shit." 

Spike forgot about Buffy as Angel took him into his mouth, sucking and sliding down his length.  This was a rare privilege from his Sire and he wasn't going to waste a moment of it thinking about the Slayer. If she walked in, it served her right and maybe she'd learn something for future use.

~~~~~~~~

Embarrassment was her strongest emotion at the moment followed by anger and then hurt. It was a deadly combination on her already overloaded system. There were just too many things to think about and too many feelings she was trying to deal with. She wanted to call her mother for advice but hadn't spoken to Joyce in two months and wasn't sure how she would be received. Right now Buffy couldn't take any more drama so calling her mother was ruled out. She thought about Sheila but she couldn't tell her very much so it would just add more confusion and frustration to the mix so that idea was nixed. The only person who would really understand was Angel and he was a major part of the problem so that left him out. 

When it came down to it she didn't have anyone she could talk to so she stayed on this bench rocking back and forth waiting until she didn't have any choice but to go back to the motel. The tears kept rolling down her cheeks and she kept wiping them away.

They had to be angry at her; not to mention thinking she was nothing but a foolish little girl. At least that's what he would think. Spike. How could she want to have sex with him? How could she want to lie curled up in his arms just to sleep? It was a betrayal of everything that she should feel for him. He had tried to kill her, had tried to kill her friends and Angel. Yet Angel forgave him and had a relationship with him. Then that argument was dismissed because of the family relationship between them. To her it made her look like she was easy or desperate to do anything to keep Angel. 

There was just something about her nemesis that drew her in. The gentleness that he sometimes showed, the way he pushed her to do what she wanted, the way he would cut through the bullshit to the heart of the matter and she knew that he could be good for her. She wanted him to hold her and kiss her and make love to her but she didn't love him and for her that was wrong.

She loved Angel. She wanted a life with him. The wedding, the marriage, the kids, all the normal things that her mother wanted her to have and Buffy now had to face that it would never happen. Of course she had always known that it was impossible but it hadn't kept her from hoping and weaving elaborate fantasies of them in the future. Now she realized if she wanted Angel then she would have to face the relationship with eyes open and willing to embrace the vampire in him. And she would have to take Spike with him. 

_Oh, boy can't wait to tell Mom about that. Mom, I am going to be living with Angel but I'll be sleeping with Spike. Well, gee, actually, I'll be sleeping with both of them because Angel wants to watch while Spike and I fuck. Yep, Mom, maybe you should have just let me go __Sunnydale__U.__ Might have saved us this lovely trip._

That would go over really well, with everyone. If she hadn't lost them when she had run then that might be the final straw. In the end though she knew it was what she wanted and she knew that whatever her life was meant to be it was back in Sunnydale. As she let go of thoughts of Daytona one less thing was demanding attention in her brain. And if only she would quit denying the feeling of wanting to run back to the motel and beg them to forgive her she would have lost a lot of the other confusion too. But she didn't and finally as the sun dropped below the horizon they came and got her. The convertible pulled up beside her and none of them spoke as she climbed into the back seat and resumed the position she had maintained all afternoon on the bench. 

~~~~~~~~

They had been on the road for almost four hours when Buffy stirred in the back seat. Spike turned to look at her as she stretched and slowly came awake again. When her eyes opened she saw him watching her and she smiled tentatively at him. He returned the smile reaching a hand back for her to use to pull herself up. It was hard for him to stay angry with her when she was all sleep tousled and innocent looking. 

She scooted forward until she was resting her arms on the back of the seat then announced, "I have to pee." 

"There's an exit in about two miles, can you wait?" Angel asked.

"Ummm, I'd rather wait than hang my butt over the side of the car." She laughed and felt pleased when they both grinned at her. Maybe earlier could just be forgotten and wouldn't have to be brought up again. 

By the time they reached a small convenience store Buffy was dancing in the back seat and wished she had the time to smack Spike for laughing at her as she ran into the store.

"Do you want anything, Ang?" 

After receiving Angel's denial for sustenance of any kind, Spike strolled into the store just as the Slayer was coming out of the bathroom. 

"Feel better, pet?" 

"Yes," Buffy answered while finally giving him the smack on the shoulder that he deserved. They both laughed as the blonde followed her down the candy aisle. Not aware of absently patting her pocket where her money was stashed she settled on a Twix bar and put the Milky Way back. She wasn't broke yet but she wanted to be careful. 

When Buffy turned toward the counter to pay Spike grabbed a few more candy bars to add to his pile of snacks but found himself caught as she turned around and her hazel eyes pinned him to the spot.

"I hope you're not buying those for me."

"Yeah, I was. It's not a big deal." Spike figured he may as well counter her statement with a little defensive reaction.

"I can take care of myself. I don't need your money," she told him coldly.  

"Yeah, right, Love, that's why you keep ordering the cheapest thing on every menu. The reason we keep going through McDonalds because you're just rolling in it." Spike sauntered closer to her, so close he could whisper in her ear. "What are you afraid of? That we'll get in the middle of nowhere and I'll make you repay me for a bloody candy bar by letting me have my wicked way with your virgin ass."

Fury lit through her veins at his arrogant remark. She looked into his eyes and knew he was joking but it didn't matter.  The emotions that had been simmering in her since she had seen them again was beginning to boil and to have him mock her attempt at being independent was just one more insult as far as she was concerned.

"I should never have come back with you two." Buffy said while laying the candy bar back on the shelf and walked out of the store. 

He knew he shouldn't have made a joke out of her trying to be independent and definitely shouldn't have said anything about having sex with her.  There was just too many things going on with her and he knew that he wasn't helping any. But truth be told he didn't want to be there for her. If she ran from them than he would have Angel to himself and his life would be secure again.  Although there was that part or him that wanted her too, so with a sigh he grabbed the candy bar from where she had laid it and went to the counter to pay with Angel's money. He glanced out to the car and as he looked at Angel he muttered, "Yeah, baby, I know exactly where you are coming from."

Buffy was already curled up in the back seat when Spike slammed the car door shut as he climbed into the front seat. No one spoke a word as Angel maneuvered the car back onto the highway. Every once in a while she could feel his eyes flicker over her from the rear view mirror then he would glance over at his Grand-Childe trying to figure out what had happened between the two in the store. They had been smiling when they first wandered through the aisles but something had happened and Buffy had stormed out while Spike made some purchases. It was almost an hour later when the tension between them finally blew. Spike, in an attempt at a truce, reached down to pick up the bag and he turned to hand it to Buffy.

"I don't want it," she said through clenched teeth.

"Good God, woman, just take the candy. I don't want anything from you. It was a bloody joke." Spike replied tossing the bag in the back seat next to her.

Buffy gave him one scathing look then primly picked the bag up and tossed it out of the car. Her gaze returned to the landscape that was flowing by.

"You fucking bitch, my stuff was in that bag, too." He screamed at her finally at his limited breaking point of trying to be understanding and compassionate. "Do you even realize what a selfish bitch you are?" 

Angel rolled his eyes and threw his head back because he knew that there was going to be one unholy fight between the two.

"Stop it. Spike, turn around and be quiet," he commanded.

"You are a disgusting pig. I should have staked you a long time ago." Buffy shouted back at the blonde vampire.

Spike rose to his knees and turned around in the seat so that he could be better positioned to scream at her.

"You are the most spoiled little brat; I have ever had the misfortune of meeting in over a century. Do you ever give a little? All I was trying to do was be nice to you. But, no, you have to work yourself into a damn snit because you think all I want is to crawl between your legs. But you know what; I know why Angel never fucked you. It's because you're not worth losing a soul over."

Buffy didn't even think it was an automatic reaction to the pain she was feeling, she just pulled her fist back and punched him in the nose.

"Oow," Spike screeched while clutching his nose. His eyes glittered dangerously as he looked at her. This was the Buffy he knew, all spunk, fight and fury and he forgot about the chip as he fell into the old pattern between the two and he slapped her. Hard. The pain was instantaneous and he fell back clutching his head. 

Buffy had also forgotten about the chip in her anger and followed him over the seat. Her emotions had finally exploded and she threw herself on top of Spike. They slid down onto the floorboard with Spike trying to protect himself by crouching down with his arms crossed over his head while Buffy beat him with random punches. 

"Both of you stop it," Angel yelled as he tried to pull the car over. He was ignored and as he heard Spike cry out in pain, Angel with his foot on the brake and one eye on where he was trying to steer the car to, reached over and wrapped one hand in Buffy's hair and pulled.

Her head snapped back and then she turned on Angel. "I hate you both," she screamed as she threw punches at Angel. Trying to avoid the blows, Angel accidentally jerked the wheel hard to the right and the car spun across the side of the road. Then as it finally lurched to a stop, Angel turned and grabbed her by one arm and slid one hand between her legs, hefted her up and literally threw her out of the car. 

Buffy hit the road, stunned that Angel would do this to her, and quickly scrambled back up. She ignored the scrapes on her arm and stalked back over to the car where Angel was trying to see if Spike was all right. When Buffy got close enough, Angel threw the car door open knocking her back again.

"You bastard, how dare you treat me like this?" Buffy screamed.

"And how dare you hit someone that has no way of fighting back?" 

This momentarily stopped Buffy as her eyes turned to where Spike was climbing out of the car, shame hitting her as she saw the bruise forming on his face. Angel turned to look at Spike leaning against the car and lighting a cigarette with trembling hands and his face softened. 

"Is this how it is always going to be? Is he always going to come first with you?" Buffy's anger had returned when she saw the compassion on Angel's face. "You told me that you love me, that you would always love me, and now I have to share you. It's not fair."

Tears started to roll down her face as the rejection hit her again, the break up two months ago and now the competition with Spike.  
  


"I do love you, Buffy. I didn't lie and I have offered to make you my mate, which would make you first in my life. What more do you want from me?" Angel snarled at her. This girl they had found was not the sweet Buffy he had fallen in love with and he wanted her back. 

"I want to feel that I'm first. Damn it, all I wanted was for you to love me and you dumped me. Told me that I can't be with you and now you come back and you want me to fuck someone else in order to have you."

"I'm trying to find a way for us to be together. I'm sorry I hurt you but I thought that was what was best for you."

"Best for me? Best that you just break my heart and stomp all over my dreams. That's what my mom said and what Giles said. Yeah, everybody cares so much about me. Just push me away." Buffy could barely get the words out through her sobbing. It hurt so much. She needed Angel to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay but he was too concerned with Spike. Turning to him she unleashed more of her fury, "I hate you. You are a disgusting animal and need to be destroyed. Do you hear me? The first chance I get…"

"Shut up, now." Angel grabbed her arm and pulled her back to face him. "Don't threaten him. I'm tired of hearing about poor little Buffy. You took off and didn't let anyone know where you were. Just phone calls to your mother's answering machine. Your mom has been out of her mind with worry, Giles turned his entire life upside down to stay until we could find you and your friends are torn apart with guilt because they weren't there enough for you. Grow up and quit your sniveling. We may have been wrong but we were trying for you…"

Buffy had finally hit her emotional limit. Her breathing came quicker and quicker, a hand clutched at her chest as she fell to her knees.

"Buffy, what the hell…" Angel started. At first he thought it was Buffy pulling an act to get more attention. 

Spike pushed past Angel "She's not faking. There's a paper bag in the glove compartment with my smokes in it. Get it now." He knelt beside her as Angel hurried back to the car. "Come on, Slayer, breathe through your nose and out through the mouth." He pulled her to him, pushing her hair back. "Come on, it's not worth getting yourself all sick for, is it?" Spike spoke soothingly to her as Angel handed him the bag. He covered her nose and mouth with it. "It's okay, baby, just breathe."

"What's wrong?" Angel asked.

"Panic attack. Emotional overload. She just couldn't handle it anymore."

For a moment the brunette closed his eyes in guilt for pushing her too hard then he sat behind her on the road until she was cradled between them. Slowly her breathing slowed as they both spoke softly to her. When she felt somewhat in control again she pushed Spike's hand away that was holding the bag to her face.

"I'm sorry. I forgot about the chip."

"That's okay. I forgot about the chip, too. Sorry for making fun of you." 

She laughed softly, "I guess that's us. Get so involved in the fight that we forget everything else."

"It will make life interesting." 

On shaky legs she stood and reached a hand down to them. Without really pulling on her they took her hands and stood.

"Buffy, I'm sorry…" Angel started.

"No, don't. I shouldn't have run away like that. I'll take my lumps as they come." Hazel eyes met brown eyes with determination that she wouldn't break again. It was time to make a few decisions in her life. "And you shouldn't have broken up with me without discussing everything with me. Let me make my own choices."

Angel nodded his agreement.

"This is it?"

His eyebrows met in confusion.

"I either agree to be your mate and sleep with Spike or there is no us?"

"Yes."

"I hate to break up this tender scene but a few cars have gone by and we need to get out of here before someone calls the cops." Spike interjected while watching another car slow to look before speeding off.

When Buffy moved to climb in the backseat Spike asked her to sit with them and after whispering thanks she ended up in the middle of the front seat. Scooting closer she moved against Angel needing the reassurance of his presence. As Angel got them back on the highway, she noticed Spike scrunched up next to the door.

"Come here," Buffy said as she laid a hand on his arm. 

Spike turned to look at her in surprise but when she smiled at him he scooted closer to her. He laid his arm across the back of the seat and Buffy leaned into him while keeping a hand on Angel's leg. 

"This isn't so bad," she whispered. _How can this be wrong?_ She wondered as felt the three of them touching in a contented truce.  When you stripped away all the arguments of what was supposed to be right and wrong and the truth was exposed, this felt safe and right. 

TBC


	8. Conversations Pt 1

**Chapter 7 – Conversations Part 1**

Never had Angel felt so content and he knew that his decision not to make love to Buffy was the right one. Not if the feelings he was having was just a result to waking up with her snuggled against him. His hand was splayed across her belly and her hand rested on top of his. Next to her Spike was sleeping on his side facing her. His face nestled in the crook of her shoulder with one leg between hers. To have Spike in his bed was one of happiness but to have Buffy also was one of joy. The two of them filled so much of the emptiness that existed in him. When he looked back his life had always had this vast emptiness to it, both in his worthless life as a human and especially in his terror filled reign as Angelus. 

Last night after Buffy had lost her temper and allowed so much of the poisonous emotions to be released, she had settled down into almost a peaceful state. You could almost hear the thoughts being formed in her mind and he had let her be. Angel knew he had to face the fact that the girl that he had loved before was now gone forever but the girl she had become was also leaving. In their place a woman was forming from their pain and experience, one that would be more at ease with who she was and able to wield her special magic with love and generosity.

The people in her life had let her down. Her mother, Giles and him had never really formed a bond between them and with that was no communication. It was no wonder Buffy had felt the need for flight when they had all decided her life for her and delivered their conclusions within days without consulting the other. She was right. Buffy decided the fate of the world everyday, choosing life and death for so many others, but yet none of the people closest to her thought she had the capability of making decisions concerning what was best for her. Only after she had left home had the three of them found a way of making a truce to find her and bring her home.  Just as much as it killed him to wait he would let her decide about becoming his mate. He wanted to cajole her and seduce her with his dreams of them but he wanted her to want it. And he would wait until she was ready.

The girl consuming his thoughts shifted in her sleep until she was on her back. Spike followed her letting his head rest against her breast while his arm draped across her thighs. Angel watched in amusement as his fingers curled barely brushing against her bottom then when he met no opposition the blonde vampire cupped her cheek. Smiling contentedly Spike relaxed against the Slayer as Angel choked back a laugh but they both started as Buffy giggled. Her hand covered the one feeling her and squeezed it then her fingers traced his skin until she let them rest on his arm. Her other arm came around Spike's back holding him to her. Angel felt the jealousy rise but as he tried to ignore it Buffy nuzzled his jaw with her lips until he turned to kiss her.

"Morning, Angel, I love you," she whispered against his mouth and he melted under her ministrations. That was all it took. Those words to be uttered again and he was ready for anything. As long as her heart was his, he would find a way to share her body. Ultimately, if she was happy and content then her love would only flourish more for him especially if he was the one that was willing to give her the freedom to be fulfilled.

He settled further down into the bed and laid his arm across them both. His fingers traced the planes of Spike's back softly as he recalled the change in him last night. Once he had seen the emotionally hurting and vulnerable side of Buffy, the natural caretaker in Spike had gone into overdrive. He was the one that insisted they check into a slightly better hotel that advertised Jacuzzi tubs so that Buffy could have a good long soak. But they hadn't realized that meant he wanted to 'bathe' her himself and she had shrieked for him to get out when he had barged into the bathroom. Then when she had seen the hurt in his eyes and realized he was serious and not bent on seduction she had allowed him to scrub her back. Somehow she had relaxed and allowed him to stay while she soaked. Angel could hear their laughter as they talked and forced himself to stay where he was to allow them to bond. After she was done, Spike had bundled her into bed with them, saying she needed the reassurance of being with them. They had all fallen into a contented sleep together showing that Spike had been right. 

"Angel, can I ask you a question?" Buffy asked softly as she felt the men in her arms tense in anticipation of what she was going to ask.

"Anything," Angel responded.

"If I agree to be your mate, is there a ritual or something?"

He shifted in response, propping himself up on his elbow in order to look at her. The questions were inevitable if she was going to make the right decision for her and wanted her to know that he was open to them.

"No. If you were a vampire then there would be but since you're not, it's more of you just agreeing to it."

"Would we sleep together or all three of us or what?"

Angel laughed softly, "Spike has his own room at the mansion and we would fix one for you. It probably wouldn't be a good idea for me and you to share a bed all the time. I know that it would be too tempting for me."

Her eyebrows came together as she looked up at him, "So, do Spike and I draw numbers or something for being with you or me and him." 

Both vampires had to stifle down their laughter at her naiveté but managed it anyway so as not to hurt her. She was innocent in the ways of living with someone and it had to be confusing to her as to how two people would live together much less three of them.

"It will fall into place. Pretty much what is comfortable and agreeable for everybody."

She nodded. After a few moments she formed the question that was weighing on her mind but wasn't sure if she was allowed to ask. She had seen Spike request permission to touch her and it made her wonder.

"You said you wanted to be there when Spike and I have sex," her voice got lower as she spoke making both of them almost have to strain to hear her mumbled question. "What happens after we do and you're not around and we want to do it again?"

"Do you doubt that you would, Love?" Spike grumbled into her stomach.

"Shush, boy. Once I have given my permission then he would be there for you whenever you wanted him."

"What if he doesn't like being with me?"

"He is there for you. It doesn't matter if you please him as long as he pleases you."

"Oh." 

"Might be nice if you would try though," Spike said.

"Thought I told you to shush," Angel reminded him. His hand rose to ruffle Spike's hair affectionately. He knew that part of Spike was trying to manipulate her into caring about him in order to secure a safer position for him. It was expected and he would have been surprised if he hadn't been. He had to have a talk with Spike later, though, to make sure he knew that Buffy's heart and emotions were not to be played with. Angel knew who and what Spike was, he had helped to create him, but Buffy didn't and she didn't deserve to be caught in any games his Childe wanted to play. Pity and a need to nurture would make her easy prey to Spike's charms and beguiling ways. Angel could only hope that true affection would develop between the two before any damage could be caused on either party and that last night had opened the door for that to happen. He didn't want to have to choose between them at a later date because without both, he couldn't be with the other.

"Do I have free reign of the mansion? Is the kitchen usable and what about bathrooms?"

Somewhere in his musings Buffy had moved to more practical matters.

"What is mine is yours so, yes, the mansion is yours to roam or do with as you will. As is my money which I will show you where it is when we get back. The kitchen is reasonably clean and the refrigerator works but we will have to get you the rest of what you need. And the room that I plan to give you has a bathroom attached." 

Buffy nodded again knowing she had enough information for now. Angel was cooperative and open and Spike was still Spike. She just wasn't sure which side of him was for real. And what his motivation for being nice to her but as long as Angel trusted her with him then she would too.

"I'm going to let you guys get some more sleep. I need to run a couple of errands at the mall across the street but I'll pick up your blood first." 

Angel nodded and kissed her softly before she started to scoot down the bed. Spike had shifted to his back when she started to move but grabbed her hand as she climbed off the bed.

"What about me?" He asked with that wicked lilt to his voice. This was when she wasn't sure of him but she did what he wanted and leaned down to kiss him before moving off to the shower.

  
~~~~~~~~

Once he heard the shower running, Spike turned to get closer to his Sire but there was no welcoming embrace for him. Feeling a coldness run over him Spike opened his eyes to find Angel carefully studying him as if he had never seen him before.

"What did I do?" 

"Nothing yet," Angel's fingers gently traced his Childe's jaw before following the curves of his lips. "I love her. She is going to be my mate and you make sure that you treat her with the respect that position deserves. Be aware of this, as long as you don't hurt her, manipulate her, or play games with her heart and emotions, you are welcome in our lives. The moment that you do, I will cut you loose."

Blue eyes shuttered closed as the coldness became icy fear that clutched at his heart. Angelus always knew. Almost always knew before Spike did of the feeble plans that he attempted and they never came to fulfillment because of it. Why would Angel be different?  Of course, the bitch would come first. It would take just one whine from her and his life would be over. 

Angel's mouth covered his in an almost brutal kiss that was another reminder of the pain from the other days and Spike felt something wilt inside of him. It was his hope of loving and being loved. Spike refused to see that Angel was just calling him on something that he was actually doing or had been doing. Or wanted to do and knew he couldn't. He had never been able to hurt Buffy before and now that he had been close to her, touched her, smelled her, tasted her and heard her tears, he knew he could never plot to hurt her with the detachedness that it required of him to hurt anyone. She was now a living, breathing reality to him and no longer just the enemy. Anger twisted in him though, for Angel's warning and his own traitorous emotions.

"Yes, sir," Spike whispered when Angel freed him. His hands moved to run over Angel's body determined to prove that he was still worthy of his position but was surprised when they were stilled by larger ones.

"Don't. Not to prove anything. Only if you want to," Angel whispered to him as he slowly sucked the blonde's ear lobe into his mouth. 

Spike mewled and pressed himself closer to the body he desired. "I want to," he whispered as his hand went down to cup the other man, grateful when it responded to him. Maybe he could still find a way to keep himself secure because Buffy couldn't give this to Angel as his hand wrapped around his Sire's length, slowly stroking him, and Buffy didn't know Angel the way he did. As Angel pushed him onto his back, he smiled in the satisfaction that Buffy would never have Angel inside her body and it was enough for now to stroke his ego back into a happy mood.

~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy wrapped the second towel around her body as she stepped out of the shower. Her hand wiped steam from the mirror then smiled in amusement as she heard noises from the bedroom. When she heard Spike call Angel's name with a cry for more, a dull ache formed in her lower belly, and she wanted to know that intimacy with Spike and with Angel. A smile danced across her face as she wondered what they would do if she crawled into bed with them. It didn't take long for her to realize that they would welcome her and that it would be good. 

However, there were things she needed to do before she was ready to make that commitment. Her gaze returned to the mirror and she looked at Anne. She didn't want to be Anne anymore and she didn't want to be the Buffy she was before. This new Buffy wanted to take control of her life and not just react anymore. To make the decisions that was the best for her and would make her happy. In order for that to happen then she had to be sure of what she was doing so that she couldn't be persuaded from them or appear weak. 

Buffy's fingers ran through her red hair wrinkling her nose as she remembered being blonde. Going back to being blonde was her first decision in her new life. Then she decided the inch long fingernails were next, they would only hinder her when she was patrolling. As she looked at her self she decided she liked the nose ring and that would stay. Smiling in a new found confidence she finished up in the bathroom before pressing her ear to the door to make sure that the vampires were done before she moved into the main room. 

After grabbing her bag she reached for Angel's shaving kit because that was where he stashed his money. She pulled the rubber banded wad out and fanned it lightly half heartedly counting the amount. He had told her to take money from there to pay for their nourishment that it wasn't her responsibility and if she needed or wanted any to take it. Glancing over at the two in the bed that only appeared to be asleep she grabbed a small bill off the top.

"Take what you want. I told you what was mine was yours."

"I haven't agreed yet." She said quietly while still holding the bills in one hand.

"Then consider it a loan and you can pay me back after we get back."

If she wanted to get the things done that she wanted then she would need the cash. After pulling off some larger denominations she quickly scribbled an IOU on a napkin and stuck it under the rubber band. Until she made an irrevocable announcement then she wanted to remain independent. It may appear silly but she never wanted to be completely dependent on anyone or in anyone's debt again. She had realized that if you were then they had some sort of power over you just like Spike had said.

Buffy smiled as she crawled onto the bed and over Spike. "Thank you," she whispered as she kissed him. Leaning over she kissed Angel next, "Thank you. I love you."

Then she was heading out the door with a 'see ya later'. 

Spike could only stare in astonishment as the Slayer gaily sauntered out the door and wondered what the hell she was thanking him for. His eyes met Angel's and they both shrugged their confusion before they settled down to get a few more hours sleep while she was gone. 

TBC 


	9. Conversations Pt 2

**Chapter 8 – Conversations Part 2**

The quarters were stacked in a neat pile. The phone was ready and working yet Buffy hesitated to use it. Her hands lay on the metal shelf under the phone and gave herself a pep talk. It was silly to feel like this and finally with a deep breath she picked the receiver up, dropped the change in and dialed the number.

"Good morning, Sunnydale Art Gallery, this is Joyce."

"Mommy?" The tears she had been holding back flooded down her cheeks.

"Buffy, are you all right? Are you hurt? Do you need me to come and get you?" The questions poured from Joyce as she heard Buffy's voice for the first time in two months other than on her answering machine. The fact that Buffy was crying only made her more anxious and worried then she had been before.

"No, I'm fine. Really. I'm sorry it's been so long since I talked to you. I've missed you." Buffy sniffled and wiped the tears from her face.

"I've missed you, too. Where are you?"

Buffy looked up and around her. "I'm not sure. I think Alabama or Texas. I fell asleep last night and missed the signs."

"Are you sure that you're okay? They aren't hurting you, are they?"

"Who?"

"Angel and Spike." Her mother hesitated a minute. "Angel called Giles and told him that you were riding back with them. Then Giles called me. Apparently I'm the last to know."

Buffy sighed and leaned her forehead against the side of the phone booth. "I'm sorry. That's why I was calling to tell you that I would be home in a few days. I didn't know that you already knew."

"Obviously."

"They're treating me fine, Mom." Maybe changing the subject would be better at this point.

"Are you back with Angel? I know about the curse and I don't like the idea of you spending a lot of time with him. I'll be glad when you get back home and we can put all this behind us and you can get you're life on track again."

This was what she was afraid of. That her time away would be ignored as her doing any growing up but just as a rebellion that she needed to redeem herself from.

"I'm not the same as when I left. Things aren't going to just get swept under the rug and return to the way they were." 

"What have you done? You are back with Angel, aren't you?"

"Mom, I love you. I'm fine and we'll talk it all out when I get back."

"Oh, Buffy, don't do anything that you might regret later. Please."

"No more regrets."

Joyce knew that she was getting no where and Buffy was only going to get more defensive the more they talked. She resigned herself that she couldn't do anything now and could only hope that her daughter wouldn't make a decision that would harm her in the long run before she got back home

. 

"I love you."

"I love you, too." Buffy said softly before she hung up. For a moment she thought about just giving in to her mother so she wouldn't be hurt. It was the last thing that she intended and she had already done enough when she had left without warning. 

She closed her eyes and took another deep breath. One more call to make and then she would be free to get started on what she wanted to do. After dropping the change in the phone, she waited while the phone rang. When no one had answered by the sixth ring she accepted the fact that he probably wasn't home and as she was about ready to hang up, she heard a hello.

"Hello, Giles?"

"Buffy?"

"Yeah, it's me. The run away Slayer," she quipped. 

He chuckled slightly as her voice washed over him. Of the three of them he blamed himself the most. It was his duty to watch her and care for her. She was the purpose of his life and once again he had failed not only her but his responsibility of keeping her safe.

"It's good to hear your voice."

"Thanks. Mom says you already know I'm on my way back."

"Yes, yes I do. Is everything all right? Angel says that you're fine."

"I'm good to go. Look, I need to say something to you before I get back. Would you listen to me for a minute?"

"Of course, Buffy." Giles thought he knew what she was going to say. That he wasn't of any use to her and that he should have headed back to England without waiting for her to come back.

"Look, I made a decision before I left that I want to be the best Slayer I can be. I really want to train and study and…and I need you to do that. I trust you. I want to know if you'll stay and help me. Don't answer me now. Think about and we'll talk when get home."

"All right," her words had made his heart soar. All the guilt he had been holding onto since her birthday seemed to lighten. He wanted to throw out his agreement now but decided to wait so they could talk through everything. "Hurry home."

"I will. And Giles?"

"Yes."

"I love you."

Buffy hung up the phone with a smile on her face. It felt good even though nothing had been settled she had made contact. She was the one that had made the first move and it made her feel good. _And Spike will be proud of me_, she thought. It wasn't that she was seeking his approval but when he looked at her with that funny little smile when she did something that pleased him; it gave her a warm feeling. It felt good to be around someone that she could pretty much gauge how he was feeling toward her at any given moment just by the look on his face or the light in his expressive eyes.

It was different with Angel. He wasn't as open about his feelings and emotions and sometimes it was a like trying to get a response from a wall even though she knew he loved her with everything he was. It was one of those things that she had to accept about him and try not to change. 

She started down the row of shops toward the beauty salon glancing in the windows as she walked. As she passed one store something in the window caught her eye. Buffy stood with the fingers of one hand resting on the window contemplating it. It would be a perfect way for her to show Angel and Spike the way she felt. That is was a commitment to her and not just an emotional whim. Deciding that yes she wanted it she headed in to the store with a grin to see if she could afford it.

~~~~~~~~

  
The television flickered as one station after another flew by in a Technicolor whirlwind. Nothing caught his eye and with each pass through the limited offerings he went faster. Boredom and the lack of activity annoyed Spike and if it wasn't for having sex with Angel every chance they got he would be clawing at his flesh in frustration. He suspected that Angel was feeling the same way. Vampires weren't meant for this inactivity. They were predators meant for wandering the night. 

Buffy was gone again. She got to move around because she slept in the car almost all night and then during the day she was up and had the freedom to move. It was becoming a game to find ways to be pissed at her. To blame her for the things that was wrong in his life. Maybe if he could fuck the hell out of her it would help take the edge off. But, no, she had to play the virgin games when they all knew that she wanted to do the same things to them. 

Spike stood and threw the remote on the floor because once again, his stupid feelings for the girl were pushing aside his baser instincts to take and to overpower. Like last night with all the bullshit of taking care of her. Bathing her and holding her while she slept. He had treated her like he had his Drusilla. Just because she was having a few problems and wept with those big green eyes he had gone all mushy for her. It had to be the chip messing with other things because if it hadn't been for that then he would have beaten her almost to death then shagged her until she begged for more before finally draining her dry. Yeah, now that was what needed to be done to the Slayer and not, the tender and sweet deflowering that kept going through his mind. Not the want to caress her gently and have her little hands hesitantly touch his body and then with big eyes ask him to take her.

He would give anything to be able to beat something to a pulp. It would remind him of who he was. Of what he was. An evil creature. Not some Nancy boy like Angel, who was lying on the bed reading a sodding poetry book. Unable to follow his nature, Spike was realizing that more and more of William was coming to the surface and he hated it. He stood placing his hands on his hips as he kept working himself into more of a temper. There was no where to go and nothing to do. Angel had already fucked him twice and Spike had already given him head and right now even sex was a boring option. 

Angel looked up at him quickly before returning to his book. 

"Aren't you bored?" Spike asked.

"Yes, but there is nothing we can do about it. So, there is no reason to get all worked up about it."

"What are you trying to say to me? That I'm getting all worked up for nothing."

His Grand-sire smiled at him softly, "Yes, you are. We'll be on the road soon."

"Oh yeah, that's going to be a whole lot of fun. Won't it?"

Before Angel could respond the door to the hotel room opened slightly and Buffy slipped in. She froze when she realized they were awake and watching her entrance. It would have been nice to have a couple of minutes to relax before facing them. One glance at Spike and she knew he was in one of those moods which got her instantly on the defensive. Pushing it aside she turned her attention to Angel and her body began to soften into a warm glow at the look in his eyes. 

"Well, well, Blondie's back. Caved in to being who were before. Knew that bravery act wouldn't last long. Back to being good little Buffy who is always the goody good." Spike said.

Deciding to ignore him, Buffy made her way across the room toward Angel. The magnetic pull of him beckoned to her and all she wanted was to be in his arms. She crawled across the bed until she was nose to nose with him. Her lips met his in a gentle request for approval. 

Spike watched as his anger simmered even more. She had completely ignored him, thrown herself into Angel's arms and now they were going at it like there was no tomorrow. And all that slurping and smacking was going to make him hurl.

"Do you two have to be so noisy? It's like neither one of you know how to actually kiss."

When they ignored him, he flung himself onto the bed beside Buffy to childishly push back on her to get more room. He had slept there and it was his bed. And most importantly of all they were acting like he wasn't even there. He was the one that was bored to tears and it wasn't like they could do anything anyway. 

"Spike, stop it." Buffy whined as she pulled herself reluctantly away from Angel. She pushed herself back against him. If he wanted to be a child so could she. She looked up at Angel to let him know that she was playing and he rolled his eyes at them. 

His Grande-childe had been exasperating him with his irritation and maybe this would break some of Spike's mood.

Spike couldn't believe the little bitch was pushing back on him like she had some damn rights. He flipped on his back and pushed at her with his hands. She giggled as she rolled over then pounced. She landed on top of him and Spike could feel his damn cock responding to the little minx just lying on him.

"Get off of me," he ordered.

She wiggled, separated her legs and straddled him as her hands crept to his arm pits but it was that heat from between her legs that kept his attention.

"Missed me, didn't you?" Buffy cooed as she tickled him.

He couldn't believe her audacity. His hands encircled her arms ready to throw her off. "I did not miss you." 

"Yes, you did," she crowed as her fingers dug into him a little deeper. 

That did it. Spike flipped them over and was quite happy when the giggling stopped as he ground himself against her. She froze and those eyes got bigger. 

"I thought about you while you were gone," his eyes moved down to her breasts as one of his hands covered one of her plump soft mounds. He rubbed it, kneaded it, "about what I wanted to do with you." He made eye contact when he heard her swallow and grinned. His fingers concentrated on the nipple now, tweaking it, rolling it until it was hard and reaching out for more, "So, if you want to say that was missing you. Then, yeah, I guess I did."

Spike looked over to see how Angel was reacting to this and was satisfied that his eyes were just as lust glazed as his mates. It was almost time. Soon, they would both be his. His hand drifted from her breast, slowly moving down her side as he stared into her eyes. They were such a vibrant green when she was in heat and unwittingly his tongue darted out. Now, this was having fun as his hand cupped her bottom, lifting her up so that he could rub himself against that sweet pussy even better. 

"Did you miss me too?" Spike whispered as he hooked her leg around him. Her eyes never left his face as his other hand went to her other hip but she beat him to it. Without any prompting her other leg joined the first one and they were wrapped tight around him. Now he was surprised but he settled himself against her as her hands were laid against his chest. They stayed still for a second but she finally broke her contact with his eyes as she allowed her hands to start exploring him. Her fingers found his nipples and began to return the favor of a few moments ago. 

"Thought about you too," her response came in a throaty whisper. Buffy could barely think over the sensations that were darting along her nerve endings. "Thought about all the things I want you to do to me. All the things I want to do to you."

His hand wrapped itself in her hair until he was pulling her head back. Angel growled a warning but Spike ignored it. He was at the end of his ropes and he didn't want to play games. Not anymore and he wanted to make sure that she knew it.

"Don't say things that you don't mean, little girl. Do you know how fast I can be inside of you? How fast I can rip through that hymen? Make you scream as I plow into you."

Buffy whimpered. His words meant to scare her were only making her hotter. She arched up against him and she knew with one look into his eyes that she had pushed him over the edge. There wasn't going to be any turning back at this point as his lips met hers in a violent need. Buffy wrapped her arms around him pulling him closer to her as she met him halfway. 

"Stop. Now." Angel commanded.

Spike moved to her throat attacking it like a starving man. The soft panting noises she was making only made him want to claim her more. They were quickly being lost to the primitive sides of them as her fingernails dug into his back and he growled in triumph.

Suddenly Angel pulled Spike off of her and held the younger vampire in place. Spike struggled in frustration as he stared at Buffy lying there giving off the strongest mating aromas he had ever had the pleasure of smelling. She was panting through her swollen lips and the crotch of her jeans was moist from her excitement. Buffy needed and wanted to be fucked and he wanted to give it to her. He was out of control and it didn't matter. She'd enjoy it. The violence in her nature would make her respond.

"Let go of me," Spike ordered.

"Get a hold of yourself. Not like this." 

Buffy had never felt as alone in her life as when Angel ripped Spike from her. It was like having her skin torn off and her body screamed its protest. She needed it. There was such a throbbing between her legs and she wanted to cum so badly. She wanted to be filled and rode hard until she screamed. She wanted to rip him and bite him. To make him hers and hers alone. Her eyes shut as she realized what had almost happened. Angel had been forgotten in her lust for Spike. Shame filled her at the thought that her body had taken over any reason she had. She sprang from the bed and ran to the bathroom to hide. 

As she ran from the room, Spike ceased his struggles and leaned back against Angel. He tried to force himself to relax as Angel's hands caressed him as a mother would and began to rock them.

"Why?" Spike asked.

"I don't want her to remember her first time like that. And I don't want her to be able to say later that she was lost in the passion and that it was a mistake. Do you understand?"

Spike nodded as he turned to cuddle closer to the body holding him but the sound of weeping broke through to them.

"Go to her. You're the one she needs," Spike said as he pulled away to lie on the bed. As he watched Angel go into the bathroom his hand pulled down his zipper. Figured he may as well give himself some relief while he waited for the tender moment to be over.

~~~~~~~~

Buffy was sitting on the toilet lid rocking back and forth as she cried. It wasn't supposed to be like that. She was going to come in and be all cool about it. Ask if they could stay here another night, have them go out to dinner then come back here, tell them what she had decided. Angel's eyes would light up in love and happiness when she said she wanted to be his mate. Then they would kiss and they would fall to the bed where Spike would join them. It would be all sweet and tender and loving. Not the wild mating that she was participating in with Spike. Angel was supposed to be there holding her and telling her it was okay. But it had been just another stupid fantasy like all the others ones she had before about Angel. Nothing ever worked out the way she wanted.

The door opened and closed. She knew it was Angel and bit her lip while waiting for him to berate her whorish behavior. He went to sit on the edge of the tub and a hand came out to stroke her back.

"It shouldn't have happened. Spike was told not to lose control with you. I'm sorry if he scared you."

Her eyes flew open as she stared in astonishment at him. He couldn't have possible said what he just did.

"You talked to Spike about how he's allowed to be with me?"

"Of course, he can get a little…well, out of control and I know that you wouldn't like it. I told him that he had to be gentle with you."

"Bullshit."

The hand on her back stopped its motions as Angel stared at her in confusion.

"He didn't scare me, Angel."

"Why were you crying?" 

"Because…I…because you weren't involved and I felt like I was betraying you."

"That's why I stopped it. I knew it wasn't how you wanted it to be. He was just pushing things too far." Angel's hand had moved to stroking her hair.

"Oh, God, you just don't get it, do you?" Buffy pushed away from him and hurried out into the main room. "It was because I thought I was hurting you that I was up…."

"Bullocks, can't a man get any privacy in this place," Spike yelped as he jumped up stuffing his still unsatisfied cock back into his pants. He looked up and took in the Slayer's face as she continued to stare speechless at the bulge in his pants. "Well, we know how to shut her up now."

That snapped her out of it. Her gaze quickly darted to Angel who was staring at her as if he didn't know her at all and then back to Spike who was staring at her smugly then back down to his bulge. She had never seen a penis outside of pictures and films before and the reality was giving her an 'Oh, my God' reaction. 

A hand came to rest on her shoulder and she turned to look back over at Angel.

"Buffy, are you all right?"

"Of course, she's all right. She just saw something that's making her mouth water in anticipation. Right, pet?"

"Shut up both of you. You," she pointed at Angel, "quit treating me like some damn china doll that is so delicate I don't know what I want. He didn't scare me or frighten me, he was turning me on. I liked it. But you're right. I don't want the first time like that because I want it to be all three of us together. And as for you," her finger and gaze turned to Spike, "I'm not some damn conquest for you to add to your belt. Not to add to your arrogance level at all, but yes I want to have sex with you. I don't know why but you do something to me. Get over it. If you're only doing it to prove a point then I don't want to be with you."

They both continued to stare at her as she seemed to be taking a break before getting started again. Suddenly she undid her jeans and pulled them down to her hips.

"I decided that I wanted to make a commitment to this relationship but I think I am the only one who is taking it seriously."

They stared at the fresh tattoo on Buffy's stomach right above her panty line. It was three hearts entwined.

"It was to symbolize our commitment to be together. That we were in this for better or worse."

She did her jeans back up and their gazes broke back to her face and waited. They knew she wasn't done yet. And she wasn't.

"Angel, make damn sure that you can share me with Spike. If you are going to be hovering over us and trying to control us then I don't want to be in this. And I don't want in a month or so for you to decide you hate me because I like what Spike is doing to me and you're jealous. I love you and I want to be only yours forever but I can't have what I want so I am willing to compromise with this plan of yours. Just be sure that you're sure."  

"And me?" Spike asked softly.

"And you? You think I am this stupid naïve little girl that doesn't know anything about what you are doing. I lived in the world of the ultimate players when I was in Daytona and just because I never played doesn't mean I don't know the rules. I'm learning to read your eyes. I know when you're acting like you care and when the caring is actually there. Don't play with me. I'd rather you'd be honest."

Dismissing them she moved to grab her bag and began to throw her stuff into it. The whole evening was ruined for what she had planned and it was just going to have to wait.

"Are you two going to stand there all night or are we going to get on the road?"  
  


At her prodding the two vampires began to move. They were both thinking over what she had said and realization began to sink in. Of the three of them she was the only one who had seemed to have thought beyond the initial agreement. In a way it was funny that an eighteen year old had put more thought into the relationship than two vampires with over four hundred years of experience between them. It was this part of her, the part that surprised those around her, was one of the reasons that Angel had fallen in love with her. And the spunk she had shown was one of the reasons that Spike wanted her so desperately.

As they followed Buffy out the door both vampires shook their heads. This one was going to be one interesting…ride.

TBC


	10. Ultimatums and Domination

**Chapter 9 – Ultimatums and Domination**

In less than twelve hours they would be home. Once they were on the road Angel would push the limits of the posted speed and the car to cover the miles as quickly as possible. In Sunnydale Buffy would be pushed aside again in his refusal to allow her to make decisions regarding her life and his jealousy to share her with Spike.  It was the only thing that made any sense to her because Angel had only spoken to her when it was absolutely necessary since she had blown up at them the day before. 

Buffy was stalling as much as possible to delay the time when she would have to be separated from them.  That was something else that she had come to accept. It was not only Angel she didn't want to be separated from but Spike also. At least the fun loving gentle side of Spike that she had gotten to know on the trip and not the homicidal evil vampire that she knew he still was inside. 

She had lounged around the room all day only going out to pick up their blood and lunch for herself. Neither of them had been overly happy about her constant presence and she figured that was because they couldn't have sex. But she kept hoping that Angel would make some gesture or at least attempt to talk to her but he had remained in a brooding silence that even Spike couldn't cajole him from.

Angel was in the other room packing his bag while she was putting her make up on. In another moment of defiance she had left her shirt off and wearing only her slacks and bra as she moved from one room to the other. Spike had only watched her with hooded eyes while Angel had refused to look at her at all. It made her want to attack his wall with a sledge hammer just to get some sort of reaction from him. 

"Okay, if I come in and get our stuff," Spike asked as he stood in the open door way of the bathroom. When Buffy shrugged he moved in behind her then leaned into the shower and started to pull out their shampoos and various other sundries. "It's amazing how many hair products three people can use. Want me to throw your stuff in your bag?" 

"Thanks." Buffy turned slightly to look at him noting the nervousness in his eyes. He looked from her to where Angel was waiting for him to return. "I'll hurry."

Spike nodded and left her.  Buffy hurried through the rest of her makeup and decided to leave her hair wet. She wanted Angel to react not be angry and if Spike was nervous then it would be bad. Quickly dumping the rest of her stuff in the bag she grabbed her blouse and pulled it round her shoulders.

"Why not just go like that since you want the attention it would bring?"

"It's only yours that I want," Buffy whispered.

"And Spike's."

"Fuck you, Angel." 

She never saw it coming because it was something that she never thought would happen and when she found herself lying on the floor holding her cheek all she could feel was shock. Angel, her gentle Angel, had just slapped her. Something in her head told her to stay down and not get back up.     

"Angel, don't," Spike protested. "She doesn't understand."

"Shut up, boy."

But Buffy did understand but she wasn't a vampire and as far as she was concerned she wasn't going to be treated like this ever again. With a deep breath she kept her head bowed and stayed on the ground, "Angel, would you, please, ask Spike to leave us alone?"

It was as subservient as she was going to go.

"Leave us, Childe."

Buffy stayed on the floor as Spike hurried toward the door but through the curtain of her hair she saw him hesitate and turn as if to check on her before he went through the door and closed it behind him.

As soon as they were alone Buffy came flying up, "How dare you? The other night when you threw me from the car was bad enough but to slap me. I don't think so."

Angel's face was wracked with guilt. It had come out of him without him even realizing it. A part of Angelus that still lingered inside of him despite the soul but he knew he couldn't use that excuse as he looked at the mark that still marred her beautiful face.

"I'm sorry."

Buffy softened at his remorseful tone. "You're not going to get me to obey you with violence, Angel. I understand why you did it but it's not going to happen again."

"If you understood then why did you push me to do it? Did you want to see how far you could go? You never used to be like this. What happened?" 

"I stood up for myself or is that what you don't like. Do you only like them like Drusilla, all broken and doe eyed looking for Daddy. You're not my sire. I'm not a vampire. Don't treat me like one."

"I am and so is Spike or did you forget that in your little fantasy of us playing house?"

"You are the one that wanted it." She stopped as she looked around the room and tried to stop the tears that were threatening to fall. "I love you so much and I just want to be with you."

"I made a mistake. This was all a mistake." Angel whispered as he went to sit on the edge of the bed. "I wanted it to be true so much and I know now that I should never have even attempted this relationship with the three of us."

"You're just going to give up on us?" When he didn't answer the tears did start to fall. "How can you be so cruel? How can you just play with my emotions like this? God, what kind of monster are you?"

"The kind you don't want to know."

"Damn you. You promised that you would let me make my own decisions about my life. I want this. I want to belong to you."

"No, you don't want to belong to me," Angel snapped as he stood again. "You want a nice little convenient relationship that you can play at and skip home to Mommy when it suits you."

"Don't even blame this on me. It was all fine until you realized that I wouldn't just be submitting to Spike. You got jealous and then you got pissed when I stood up to you. I'm not the submissive innocent little girl that you wanted me to be and you can't handle it."

"You're right I can't. That's why when we get back to Sunnydale you are going home to your mother and we won't see each other anymore."

"Fine, we don't have to but I still want to see Spike. I like him and it seems he needs some friends to help him adjust to everything."

Angel smirked. "He won't see you because I won't allow it."

Buffy turned cold inside as she looked at the hint of how cruel Angel's alter ego could be. If her Angel could be this callous with a soul she really never wanted to see him without one.

"I'll give him a choice. He needs protection and as the Slayer I can offer him that."

"You only want one thing from him. I don't blame you Spike is one of the best lovers I have ever had," Angel sneered even as he walked to the door and opened it. "Spike, come in here."

"What are you doing?" Buffy stammered.

"Giving you what you want. Consider it a good-bye present." By this time Spike had returned to the room glancing from the tear stained cheeks of the Slayer to the raging pain of his Sire's. "You have an hour. Fuck her and make sure it's good for her. It will be the last contact the two of you have because I will take Buffy to the bus station to get home. Spike, be ready to go when I get back." Then he walked out the door leaving them alone.

"What the hell did you do to him, Slayer?"

"Nothing, I don't know, I was just trying to get him to change his mind and he took it the wrong way and then I got pissed and I told him I'd protect you and that's when he invited you in here and now he's gone and it's over," Buffy tumbled out before burying her face in her hands as sobs wracked her body.

"You were probably better off staying in Daytona, Love, seems all we've done is make you cry," Spike soothingly told her as he knelt in front of her pulling her into his arms. He ran his hands up and down her back as he let her cry it out.

"What happened? I don't understand." Buffy asked as she pulled back from Spike. "He was never like this before."

"You've both changed and you're both facing the reality of who the other one really is. You shouldn't push him so much with the ultimatums and trying to tell him what to do."

"What is it with the two of you? I'm not allowed to say what I'm feeling and what I want."

Spike laughed before sitting back on his heels and held her hands in his.

"Do you really want to be with him?"

"Yes, of course, I wouldn't be going through all this if I didn't. I love him so much, Spike."

"Even enough to take me too?"

She nodded slowly.

"Yeah, and I guess it doesn't hurt that I get your panties soaked, huh?"

"God, Spike." Buffy wrinkled her nose but there was the trace of a grin on her face from his crude remark. Then she realized that was what he was trying to do was cheer her up. "Thanks."

"No problem. That's what I am here to do is to please."

"Don't you hate being treated like that?"

Spike shrugged and bowed his head.

"Buffy, you've never known Angelus. Angel is a pussy cat compared to him." He looked up at her. "It's not really about dominating me like he used to. It's about respect for his position. It's like your mum. You respect her and even though you don't like what she tells you to do you know most of the time it's for your own good so you do what she wants. He's responsible for us. It's up to him to make sure that we are sheltered, fed and taken care of. In return we listen to him."

"I don't want to be dependent on anyone again."

Spike reached out to take her hands in his. "Angel is not only a vampire that will be heading up the family but will also be the alpha male. It's not about being dependent but about position. If you can't give him that right then it will never work."

"Does he ever hit you?" Her trembling hand cupped his cheek softly.

"Not Angel. I never give him reason to."

"I didn't deserve to be slapped."

"I told you from the beginning that if you can't accept all of him then don't even try." His hand played absently with her hair. "But, no, you didn't deserve it, pet."

"I just wish that things could be the way I wanted them before I ran away." Buffy sighed and ran her hands over her face.

"Not going to happen." 

Buffy looked up at him with eyes filled with tears and trembling lips. She watched as his features softened in compassion and he rocked forward toward her. He was there, so close, that her breathe was caressing his face and she became fixated on his lips. The curves, the slight pout of the lower one and she wanted the comfort of them. A swallow before she leaned forward to kiss him. Relief was her last thought as he pulled her forward and then he was cradled between her legs and within her arms and she felt safe again as his mouth moved over hers. His hair was soft as her fingers grabbed hold of his locks to keep him where he was. Just for a minute she needed to feel something besides pain and this was anything but. She opened her mouth and his tongue darted in as if he had been waiting for an invitation. The kiss lasted as long as she could go without air and with reluctance she released him. 

"So, what is it going to be? Do we fuck or do I go find Angel and see if I can calm him down?"

And she knew it was partially a joke to jar her back to the reality of their situation and the vampire that held the fate of their future in his hands. 

"Find Angel, calm him down and then we fuck." Buffy answered as her eyes danced in mirth as she let him know in the same manner that she could deal even if she didn't want to.

Spike couldn't help but throw his head back and laugh. "I think I might like you after all." 

~~~~~~~~

The whiskey was soothing as it flowed down his throat easing his mood somewhat. After placing the glass on the table again his gaze returned to his hands. Slapping Buffy was one of the all time lows of his life as far as he was concerned. Of course it in no way compared to the things he had done as Angelus but since the soul, it was a definite low. Leaving her alone with Spike and telling them to have sex was tearing at him as he wondered if they had accepted his invitation.

Spike slid into the seat across from him and he glanced up at him. 

"Was it as good as you expected?'" The calmness of his tone disguised the anger that licked at him as he took in the lipstick that was smeared across Spike's lips.

"Didn't do anything. I don't obey all orders blindly."

Angel reached across the table and using his thumb wiped the offending smear from his Childe. 

"It's hard to believe considering that you were given permission to take her and you show up here with her lipstick smeared across your face and her smell on your body. Why do you bother to lie to me?"

There was no guilt hovering in the cerulean eyes that stared back at him and that surprised Angel. 

"She was upset and I comforted her. Then knowing it might be the last time that I ever got a chance I kissed her. No big deal. I didn't accept your offer because I knew you didn't really mean it."

"I did mean it."

"Bullshit you did. Who do you think you're talking to? I'm the one you've been crying to for the last month and half about her. If I had done it without you there, you would have staked my ass."

"Probably," Angel smiled slightly at the impudent grin on the other vampire's face. Spike was right. It was hard to admit sometimes but Spike knew him as well as he knew Spike. He sighed. "I should never have told her of this plan."

"Well, you did. Now you have to clean it up because you have a twice devastated little girl over there."

"She's better off without me."

"If you really thought that then you should have left her where she was. She had a life, a home and was getting involved with a human and you couldn't stand it because it wasn't wrapped around you."

"Watch it." 

"Or you're going to do what? Torture me? I don't think your soul would allow that."

Angel pushed his chair back to stand when Spike laid a hand on his arm and declared, "You know you have my loyalty, Angel."

This surprised the older vampire that Spike would allow himself to be vulnerable like that. It left him open for being used. He looked into his Childe's face and saw the truth in his eyes. He was loyal and for some reason Spike trusted him or at least trusted the Angel with a soul. Angelus never had that and never would no matter how much he tortured the younger vampire. And he sat back in amazement that he really wasn't alone after all. He covered Spike's hand with his own and squeezed before they quickly retreated to their sides of the table again.

"What do I do?" 

"Angel, she's ruined for anyone else. Face it. The first time she was getting over it but I don't think she would a second time. She doesn't really want me. Physically, yeah, but the only reason that she is going to be able to do anything about it is because I'm an extension of you. Buffy is a goody good, all about doing the right and proper thing, being in a three way relationship would be a dirty deed as far as she is concerned. The only way she can justify it is by covering it up in love."

In a lot of ways Spike was right. Angel knew it. Joyce and Giles would blame him for everything. No matter what they did at this point he would agree he had gone too far this time. Even if she would eventually get over him she may not have the time to find someone else and be loved the way she should be. Not with being a Slayer. He sighed and looked up to contemplate the other person in this relationship, the one that they would be sharing sexually.

"And you? Are you covering it up with love?" Angel asked softly. When Spike looked away he knew he was right. He was coming to care about her and she was coming to care for him. His mate and Childe would not only be involved sexually but emotionally. And he knew it was the right thing because he cared for them and they cared for him also. "It's all right. I want her to be with someone who will care for her and not just doing it for the sex. Just remember that I will never allow you to cut me out or I won't take the time to torture you."

Angel saw the relief in the blue eyes and he pushed back his chair and threw money on the table. Spike followed him as they headed back to the hotel and to Buffy and their future together.

TBC

  
  



	11. No Turning Back

**A/N:**  I would like to thank everyone for the reviews, feedback and emails. I appreciate all of it including the ones that aren't completely positive. Anything to help the brain keep functioning. However I would like to address the issues of the characterization I have written of these three personalities.  When I started this story it was to take three people with history and put them at crossroads in their lives and offer them an unconventional relationship to see how they deal with it and each other. It did take some messing with canon to bring this about but because of this it leads them to this crossroad with a different history then in the show at the time this story starts.

Spike is just chipped and Buffy wasn't there for him to turn to. He ended up turning to his Grand-sire for help and protection because he still hasn't found out that he can fight demons. Chapter 5.

Buffy has never met Angelus or ran away to Los Angeles. She has been under the protective, watchful eye of Angel ever since she came to Sunnydale. Even when she ran to Daytona she was under the protection of Shelia. Prologue and Chapters 1 & 2.

Angel is dealing with being in the Alpha male role in a family again with a soul impeding his natural instincts and having to share the one girl he has ever loved with his Childe. 

This has given them intensity to their emotions and reactions in these first few days of them being together. I feel that all of your concerns and questions will be answered as the three of them muddle their way through their decisions and their lives back in Sunnydale.

**Chapter 10 – No Turning Back **

The sound of weeping was heard as soon the hotel room door was open. Spike looked over Angel's shoulder to see Buffy in the middle of the bed with her face buried in her hands. His heart ached for the girl and although he would never admit it he regretted his involvement in her pain. As Angel hurried over to comfort her, Spike sat on top of the dresser and immediately lit up a cigarette.

"I'm sorry, Buffy, so sorry," Angel said as he pulled her against him. His hands moved across her back unbeknownst to him mimicking Spike's exact movements not thirty minutes before. Spike looked away because it appeared to him that Angel was erasing away the fact that he had ever been there.

"I love you. I just want to be with you." Buffy tearfully told her boyfriend as her small hands moved randomly over his chest. 

The blue eyes returned to the scene being played out before him and tried to push his conscious away from it. The couple kissed so tenderly and with so much love that Spike could only watch in fascination. He had spent a century with Drusilla and yet he couldn't remember them having the purity of such a love. There had been devotion and love and passion but it had been tied up in so much pain and her madness that it could never be what these two had. It made him jealous and hopeful that one day that he would be included.

"Would you like to stay here another night and we can talk this out?" Angel asked making Buffy's face light up in joy. "Go fix your face and we'll go get some dinner for you."

As Buffy kissed Angel again quickly and darted off toward the bathroom, Spike watched her as she moved past him without saying anything. A short while ago it had been him that had given her comfort and security and all it took was Angel to be there for him to be forgotten. For just one moment he almost regretted bringing them back together but if he hadn't then he would never know the touch of Buffy's hand and the pleasure of her body.  He wanted those now as much as he did Angel's. Slowly his heart was becoming entangled by this slip of a girl and he was afraid of the pain that she could wield if she only knew. 

From the corner of his eye he saw Angel stand up and he turned back to watch the older vampire approach him.

"Thank you."

At first he didn't respond but only took a deep drag on his cigarette before putting it out. After exhaling he reached out and pulled gently on the lapels of Angel's jacket. Nuzzling his face first with his nose Spike inhaled the scent of his Sire letting it ignite the flame of his desire. It was something that he would never understand, this attraction, this need, that only Angel could fulfill. It went beyond preferences and choices to something that only could be explained by the feeding and the blood. A link that could never be broken handed down from one sire to another. It was more than sex and love; it was even more than heart because it was who he was inside. 

But now it was even more and it confused him to no end. There was almost caring in the hands that cradled his face and reverence in the lips that devoured his own. Spike wanted sink down into the emotions the other vampire was invoking in him as he was pulled close to the comfort of Angel's body. It was Spike that deepened the kiss into a passionate embrace as his hands cupped his Sire's ass pulling him between his legs. Time and place was forgotten as their tongues wrapped around the others, playing, dancing, stroking and they could feel the other respond as their cocks strained to the other one so close to their own. 

"Oh," Buffy gasped as she came out of the bathroom. 

Spike pulled back and leaned against the wall while his hands tugged at his jeans to make himself more comfortable. He watched as Angel stepped back with, for a fleeting moment, an expression of guilt.

"Don't," Buffy whispered as she ducked her face shyly. "I've been hearing the two of you together since the first night. And now to see you together, it's…"

"Gross, eew," Spike supplied sarcastically. His hands reached for his cigarettes again refusing to look at her. It was inevitable that her opinion would be heard and his relationship with Angel would be thrown behind closed doors for good. There was no way Angel would stand up to his little darling and let her be sullied by the unnaturalness of their relationship. 

"No, Spike, it's not." Her voice was soft but assured. "I've been getting used to the idea since you two came to Daytona. And like I said I've been hearing you and walking in when you were done." She hesitated as if to find the right words. "It makes me feel jealous and I admit a little weirded out seeing you together but in a way it's also beautiful, too."

Relief flooded through his body at the honesty in her tone.  She was a constant source of surprise for Spike and when she did things like this it battered at the small defined slot that he had put her in. And it was in these times that his heart gave in a little more.

Spike glanced at Angel who appeared to be just as surprised as he was to Buffy's announcement. It was good to know that Angel didn't know her as well as he thought he did. 

"Hey, I'm trying. Besides its not fair." Buffy said as she moved closer to them. Spike reached out to take her hand, drawing her willingly down on to the dresser beside him.

"What's not fair, pet?"

"That you have to see me with Angel and Angel has to see me with you. Why shouldn't I have to see the two of you together?"

"It's more than 'having to see", watching two people together can be erotic." Spike leaned closer to her ear gently pulling gently on the lobe with his teeth. "Don't deny that you felt a twinge when you saw us. Look, at Angel," His hand was drawn along her thigh. "Every time that I touch you it turns him on."

Spike pulled away from her to lean back against the wall as he watched Buffy's and Angel's reactions. They were both staring at the other with lust simmering behind their eyes and awareness taking hold of how good it was going to be between the three of them. _Sometimes it's just too easy_, he thought. Then to further draw out the anticipation with them he hopped off the dresser.

"Let's go get some dinner. I'm feeling peckish."

~~~~~~~

The hostess showed them to a table for four but Buffy didn't feel comfortable sitting in the middle of the crowded floor, "I'm sorry, miss, but can we have that booth in the corner?" She pointed at a circular booth away from the other people.

"Sure come on, if I was as young as you are, I'd want them the two of them next to me and alone," the hostess joked as she led them over. As they were sliding in she asked, "Do you know what you would like to drink and I'll go ahead and put the order in for you."

"Coke," Buffy said.

"Draft beer," Angel said."

"Beer for me too and do you all have those onion things?" Spike asked as he held his hands up to demonstrate what he wanted.

"Sure do, so one coke, two beers and an onion thing, coming right up." With a smile the hostess walked away leaving them to look over the menus.

"What?" Spike asked because Buffy had made a face when he ordered the appetizer.

"You're going to have bad breath."

"Angel never complains about my breath."

"Fine, but you are so not kissing me until you have done some damage control."

Angel looked up at them as they played and allowed the corner of his mouth to curl slightly. His hands were busy shelling peanuts then piled the peanuts onto a napkin for one of them to eat while sweeping the shells onto the floor. They must have been waiting for him to step in because he suddenly realized they were both staring at him.

"What's up?" Angel asked as his eyes flickered from one to the other.

"I think Spike was waiting for you to defend him."

"Staying out of it. We've got other things to talk about."

"Let's go then. Let's talk and get it over with." Spike said.

Spike was getting that petulant tone again as if he didn't really want to deal with this and Angel knew why. He was waiting for the decisions to be made that would prove his theory that he was just going to be there for a convenience and not an active part of the relationship. No matter how many times Angel tried to reassure him, Spike's insecurities kept surfacing.

"All of us need to talk and to contribute to this, otherwise I'm not going to be comfortable with any decisions that are made," Buffy said as one hand went to cover Angel's and the other went to rest on Spike's thigh. "And that's how I want all the decisions concerning the three of us to be made. Together."

"And if the three of us can't reach a decision together?" Angel asked.

"Then I think we can defer to your judgment," Spike said hating the fact that he felt like he should put a 'sir' on the end of his sentence.

"Agreed," Buffy said.

"Sounds like the two of you were making decisions without me." From the time it took for Spike to find him earlier, Angel knew the two of them had talked. They had talked about him and his role in the family. He knew he couldn't act the dominant role that he once did. Actually he didn't even want to and knew that a lot of it was the soul. It was like Spike had said. The soul would never allow him to treat Spike the way that Angelus did. As for Buffy, he would destroy himself before he would ever try to break her the way that he had Drusilla. He didn't want her broken. He loved her strong, fighting and if he had to admit it, he also loved the feisty, defiant side of her too. 

"No, Angel, we weren't," Buffy said. "Spike explained the family relationship to me a little more and it's not that we," she stopped for a moment when she felt Spike tense, "it's not that I don't respect your role but to make my own decisions was one of the reasons I left home. If I move in with you and you're making all my choices I may as well keep living with my mother."

"And you Spike?"

Angel could see the walls around Spike springing up rapidly at his question. Unfortunately, before he could say anything the waitress came by bringing their drinks and Spike's appetizer. Their orders were given for dinner and by the time the waitress left, Angel didn't think he could get an honest answer out of Spike no matter what he did. His Childe had hidden his heart again behind his charming playful exterior as he teased Buffy about her breath when she started to help herself to the appetizer. He knew that he had helped to foster a lot of Spike's self-esteem problems and now a century later he wasn't sure how to undo it.

"Fine, we discuss things but I'll pull rank if I feel it's necessary. Deal?" 

When they both smiled at him and nodded he felt a mixture of pride and love at their relief. It seemed easy to please them and that was what he wanted to do. His Mate and Childe were so wrapped up in his heart that he knew he was a lucky man to have them. 

"What else while I am still in an indulgent mood?" Angel asked.

Spike continued to pull the petals off and eating them as Buffy seemed to be working up to something else.

"Come on, Buffy, say it."

She looked over at Spike and then back to Angel. "I haven't discussed this with Spike so I don't even know if he agrees with me." Spike's head shot up to look at her as if to ask what she was getting him into now. "I want him and me to handle our relationship. I know there are boundaries and stuff but on the day to day things, little things, I don't want you deciding things or interfering. Let us deal with it."

"I promised him that we weren't going to cut him out." Spike said softly.

"No, not cut him out but okay, you used the example like my mom to show the parental role that Angel has but then, not to be gross but, then we are like the kids. My friend back in LA had this huge family and their parents told them unless it involves violence and blood don't bother them. If he yells at me about where I squeeze the toothpaste, I don't want you to jump in. Let me yell back. If it's serious and we can't handle it then we go to you."

"Agreed," Angel said. "I have a few things. One, you are my mate and you will show me that respect especially outside the family. Two, Spike is my Childe and deserves respect for being a part of this family. Spike, I told you yesterday that you are to give Buffy the respect she deserves as my mate. And I will give you both my respect and protection. This family will come first before anything else and it is to be defended above all else. You are both important to me and I want you to take these bonds seriously."

"Understood," Buffy said.

"Fine by me." Spike said. He turned to smile at Buffy and in a sing-song voice said, "Buffy has to respect me."

Their dinners were brought by this time and silence fell as Buffy and Spike began to eat. Angel sighed as he thought of what they were really venturing into and knew that although they were talking now there was going to be a lot of rough times ahead as they actually began to live together. A lot of rough edges that would need to be smoothed out but he was confidant that there were going to be a lot of good times too.

"Anything else? Spike?"

"Nope, I'm perfectly content at the moment. Have some good food, gonna get to shag a virgin later," he said.

Angel was about to say something but fell silent as he remembered the deal he had made just a moment before. He watched as Buffy back-handed Spike across the shoulder. 

"Can you be any cruder or mean? And who said we were going to do anything tonight?" 

And Angel relaxed as he realizes that her gesture and words are more playful than angry. In that moment he saw the beautiful woman that Buffy was becoming; able to adapt to someone who was not always the easiest person to deal with and see the motivations behind his actions and treat him with consideration.

"Oh, sorry, Love, I thought that was why you were complaining about my breath. And you did say and I quote, 'then we fuck'."

"I was joking." Buffy defended herself as she turned back to her food but looked up slowly when she realized that Angel was staring at her. "Angel?"

"I'm not going to rush you and neither is Spike but I think we need to start moving this relationship forward since we have all decided that this is what we want."

For a moment the young and vulnerable girl reappeared as she leaned back and closed her eyes. Angel hated to put pressure on her but there was selfishness there, afraid that in tomorrow's light she would have changed her mind and once again he would be holding air. Once she allowed herself to take the next step he was sure that she would have no more doubts about him or Spike. He watched as a slight flush covered her cheeks and slowly she opened her eyes again.

"Tonight then. I didn't go through all that pain of getting that tattoo for nothing."

"I'll kiss it and make it better," Spike promised.

"Not if I beat you to it," Angel retorted. Even he was surprised by the comfortableness that allowed him to joke with Spike over Buffy. His possessiveness was slowly waning under the revelations of the last week. 

He noticed that the flush on Buffy's face grew deeper as she realized what she had just agreed to and that within a few hours she wouldn't be a virgin anymore.  The whole thought was scaring her but he watched silently as her hand was covered and squeezed reassuringly by Spike.

"Buffy, I promise you that I'm not going to rush you or try to get you to do something you're not comfortable with, okay?" Spike said and Angel silently thanked him for his consideration.

She nodded and leaned over to kiss Spike quickly on the lips. "Thank you. I appreciate it."

The rest of dinner they only discussed things that were less confrontational or daunting as they both tried to get Buffy to relax. On the walk back to the hotel her hands were held by both of them as they continued to joke with her. Suddenly Spike stopped.

"I'm going to go pick something up. I'll be right back, okay?" Spike said before he kissed Buffy softly and then after a quick look to make sure no one was around he kissed Angel, too. "Wait for me." He smiled and hurried off in the other direction.

"Wonder what the hell he is up to?" Angel asked as his arm was slipped around her shoulders and they continued to walk toward the hotel.

~~~~~~~~

The heat of the bath water was relaxing her as Buffy closed her eyes and forced herself to think of anything but what was going to happen in a few minutes or when she could work up the courage to go out there. As soon as she and Angel had walked through the door, she had muttered something about wanting to take a bath and here she still was. 

Spike had returned a few minutes ago and she heard their muted voices through the door. She would be giving her body to Spike. Her mind seized on the memory of only yesterday when she had walked out of a similar bathroom to find Spike stretched out on the bed with his hand wrapped around his cock. His hand had been slowly stroking it and the look on his face was one of intense pleasure. Buffy wondered if she would be able to put that same expression on his face.

There was a soft knock on the door and her eyes flew open while her heart started pounding.

"Buffy, it's me," Spike called. "Can I come in for a second? Need to do some damage control."

She sank down below the bubbles and called out in a shaky voice for him to come in. After closing the door behind him, Spike thankfully just headed for the sink to brush his teeth. It seemed to take him forever to complete the chore and Buffy suspected he was stalling.

"You okay," he asked without turning around, his head bowed and hands planted on the counter.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be out in a few minutes."

"All right then, Love. We're going to rent a movie to watch."

"Thanks."

It wasn't hard to figure out that he was really telling her that it was her choice and her pace that would set the events for the rest of the night. With a sigh, Buffy gave up on her hiding out and stood as she reached down to drain the tub. After quickly drying off Buffy slowly began to work scented lotion into her body as she listened to the two of them playfully argue over which movie to put on.

Her mind began to muse that most girls got to be lost in the passion in the back seat of some car or on their parents couch with a boy who was all hot and sweaty and wouldn't be able to even give her an orgasm but not her. She got to lose her virginity to a 130-year-old vampire with a century of sexual experience and the bonus was that his Grand-Sire and technically her boyfriend got to be there too.

She clutched her stomach as nausea threatened to bring her dinner back up. Eyeing the toilet she played with the idea of letting it go but didn't think the sound of her retching would be a turn on even to a vampire.

After quickly brushing her hair she gave herself one more quick once over before rummaging through her bag to find the new sleepwear she had gotten for this occasion. She had wanted something a little more grown up than the stuff she usually wore. It was a white silk cami and tap set with green lacing around the bodice and legs. Before she changed her mind she pulled them on and told herself that everything was going to be fine.

Buffy took one more quick breath and opened the bathroom door giving a small gasp as she found out where Spike had disappeared to. There were candles everywhere, on the dresser, on the nightstand and on the table giving the room a soft glow. Her gaze settled on the two vampires who were both in the bed with the covers pulled up to their waists. She could feel her heart speed up and her body responded to her eyes feasting on their bare chests. They were both so beautiful and she couldn't believe that they were hers.

She approached the bed and crawled up between them. She sat on the pillows and drew her feet up so she could slide under the covers and with natural curiosity she peeked to see what they were wearing. She settled down between them feeling them next to her.

_Oh my God, I am in bed with them. I am lying next to Angel only wearing boxers and Spike is naked. Spike is naked next to me!  Breathe Buffy. Just keep breathing._

Trying to be nonchalant she leaned back against the headboard but knew that her body was trembling. Angel shifted closer to her covering her hand in his larger one as Spike watched with those eyes that always saw too much. The television was muted leaving only the sound of Buffy's breathing in the room.

"Relax; it's all up to you. What you want when you want it." Angel said.

"I want to but I am so scared that I'm shaking," she told them unable to retain a tear as it fell down her cheek. 

The two men exchanged a quick look before Angel hooked a hand under her knees then drew her down to lie next to him. Buffy looked up at him from her prone position as he half lay on her. 

_Just let go. It's okay. This is Angel. The one you love. It's going to be just fine._

Her fingers wound in his hair as he leaned down to kiss her. This was familiar as his lips moved over hers, his tongue requesting entrance to her mouth. Gratefully she opened her mouth as she tried to pretend it was only going to be Angel with her tonight. His hand kneaded her hip before moving slowly upwards to cover her breast and she arched into it. 

The covers were pulled back as Angel pulled her upwards to lie on her side and instinctively she wiggled closer to his body. Just as her mind registered that Angel was hard and pressed against her thighs, she felt Spike's mouth on her upper back. He licked and nibbled between her shoulder blades and she shuddered from his touch. Regretfully she pulled her mouth away from Angel's so she could gulp in air and try to catalog the sensations that tickled her nerve endings. From the mouth that was nipping at her shoulder blades, to whoever's hand was kneading her bottom, to the mouth that was sucking on her neck, and to the hand on her breast. 

The cami was pushed upwards as Spike's mouth moved lower, leaving chilling licks along her spine. Angel finished pushing it upwards until it was bunched under her arms and his mouth descended to her breast sending darts of desire down her body and into the core of who she was. Spike was tugging her tap pants down and his tongue lapped at the first separation of her bottom and when her hips bucked in need he chuckled at her response.

_Am I doing something wrong? Why is he laughing? Is he going to lick my butt completely?  _

The questions kept racing through her mind as she began to feel out of control. She could hear herself panting and feel the sweat that was beginning to coat her flesh and she wished she had asked a lot more questions of Willow when she had lost her virginity. 

Angel's hand slid down her belly and into the waistband of her tap pants, hesitated for a moment, then dipped under them. Spike's hand moved up her thigh and under the hem of the pants.

"Open up," he whispered as his fingers joined Angel's in teasing her. Buffy gasped and moaned and her body responded instinctively and she lifted her leg to rest on Angel's hip to give them better access to her and she wiggled around needing more and wanting more.

_Am I making too much noise? Why aren't they saying anything? Oh, my God they are both touching me and I like it? Shouldn't this be wrong? Don't stop. Why are they stopping?_

Her eyes opened as Angel moved over her, raining kissed over her body, until he was devouring her mouth with his, as if he was ravenous and was only offered the leftovers of a feast.

"Go to him. It's time for just the two of you," Angel said as he pushed her gently onto her back and she felt almost alone until she realized that Spike was there to catch her. For the first time since they started his lips covered hers, teasing and coaxing her, as he prepared to make her respond only to him.

_He kisses as good as he fights, so unpredictable. I love kissing Spike. How the hell did he learn to use his tongue like that?_

Disappointment filled her when Spike moved back but then he gently pulled her to a sitting position.

"This must be uncomfortable as hell, all bunched up like that," he soothed her as he pulled her cami over her head. "Go ahead and lie back down, Baby." His hands moved to her tap pants and began to tug on them. "Lift up. That's my girl. Get you all nice and comfy for this." His words were reassuring her as if this was the most natural thing in the world. As if he cared for her and wanted her to remember this with only good feelings.

Buffy lay there and scrunched her eyes closed as they gazed at her completely nude for the first time.

_Does everybody breasts flop to the side like that? _Her hands moved self consciously over her belly. _Do they think I'm fat? Am I normal down there? _

She felt him lie down next to her then his hand cupped her cheek, "Look at me, Buffy." She opened her eyes and he looked so earnest gazing down at her. "You are so beautiful. I'm honored that an exquisite creature like you would let me this close to you." His lips were so reverent against her mouth. "Don't think. Just feel." He commanded before he started to burn a trail of fiery kisses down her body.

Spike stopped only for a moment to tease at her breasts before sweeping his tongue along the underside before he continued down her belly. His hands softly massaged at her waist, her hips or along her thighs. 

As she whimpered again, Angel was there to touch her. The way she had fantasized, he smoothed back her hair and whispered words of love to her.

"Open up for me, Love," Spike said as kissed along her lower belly.

"I…I don't know what to do." She whispered her insecurities to them. 

Suddenly he was there again, his body pressed to hers, making her mewl as his erection rested against her and unconsciously her legs opened again, wanting and needing something that she wasn't sure of.

"That's it.  You don't have to do anything. Not this time. All I want is for you to feel how good it can be. Ride it out." Spike said. 

_Trust him. Just let go. They both want you. Angel loves you and Spike, oh my God, Spike doesn't love me. I don't love him. What am I doing?_

His tongue swept along her intimately and her breath hitched. On the second sweep he used the tip of his tongue and she clutched the bed covers. The third time he flattened his tongue and she arched up pushing herself further against him and then nothing else mattered except his mouth and her pleasure.

As Spike, licked, sucked, nipped and lapped at her, Buffy found herself sweeping toward an orgasm unlike any she had felt before. She had learned over the years how to bring herself some relief but what her hand did was nothing like what this vampire was doing. 

_The hell with losing yourself in the passion with some boy who doesn't know what he's doing. Buffy's personal recommendation is to find a vamp with a hundred years of experience of doing this. Wait a minute, a century? Just how many people has he fucked?_

Angel's hand came to clutch hers as her body rushed faster toward fulfillment. 

"Yes, Spike, don't stop, yeah like that," Buffy babbled as she hit the peak and flung herself off. Her body shuddered around him and Spike slowed his movements until she had finished. 

Buffy watched in fascination as Spike leaned over to kiss Angel. She smiled and touched Angel's cheek wanting to be a part of this. When they broke apart she pulled Angel to her and kissed him. 

"I love you," she whispered.

Then she turned her attention back to the male who was lying on her and now it was time to give her gift to him. If it wasn't for Spike she would never be able to be with Angel and he deserved this token given with an open and free heart. He deserved more than what he had at the moment and she didn't delude herself as to some of his motives but she had seen the loneliness in his eyes and wanted to help ease it even if she didn't love him now.

Buffy pulled him down to her, nuzzling his lips, and then softly lapped at his lips, tasting herself and Angel on them.  She tugged his lower lip between her teeth and sucked on it while her hands ran over his back. Her eyes opened and she looked straight up into the confusion that danced in his as she ran her tongue along his teeth before moving to circle the tip of his tongue with hers.

In the moment she had decided that this was a gift she wanted to give him, the woman was brought forth and she felt her girlhood slip away for good. There was no turning back and when she heard the quiet intake of an unnecessary breath, she knew she only wanted to run forward. 

TBC


	12. New Beginnings

**Chapter 11 – New Beginnings**

It hurt.

They had said that it would only hurt for a moment but it hadn't really at first, the pain had started later. 

Spike had been sweet, holding her, telling her how precious she was, as he had swiftly entered her. They had said that it would hurt more but be over quicker. The pain had even started to ease off as he carefully thrust into her. It had started again when she opened her eyes and looked up into his. Those blue eyes tinged in yellow as the demon sang its triumph over her. The gleam of victory and she had handed it over so easily. For Angel. 

Angel lay on his side watching her, his eyes were filled with passion and need, telling her that everything was all right. Telling her how loved she was and that they would always be together. It had to be her. Her own doubts and fears that she had seen reflected in Spike's eyes. Angel loved her and would always love her and take care of her. He wouldn't turn her over to someone that would hurt her. 

She had tried to find the ardor again. To get lost in Spike's body that was moving over her and in her.

But it felt like her insides were being rubbed raw with every move that Spike was making. Buffy pulled him down to her burying her face in the crook of his neck, the one away from Angel, so that neither would see it on her face. She moved her hips a little hoping that it would help but it only made it worse. Spike thought she was asking for more and he moved deeper and faster.

A tear escaped from her flowing down his cheek.

He froze buried deep inside of her. Then he slowly eased himself up so that he could look down at her. Angel sensed something wrong and propped himself up on his elbow to check on her. Under their concerned gazes she put her hand over her eyes and sobbed.

Spike's hand was gentle as he uncovered her face, "Tell me what's wrong, Pet. Please, so I can make it better for you." His fingers gently wiped the tears from her face as he looked down at her but Buffy only scrunched her face up and closed her eyes trying to make everything go away. His gentleness was only making it worse. She felt his lips on hers, so soft, kissing her and Angel's fingers on her arm stroking her in an effort to make her feel better. Their gestures were only making her feel more self-conscious and she knew they would keep at it until she said something.

"It hurts," she whispered and bit her lower lip.

"I'm sorry, so sorry," Spike cooed. "We can make it better if you want or if you want to stop I told you that we could. Even now. Leave me in a hell of situation, but I'll deal."

"What do you want to do?" Angel asked.

_I want to go home. I want this to never have happened. I want it to be you inside of me, Angel. I want it to be like I fantasized. _

"What can we do to make it better?" Spike asked.

_Why couldn't it be like the movies or the books? All pretty and soft music and not messy and embarrassing. _

Buffy finally opened her eyes to look at them. A flush covered her cheeks as she looked up at Spike and then at Angel. 

"I want to finish," she whispered as she decided to trust Spike to make it better. With what he had done earlier if the pain would go away she knew that he could make her feel that way again.

"I'm going to get out of you for just a minute, okay? Unfasten your legs, Love."

_They must think I'm an idiot who doesn't know anything_, she thought as she put her legs on the bed.

Spike as gently as he could withdrew from inside of her as Angel headed for his bag. Buffy watched as he grabbed his shaving kit and headed back to the bed with it. She could tell he was upset about all this so it had to be her fault. 

"Its okay, Buffy," Spike said making her look back to him. "It's just one of those things that happens sometimes. I only want you to enjoy this so we're going to fix this all up."

She nodded slowly then turned to look back at Angel but found Spike turning her back to him.

"Don't look at him because when it all comes down to it. It's just you and me in this." Spike scooted down a little further so that they were face to face on the pillow. "What happened? I felt you get tense, thought it was nerves, guess it wasn't. Did you look up and you realized who you were with? The enemy." He nuzzled her jaw placing kisses along it between words. "Started thinking what the hell did I do? What's my Mum going to think of me?" 

Buffy instinctively turned toward him again as his words rang true and his mouth and his hand on her breast started to make her respond again.

"It's okay you know. We're both in this together for the same reason. For Angel. You love him and I need him. You and me, we don't love each other. Not now. Now it's just us together trying to make this work."

"Mmhmm," Buffy responded as her hand traced along his arm as his hand kneaded softly at her belly.

"But I'm starting to like you and I think you're starting to like me. We're starting to see other through his eyes. And I love the way your body feels next to mine. Do you like the feel of my body?"

His hands moved over her body trying to bring back her earlier passion.

"It's going to be good. So good, Baby." 

Then his fingers brought soothing cool to spread over her and into her. 

"What are you doing?"

"Making it easier for you." 

His fingers were gone again and she opened her eyes to see him spreading something over himself. When he was done he came back to her, kissing, licking, and spreading fire over her again until she relaxed and the heat seared through her again.

"Hold onto it. Don't think this time. Enjoy it." 

Spike rolled them until she was on top. 

"This way you control it." And then when he saw the doubt in her eyes, "Don't worry we'll show you."

Angel came to her, pulling her up until she was straddling Spike, his hands moving over her hips, directing her until they were joined again.

Angel whispered to her. "Find a rhythm that you like."

Buffy slid down only a little but it didn't hurt like before. At first she barely went down at all then as Angel touched her and Spike kept whispering words of encouragement and lust she swallowed more of him with each return. Finally she lost herself in the feelings, refusing to let anything but these two creatures be her world right now. 

_How do you do it, Spike? How do you make me feel so good? Make this feel so right when it should be so wrong._

Angel slipped away as she found her way and Spike angled her so that she could be more stimulated.  His fingers slid between them to help her along and she felt it coming again, the tidal wave of pleasure that Spike could bring her. Her insides began to ripple and squeeze him as she felt her climax take her over. Buffy stilled over him for a moment unsure of what to do and his hands moved to her hips as he thrust up into her. She moved to match him, thrust for thrust until he found his own release then pulled her down onto him.

Buffy closed her eyes and rested her face on his chest.

"Always be like this, Spike," she begged softly. It was a plea for this side of him to stay, gentle, caring, and not to become the enemy that had tried to kill her and her friends again. She couldn't bear it if she was ever faced with the other one and had to accept what she had really done.

"Going to try to, Love."

~~~~~~~

_Stupid ponce. You're getting as lovesick as Angel. Oh, yeah, Buffy, I'm going to be a good boy for you. Let you lead me around by the nose. Not that it would be my nose you'd be leading me by though._

Her small hands moved along his sides and Spike ran his hand down her back and then over her bottom before moving back up. He was soft inside of her and could feel himself beginning to slip out while Buffy was warm and languid on him. The sex once she had let go was great and already he couldn't wait for the next time.  

_Okay, fine, you are getting to me. But I am still who I am and you aren't going to change the fact that I'm evil. _

Spike sighed as she kissed him softly on his chest and slipped away to lie next to him. Everything was changing for him and he hadn't had a choice in any of it. It had all started when those bastards put the chip in his head which had led him back to Angel and now to Buffy. 

The Watcher had said that maybe he was meant for a higher purpose. That was bullshit as far as he was concerned. He didn't believe in destiny or regrets or making restitution. Life was meant for having fun and living. Angel wouldn't know that if he tripped over it and neither would his little girlfriend. But she was cute, a hell of a fighter and was going to end up being a great little fuck once she learned a few things. 

He couldn't wait to get back to Sunnydale and the others found out that he was screwing their precious little Buffy especially that Xander. The look on his face was going to be so sweet.

Buffy moved next to him turning his head to kiss him. She had that look on her face. The one that wanted to declare ownership and as her tongue slipped into her mouth, he knew he was fighting a losing battle trying to resist her. Until he found a way to get the hardware out of his head, Buffy was going to be able to reel him in so easily.

_Great, have caused terror to thousands, and all it takes is the feel of her tongue and I'm ready to purr like a damn kitten. Still doesn't change the plan. First her and now Angel and I am going to be sitting pretty, they are going to take such good care of me, cause they can't do it without me._

When she had slipped away from him again, Spike looked over to Angel and knew that the poor guy was about ready to lose his mind with need. 

_Oh, this is going to be good, it's going to be rough and when it's over he'll know he can't do this without me. Then I won't have to worry about being alone anymore._

~~~~~~~~

The two of them together had been beautiful. The looks of bliss on their faces when Buffy had ridden him to the edge had been reassuring that this had been the right thing. Angel had almost felt his heart shatter when Spike had covered her and taken her virginity. She should have had normal. She deserved the best that life had to offer. A husband, a home, a dozen kids if she wanted. She deserved to be able to laugh, love, and live long enough so she could die of old age in her bed. It wasn't going to happen. This fragile, beautiful woman was chosen to be a Slayer. And she was already lucky that she had reached eighteen and the fates would be on her side if she made it to twenty. Angel planned on making every moment that he could be a happy one for her.

Angel needed Spike now. He was almost in pain from needing a release but Buffy was here. Looking up he saw Spike looking at him over Buffy's head and saw his own need reflected there. His Childe had restrained himself so much for her but he needed to release some of his natural tendencies. But first they had to figure out what to do with Buffy. 

She turned her head to look at Angel.

"I want to stay. If you don't want me to, I'll go take a bath or something but I'd like to stay."

_Great.__ She knows what we want to do and she wants to watch. Spike and his big mouth, 'watching two people can be erotic', gave her ideas._

"You can stay," Angel smiled at her while ignoring the murderous looks coming from Spike. 

_Now I can't bite him or anything else that's going to scare her the first time out. _

Angel climbed over her while she shifted back to where he had been lying. He had been able to smell their joined passions before but as he leaned over his Childe the scent clinging to him made him want to devour him and he had to fight to keep from shifting to game face. Losing some of his reason, Angel covered Spike kissing him violently. Letting his need lose in his Childe's mouth and Spike returned it with all the fervor that they craved. 

They forgot that she was even there as their hands rushed over the other's body, their tongues and mouths fighting for dominance, their bodies rubbing against the other until Angel pulled back.

"Can't wait."

"It's okay," Spike whispered. He knew that Angel needed to take him now. To give release not only to his body but to the emotions he had been containing while watching the two of them together.

Angel's hand began to search the bed.

_Where the fuck is that lube? If I don't find it soon I'm going to take him dry._

It was placed in his hand by her. He glanced at her quickly but she seemed to be handling things all right. As he opened the tube her hand covered his.

"Let me."

_Don't want to give a tutorial. Just want to fuck him senseless. Don't want her touching me. Damn it._

Angel released the tube back to her but covered it to show her how much to squeeze out. He led her hand to him and he almost came when her hand first touched him then coated him. 

_Sweet Jesus.__ Buffy's hand is on me. It feels so good._

"Watch," Angel prepared Spike as his Childe writhed on the bed. Buffy's eyes just got bigger as she watched but she didn't run or shut her eyes.

They were ready and Angel moved to his knees so that he could hook Spike's legs over his shoulders, Angel slipped into him taking a moment to enjoy the feel of them accepting one other. His hands moved over Spike's thighs then used the leverage to begin to move deep and fast relieving the built up frustration in them both. Spike's hand moved to find his own pleasure but Buffy came to him. Laying her head on his shoulder she placed her hand over Spike's which he then switched so that her hand was on him, showing her how to stroke him, to match Angel's movements. 

The three of them moved together in a seemingly effortless match of stroke for stroke until Angel roared his need to finish and the two vampires came within moments of each other. They lay against each other, connected and touching while they let themselves return to everyday reality. Then Angel slipped from the bed to head to the bathroom, first cleaning himself up then returned quickly to the bed with wet hot washcloths. First he cleaned Buffy up, moving over her gently, careful not to hurt her, then picked her up and moved her to the clean bed. Next he returned for Spike, repeating the caring gesture, before Spike moved to lie next to Buffy followed by Angel who crawled between them.  He was pulling rank so that he could be surrounded by them while they slept. Neither of them seemed to mind as they cuddled close to him with their heads resting on his chest.

"Sometimes it's nice to be taken care of," Spike whispered to her.

"Nice," she whispered back.

Angel just smiled as he held them and felt them drift into sleep. Tomorrow they would be back in Sunnydale and their relationship would face their first hardships when the others found out what they had done.

TBC


	13. Repercussions

**Chapter 12 – Repercussions**

The late morning was sunny and bright and beautiful and for Buffy held all the dread of facing the Master again. Knowing that it was the only thing she could do she finally knocked on the door of her former home. She heard her mother coming through the dining room and then the door opened. There was no hesitation as she was drawn into her mother's arms and held close. Buffy savored the feeling of being loved and protected before they drew back.

"I am so glad that you're home," Joyce said as she tugged her daughter into the house. "Where are your bags, honey?"

"They're at Angel's." 

"That's okay. We'll go and get them this afternoon." Joyce laid a hand on Buffy's back ushering her into the living room. "I cleaned your room and put clean sheets on the bed for you."

Buffy allowed Joyce to draw her into the living room and she took a seat on the couch as her mother asked if she was hungry or thirsty.

"Mom, please, I'm fine. Sit."

The dread was there again as she watched her mother sit down with an expression of relief and happiness that her daughter was home again. And all Buffy was going to do was hurt and disappoint her again. Angel and Spike had offered to come with her later but she had refused. Buffy knew that if she wanted to be seen as an adult then she needed to act like one. And the first thing was not to hide behind Angel or Spike.

"Why are you looking like that, Buffy? What are you going to tell me?"

Buffy reached out and clasped her mother's hand in her own. "Mom, I told you that things have changed and it wasn't going to be like it was before."

"If you're going to tell me about the nose ring, I think I already know about that."

"That's not it."  Buffy hesitated then looked up and into her mom's eyes. "I'm going to be living with Angel."

"No, you are not," she said as the emotions raced across her face. Disbelief and denial seemed to be the strongest ones.

"Yes, I am. It's already done."

"What's already done? Buffy, I asked you not to make decisions before you came back."

"I made a commitment to be his mate which is like being his wife."

"You are eighteen years old and just graduated from high school. Don't you think you're a little young to be making the decision to be married?"  Joyce stood as she started to pace the room. "What am I saying? It's not even being married. What are you thinking? He can't give you a marriage or children. What about college?"

"Mom, I'm still going to go to college if I can. I want to go to college but I'm never going to have normal. I'm the Slayer."

Buffy wanted to hide as her mother stopped and turned to look at her.

"I gave you the chance to have normal. I wanted to send you across the country and give you a chance to start over and be whoever you wanted to be but you ran away. And now you're back and you want to be treated like an adult but you're still acting like an impulsive child."

"Thanks, Mom, nice to know I can count on you for support."

Buffy blinked away the tears as she nibbled on one of her nails before her mother sat beside her and pulled it away.

"See, you still need me to tell you not to bite your nails." Joyce ran a hand over Buffy's hair. "I love you, honey, but you have got to see that this isn't any good for you."

"Why? Why isn't it good for me? I've been with Angel for almost three years and we love each other and I want to be with him."

"And damn everyone else."

"No, that isn't it." Buffy turned away from her mother to lean back on the couch. "And this is exactly why I left home because you won't listen to me."

"It's all my fault?" Joyce's tone was softer hoping that she could get Buffy to listen to her. "Maybe I would listen if you would start making some mature decisions."

"I did, Mom, I made the mature decisions." Buffy stood to look down at her mother. "I decided to go to college even though I probably won't live to graduate. I decided to take my role as the Chosen one seriously and I decided that I wanted to be with the man I love and what did I get? Told by you to go east because of what you wanted, Giles tells me that he can't teach me anymore and my boyfriend dumps me. So, yeah, I left because those mature decisions got me absolutely nowhere."

Joyce looked away from her daughter for a moment before returning her gaze, "Did you ever think that maybe if you had stayed and fought for what you wanted then maybe I would have taken you seriously. But you ran away and now you're back dumping this in my lap and expect me to be happy about your new life."

"Mom, you have to understand that I will never have normal and I want to be happy and Angel makes me happy." Buffy sat back next to her mother, "And I am going to live with him."

"What about the curse on his soul? Giles told me about that. Do you really think that you can live with him and not sleep with him eventually?"

A blush crept over her face as she thought of her new relationship with Angel and with Spike and it wasn't only embarrassment of what her mother would think but the reality of what she had done that had crept over her as they returned home. The realization that what was natural for the three of them was considered bizarre by society's norm and wouldn't readily be accepted.

"Buffy, did you sleep with him already? Oh, my God, did he lose his soul?"

Buffy shook her head but she knew that her mother had to be told eventually and she knew that it might as well be now. "I'm not only living with Angel but with Spike also."  She said it so quietly and hoped that she wouldn't have to explain it any further.

Joyce had never looked so angry before not even when she burned the gym down or was expelled from school. 

"Mom, say something. Anything."

"You already had sex with him didn't you?" And as the tears slipped down her daughter's face Joyce knew that her own tears would be falling soon. "Do you want to know what I think? Here's a few words to give you a clue, foolish, naïve, and idiotic. Was it at least your first time?"

"God, yes, Mom, I'm not a tramp," Buffy declared.

"Could have fooled me at this point. Do you even like him? This is the Spike that only a few months ago kidnapped Willow and Xander and almost got Cordelia killed. What the hell were you thinking? Did you think that everyone would welcome this relationship with open arms?"

"I don't know. I thought maybe if you cared about me you would. He's changed." Buffy knew she was pleading now but she wanted the comfort of her mother and some reassurance that everything was going to be okay.

"No, he hasn't changed. He has a chip in his head that is preventing him from doing what he wants to do. You have really disappointed me, Buffy."

The tears were streaming down Joyce's face as Buffy sobbed alone on her side of the couch.

"Angel loves me. He does and he wouldn't let me be around someone who would hurt me. He wouldn't. Spike has been good to me since this started." 

The next thing that Buffy knew was that she wrapped in her mother's arms again being rocked like she had as a child. Her mother held her until she cried out her tears and was only sniffling. Joyce handed her a tissue and turned Buffy so she was facing her.

"I love you but you don't want to listen to me. I wanted us to be able to put this whole thing behind us. Get back to normal but you've made a choice as an adult. Now you will have to live with it and all the consequences that come from it. Don't look to me to bail you out or help you when it turns against you. Understand?"

Buffy nodded. "Can I still see you?"

"Yes, you can still see me and talk to me but not them. If you want the rest of your things, come tonight and get it otherwise tomorrow it gets packed up."

"And college?"

Joyce sighed and shook her head no. "I'm sorry but you are on your own."

It was over and her mother had cut her off and said she wouldn't be there if she needed help. Buffy hugged her and kissed her cheek softly but there was no turning back. And even if the decision she had made was scaring her with it's magnitude she also knew without a doubt that it was what was best for her. 

~~~~~~~~

Another door and more dread than before because the first door had only brought pain. Buffy took a deep breath and knocked on Giles' door.  It took only a moment for him to open the door with the phone clutched in his hand. His expression was unreadable and as he looked her over his features softened.

"Welcome home, Buffy."

Giles stepped aside so that she could enter his flat. He laid the phone on the desk as Buffy walked toward the couch.

"Would you like some tea?"

"That would be nice, Giles," Buffy smiled as she made herself comfortable and waited, listening to him moving about in the kitchen. 

It wasn't long before he was back laying the tea tray on the small table in front of the couch and he was sitting beside her.

"Your mother called me after you left her house," he said as he poured her a cup of tea and handed it to her.

"Well, that's good. Now you and I don't have to go over all the gory details," she replied. "Now you can just tell me how immature and stupid I am. How disappointed in me you are."

She watched as he fixed himself a cup and remained silent. Then with a sigh he laid it back down and turned toward her.

"Is that what you want, Buffy? For me to wag my finger at you and tell you that you acted rashly by running away and then not waiting until you got home to make this decision. You did, and I can. But I know you love Angel and he has proven on more than one occasion that he loves you. Spike is a whole other matter but maybe with the chip and Angel's influence maybe it will be all right. He's been helping this summer and I think that with encouragement especially from you and Angel he could even become a full-fledged white hat."

Buffy chuckled but stopped when Giles met her with a serious gaze.

"So," he said, "with that said, if you're looking for guilt, I'm not your man. All you will have from me is my support…and my respect."

"Why?" 

Her Watcher's words had taken her by surprise. The last thing that she had ever thought was that she would have any kind of support from him.

"You are a Slayer. I understand what your life is like and how hard it can be." Giles turned his attention back to his tea cup. "How short it can be. You deserve to find whatever happiness you can find."

"Thank you."

Buffy wanted to hug him so badly but she was afraid of being rejected so she let it go and slowly drank her tea.

"I thought about what you said on the phone. And if you still want to train then I will be more than happy to stay and help you."

"Yes, I do. And I don't want to wait long to start especially since I won't be going to college. I will have plenty of free time."

Giles smiled gently at her. "You'll be going to college. I told your mother that if she wants any kind of normal life for you then you need to be in college and around other young people.  She is going to have a check for you tonight so you can register tomorrow."

This time she didn't hesitate, she laid the tea cup on the table and pulled Giles into a hug.

"Thank you so much for everything and for always being there." 

"You're welcome, Buffy. I love you, too, you know."

Buffy pulled away from him, "Yeah, I do. So, I register in the morning and then we train tomorrow afternoon?"

"Two o'clock, will that be good for you?"

"Yeah, where are we going to do this since the library is no longer there?"

They both quickly looked around the living room then at each other and shook their heads with a smile.

"Excellent question," he said.

"I don't know how you feel about it but there are a lot of rooms at the mansion that aren't being used for anything. There's one that Angel said was a ballroom. It's big and empty, so how about there?"

"That's fine."

The topic of conversation then drifted to the training that Giles would be starting her with and what he had planned for the future. Buffy felt herself sliding back into who she was and it felt good. She could tell that Giles wasn't happy about her choice but was going to accept it for her and she was sure that eventually her mom would give in some when she saw how happy she was. It was just going to take some time.

~~~~~~~~

"You ready for this," Angel asked as he pulled the car in front of 1630 Revello Drive.

"Yep, as ready as I will ever be." Buffy replied as she lifted her head in a show of strength that she wasn't going to back down or appear to be ashamed of her decision.

"We are right here, Love." Spike said as he tugged gently at her hair and was rewarded with one of her smiles.

They climbed out of the car and grabbed boxes from the backseat before walking toward the door.  Apparently Joyce had been watching for them because the door opened as they came up the steps.

"Hello," Joyce said then gave a disapproving look at the two vampires before she stepped aside to allow them to enter. 

"Hi, Mom, I brought them along to help." 

"That's fine, I'll wait in the kitchen while you pack." 

Joyce turned and walked away as Buffy led them upstairs. As she stepped into her old room she felt a wave of homesickness but she quickly pushed it aside. This part of her life was over and it was time to turn the page.

"Everything goes. Mom is going to get rid of anything I leave so pack it all." Buffy said as she headed for her nightstand while Angel headed for her closet and Spike to her dresser. She was just throwing things in and not bothering to worry about damaging anything. As she filled one box she started on another at her desk.

"Slayer, do you own enough clothes?" Spike asked as he filled another box with the items stuffed in her dresser and observed all the clothes that Angel was pulling from the closet to stack on the bed.

"I'm a girl. Do you want to see me in only one outfit? Like someone else we all know." She teased.

"Actually I prefer…" Spike hesitated as he remembered where they were. "Clothes are good. Play dress up."

"I'm going to take a load down," Angel said as he finished filling one of the larger boxes with her clothes.

Buffy finished the desk and turned to clearing off the shelf in the closet, Spike came over to help her as she handed things to him to put in a box. All her things; things she had collected since she was a girl and still felt were valuable were just being shunted around instead of being treasured. She wondered if she would even unpack some of these things in her new life or if they would end up in one of the empty rooms at the mansion. Forgotten as she built new memories and collected new things.

~~~~~~~

Angel stepped back through the front door to find Joyce waiting for him. It was time and in a way it was going to be a relief to get this over with. Without a word he followed her into the kitchen and waited for her to start.

"How could you? If you love her like you say you do, why aren't you doing what's best for her?" 

"I do love her and I will continue to love her and take care of her," Angel replied wondering why Joyce couldn't accept his love for her daughter. For over two years he had been there for Buffy, supporting her, helping to keep her safe and had been a guest in her home.  The animosity had been since the beginning and had never completely waned. Except for the fact that he was a vampire, which she hadn't even known for the first year, he couldn't think of a reason why this woman could dislike him so much.

"You love her so much that you let her sleep with someone else. My God, Angel, she is eighteen years old."

The pain at watching Buffy in Spike's arms filled him again at her words. He turned to look the other way as he tried to convince himself this was the only way. He had to before he could ever try to convince Joyce.

"Buffy and I want to be together. The only way is for her to have her needs completely filled and I have given her that."

"Your needs you mean. You took a vulnerable girl isolated from her family and friends and seduced her with promises of love and then tell her the only way she can have that love is by screwing someone else. You don't love her. You're nothing but a self-serving bastard that is trying to justify a sick relationship."

Angel turned back to look at the fury and pain on her face. She was reinforcing the doubts that he already had about the choices they had made.

"I love her. Spike isn't going to hurt her and I'm not going to hurt her. She will never have the life you want her to have. I can at least make sure she is happy."

"That isn't what you said when we talked. You agreed that she needed another type of life. That's why you broke up with her. If you had left things alone and just brought her home then she would have given in and she could have normal."

"And I never would have been happy." 

Buffy and Spike stood in the doorway to the kitchen and Angel wondered exactly how much she had heard. From the look on her face he knew she had heard enough and he wished he had told her everything before now. Now it was too late and it was just one more thing to cause problems between them.

"Angel, we need to finish loading the things in the car. Would you help Spike while I talk to my mother?"

He nodded relieved that he had escaped her wrath for the moment and quickly fled upstairs with Spike. 

"You know he agreed to break up with you. That was the plan." Her mother looked at her and Buffy felt sorry for her. Her mother was grasping at anything she could to try to keep her daughter here and although Buffy hated doing this, she knew she had to do this in order to have the life she had chosen.

"You both kept secrets from me. That makes you no better or worse than he is." Buffy moved to stand in front of her mother, "I love you and I'm sorry that this is hurting you so much. But I want to see if this will work. I don't know if it will and if it doesn't than I know that I'll live. I thought I had lost everything a couple of months ago and although it hurt I know I can survive anything now."

Buffy hugged her mom before stepping away and heading toward the stairs again.

"Buffy," Joyce held out a check toward her as she came back into the kitchen. "Make something of your life."

They hugged again before Buffy went to finish moving her things out. She smiled as she climbed the stairs. Everything was falling into place and there was hope that things would only get better as time went on.

TBC


	14. If I Should Fall

**Chapter 13 – If I Should Fall**

The suitcase was dumped out on the bed while Buffy sorted through the contents looking for the boot to match the one on her right foot. It probably would have been easier to locate if she didn't want to rip off a certain vampire's head. When he stepped into the room she ignored him as she grabbed her duffel bag and dumped its contents on top of everything else.

Angel approached her cautiously before bending down to pick up the missing boot from under the edge of the bed and handed it to her. "Is this what you're looking for?" 

Without thanking him she snatched it from him and turned to sit on the bed so she could put it on.

"I'm sorry," Angel said as he sat next to her.

As soon as she pulled the zipper up she stood again. "For what? For lying to me or for me finding out?"

"I was trying to do what was best for you." 

"Which brings us back to where we started.  Are you ever going to level with me and let me decide? Or is my Mom right and you just manipulated everything to suit yourself?"

He stood and rested his hands on her shoulders. "If nothing else you know I love you, Buffy."

She sighed as she looked up at him. "I know you love me but that doesn't answer my question. Is there anything else that you haven't told me about?"

"Nope, that's pretty much everything."

"I'm going to hold you to that." Buffy stepped closer to him. "If I find out that you have lied to me or manipulated me I will be out of here. And we both know I can manage on my own so don't take it lightly."

"I understand."

Angel closed the small distance between them and pressed his lips to hers. She let a small sigh escape as their mouths fused together and she allowed herself to sink into him. All it took was this for everything to become focused again and for her to remember that this was where she belonged. His tongue flickered lightly at her lips, asking to come in and she opened to him. His hair was soft under her fingers as she strained up on her tiptoes to get closer to him. Finally he broke the kiss and she slid down his front, panting into the softness of his shirt.

"I love you, Angel."

"Well, well, hate to break up the touching scene but we have company." Spike smirked. "Your little followers are here being all brave venturing into the vampire's lair."

"Excuse me, this is my lair…home too, so be nice." Buffy said as she brushed past him to head toward the living room. It wasn't like she had totally forgiven Angel or forgotten what he had done but it was in the past and she only wanted to move forward so she was going to try to. What he had done was tied up in what had already been dealt with and forgiven. As far as she was concerned the night they had made their commitments, the slates had been wiped clean, Angel's and Spike's. From now on it was what they did not what had happened before that mattered.

She strode confidently into the living room but as soon as she saw them she faltered. Willow and Xander, her best friends since she had come here, and the ones she had walked out on. Tears welled up as she moved hesitantly toward them. 

"Hey," she finally said as she lifted a hand to greet them. It was silly she knew but she wasn't sure if she threw herself into their arms if they would catch her.

"Hi, Buffy," Willow said. "Your mom said that you were going to register tomorrow so I brought you some alternate class selections based on what we had talked about before you left. A lot of the classes you wanted could be filled." She handed Buffy the class catalog with some papers stuck into it.

"Thank you," Buffy said as she took it from her then walked over to place it by her purse on the side table. When she glanced up she realized that Xander was having a staring contest with Angel and Spike, his eyes flickering between them. "Hello Xander."

He broke contact with the vampires to look at her and she smiled at him hoping that it would help to soothe him.

"Hi, Buff." 

Her smile only got bigger as she looked at him and eventually he smiled back at her.  

"Would you two like to go patrolling with me? We can talk just the three of us."

"Sounds good," Willow agreed.

Xander only nodded as Buffy reached for her jacket and with a silent prayer and a deep breath to give her courage she walked over to her lovers. Deliberately so there was no misunderstandings or a chance for her friends to think she was ashamed, she kissed Spike first and then she went to Angel. "I'm going to go patrolling with them and I'll be back later." Buffy told him before she kissed him good-bye. As she started to walk toward her friends she realized that Spike was clutching her hand. 

"Be careful, Love." He said as he let their fingers slip apart. 

"I will," Buffy said as she flashed a smile at them before she left.

~~~~~~~

When the knock sounded on his door, he knew who it was because he had been waiting for them to arrive.  Giles pulled the door open to reveal the two vampires and he stepped back to allow them entrance. They had both been issued invitations to his flat early in the summer when Buffy had first run away.  Ever since Joyce had discovered the note Angel had been a frequent visitor later joined by Spike as the search for the missing Slayer had progressed.

The two came in and Spike immediately headed for what he considered his chair. Most of the conversations didn't overly include him and sitting here he could be part of what was going on or watch the television. 

Angel sat on the couch closest to Spike while Giles seated himself at the other end. Tension was heavy between the Watcher and the elder vampire as they contemplated each other.

"Buffy said that you were supportive of her decision." Angel said. "I was kind of surprised."

Giles sighed, "I am supportive and respectful of Buffy herself. Not of this relationship. I understand what would lead her to make this decision. And I also feel that until Joyce has had an opportunity to reevaluate some of her decisions then Buffy needs an adult outside of this relationship to be able to go to. But do not think that I approve of what you have done, Angel."

"What given her a chance at being loved while she is still…"

"Alive," Spike finished. 

"Is she loved? By both of you?" Giles asked with his gaze firmly directed at Spike.

"Come on, Watcher, the girl and I have been enemies for years. Do you think we'd love each other overnight? I like her and she likes me and that's enough for now. Angel and her have the lovey-doveys down pat and I take care of the other stuff."

"The thought of her and you together disgusts me. She deserves better."

"Maybe she does but she probably wouldn't ever have that chance. This way she is loved," Angel said and after a quick glance at Spike, "and cared about."

"Buffy is just fine. The girl is doing right good at voicing her opinions and decisions. Being away from the lot of you gave her some spunk. And she's wearing it well." Spike said.

"And she could have made this decision here if it was all so good. Why didn't you wait, Angel? Let her come home and settle in again before making this decision." 

"We talked, all three of us, and we didn't want to wait. We wanted to come back with things settled."

Giles stood as he went to pour a glass of Scotch to help soothe his nerves. If he had known what Angel was going to do he would never have agreed to let him go and bring Buffy home. They had worked together looking for her and the taking over of her duties while she was gone. It was strange but he had started to think of Angel as almost a friend in the last two months as they all had. What he had done was a betrayal to that fragile relationship they had been building with him. 

Before she had gone, Angel had been there working with them but there was always Buffy being a buffer between them. Not really giving them a chance to bond with him and they had taken the steps over the summer to rectify that and now it was like he was throwing it back in their faces by bringing home a Buffy that wasn't theirs anymore. A different girl than had left and it was his fault even if they had all contributed to her demise.

"What's done is done. There is no use arguing the same ground over and over." Giles finally said. 

"If it's worth anything, I'm sorry that it went down like this." Angel said giving as much of an apology as he was going to for taking what he felt was his anyways.

"I'm not. Sorry, that is." Spike said. "Everybody is getting all dramatic and blaming each other but everyone should have known that they'd find a way to get back together. They've been in love since they laid eyes on each other and they'll be in love until one of them is dead. And then the survivor is going to build a shrine to the other and wither away on it."

As much as he hated to admit it, Spike was right. It was inevitable that something would bring them together again. Giles just disliked that it was Spike that was the catalyst. The blond vampire had been on a self-pitying trip since he had been chipped and refused to see that this may be a chance to change his future for the better. All he did was talk about what he was going to do when he got the chip out as if it would ever be removed.

Choosing to ignore Spike, Giles turned to Angel, "I am going to be training with Buffy tomorrow and I think it would be a good idea to hold a meeting afterwards. Get everyone together and let things start getting back to normal. Let Buffy start taking control of the Slaying again and get her filled in on everything that has been going on."

Giles was relieved when Angel didn't argue. He had been afraid that since Buffy had agreed to be his mate that he would try to dominate all areas of her life including her role as the Slayer. After being in charge for the last two months it was surprising that the vampire was just going to step back into second position in the fighting especially since he had Spike to contend with.

"She is the Slayer, Giles, not me." Angel said. "Things are just going to have to settle into place somehow."

The Watcher nodded but wondered how long it would take for the position to start chafing at Angel and how Spike would continue to accept Angel as the dominate party in the family when Angel was playing second fiddle to someone else.

~~~~~~~

As if by agreement the three friends didn't say anything until they had reached the first cemetery and turned into its gates. Then once among the dead who couldn't hear or repeat the secrets the words came to them.

"So, you were in Daytona? Did you sleep in boxes?" Xander asked.

"Yep and nope," Buffy replied. "Why would I sleep in boxes?"

"You know, being homeless and everything." 

"Wasn't homeless. I stayed in a cheap hotel the first couple of nights then found a job and one of the girls there rented me a room. So, I was all nice and cozy and only two blocks from the ocean."

"That sounds cool, Buffy. Did you have fun while you were there?" Willow asked.

"Yeah, I did."

"Well, that's nice to know. That we were all worried about you and everything and you were just having a grand old time." Xander said.

"I'm sorry. I didn't do it to hurt you." Buffy said as she lowered her head to watch her feet as she walked and her hands were stuffed into her pockets.

"No, you did it for yourself. Didn't think about us at all, did you? Or your mom…"

"Stop it. Okay, I have been told what an incredible shit I was about it, over and over. I know I was wrong. I was selfish. And everybody seems to forget that I was fucking hurting and alone."

The two friends turned to face each other as the emotions took them over. Buffy fought the tears that were welling in her eyes as she reeled under Xander's attack.

"And did you trying to talk to any of us before you took the big bus out of town?"

"Yes, I did. I called you both but you know what you were too busy losing yourselves in your romances and the new joys of sex that neither of you had the time to be there for me. I left messages and when I did talk to you it was 'I'll call you back'."

"Is that why you decided to fuck the undead before you got back to town? You're mom was the one who told us about the living with the duo of death and destruction. Was it to even the score or to keep up because for once you weren't leading the pack? Because all it does is makes the rest of us wonder what the hell you are up to. Spike? That is beyond words in choices."

"Fuck you, Xander. Don't even talk to me about choices. The vengeance demon with a thousand year reign. Let's add up the body counts on both sides and see who wins. So, don't even talk to me about choices."

"You're right; I can't talk to you about this." Xander said as he turned to walk back the way they came.

Buffy started to follow him with Willow right behind her. "Xander, couldn't you even say you missed me before you tore me apart."

He stopped and turned to look at her and the tears that streamed down her face and the still lost look in her eyes.

"You tore us apart first."

"And how many times do I have to say I'm sorry that I got scared and hurt. But you know what in a lot of ways, I'm not sorry. I learned a lot and I had a good time and now I've got a new start. So, are we going to be friends or not?"

"I missed you, Buffy." He said because in the end it was true and he was glad that she was back. "But don't expect me to like this relationship or to never continue to try to talk you out of it."

She flew into his arms as he hugged her. Then Willow was there hugging her too and all three were crying. Then softly in her ear Willow whispered, "I still have my turn you know." Buffy nodded knowing that she had one more lecture before it was over.

~~~~~~~

Spike walked into the bedroom disdainfully eyeing Buffy's belongings strewn across the bed. Knowing that it wouldn't any good to complain since she wasn't there to clean it up, he started to pick up her clothing and toss it onto the floor.

"Those might be clean," Angel said.

"Well, then she shouldn't have left them here," Spike said as he grabbed the last of them. He straightened up and looked around the room before heading for the dresser to grab an urn. Returning he started to throw her makeup and various other things into it.

"Spike, that urn is..."

"Here and going to work very well until she takes over the bathroom."

Angel sighed, "Tomorrow we start on getting the room and bathroom ready for her."

"Not looking forward to sharing a bathroom with her, are you?" Spike put the urn back down and then started to strip the bed. "It's from before we left." He looked up at Angel, "You could help you know."

Responding to Spike, Angel walked over to the bed and pulled the sheets from his side. Then they were added to the pile of Buffy's clothes.

"Not really," Angel said then when Spike looked questioningly at him, "the bathroom. Three people are too many. Plus she has so much stuff and some of it I don't even want to know what it's used for."

Turning back to the bed Spike threw a clean sheet over the mattress as Angel caught it and fastened it. For the next couple of minutes they made the bed in silence and after the comforter was smoothed over the top, Spike started to pull his clothes off throwing them on the ever growing pile.

"We might want to consider some modern appliances like maybe a washer and dryer." Spike said as he lay on his stomach across the bed. He knew that Angel had been watching him disrobe and he was hoping that his Sire would join him. Propping himself on his elbow he slowly let his eyes wander over Angel's body.

The blonde smiled in satisfaction as Angel kicked his shoes off and began to pull his shirt off. It had been days since they had been alone and he wanted some time with just Angel. He watched the brunette as he padded around the bed and climbed onto the mattress behind him. As Angel straddled him and his hands smoothed over the pale flesh of his back Spike relaxed into the mattress. With his arms stretched out in a crucifixion pose the blonde gave up control to his Sire's mouth and hands.

"Ah, Childe, I have never met any man who is as beautiful as you," a kiss was laid on the nape of his neck. "But yet so male," kisses were trailed along his jaw. "Being with you is always a joy to me." A kiss to the side of his mouth before Angel rested on top of him for just a moment then came to lie next to him.

Spike reluctantly opened his eyes to stare into the passion filled ones of his lover. "What's the matter?" He wanted to move closer to him but Angel was resting his head on his arm.

"Nothing thought we could talk for a minute." 

A small smile caressed Spike's face. "What about?"

A hand was drawn through his tumbled locks then down his back before caressing the cheek of his ass as Angel watched the movement of his hand before colliding with his eyes again.

"Are you more secure now? Since you have had Buffy?"

The voice was too low and too seductive. It was almost Angelus in tone and Spike pulled away from him. 

"What do you mean?"

Angel laughed softly as he rolled over onto his back and held his arm toward him. "Come here. It's still me. I know that you have been worried about being kicked out or being left out. I was just asking since the plan was consummated if you felt better about things."

Reluctantly Spike came to him allowing himself to be pulled into Angel's arms. He always felt safer here in these arms that had both been a hell and a sanctuary for him. It didn't make sense but in the last month when he had been lost or lonely it was there that he wanted to go. Angel would take care of him and banish the demons he couldn't see.

"I'm fine, Ang. I guess as long as I have my uses I'll always be here." Spike turned to kiss his Sire's chest but found himself being pushed away.

Suddenly Angel was standing over him with anger on his face. "Get out, Spike."

"What? Why?"

"If you don't want to be in my bed then get out. I have told you over and over only if you want to. Do you think that you are the only one that gets hurt?"

It had never occurred to him or more likely he had never allowed what Angel might be feeling to really matter to him. The only time he had considered his Sire's feelings was to manipulate the situation to secure a better place for him. The thought that he, Spike, the lowly Grand-Childe, might have the power to really hurt Angel had never crossed his mind. That Angel might actually care for him other than a sex toy or as a way to get his true love back was a bit overwhelming to him.

His brows furrowed as he looked up at the brunette. "Angel?"

Angel moved so quickly that he didn't see him only found himself flat on his back with the older vampire pinning him to the bed as his mouth devoured his. There was so much hunger coming from his Sire that Spike wondered if he could truly satiate him this time. He gave as much as he could with his mouth and tongue as he maneuvered his legs out from under him so that he could wrap them around his torso.

The kiss was broken and as Angel pulled back Spike watched him switch to game face and he knew that Angel was going to mark him. A propriety thrill coursed through Spike as Angel moved to his throat and ground down against him. When the fangs didn't break his skin only scrapped along his flesh, Spike felt alone and wondered why he wasn't worthy.

"Do it, please," Spike begged as he tried to pull his wrists free.

"No, not until you understand."

Spike didn't want to understand, not right now, later when he didn't need release so much. He wiggled until he knew that he could do it and he flipped them so he was on top. Grinning down at his Sire he allowed himself to morph into his vamp face and proceeded to tease Angel with his own fangs. Scraping and scratching them along his neck, down his chest and stomach, where Angel shook his hands loose and lodged them in Spike's hair.

"Spike, listen to me," Angel begged as he pulled him up so they were face to face again.

Tired of trying to avoid the subject, Spike collapsed against the other vampire, allowing his body to mold against the other's flesh. His fingers caressed Angel's face, softly, slowly, dragging along the features until they rested against his lips.

"I know, Angel, I do, everything that I do to you and for you and how that makes you feel, so isn't that obligation, too? We both have a million emotions for the other and it all comes down this." His hand caressed the brunette's erection through his slacks. "Quit trying to talk about it and let's just play this as far as its going to go. All of it."

Spike watched as Angel contemplated his words and when it looked like he was going to speak again, cut him off by pressing his mouth to his and undoing his pants. That gave him what he wanted as Angel flipped them again and there wasn't room for anymore words. Because when it came down to it neither of them could really express the emotions that confused them except through this physical act. 

~~~~~~~~~

By unspoken agreement Xander had been walked home first so that Willow and Buffy could have some time to talk alone. And Buffy was still waiting for the lecture.

"Go ahead, get it over with, Willow," she prompted.

"What's that? Oh, you mean me telling you that you are immature, selfish, naïve, rude, a bitch and an idiot for trusting Spike?"

"Yeah, that's it. Thank you."

"No problem. What are friends for?" Willow hesitated for a moment. "I missed you, Buffy. It was rough with you gone."

"Will, I'm sorry for worrying you."

"No, not that. I needed you. I'm into a whole new area of witchcraft. Oz and I were moving into this new part of our relationship. There are things that I can talk to Xander about and sex is definitely not one of them even if he feels that he can tell me everything in Technicolor detail."

"I should have been here for you."

The two friends stopped a moment to contemplate each other then Willow said softly, "Yeah you should have been."

They reached toward each other and gave the other a hug to signify both the aloneness they had felt away from each other and that now they were there for each other again. When they broke apart, Willow grabbed Buffy's hand as they continued in the direction of her house.

"Okay, now details. Did you like it? The sex with Spike, I mean? Do you feel different?" Willow asked with that mischievous grin that was pure her.

The questions coupled with the grin and Buffy knew things were going to be all right between them.

"Yeah, I liked it." Buffy admitted shyly as they came to sit on the curb to finish their talk. Willow's house was now only a block away and they wanted to finish before she had to go in. "Yes, I feel different and God, Willow, have you ever looked at Spike. The vamp is gorgeous and I hadn't realized it until it was like offered but I have always been attracted to him."

"Oh, vampire is of the definitely sexy kind especially when he's holding a broken bottle to your face and threatening to have you."

The silence was back and Buffy scrambled to find a way to break it and finally settled on, "He's got a chance to change."

"I know, Buffy, but sometimes it's too much, you know."

"I know."

"Was he nice when you all did it or was he all big bad?"

"Sweet, definitely, sweet. He has this other side. He took care of me on the trip and was really nice to me."

"Spike sweet? Okay, am going to need some more convincing on that but I'll take your word for it." Willow hesitated for a moment. "Did it hurt when you know?"

"Yeah, a little. I was so wishing that you were there to talk to and that I had asked a zillion questions about your first time. It hurt and it was…embarrassing."

"I guess being naked with someone that you have always been enemies with could be embarrassing. Did his chip go off? I mean, it should have gone off if he hurt you?"

Buffy giggled as a memory washed over her. "Oh, Will, it was so funny. It's that old thing of I can laugh now but couldn't then. We talked it over and we were hoping that since it wasn't pain he was intending but making me feel good that it wouldn't go off. So, it's like time and he's…there, getting ready to and he's repeating over and over 'it's gonna feel so good', I've got my arms on the bed just in case he jumps off in pain and Angel is just looking from him to me wondering which one is going to be in pain. It was hilarious."

Willow didn't laugh or even smile at Buffy's story and she leaned down to see if she could read her expression in the light of the street lamp. 

"Angel was there? In bed with the two of you?"

"Yeah."

"All three of you naked and doing it?"

The expression as Willow turned toward her was one of horror and fascination and Buffy knew with a sick feeling that the bond had been stretched or broken again.

"Yes, we were. Spike and I had sex. Not Angel and I."

"It's true then about Spike and Angel being bu...lovers?"

"You'll have to ask them," Buffy responded coldly as she looked straight ahead of her with her hands shoved between her knees.

"I'm sorry, Buffy, but this is a surprise. You're Mom doesn't know about this either. When Xander and I were over there earlier she said that you and Spike were together now. We just thought that you and Angel were more like friends not that all of you were sleeping together."

"Well, we are. And I love Angel. I'm not just going to be his friend and like I said Spike's been good to me."

"Usually when someone is good to you, you bake them cookies or buy them a present not sleep with them."

It was late and Buffy was tired. She had been defending her new life since this morning and all she wanted was to go home to them. 

  
"Come on," Buffy said as she stood and headed toward Willow's house with her following.  When they were in front of the house she laid a hand on her friend's arm. "Do me a favor. The next full moon and you're standing in front of Oz's cage ask yourself how much you love him. Ask yourself if you really love that part of him, too and what would you do to hold onto him?"

~~~~~~~~~

As soon as Buffy walked into the house she could the growls, snarls and cries they were making. It almost sounded like Spike was in pain as he cried out Angel's name and she carefully made her way toward the elder vampire's bedroom. The door was wide open and from the living room she could see them and her eyes flew open as she registered what she was seeing.

Spike was sprawled facedown under Angel and he appeared to be attempting to crawl out from under him. Buffy almost went in to help him but she stopped as he begged Angel to 'do it'. There was a wild primitive quality to Angel as he thrust into Spike and in fascination she watched as Angel pulled Spike's head back by his hair and bit into the softness of his neck. Tears poured from Spike as he whispered a thank you and his hands kneaded the bed in pleasure. 

Realizing that this was an intensely private moment Buffy turned and fled to the only place where she could, to Spike's room and into Spike's bed. She quickly stripped down to her bra and panties before crawling under the covers. She sighed as she inhaled Spike's scent and tried to get herself to relax but it didn't work. Sleep evaded her as she tossed and turned and the events of the day kept replaying in her mind. Buffy eventually gave up and made her way back downstairs trying to be as quiet as possible she peered into the bedroom and was relieved when they appeared to be sleeping. 

She moved into the room and slid into the bed next to Spike, molding her body to his back and wrapping her arm around his waist. 

"Why didn't you stay?" he whispered.

"It looked kind of personal."

"Was but we wouldn't have told you to leave."

"I know."

Spike turned onto his back to look at her. His hand slowly caressed her arm as she readjusted to the new position. As she felt herself drifting off she felt his hand on her back undoing her bra and she pulled back enough to take it off. Knowing that her panties would be next she reached down and wiggled out of them before dropping them on the floor with her bra.

"More comfortable, Pet?"

"Yeah," Buffy agreed. But it was more than being comfortable as her body responded to the hard contours that she was wrapped around. This was the first time since the night they had made love that they were completely naked together.  "Do you still want me?"

"Why would you think that I wouldn't want you?" Spike replied as he pulled her on top of him. His hands moved to her face, caressing her cheeks softly as she rested on her forearms above him.

"Because you haven't tried to be with me since that night. Did you do it just to seal the deal?"

"You haven't tried to either." When she ducked her head shyly he continued. "It works both ways. Do you want me?"

"Yeah," she whispered as her finger drew designs around his nipple.

"Now?"

Buffy shook her head. "No, not really, it's been a long day and I'm tired."

"It's okay. It will work out. Things will fall into place but anytime that you want to let me know. Most likely I'm not going to turn you down."

She giggled as she laid her head down his chest relaxing into his body as his hands moved to caress her back and bottom. "Me neither," she finally whispered.

Spike laughed, "Is Buffy horny?"

"No, that is so, I don't know."

"If you want it you have to say it. Say that Buffy is horny."

"Buffy horny," she managed to spit out between giggles.

They both jumped as Angel moved beside them.

"Now that we have established that Buffy is horny can you shut up? Some of us in this bed are trying to sleep."

Buffy only giggled more as Spike dumped her between them and proceeded to tickle her. 

"Stop, please, I'm going to pee," she said as she fought off his hands. 

Spike leaned down to her ear and whispered, "Angel is ticklish."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Attack," she yelled as she turned to Angel with her hands out and Spike crawled over her to participate in the ambush on the brunette.

"Don't even think about it," Angel commanded as they both attacked him anyway. The three of them ended their night in a mad game of tickles and laughter and caresses before they gave up in a draw of exhaustion. Snuggled between her vampires, Buffy ended her day with a feeling of euphoria and completion. It didn't matter what anyone else thought. This was home now.

TBC


	15. Changes and Chances

**Chapter 14 – Changes and Chances**

Buffy was floating on a cloud. Soft and cool high up in the atmosphere. Nothing mattered there except the softness that surrounded her and the lips kissing her, lips that kissed her deep and leisurely as if they had all the time in the world. Their tongues softly played and stroked and sucked the other one. She wanted to crawl into the kiss and stay there forever so she turned toward it. The comfy feel of the cloud hit a wall and she felt like she was falling. But there was coolness there to catch her. Hands on her bottom and back to hold her steady while the cloud moved around her readjusting until she was floating again.

A soft moan slipped from her throat and she woke up.

But it wasn't a dream after all.

It was Spike. She was held against him, wrapped in the comforter, while he kissed her thoroughly. Regretfully he pulled back leaving only a breath between them.

"Now?" He whispered.

She nodded slowly wondering what time it was but didn't want to ask so as he moved her onto her back she looked at the clock on the nightstand. It was early enough. She didn't have to be at the college for almost three hours. It was then that she realized Angel wasn't in the bed with them. It was only her and Spike.

Spike who had pulled the comforter from between them and was now snuggling against her so they were flesh to flesh. His lips thoroughly nibbling on her neck and his hands that caressed her body. 

This wasn't to complete an agreement and this wasn't to please Angel or to include Angel. It was only Spike and her and this feeling between them. There were no excuses. There was only the truth of her wanting Spike. 

And as he suckled at her breast and his hand slipped between her legs she gave in. She wanted this with him and the pleasures he could bring her and as her mother said 'damn everyone'. So, she opened her legs a little further and he grunted in satisfaction as his fingers slipped further in.

This time she didn't want to just lie there. She wanted to give him the ecstasy that he brought her. Not knowing where to begin she moved her hands to his back and let one of them drift over his shoulders till she held his head to her breast. Slowly she moved her fingers over his flesh taking in the texture and smoothness of his back and the soft curls that was his morning hair. A fingernail slowly outlined his ear and he twitched in response making her smile.

"Kiss me," she whispered.

He was there giving into her request. Kissing her time after time while alternately sucking on her lips and for a moment she lost her mind to the feelings before she remembered her goal and pushed back on his shoulders. She used her body weight to roll them until he was the one on his back and then she got nervous. 

_You can do this, Buffy. Just do what he does to you and see what happens._

She tore her lips from his only to rain kisses along his jaw and as he turned his head to give her better access she nipped the tender flesh under his ear and made her way down to his neck. Her tongue ran slowly over where Angel had marked him the night before as his fingers dug into her hips.

"Does it hurt?"

"No, Love, only feels like liquid lightening."

"So, poetic," she murmured as she licked it again and slowly sucked on it while Spike moved restlessly below her. She continued her trail of suckling kisses across his chest until she found a nipple. As her fingers played with the few hairs she encountered she flicked her tongue across the nub before pulling on it lightly with her teeth. His fingers tangled in her hair pulling her closer to him and she suckled on it making him moan.

"Yeah, baby," he encouraged.

But it was time to explore some more and she moved on. Down across his stomach peppering light kisses before the hand in her hair pulled her slightly to his side.

"Right there on the hip. Love bites."

She bit gentle on his side right above his hip and he arched up toward her as she slipped her hand under him so she could knead his bottom. She loved the contrasting feelings of his body that was so soft yet angled in its hardness. He kept encouraging her but yet she could feel the restraint he was using for her. She had seen him primitive and had felt the untamed passion he could have but for now this was good. Carefully she stored away his responses and encouragements to use for the day when it wasn't soft and sweet. As Buffy thought about the day he had practically attacked her in the hotel room an ache screamed between her legs that only he could fill.

Covering him quickly she kissed him with all the need that her body was demanding and he didn't fail her as he met her halfway.

"Now," she whispered but she faltered as he started to turn her. "What are you doing?"

"Going to please you. Trust me."

So, she did and found herself propped on pillows, half lying, with her leg curled up as he molded himself to her back. He laid kisses along her shoulder as she felt him situate them and her fingers kneaded the pillow in her need. Slowly he rocked, dipping, seeking, and teasing so that he entered her so slowly that she was completely relaxed at his invasion. His hands moved along her legs, caressing her side, tickling her belly and massaged her breasts. There was no pain this time, no tension; only what he was doing to her.  

"You like this, Pet; do you like how this feels?" Spike whispered as his tongue drifted along the shell of her ear and she dropped her head back onto his shoulder. "You do like it. Do you want more?"

"More," she requested in a ragged breath. Buffy wasn't sure what she wanted. The aching need between her legs was only partially satisfied by his gentle motions. Her body instinctively rocked back using her bent leg for leverage, pushing and meeting him until he was completely sheathed inside of her. "Yes," she sighed as he filled and stretched her so deliciously. 

This time when he chuckled she didn't even wonder why because there was a smile curled on her lips that wanted to plunge into giddy giggles at the sensations her body was producing.  

"Hold on, Love." He commanded. "Yes, so ready this time."

The rhythm was hard and fast and Buffy found herself grunting every time he filled her. She moved against him, twisting until she was on her knees and he was curled over her. Nothing mattered and she pushed away the thought that somehow she shouldn't be doing this and that she was wrong to react like this. Her body moved of its own accord driving her to fulfill this fire as she rocked with him. 

"Spike, Spike, please," she begged in this insanity for him to help her find her way because she was quickly becoming lost.

He answered her as his hands moved over her until she found her release. Still he moved in her as his hand covered hers on the bed, squeezing her and reassuring her. Spike tensed as he found his own end then curled around her. He held her softly as she came down, stroking her back tenderly.

Buffy kissed his hand still holding hers. 

The atmosphere in the room changed and she looked up to find Angel standing in the doorway. Anger etched on his face as he coldly looked at them before turning to leave them alone again.

She felt her stomach heave as guilt hit her. Angel's face was joined by her mother and Giles and her friends in her mind all showing their disappointment and disapproval in her choices. Quickly she crawled out from under Spike as she ran toward the bathroom fighting the tears.

"God damn it," Spike muttered behind her and there was even more guilt for hurting him.

~~~~~~~

He followed the sounds of furniture being moved to the room that Angel had picked out for Buffy. It was a corner room that had two walls of window that would receive the morning sun. Angel didn't want her to always be lurking in the shadows in order to be with them. When she was alone here she could wake up bathed in sunlight. 

When Spike walked into the room, Angel was shoving the bed against the far wall.

"You know she is going to end up never being able to have sex again," he said even as he came to help Angel.

"Don't be dramatic."

"All day yesterday she got guilt trips laid…"

"You talk as if I don't know this."

They both stood to glare at the other but Spike refused to back down. 

"Then why did you do that? She cried when she was in the shower then ran out of here so fast that we'll be lucky if she comes back at all."

"She'll be back. It just…I walked in and she was crying out your name and it hurt." Angel finally spit out while staring at a picture on the wall. 

Spike looked at Angel knowing he was in pain and he stepped forward to wrap his arms around him.  His Sire froze for a moment unused to this simple act of comfort. There had been moments of affection between that hadn't led to sex but nothing like this. Spike just held him tighter until he slowly relaxed and returned the hug. A hand was run through blonde tresses and a kiss to his cheek to offer his gratitude before they stepped apart again.

"What's the game plan?" Spike asked. He knew the moment wouldn't ever be mentioned again and it was all right because in the end Angel hadn't pushed him away.

The brunette stepped away to gesture at the floor. "There's hardwood floor under this carpet. Thought we'd rip it up, polish the floor and get her some rugs to put down instead of carpeting."

"Sounds good. Going to leave this furniture in here or get something else."

"This furniture but we'll need to get new sheets and a comforter that is more Buffy though."

"But stuff we won't mind visiting on."

Angel grinned, "Yeah."

Spike returned the smile. It was definitely going to be interesting when they all had their own rooms. Then the games of musical beds could really start and he felt his cock stir in anticipation. 

~~~~~~~

The room was large, dusty and at the far end was french doors that led out into the garden and the one wall was covered in mirrors. There were two large chandeliers on each end and Buffy wrinkled her nose at the musty smell but with a sigh she stepped into the room carrying the broom. It had to be cleaned somewhat before Giles got here in an hour. She started at the far end and slowly swept the dust toward the center of the room.

By the time Angel walked into the room she was running the broom over the mirrors removing the cobwebs. It was his footsteps that signaled his arrival as he walked across the wood of the floor.

"Did you ever clean this room?"

"Never had a need to it's been closed since I moved in. Wasn't going to throw any parties."

She shrugged as she remembered what he had done this morning and the hurt returned and anger for him lying to her. He had said it was all right that she and Spike could be together when they wanted and then he made her feel guilty for it. 

"Buffy, I was wrong this morning for making it seem like you had done something wrong." Angel hesitated for a moment then sighed. "Because you didn't do anything you weren't supposed to. It was just a shock to walk in on you and him together like that. I'm not used to it."

"It still makes me a little jealous to see the two of you together. The first morning when I heard the two of you in the shower I felt like Spike was taking what was mine."

  
"I wish I could give you that." 

"So, do I."

He pulled her to him as she wrapped her arms around him and he placed a small kiss to the top of her head.  Tears filled her eyes as she held him because it should have been just the two of them but it wasn't and it never would be. It wouldn't do any good to dwell on what could never be and she pulled away from him.

"So, have you ever gone to parties in rooms like these?"

"Yes, I have. They were called balls though. Grand affairs with everyone dressed in their fanciest fashionable clothes. They were very uptight boring things mostly."

It was a whim but she didn't care if she looked foolish as she held her hand out to him.

"Dance with me?"

Thankfully he took her hand and tugged her toward him. He guided her to the correct position for a waltz and started to move through the steps. 

"I love you, Buffy."

"I love you, too."

With each turn they moved just a fraction closer until they were pressed together and their eyes closed as his head rested on hers and they both fantasized that this wasn't the only dance they could have.

TBC


	16. Back to Business

**Chapter 15 – Back to Business**

Giles stepped cautiously through the door of the mansion, "Hello, anyone home?" He spotted Spike sitting on the couch watching television and made his way toward him. "I didn't know that Angel even owned a television."

"It's mine. Angel isn't into watching it." When Giles looked awkwardly around, Spike gestured toward the other side of the couch. "You may as well have a sit. The two lovebirds are making up in the new training room. I'd wait until they were done so everybody is in a happy mood."

"Oh, is anything wrong?"

"Don't get your hopes up," Spike laughed at the hopeful note in the Watcher's tone. "It's just a little misunderstanding that's all. They're going to be fine."

After taking a seat next to Spike on the couch Giles nodded toward the television. "What are you watching?"

"Passions. Ever watched it?"

"No, don't believe I have."

"Best show on the telly. Look, that's Timmy but he's really a doll…"

They both settled in to watch the television program while waiting for Angel and Buffy to appear.  Spike caught Giles up on the characters and plot lines. During one of the commercial breaks Giles turned to Spike and studied the vampire for a moment. 

"What Rup old man? Is my hair out of place or you just enjoying the view?"

"Actually, Spike, I want to know something. I know that over the summer you have helped Angel with things but I've felt that it was because you felt like you had to."

"Yeah, I helped out. What's your point?"

The Watcher leaned forward on his elbows contemplating how to pose the question without causing problems. Not only for Buffy but for his own piece of mind he needed to know.

"Now that Buffy is back," he started. "Are you going to become a full fledged member of this team or just a hanger on?"

"Oh, I'm supposed to suddenly become a member of the Scooby Gang just because I'm sleeping with the heroes?"

The two men stared at each other for a moment before Giles continued. "Buffy is going to be going through a lot of resistance from everyone. She is going to need you on her side."

Spike sighed as he contemplated the Slayer and his very speech to Angel earlier about the guilt being laid on her since she had come back. If her friends were going to give her trouble about everything then she wouldn't be certain they would give her full support in the Slaying department either. If she wasn't confident of who was fighting with her then it could only lead to the girl getting hurt and when it came down to it he really didn't want to see that.

"Look, I don't want to work with you people. And I'm not going to change my plans for when I get this chip out but as long as I'm here living with her then I'll help her." Spike finally said. "If anyone is going to rip her throat out it's going to be me."

Giles quickly hid a smile, "That's enough for now. Thank you, Spike."

The pair returned to viewing the television show in companionable silence. Giles was satisfied with Spike's answer for now. He had promised a lot more than he had ever shown in effort and it was beginning to become apparent that Spike was slowly changing his ways even if he was fighting it every step of the way. 

The show was almost over when Buffy and Angel joined them and Giles had to fight the urge to ignore them so he could watch the ending. Thanks to Spike he now had a new guilty pleasure.

"Hey guys, what cha doin'?" Buffy asked.

"Watching the telly while waiting for you two to quit being all cute and sickening."

"Jealous?" she asked as she sat on the arm of the couch. Her hand casually rested on his upper back while Angel took a seat in the chair next to them.

"Please, don't think so." Spike answered while looking up at her. "You've been keeping your Watcher waiting so don't you have training to do? Something to do besides sitting around?"

"Hi Giles," Buffy said.

"Hello Buffy. Spike said the training room was ready?"

She laughed, "It's cleaner but I wouldn't say it was ready."

"We'll get it set up. I've got some equipment in the car for us to bring in and we'll make a list of what else we need."

"Let's go. You can pull the car around to the side so we can just unload directly into the room." 

Buffy jumped up and led Giles toward the door to bring the equipment in for her training. As they left the room, Spike glanced over at Angel.

 "Everything okay?" He asked.

"It will be. I apologized to her, told her I was wrong," Angel said and shrugged. "Do you want to help me work on her room some more."

"Fine with me. Burn off some aggression before those Scoobies show up for their meeting."

The two vampires made their way back upstairs while Buffy and Giles worked on the training room and for the moment everything was as it should be.

~~~~~~~~~~

There was an awkward silence as the four of them waited. There really wasn't a lot to say. Encourage her. Tell her it was going to be all right when it was becoming more apparent with each passing minute that it probably wasn't. Buffy's face went from apprehension to nervousness to dejection as the wait became longer. Tears were hovering and the three men weren't sure what to do to console her. So, they waited in silence.

"It's time to quit waiting." Buffy finally said. It was time to suck it up and start over. If her lifestyle was so reprehensible to her friends then she would make new ones. Maybe there were some lonely vampires out there that could understand the relationship that she was in. "Giles tell me what you know so far."

"There's not a lot really. It's actually kind of humiliating the lack of knowledge we have." Giles said.

"Starting the meeting without us? It's going to make us feel a little not wanted." Xander said as he walked into the mansion with Anya beside him. 

Behind them were Willow and Oz. The hellos were quickly said as the room filled with tension as the new arrivals took seats around the room.

Buffy look of relief from seeing her friends returned to its earlier apprehension. It was time to start moving on and get past this.  "I'm glad that you all showed up. I was getting worried."

"We've been involved for too long to walk away now. We know what's out there and it wouldn't be right just to…" Willow said.

"Walk away because I'm a perv." Buffy said.

"Oh, I don't think you are." Anya said. "They were all talking about how disgusting the relationship was. I think it's very practical. Lot's of orgasms for everyone." 

Spike laughed while everyone else looked uncomfortable and Buffy looked at the blonde vampire as he winked at her. A feeling that it was all going to work out came over her and she smiled. Not everyone thought her choices were wrong. Some were actually glad for it. 

"Anya, I don't that we are going to discuss that but in a way thank you for the support," the Slayer said before changing the subject. "Giles was just going to fill me in on what's been going on."

Everyone's attention turned to Giles as he explained to Buffy what they knew so far about the monster that had killed the little boy and the Initiative.  

"How do we know that this monster was created by this lab?" Buffy asked.

"They were doing all sorts of weird experiments on us. The demons were talking about it and a lot of them are even scared of what they are doing." Spike explained.

"Okay, this lab place is kidnapping demons putting chips in their heads to prevent them from doing harm and then doing experiments that make some of them worse than they are. It doesn't really make sense."

"Nothing these people are doing makes sense." Angel said. "When we've been patrolling we've seen these soldiers out acting like they are doing the same thing that we are." 

Buffy looked around the room taking in everyone's faces. There had to be something to go on other than what they already knew. "Willow have you checked to see if these soldiers are actually with the government or not?"

"Yeah, but so far no luck but I'll keep trying."

"Thanks. Look, I want Spike to take me to where he thinks this place might be and see if we can find out anything new."

"Buffy, we've already been out there a couple of times and nothing," Angel said.

"I haven't been and I want to see myself. So, will you take patrolling tonight while we do that?"

She could see by the look on Angel's face that he wasn't happy about her request and that she hadn't just accepted his word for it. Still, she needed to see for herself. 

"Fine," Angel said.

"And the rest of us?" Xander asked.

"For right now I think it's covered unless you all know something else."

"Told you that she wouldn't have anything for us to do." Anya said.

"She just got back. Things will pick up. They usually do around here." Oz said.

"Thank you, Oz." Buffy smiled at him. "It will. I'm sure as we find out more about these people. I do need you guys on the team."

"No problem, Buffy, that's why we are here." Willow said. "And I'll get back to work on hacking into the government database and see what I can find."

"Great, any questions or anything?" Buffy asked.

"I do," Anya said. "Willow said that the three of you sleep together but…."  
  


And Anya was silenced as everyone else groaned and Xander told her that it wasn't appropriate.

"Fine, now, I'll never know and Xander won't let me bring anyone else into our bed."

~~~~~~~

The woods were quiet as Buffy followed Spike. He had already shown her the spot on the college campus where he had been taken and she was trying to push aside the fact that he had been looking for coeds to eat when it had happened. At least he didn't lie to her about it. And if she had to admit it she was kind of relieved that he had been there looking for food and not picking anyone up. 

"Yeah, I came out of the place somewhere up here." 

Buffy glanced around as they moved. Anything to keep her mind off the way Spike looked in the outfit she had made him wear. It didn't make sense to go into the enemy's camp wearing the same outfit that you had been taken in so she had made him dress in a pair of faded blue jeans and a black sweater. He still looked like Spike but it made him look more human and more approachable which was quickly becoming a liability on this trip.

"Slayer," Spike called while snapping his fingers.

"Sorry," Buffy said while she pretended she had been checking other things out besides him. "Did you come out through a door or what?"

"There was a door that opened into a cave which led out here."

"But you don't remember which cave?"

"Wasn't making a map, just trying to get the bloody hell out of there."

She nodded slowly. "I wonder if there are any geological maps of the area that would show the caves and then we could start checking them out."

"Good idea."

When he smiled at her it made her stomach do a small flip flop and she smiled back. It was then that she heard the cracking of a twig as someone moved toward them. A quick glance at Spike told her that he had heard it too and she also saw the momentary look of panic in his eyes at the thought of being taken back into the lab. Buffy moved quickly toward him while her fingers undid the first couple of buttons on her blouse.

"Buffy, this isn't exactly…" 

And as her hands mussed up her hair he realized what she was up to and backed her up against a tree. As the person or persons came toward them he buried his face in her neck while Buffy ran her fingers through his hair and across his shoulders. 

"Spike, we're pretending." She whispered when he nibbled on her neck and his hand cupped her bottom to pull her against him. "Oh," she moaned as she realized that he was quickly becoming hard against her.

"Need you flushed and panty to make it look more realistic." He whispered and she only nodded her understanding against him.

As the footsteps came closer they realized that there was definitely more than one of them. Suddenly there were four men around them with guns pointing at them and the couple broke apart reluctantly. Buffy stayed standing in front of Spike keeping him in the shadows as much as possible but her heart sank as one of the men used a flashlight to check them over.

"What are you doing here?"

Buffy giggled and tossed her hair. "I'm sorry. My boyfriend and I were looking for a place to be alone. Did we do something wrong?"

A couple of the men laughed as they looked her over and she coquettishly preened for them.

"This is private property and you're trespassing." The leader said as he dropped the flashlight. "Don't I know you?" 

With the flashlight out of her eyes Buffy looked at the man a little closer and with horror she recognized him.

"Riley Finn?"

"Yeah, and you're that girl that signed up for Professor Walsh's psychology class, the one who needed a sign off for late registration." Riley appeared to be searching for her name.

"Buffy, Buffy Summers, oh boy, didn't think I'd ever see you, well out here anyway." Buffy said as she looked him over slowly.

"And it's actually kind of a surprise to see you here too. So, this guy is your boyfriend?"

"Yeah, this is William. Will, this Riley Finn, the TA for one of my classes." Buffy introduced them. "What are you doing out here? All dressed up in army gear and playing with guns?" She asked as she batted her eyes at the weapon.

"ROTC practice. These woods belong to the government now for us to use for these kinds of runs. It isn't safe to be out here." 

Buffy giggled again as her eyes darted over the four. She could feel Spike tensing behind her but she ignored him for now.

"We are just going to get out of here then. Don't want to interrupt anything that you all might be doing," she said as she tugged on Spike's hand and walked away praying that Riley or his goons wouldn't say anything else to them.

Neither of them spoke on the way back to the car because whoever was following them wasn't being very secretive about it. Buffy kept glancing at Spike because she could tell he was angry about something but wasn't sure what it was. When he had tried to pull away from her she had kept a tight grip on his hand and ran her thumb over his flesh trying to reassure him. It was silly to think that he might be upset because she had been flirting with those guys back there. It was just an act to get them out of there and to keep him safe. If their attention was on her then they wouldn't notice Spike.  He couldn't doubt her or her loyalty to him, could he? Not now. But the fury in his eyes told her otherwise and she just hoped that she have the chance to calm him down before he lost it. 

TBC


	17. Innocence Lost

**Chapter 16 – Innocence Lost**

No matter what she did he continued to ignore her. The hand in his and even the direct questions were both treated as if they didn't happen. How could she ever understand what he was feeling? To stand there helpless as he watched her flirt with those humans and knew that if she chose he would be done for. Dragged back into that hell where he was treated as if he didn't matter; as if he was just a thing or a monster. He wasn't either of those and didn't deserve to be experimented on and changed just because they thought he was. He had never done anything but follow his nature. It wasn't his fault that his nature involved the eating of humans or being evil. He was a bleedin' vampire not the boy next door.

"Spike, wait up," Buffy called out.

He slammed the door of the car and made his into the house. As he strode toward the bedroom he started to remove his clothes. All he wanted was a hot shower and some time alone. The sound of her footsteps followed him as he went but thankfully she wasn't whining for him to talk to her. To explain why he was upset with her. She didn't deserve an explanation. The little slut showing off her tits to them and batting her eyes at them like they were the greatest things on earth. 

"Stop," Buffy said and her hand grabbed his arm to pull him around.

"Leave me alone," Spike shouted and shook himself free.

"No."

She took a step forward to wrap her arms around him and her lips met his. She was soft against him and he tried to stay stiff in her arms but he couldn't. He wrapped her hair around his hand and pulled her head back so he could plunder her mouth even more. When she melted into him he started walking them toward the bed. She giggled as he laid her across the bed and covered her, pushing her legs apart so he could settle against her. 

"Don't be angry with me. I just wanted to get us out of there." Her hands cupped his face so she could tempt him into her web with those hazel eyes so innocent but yet so seductive. 

"Not angry with you," Spike said as he pinned her arms over head and nibbled on her neck. 

"Are you sure?"

"Nope, not a bit."

He rose up and undid her blouse. Once it was open he flicked the clasp on her bra freeing her to his gaze and hands. Her eyes showed her unease at his movements but Spike didn't take the time to reassure her or tease her. This wasn't about the fluffy little love making he had given her so far. He was angry and hurt and wanted to punish her. Punish her power and freedom. He wanted her to hurt for having love and being loved. All the things he was denied.

Coldly he undid her pants and pulled them down her legs. He hopped off the bed and yanked her boots off then her pants, dropping them all on the floor. His gaze swept over her naked form as he finished stripping himself.

"Spike, what's going on?"

He refused to answer as he moved to cover her again. His hand moved between her legs and stroked her. Just as he thought Buffy was wet and throbbing for him. Finally his eyes met hers and he saw her flinch under his icy gaze. She started to twist away from him but he pinned her arms above her head again with one hand while the other guided him into her heat.

"You can get away anytime you want, Buffy." He murmured. "But you don't want to, do you?"

Spike continued to stare down into her eyes as he slowly entered her. The desire was there in her eyes and he tried to tell himself that she was thinking about that freak in the woods.

~~~~~~~

It was cold. So cold. The way he was looking at her. The way he was touching her. Buffy knew he was angry and upset but he was making her feel so bad, like she was wrong for wanting him. He was right though she could get away anytime she wanted to and she yanked her hands free. A soft moan rippled through the air and she realized that it was coming from her. She wasn't wrong though. She knew that. Her body was already trained to respond to his touch and his mouth. It was as if this part of her belonged to him and instinctively she knew even if he didn't have the chip he wouldn't hurt her. Because he knew that her body was his. Even like this.

But it didn't mean she couldn't try to change things and she let her hands roam over his chest, across his shoulders and down his sides. Through her touch she tried to convey her caring and understanding but she couldn't get past his wall.

"You like this. Fucking demons. Maybe I was wrong. Those humans wouldn't be enough. You couldn't get Angel between your legs but you'll take a substitute as long as it's a vampire."

Tears threatened but she blinked them away. She refused to be humiliated by him. As she opened her eyes she watched as he transformed into his demon guise. Those yellow eyes stared down at her as he moved faster within her. This time there was no attempt to bring her along and she knew he didn't care about how she was feeling. It was all about him.

"Do you like this, Buffy? Do you like fucking the vampire that wanted to rape and eat your best friend?" Spike bent his head and scraped his fangs across her neck and even then she turned her head to give him better access. "Or is it the danger that you like? Do you get off on knowing that if this chip wasn't in my head that I would drink you dry?" He pulled almost all the way out of her then thrust so hard that she gasped from it.

"Spike, please," she begged. This time she didn't stop the tears and they rolled down her face as she kneaded her nails into his shoulders.

"Go ahead and cry all you want. It only makes it sweeter."

They both froze as they heard footsteps across the living room floor. Angel was home. All she had to do was cry out and he would make Spike stop this but as he came closer to the room she pulled Spike down on her. Buffy buried her face in his shoulder and wrapped her legs around him. She could feel the surprise in him but he didn't stop moving. He only reached beside them and haphazardly threw the comforter over them.

Neither looked at Angel as he stopped in the doorway and Buffy bit her lip to keep from crying out. For some reason she didn't understand she wanted to protect Spike from Angel's wrath. So, they listened as Angel walked into the bathroom and turned the shower on. Only a few moments later and Buffy felt Spike spasm in her. 

He pulled back from her and looked into her eyes.

  
"That was stupid, you know?" His fingers ran across her face. "Don't ever let your enemy have the upper hand. I'm going to go join him in the shower and put him in a really good mood. Later when you want to tell him it will be too late."

Buffy watched as he stood and walked to the bathroom. She lay there just as he left her feeling the shame and embarrassment wash over her. The sobs took her over and she rolled onto her side letting them run its course even as she heard Angel and Spike laughing in the shower. 

There was no way she could stay here. She had to be away before they got out. She stood and felt his seed run down her thigh. It was a reminder that she needed too much as she pulled her jeans on and without bothering to think of why she pulled on the sweater that Spike had worn. His scent strong around her was able to give her comfort even in this.

After grabbing some stakes she made her way toward the cemetery. She was on the hunt. Anger and humiliation driving her to punish something for events she hadn't been able to control and as she chased a vampire it hit her. She was doing the same thing that Spike had done to her. The reasons for his atrocious behavior became crystal clear to her and she stopped. Back there in the woods he had been totally helpless and humiliated in his emasculation.  Throwing her head back, she breathed deeply and found a way to forgive him.

Forgiving him was one thing. Understanding why was another thing. Letting him get away with it was something else. 

Slowly she turned to head toward home when she sensed them. They had come looking for her. Or at least Angel had and Spike had followed. It would make it look like his fault if he didn't come with Angel. 

She waited for them but as they came closer several vampires came out of nowhere. 

"Angel," she shouted as she turned to fight. 

Her chance came only a moment later. She had dusted one vamp and was fighting with another when the third took off with Angel in pursuit. Buffy quickly dispensed with the one she was currently battling. No quips, no playing, just the stake through its heart and she was free. Free to face Spike. 

They stared at one another for a moment before she punched him. Hard enough to knock him on his ass and as he fell she followed him down. His eyes widened in apprehension as she raised her stake and he yelped in fright as she brought it down toward his chest. Thankfully her quick reflexes stayed with her as she allowed the stake to penetrate just enough to break the skin.

"Move and I'll finish it. Understand?" Buffy asked as she wiggled it just slightly.

He nodded.

Tears filled her eyes again as she looked down at him, so beautiful but yet so deadly if not in deed than in word. If she hadn't once been where he was she would never have understood.

"As Angel's mate basically I have control over you, right?"

He nodded.

"If I wanted I could make you sleep alone every night, couldn't I?"

He laughed. She wiggled the stake and he nodded.

"I could have you sleep on the floor?"

His eyes started to fill with tears as he nodded slowly.

"And I could treat you basically like shit couldn't I?'

"Yes," he said with a show of defiant pride in his voice. "Go ahead if that's what you're getting to. I've survived worse than a little girl on an ego trip."

She ignored his rant and continued. "And yet I haven't. Actually I'm trying to be your friend and include you. Aren't I?"

He looked away then his eyes closed as he nodded.

"They why would you treat me like that? Why Spike? If you would just have talked to me I could have told you that I understand. That I have been where you are now but you chose to humiliate and hurt me. Do you know that you hurt me?"

"Yeah. That was the point, you stupid bint."

"And did it occur to you that you couldn't hurt me unless I care about your damn ass. And because I care I would have gone down fighting before I'd let them hurt you. Remember that and remember this.  Don't ever fuck with me like that again or you will see what a bitch I can be."

~~~~~~~~

The damn fledging had led him on a merry chase before he had caught it and destroyed it without pretense. Something was wrong with Buffy and he wanted to make sure she was all right. Angel hurried back to where he had left them. And as he rounded the corner of a mausoleum he froze. 

Buffy was staking Spike. And an overwhelming fear hit him as he thought that he would never hold the blonde again. That Spike would never laugh with him or listen to him when he got down about things. Intense anger at Buffy also filled him for taking Spike away from him. 

"Buffy," he yelled as he started to run toward them. If she was going to destroy Spike he would never reach them in time but he would try anyway.

With relief he watched Buffy stand up and hold her hand out for Spike to take. She pulled him up and as Angel got to them she walked past Angel without a word. 

The implications of his emotions finally hit him as his eyes moved over Spike to reassure himself that he was okay than he turned to watch Buffy walking away. When his feelings were locked away again he allowed himself to look at Spike again.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." 

"What the hell was that about?"

Spike hesitated before answering and Angel knew he wasn't going to get the truth.

"It's fine. Buffy and me had a disagreement. Settled now."

"She didn't hurt you?"

A laugh was his reply along with a shake of a blonde head.  Spike started to head in the direction that Buffy had gone and reluctantly Angel followed. Neither of them was going to talk to him about it and it had to have been bad for Buffy to threaten Spike like that. He was torn between being angry with Buffy for hurting Spike or being angry with Spike for giving her a reason. Or was it vice versa and it confused the hell out of him. Which one was he supposed to be angry with and which one was he supposed to protect. By the time he followed them into the house he was about ready to scream in frustration but he didn't. 

"I want to be alone. I'm going to go and sleep in Spike's room if that's okay." Buffy said.

"If that's what you want." Angel agreed. Whatever had happened was bad enough to drive her away from them. Slowly, he turned to Spike. His eyes flickered over his Childe as he contemplated the evening's events. They had been having sex when he came home and then Spike had come to him. Buffy had left when they were in the shower. So, whatever had happened between had occurred from the time they had finished sex to when Spike had come to him therefore Spike had to have instigated the situation. "What did you do to her?"

"Leave it alone, Angel. It's over."

Without thinking Angel grabbed Spike's shirt front and hauled him closer to him. "Don't tell me to leave it alone. I want to know what happened."

"He said leave it alone and so am I. We had a disagreement but we understand each other now." Buffy said from the stairs. "It's okay. I promise."

He let go of Spike's shirt as Buffy returned upstairs. With a last glance at Spike he disappeared into his bedroom. Neither of them was going to include him in this so let them be alone.

~~~~~~~~

Spike watched both of his lovers walk away from him. And both of them were angry at him. It hurt. Quickly he made his way toward Angel's study and found the bottle of whisky kept there. Not bothering with a glass he quickly swallowed a fourth of the bottle welcoming the burn because it matched the one already in his heart. He made his way toward the couch and fell down upon the leather finish then took another hefty drink of the liquor.  Soon, it would be all gone and so would his heartache. Well, at least for a while.

She had done it again. This was one of the reasons he hated her so much. The other two Slayers had been fucking easy to kill. The same game, different bitch. Exchange words, fight and kill them. No, Buffy had to be bloody different. She had a fricking social life, friends that backed her up and she had those stupid eyes. Eyes he wanted to drown in and a body he wanted to lose himself in. This one from the first moment he had seen her he had wanted her and now that he had been with her nothing was going to be the same.

After kicking his boots off he tried to make himself more comfortable. Figured since they were both angry that neither of them would want him and if they didn't want him then this was his bed tonight. Another long swallow and he tried to put the almost empty bottle on the table but it fell onto the floor where he patted it.

"Good night," he slurred. "You the best friend any guy needs."

_ I understand_.

Those words kept echoing in his head. Her face as he had taken her earlier was hiding behind his eyelids as he tried to sleep. And his fucking heart hurt. How could something cold and dead hurt? 

Spike gave up. He couldn't hide from her no matter what he did. Carefully he made his way towards the stairs then crawled up them. Everything was going to be gone now even his pride but maybe he could at least know why. Stumbling his way down the hall he would stop and remove a piece of clothing every few feet. Although it was only two pieces it took a great deal of effort and concentration in his state. When he made it to his room he opened the door and walked in. 

Buffy was burrowed under his covers and she was crying.

"Aahh, bullocks, Slayer, what the fuck you bawling about now?"

"Go away."

He swayed at the end of the bed and looked down at her swollen and pinched face in the moonlight.

"Stop that. You're too pretty to get yourself all messed up like that. I like you pretty."

She sat up so quickly it made him dizzy and he had to clutch the footboard to keep from falling on his ass. His other hand clutched at his head to try to keep the room from revolving around him.

"Don't move like that. I can't keep up."

"You're drunk?"

"Well, yeah."

"Get out, Spike, before I start screaming for Angel."

"What's the pouf going to do? Stake me? Again?" Spike started to giggle which quickly turned to sobs and he crawled onto the bed collapsing with his head on Buffy's legs. "I'm sorry." His fingers plucked at the bed covers. "Do you forgive me?"

Buffy sighed and when she touched him he recoiled afraid of what she might do to him.

"Come here, you big wussy boy."

Spike looked up at her. "Not a wussy boy. Mean bad vampire that wants to eat you." Then he laughed again as he tried to wiggle his eyebrows. "In more ways than one." 

She rolled her eyes at him. "Yeah, I know. Now get your drunken ass up here."

"Going to stake me?"

"No."

"Can I stake you?"

"Not in your condition."

Spike finished crawling up the bed until he was beside her and managed to lift his legs so she could cover him up.

"I should make you sleep on the floor for this." She told him as she made sure he was comfortable.

"You care about Spike. You said so."

"Yeah, and your point?"

"Not make me sleep on the floor like a dog."

He turned so he could cuddle against her with his head on her shoulder. 

"No, I wouldn't do that unless you really piss me off again."

They were both quiet for a moment as they slowly settled into each other and their bodies prepared for sleep.

"Tell me," his voice was almost sober sounding again.

"About what?"

"Why you understand?"

Buffy ran her hand down his arm before twining her fingers with his. She sighed softly, "It started a few days before my eighteenth birthday…"

TBC


	18. Cherry Surprises

**Chapter 17 – Cherry Surprises**

"Slayer, wake up kitty kitty." Spike said as his fingers dragged along her arm but she kept her eyes tightly closed. "Oh, little Buffy, wake up," he whispered in her ear before his tongue ran along the delicate pink shell.

She couldn't help but giggle. "Spike stop it. I wanna sleep."

"No, can't sleep. You have to start classes this morning." He said then got out of her way as she sat straight up. 

"What time is it?" Buffy wiped the sleep from her eyes and turned toward the clock. When she saw that she still had plenty of time she swatted Spike on the arm. "Why are you waking me up so early for? The alarm isn't even going to go off for another hour."

He had that little smart ass smile that always pissed her off. It was his evil Cheshire grin and it meant he had a secret. After being home for almost two weeks she was slowly becoming comfortable with both of them and them with her. Their lives were falling into routines and roles and a sense of belonging. The resentments and jealousies seemed to be slowly abating and they were all freer in their affections for the other two.

"Well, if you don't want your surprise then sleep until the alarm goes off," Spike purred as his hand caressed his stomach.

"You woke me up for sex? My God, Spike, you've had sex four times in the last eight hours. Do you ever have enough?"

He laughed as he yanked gently on a lock of her hair.

"I can't help it that you and Angel kept passing me back and forth last night like I was a damn sex bot."

"Nymphomaniac is more like it. Now, I'm going to get some more sleep." Buffy said as she pulled the comforter over her head and curled into a ball. She groaned when Spike rolled over and covered her.

"Sex wasn't the surprise. The surprise is still waiting for you." 

"A real surprise? Why didn't you say so? What is it? Where is it?"

Spike lay back again as she grilled him. 

"Humph, woman, only been having sex for a few weeks and thinks she's an expert. No surprise in sex, I could still show you…"

"Spike," Buffy wailed.

"Fine, the deal is, get ready for school. It's waiting downstairs for you but you have to be ready to go."

She rewarded him with a kiss before she dashed toward the shower. 

~~~~~~~~~

Buffy dropped her bag and books on the chair before heading toward the kitchen. Spike had thoroughly kissed her good-bye, wished her luck on her first day and told her the surprise was in the kitchen. Angel hadn't been around this morning but that wasn't an unusual occurrence so it hadn't bothered her. In anticipation she tiptoed into the kitchen while the tempting smell of bacon frying tickled her nose and made her stomach growl. In the doorway she froze as she watched Angel stand at the stove cooking.

The table was set with china that she and Spike had found in the attic and there was a crystal wine glass filled with orange juice and in the center of the table was a vase with roses and her eyes filled with tears.

"Angel, thank you," she said as she ran to give him a hug. A few days ago she had mentioned that she would miss having breakfast with her mother every morning and apparently he had remembered.

"You're welcome," he answered as he turned her face up to kiss her quickly before turning back to his chore. "Sit, it's almost ready."

Soon she was eating a full breakfast while Angel kept her company. Even the morning paper was there for her. 

"I can't believe you did this," Buffy said. 

"I wanted you to have a good first day and I know it can be lonely getting up by yourself so I decided to do something about it."

"It is the best way to start the day. Thank you." She grabbed one more bite of her eggs and went to sit on Angel's lap. "Or maybe this way is." Her lips met his that were already on their way toward hers. She always felt safe and loved when she was in his arms. Like there was nothing she couldn't do and he didn't fail her this time either. His tongue sweetly played with hers as he held her close to him. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too." He kissed her quickly one more time and then smiled.

"What?'

"If you happen to mention your best ways to start the morning list to Spike you had better include him in there somewhere."

Buffy laughed, "Yeah, sex with him in the morning is already on there somewhere. But I'll make sure he knows. We wouldn't want his feelings to be hurt."

"Hey, Buffy," Xander's voice called out from the living room.

"In here, Xander." Buffy answered then kissed Angel one more time before standing. "I'll see you this afternoon."

With one last lingering look around and a smile for Angel, Buffy hurried out to meet Xander who had offered to give her and Willow a ride to the first day of class. And it wouldn't do to break the tender bonds of their truce by being late.

~~~~~~~~~

It was uncomfortable. He kept staring at her and it made it hard for her to concentrate on what Professor Walsh was lecturing on. Everyone once in awhile her eyes would meet his but she couldn't read what was going on in his head. Finally they were dismissed and she grabbed her bag and followed Willow out of the lecture hall but he was waiting.

"Hi, Buffy," Riley greeted her.

"Hi, Riley. How are you?"

Willow just looked from one to the other. "I'm going to meet Oz. Catch up with us?"

"Yeah, I'll be right there." Buffy said before she turned to look back at Riley.

"What did you think of your first class with Professor Walsh?"

"It seems really interesting. It's going to be tough but I think I can handle it. I'm smarter than I look."

"Or act." Riley said as he studied her. "What was with the act the other night? It's obviously not how you really are."

Buffy laughed, "Come on, I was caught in the woods making out with my boyfriend. I was embarrassed and just wanted out of there."

"He really is your boyfriend? Seems a little old for you."

His insistent questioning was beginning to make her Slayer senses take control and she straightened up. "Yes, he is really my boyfriend. Anything else is none of your business."

Buffy turned on her heel and went to find Willow. One of the guys must have recognized Spike from the way Riley was acting. As far as she was concerned the creep had better stay out of their way because she hadn't lied to Spike when she said she would go down fighting for him.

 As she approached Willow and Oz she heard them discussing going to the Bronze that night. They hadn't really hung out together since she had been back and she smiled at the thought of them all having fun again.

"So, we are bronzing it tonight?" Buffy said as she got close enough.

A chill ran through Buffy as her two friends exchanged a look that clearly indicated that they were going but that she wasn't going to be invited.

"Well, sure, Buffy, it would be great if you could join us." Willow said.

"Forget it. Obviously I wasn't going to be invited being the social scourge that I am." Tears filled her eyes as she turned and walked away. As long as they didn't have to deal with Angel and Spike being around then they would put up with her. Maybe if it was just her and Angel they would deal but throw Spike into it and everything changed. Couldn't they see that this was the only way she could be happy? 

"Buffy, wait," Willow called.

She kept going to her next class. Willow had the same class but she would try to find a seat where the red head couldn't sit next to her but since she was early the class room was empty.

"Buffy, listen to me, please."

"What?"

Willow sighed at her rudeness but she was tired of this. It was time to move forward.

"Look, we didn't know if you would…oh, you're right, we weren't going to invite you. It just seemed like an uncomfortable time to be had by everyone."

"Its okay, Will, I understand."

"Buffy, come and bring the guys. We aren't ever going to get comfortable around each other unless we spend time together."

"Thanks, I'll see what they want to do and if we can we'll be there."

Buffy settled back as the professor took his place at the head of the class. It was time to stand by her decision and if they wouldn't go then she would stay home with them.

~~~~~~~~~

Every sound made Spike turn toward the door in anticipation of her walking through it. He couldn't help it. The room was finally finished and they were going to surprise her as soon as she got home. 

It was funny he had never really had friends, as a human or a vampire. The closest creature to him had been Drusilla and even she didn't qualify as a friend. But, surprisingly, Buffy was slowly becoming one to him. Since the night she had threatened to stake him, he had been opening up a little more every day with her. 

They had explored the mansion together, finding furniture or things of interest and cleaned them for it to be used. So, the place was actually beginning to have a homey atmosphere to it. They had started playing cards at night or watching television together and sometimes they just talked. When she relaxed Buffy could be a lot of fun to be around with an innate goofiness to her that he enjoyed.  

"Spike, settle down. She'll be here soon." Angel said as he took a seat in his chair.

"I know. I just can't wait to see the look on her face."

"I can't either. And I can't believe we've kept it from her this long."

The sound of a car door being shut set both on alert and they stood waiting for her to enter. Angel settled into his usual brooding look while Spike tried to look fierce but there was too much of a twinkle in his eyes. As soon as she walked into the room, Spike knew his demeanor had let her know that something was going on.

"How were your classes?" Angel asked.

"They were fine." She glanced between the two noting the nervousness that pervaded both of them. "What is up with you two?"

"Another surprise for you." Spike said as he approached her with a scarf in his hand.

"What's that for?"

"Just going to blindfold you and lead you to your surprise." Angel said as he took her hands while Spike tied the scarf around her eyes. "Come on."

Angel led her upstairs with Spike following behind. He took her into the middle of the room before he nodded for Spike to take the scarf off. 

Spike darted around so that he could watch her face as she took in the room. Her face lit up when she saw the bed. It was a four poster with iron work as an added headboard with leaves woven in. After consideration the two vampires had chosen a totally feminine hand embroided Battenburg Lace Coverlet for it and had decided that as long as Buffy was in the bed they could care less what covered it. By the windows was a white chaise lounge with fluffy pillows just waiting for her to sink into it for reading or just to dream. 

"Do you like it?" Angel asked when Buffy just stood there for a minute without saying anything.

Finally she squealed and turned around to envelope them both in a hug, "I love you, guys. You know that right? I love you, thank you so much." Then she was off to first climb onto the bed, wiggling around on it to check to comfort factor and inhaled the new clean smell of the sheets. As she took off for to test the chaise lounge she didn't even realize what she had said to them and the impact that it had left.

Angel and Spike were staring at each other as Angel acknowledged that his Childe had stolen part of Buffy's heart and Spike stood in disbelief and fear. There was no way that Buffy had been serious. She couldn't love someone like him, a soulless vampire, could she? And there was fear because of the Angel was looking at him. If she did love him then it added a new level of competition between them. As long as he just cared about her, was just friends with her, and Angel had all of her heart then everything was balanced. 

"She didn't mean it, Ang, not like that." Spike whispered.

Angel gave him one last look before nodding and they turned their attention back to where Buffy was cavorting on the lounge lost in a play act of being a grande dame. They both laughed at her antics and the tension was broken for the moment.

"There's more, Buffy," Angel said.

"More? How can there be more?"

"The bathroom." Spike said as he pointed to a door on the left side of the room.

With a huge smile the Slayer headed toward the door with the two of them right behind her but she stopped cold in the entrance.

"Holy crap," she muttered as she took in the bathroom that was half the size of her bedroom. 

Buffy slowly wandered in to the huge bathroom and ran her hand over the wicker vanity that was in one corner that the vampires had put all her makeup and stuff on then she moved to the pedestal sink. She made her way to the toilet, flushed it and then finally stopped at the large corner tub.

"The people who lived here before must have had the bathroom redone before they left because that's the most modern thing in the house." Angel informed her as she sniffed the bath products they had gotten her. There was a large assortment because they weren't sure what she would want.

Suddenly she turned to grin at them. "Let's test it out. It's big enough for all of us." Buffy turned the water on after stopping the tub then poured some bubble bath in. When she was done she started stripping but Angel and Spike just stood there not quite believing she was serious until, "Come on, guys, vamoose, strip, let's test this puppy out. Last one in is a rotten egg."

Buffy ended up being the last one in because Angel picked her up and held her aloft until he was in the water then let her settle between his legs in the hot bubbles.  And when they finally got out there wasn't a drop of hot water in the house.

~~~~~~~~

The Bronze was as noisy and crowded as usual making Angel want to leave. These crowds of humans were uncomfortable for him and if wasn't for Buffy he wouldn't be here. So, he sat at a table between his mate and Willow as they talked about classes. His hand was tightly held by Buffy belying her nervousness at being here. He lifted his head and scanned the room until he found Spike playing pool with Xander. How they had ever managed to call enough of a truce to do it, he had no clue but it was probably better for Buffy that they had. Anya looked bored and Oz was joining in the conversation with the two girls. 

To keep from falling asleep he started to replay the events of the afternoon from Buffy's look of joy at the room they had given her to the bathtub games. He smiled as he thought of her squeezed between them as she rode Spike to madness. Her moans as their soapy hands traversed her skin and the way she had leaned back for him to kiss her as Spike suckled at her breast and Angel's hand had fondled the other. The more comfortable she became with living with them the more uninhibited she was.  Her total trust that they wouldn't do anything to make her feel uncomfortable was a head rush for both of them as she came undone in their hands. But in the end it had left him frustrated and a little angry that it wasn't just him in her life like it always did when he joined in their fun. 

Which only brought him back to her declaration of love for both of them and that was something he wasn't ready to deal with yet. He wanted to ask, to know for sure if he was still the only one in her heart, but could he demand totalitarian possession of her heart when he wasn't sure if he could offer the same anymore.

His eyes looked for the object of his confusion and found those cerulean eyes starting at him with open lust. He watched as Spike turned and headed for the bathrooms and he smiled in anticipation.  Leaning over he kissed Buffy on the cheek, "I'll be right back," he whispered before he followed Spike. 

There was no one else in the bathroom when he entered and he quickly scanned the stalls before he saw his boots in the one on the end. A quick knock and the door opened. He noted that Spike had already taken his duster off and had laid it on the windowsill as he joined him in the stall. Their eyes met and Spike started to fall on his knees but Angel stopped him. 

"No," Angel said before he turned Spike to face the wall. Angel's hands traveled around his waist to the fastenings of his jeans and slowly undid the buttons as his mouth nuzzled the back of Spike's neck.  "Did you bring something?" 

"In my duster."

Angel rummaged through the pockets until he found what he wanted. Quickly he began to prepare them both.

"There's no romance left," Spike groaned. "It's just wham, bam, thank you sir. You don't kiss me anymore."

"Later, I'll kiss you all you want," Angel whispered. "Right now want you too much." They both groaned in appreciation as he sunk all the way in. "Do you like this? I hope so because I'm loving it." The brunette's hand moved to encircle his waist as the other covered Spike's as he kneaded the wall.

"Touch me, please," Spike begged. Soon they were both beyond anything but guttural sounds as they became lost in the pleasure. 

The bathroom door opened and they both froze as they waited for whomever to get done and out. The scent of Xander and his cologne made them look at each other and Spike grinned as he thought of Buffy's friend only a few feet away from them. He was almost tempted to open the door just to watch the expression on his face but instead leaned his forehead against the wall. He had sworn to have Buffy's back and somewhere along the line it had come to include not embarrassing her. They waited until Xander had left before they laughed.

"My God, now that would have caused trouble." Spike said.

"Yeah, really," Angel said. This time he didn't take it slow because he was afraid of another interruption and he quickly brought them both to fulfillment.

When they had untangled themselves, Spike turned to look at Angel.

"What Spike?"

"Has Buffy ever gone down on you?" Spike asked as he looked down at his hands fastening his jeans.

"Excuse me?"

"Come on, has she ever…"  
  


"I know what you meant but why are you asking?" Angel asked but he realized that it was taking a lot for Spike to ask and he sighed. "I take it then she hasn't with you?"

"No."

"Maybe she doesn't want to and I'm not going to try to force her into anything she doesn't want to do." Spike finally looked back up at him and Angel realized that he had insulted him by inferring that Spike would. "I know you wouldn't either. I'm sorry." Angel kissed Spike gently. "You've been really good with her and for that I'm grateful." When he leaned against the wall again he thought he saw a momentary flash of guilt on his Childe's face but figured he imagined it when it quickly disappeared.

"I was thinking maybe she just doesn't know what to do and doesn't want to look like a fool and maybe if she watched me giving you one and the subject was brought up then she might."

Angel laughed, "You want me to give blow job lessons to my mate so she can use them to please you."

Spike opened the door of the stall and pulled his duster on as he headed for the door leading to the main floor again. "Yeah, why not?"

"You've got balls, definite balls."

"I'm the baby, gotta love me." Spike smirked as he led the way back to the table. There were two empty chairs that they quickly occupied. 

Angel avoided the looks of curiosity that flashed their way but he looked up in horror when Buffy delicately sniffed a few moments later. 

"Does anyone else smell cherries? I think I smell cherries." She asked as she sniffed again. Her eyes were twinkling as she looked around. "Oh, gee, it's me, the grenadine in my drink. Sorry."

The others at the table just looked confused as Spike broke out laughing and reached over to hug Buffy.  Angel heard him as he whispered in Buffy's ear. "Doesn't work. We save the flavored ones for you." Spike kissed her quickly before he sat up again and pressed his leg to Angel's.

Angel shook his head as he contemplated the two of them. He swore that one day they were going to be the slow end of him with their games but it was going to be worth every moment of it.

TBC


	19. Wild at Heart

**Chapter 18 – Wild at Heart**

They had made him angry. They had hurt him and made him feel like an outsider. And neither of them had even noticed. Why would they? They were too busy with their little secrets and silly little inside jokes and touching to pay attention to him. Always with the touching like they were joined together somehow. His Childe got to stroke her like that and make love to her and was the one that made her moan and cry out. Never Angel. It could never be the one that was supposed to be her mate. And it was all because those fucking gypsies wanted to punish him. And now he was alone. Had spent decades alone. Unable to feed. Unable to love. Unable to touch. 

Angel padded across his bedroom as he glanced out into the living room. Buffy in her cute little pajamas was curled up in his chair eating ice cream and reading a magazine. Spike was laying on the couch watching another of his insipid shows that were so important to him. It wasn't that he minded them being happy. His love for both of them wanted that much for them. But why couldn't they see how much he was hurting? And with a laugh he thought what difference did it make? He **couldn't** be happy. Just one moment and everything would be gone that was important to them. 

He dropped his towel on the floor as the evening unfolded in his mind. After the return from the bathroom at the Bronze, Buffy had started with the joke and Spike had played along. Then the hand holding had started and the flirting. The anger and hurt took root and grew as Buffy made it seem as if Spike was her boyfriend and Angel was just the tag along. Her friends that had once almost accepted him in that role were slowly succumbing to Spike being there. Him with his charm and zest for living were winning them over. And they wondered why Angel was even there. Buffy slept with Spike, Buffy fucked Spike, Buffy laughed with Spike, Buffy danced with Spike so why did she need the broody one? 

His fears of losing her returned with the knowledge that it would be so easy for her to slip away. Now that she was back and being friends with them again. Her confidence was growing and she was easily slipping into womanhood. She didn't need his protection anymore. She didn't need his guidance anymore. What could he offer her? Not marriage, not his body, not his happiness, only his heart. And where did that stand against everything else?

And if she left she would take Spike with her. Why would he stay? Spike had won her heart. The heart that was supposed to be his was now shared with his Childe. Angel had no doubts that if she left him that Spike would follow without even a backwards glance. With her he would have laughter and love and friends, all the things that William had ever wanted but had never had. What could he offer Spike instead? Nothing.

He slipped on his trousers and a shirt. And he left it that way. It made him uncomfortable to be so casually attired. It made him look normal; like a million other men and he felt vulnerable. It was like he was letting his shields down. And for a moment he felt the blackness of his emotions sweep over him as he tried to take control again. His eyes opened and his gaze fell upon Spike who was looking back at him and he saw a flicker of fear in his eyes. Spike saw the truth in him; the ugliness that he tried to hide but could never quite succeed in doing. Unlike William, Liam hadn't been a good man, Angelus had been evil incarnate and Angel was a confused, brooding, unhappy monster with a soul who sometimes still wanted to let the wickedness out so that he could be free again.

For a moment while brown eyes met blue Angel wanted to make those eyes cloud in pain. To bring forth blood to cover that alabaster skin and to make that throat naked in vulnerability to sing out to him as it lost it's will to live. To have Spike writhing at his feet and begging for him to stop the torture while he got lost in the power of having such a beautiful creature at his mercy but he pushed it aside. Breaking contact with him Angel turned to walk toward the bed intent on losing himself in sleep but something stopped him. It was the knowledge that he would die for those two out there and that he would kill without second thought to keep them from harm even from his hand. Because he loved them even with all their faults and selfishness and spoiled rotten behavior and their laughter and worldly needs and their bodies and their beauty.

He belonged to them. They thought they belonged to him but it was really the other way around because they didn't need him. Without him they would still have love and happiness and could be together. But he needed them.  Without them he had nothing but more loneliness and frustration. He could have purpose in his life but no one close to him. There would be no one to keep him company or sleep with. There would no one for him to spoil just so he could watch the smiles that lit up their faces.

Angel decided to take a chance and be vulnerable and he turned around to return to the living room. Slowly he made his way in unsure of how to proceed or to ask for what he needed. He could have Buffy's heart but not her body. Spike's body was his but not his heart. In the end that was the deciding factor. A body to lose himself in and he stopped for a moment by Buffy, leaned down and kissed her gently before making his way to the couch. As Spike started to sit up to make room Angel told him to stay. With a silent wish that he wouldn't reject this Angel slipped behind Spike and pulled him so that the blonde's back was against him. He could feel the tension in his Childe before he slowly started to relax. Cuddling outside of bed had never been part of their relationship and Angel wasn't sure which of them was more uncomfortable at his gesture. Angel let his hand softly caress the belly of his Childe as he tried to make them both more at ease like this.

Buffy glanced over at them with confusion in her eyes too. And Angel saw a questioning look pass between his companions before those hazel eyes turned to him. 

"Did you all notice that Oz was totally into that Veruca chick?"

"Yeah, and Willow definitely noticed," Spike said.

"Oz loves her. It will be all right."

"Veruca wants him, too and that's what's dangerous." Angel said. 

"Do you think there's going to be trouble?" Buffy asked with worry in her voice for her friend. 

Angel wanted to reassure her but there had been too much going on between the wolf and the singer to have it casually pushed away. "I'm afraid so." He told her as gently as possible but his attention returned to the vampire in his arms. Angel nuzzled his ear and whispered, "Do you want those kisses now?"

Spike stiffened for a moment then turned onto his back. Those eyes that reminded him of summer skies were clouded with confusion. Angel waited though until Spike gave a small nod before kissing him. As long as it was Spike that wanted the kisses then he wasn't responsible for it. It was something that he was doing for his Childe not something that he wanted. 

The kiss started off tender and gentle then moved to passionate but Angel didn't want just sex. If he wanted to fuck then it wouldn't have been a big deal to move them to this. Angel wanted comfort and a sense of belonging and love in the deed so he eased the kiss off some. Slowly he returned to the pleasure of that mouth. Dipping in and then easing back when Spike took it too far. Finally the blonde began to understand and allowed himself to be affectionately teased. Soon they became lost in tasting, smacking, sucking, frenching, teasing, and exploring. Their hands never moved from where they had settled on waists as they concentrated on each other's mouths and lips and tongues. 

Buffy said something further but she was ignored in this new discovery of the other and time began to slip away from them. Things between them were changing in that moment. The boundaries between them became weaker and their roles blurred in the surprising need they found in the other.

Spike pulled back for just a moment, "Let's go to bed."

And Angel nodded as they stood. He took Spike's hand and led him toward the bedroom stopping only long enough to tell Buffy good-night. And as they left her there, Angel ignored her confusion and feelings of being left out because just for tonight he wanted to pretend that he could have a normal relationship. He wanted to pretend that he could be fully included into someone's life. Tonight he wanted to pretend that Spike loved him.

And later as Angel thrust into his lover while looking down into Spike's his eyes he could almost make himself pretend he saw the love he wanted looking back at him.

~~~~~~~~~

The last three days had been horrible for her friend and Buffy knew that all of Willow's heart and dreams were being broken right now. She glanced up at the window of the room where Oz lived and prayed that maybe a miracle was happening and the couple would find their way back together.  Watching Oz's wolf side kill Veruca was one of the worst things she had ever had to witness and it wasn't something that could just be forgotten by any of them. 

The Slayer sat up as she spotted Oz coming out of the building carrying a bag and knew it was worse than she thought. He didn't acknowledge her as he made his way toward his van and drove away. Standing Buffy started to go and find Willow when she came outside. The two friends looked at each other for a moment before Buffy rushed to her friend's side and enveloped her in a hug as the red head wept.

"I know, I know," Buffy cooed as her hand rubbed Willow's back. "It'll take a while but you'll be able to breathe again."

"What am I going to do, Buffy?"

She pushed Willow back a little and smiled gently at her. "Well, right now, we are going to go to your dorm room and pack you a bag and then you're coming home with me."

"I…I couldn't do that."

"Why not?" Buffy felt a moment of anger at her friend for once again downing her lifestyle but she decided to push through. There was no way Willow should be alone tonight. "Look, I know what you're going through and you need to be around people. Maybe a night in the den of iniquity is just what you need. We'll order pizza and eat ourselves silly. We can invite Xander and Anya over and just hang out. Watch some movies." The whole time that she had been talking Buffy had been slowly leading them toward Willow's dorm.

"Are you sure that it will be all right? I don't really want to be alone but…"

"It's fine. The guys will deal. Spike will eat the pizza and be an annoyance but it will help distract you. And just so you feel better you can sleep in my room and I'll bunk with one of them tonight." At least she hoped she could. Since the night they had gone to the Bronze she had slept alone in her room. Something was up and she wasn't sure what it was. Spike still sought her out for some time alone with her but Angel was avoiding her. For some reason if Spike was in his bed she didn't feel comfortable there anymore. But in the confusion of dealing with Oz and Veruca she hadn't had the time to sort through their problems.

"Okay," Willow consented.

Buffy tried to push aside her own problems and cheer Willow up as they got her stuff and went to find Xander. Somewhere though the uneasiness she felt about her situation still simmered pushing her mixed emotions into a state of confused anger that she could only hope wasn't going to blow at the wrong time.

~~~~~~~~

The credits for the movie were slowly rolling across the screen as Xander forced himself to get up and take the movie out. Buffy shifted from where she was laying against Spike to sit up as Angel walked into the room. He had hidden himself in his room most of the evening refusing to try to socialize with anyone. Guilt ran through her as she looked up at him. Not that she had any reason to feel guilty, at least not for cuddling with her lover as they watched a movie but the look cast their way made them both uneasy.

"I'm going to go out and do patrol," Angel announced in general before he headed towards the door.

"I'll go with you," Buffy said.

"I can handle it."

"I know you can. It's just…I want to go with you." Buffy quickly stood and looked at her friends. She knew that Xander and Anya were getting ready to leave anyway but it was Willow she was worried about. "Will you be all right?"

Willow slowly turned toward Spike then nodded. "Yeah, I'll be fine."

The Slayer quickly kissed her friend on the cheek. "Thank you." She turned to Spike and told him to behave himself.

"Don't worry. I don't like sleeping on the floor. I'll be good."

They smiled at each other for a moment before Buffy turned to follow Angel who had already left. It took her a few minutes to catch up with him. He didn't say anything as she joined him and she didn't try to start a conversation. She didn't know what to say and she didn't want a fight just Angel so she left it alone.

For the next hour and a half the only words passed between the two were the words necessary to stay alive as they battled vampires and a couple of demons. It was finally on the way home that Buffy broke the silence between them.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what? Did you do something?"

She laid a hand on his arm to stop his movements. "Angel, please, I feel like you're angry with me."

He laughed down at her. "It only took you three days to notice that I might be upset. That I might be hurt or angry. Nice to know that you care."

It always happened. His opinion mattered too much to her and his dressing down only made her cry.

"That's it. Cry. Make it all about Buffy and how much she hurts and how much she needs Daddy to take care of her."

"Stop it."

"No, because for once it's not about you and you don't want to see. You just want someone to take care of you and spoil you because your father didn't care enough to stick around. That's all you want from me, isn't it?"

 "How can you say that to me? You know I love you."

"But are you still in love with me?" Angel laughed again. "Or is it Spike that you love now? You keep secrets from me with him and you laugh with him and make cute little jokes about everything..." 

"That's not true. It's not. I love you as much as ever."

His arms encircled her arms as he hauled her closer to him. "Is that why you are always with him? Parade him around as your boyfriend in front of your friends."

"You're the one that closes off so don't blame that on me."

"I close off because I feel like I'm not wanted. It's like the two of you don't want to include me."

"Is this about jealousy because if it is what about that little scene the other night on the couch? Did you think that wouldn't hurt me? You never kiss me like that anymore."

  
"Is that what you want? For me to kiss you and touch you."

"Angel," she sobbed louder as he picked her up and pushed her against the wall of a crypt. Automatically her legs wrapped around him and she could feel him getting hard against her. They stopped for one moment as they stared into each other's eyes and they acknowledged the desire in them.  "I want you," she breathed as his mouth crushed hers. 

Their passion denied for so long poured from them as they desperately kissed like they hadn't in a long time. This wasn't sweet or soft and giving. It was hard and selfish as their bodies pressed against the other. Angel broke from her mouth and pushed her further up the wall as his other hand pushed her shirt and bra away from her and he savagely attacked her breast. Buffy could feel the wetness that dripped between her legs as she responded to him. For a moment as his hand teased between her legs she didn't care anymore of the consequences.

"Tell me that you want me," he moaned as his fingers dipped and stroked her through her slacks. "Tell me to make love to you and I'll give up everything for one moment with you."

Her hands clutched at the wall as she felt an orgasm start to crash through her and reality hit in that moment and she pushed his hand away before it could crest.

"Oh my God, we can't Angel, we can't." Buffy said as she moved away from him. "I'm sorry."

"That's why I don't touch you anymore." His voice was cold as he stared at her. "Every time I see you, or touch you or smell you or hear you with him it rips me apart. You may deny it but you love him and it hurts because I can't ever have everything with you. I can't have that with anyone. And in the end I am alone again."

"You're not alone. You have us."

"Do I?"

She reached for him but he was already walking away from her. Slowly she followed him back to the mansion as his words and actions ran through her. She should never have come home. The two of them had at least been comfortable without her here. Now the very person that was supposed to offer them a chance to be together was tearing them even further apart.

~~~~~~~~

Buffy wasn't sure what she would find when she got back to the mansion. It was on the walk home that she fully acknowledged that she had left Willow and Spike alone together. Even though she knew that he couldn't hurt her friend physically, the psychological and verbal games that the vampire played could rip someone to the bone. And Willow was really vulnerable at the moment and wouldn't stand a chance against his barbs.

So, when she walked into the living room and didn't see them, momentary panic ran through as she began to look for them.

"Kitchen," Angel said as he headed that way.

As they moved down the hallway they could hear the two of them laughing. Buffy shook her head at the concept and at the doorway peeked over Angel's shoulder to find the two playing cards.

"Full house and I win again," Spike crowned as he swept the plastic chips toward him.

"Are you cheating?"

"Me, of course not, I am the innocent man alive," Spike joked then glanced up at the newcomers. "Come join me in kicking Red's ass at poker. I tried to get her to play it strip but she wouldn't go for it."

Buffy hesitated but figured why not and moved in to the kitchen to join them. 

"I'm going to go to bed," Angel replied.

He started to turn around when Buffy's hand caught his sleeve.

"Stay." She stepped closer to him so that she could whisper to him. "I want you to be here and if you want to be included then you need to include yourself."

She watched as Angel's eyes searched hers and then the other two in the room and he nodded. As they took seats at the table, Buffy knew that like with Spike a couple of weeks ago, that everything wasn't resolved or fixed or even completely forgiven but it was a step forward for all of them as she watched Angel shuffle the cards like a Las Vegas pro and laughter erupted at his antics. Their eyes met and a small smile crossed his lips and she blew him a small kiss for support.

TBC


	20. Games and Lies

**Chapter 19 – Games and Lies**

The din emanating from Lowell House blanketed fraternity row acting as a guide toward the party. Students flowed toward the open doors of the house eagerly anticipating another night of revelry. Buffy hesitated allowing the crush to move around her before turning toward her companion.

"Are you sure you're okay with being here?" Buffy said. "Willow and Xander and Anya are all going to show up just for casual observing so I think I'll be safe."

"I'll be fine, Buffy." Angel replied. "We agreed that we should do this together. Are you getting cold feet or just afraid I'll embarrass you?" 

"Angel," Buffy's hand moved to caress his face. "You don't embarrass me. I just hated leaving Spike home alone."

"I know but we couldn't bring him in case someone recognized him. Let's get this done then we can get home to him."

"You're right let's go."

Slipping her hand into Angel's, Buffy made her way into the fraternity. The place was overflowing with people intending on having a good time and she quickly scanned the room looking for familiar faces. First she spotted Anya and Xander dancing then spotted Willow with a girl she didn't recognize and finally she located Riley with a couple of the guys from the woods that night. She turned to let Angel know where the guys were so that he would know who to keep an eye on. After he nodded they separated moving into opposite directions. The mission was to find out as much as they could about the connection between Riley, the fraternity house and the Initiative. 

~~~~~~~~~

Spike waited until they had pulled out of the driveway before he hurried to change his clothes. Fine, if they wanted to leave him at home as if he was totally useless, then he would show them that he wasn't.

After he had changed back into his black jeans and t-shirt he moved to Buffy's room and scoured around in her dresser before he found her black ski cap. That night out in the woods, she had said that his white hair was a beacon drawing attention, so this time, he was going in prepared.

Just in case he did mess up and was captured or killed he penned a brief note leaving it on the kitchen table for them to find. Hopefully, he would return before they could find it though. After grabbing the map Willow had provided of the caves he headed to his Desoto and toward the Initiative's Woods.

~~~~~~~~

Trying to appear casual Buffy slipped through the crowd, stopping to say hello to people she knew and once to pick up a drink. Her destination was Xander and Anya who were now hanging out on a couch talking to another couple. As she moved by she heard Xander excuse himself. They had decided to pretend that they weren't all here together to make it look less suspicious.

"Hey, Buffy, long time no see. What are you doing here?"

"Oh, hi, Xander, sorry didn't see you. I'm fine and just going for the party mode. Anything interesting going on to make this one more special than all the other parties this week?"

"Nope, same old scene. People making out, getting drunk, you know the usual."

"Cool, I'm going to finish making the rounds then I'll catch up with you again."

As Xander made his way back to Anya, Buffy turned to head Willow's way when she found Riley in her path.

"Hi, Buffy, glad you could make it."

"Oh, hi, Riley looks like fun." Buffy said as she deliberately looked around the room, trying to appear casual but wanting to spot Angel. He was no where to be seen.

"Yeah, the usual party. I think everybody needed to take a break after the first few weeks."

"So, this is the break from drudgery party?"

"Yep, it is." Riley replied then cocked his head to look down at her. "I know after the last cold response I got I probably shouldn't ask but who's the guy you came with?"

"A friend," Buffy nodded, "an old friend. His name is Angel."

"Do you always hold hands with your friends?"

"And why is my love life such a concern of yours?"

"Ahhh, the cold shoulder again. I find you unusual and maybe if I didn't feel like you were dating every older man in town I might ask you out."

"Really?" Buffy laughed. "You want to go out with me?"

"Is that so bad?"

"No, except that I am heavily involved with someone." She laid her hand on his arm. "I appreciate the thought though."

Before Riley could respond one of his friends came over and whispered in his ear. "I'm sorry; I need to check on something. Can we finish this later?"

"Sure."

But she was talking to air as Riley was already heading across the room. Several other men tried to discreetly venture upstairs behind him but failed. Buffy quickly scanned the room again and saw Angel gesturing toward her.

~~~~~~~~  
  


Two caves down and three more to go in the general vicinity of where they had been caught 'making out'. Spike listened carefully to make sure no one was around and when he was reassured he was alone he headed toward the next cave. This one appeared to be larger and deeper than the last two. With one last check around he ventured into the cave and turned on his small flash light. 

_Aha, someone has been in here_, Spike thought as he noted boot prints in the dirt floor of the cave. _Guess I'm not just the decorative toy they think I am_.

Moving carefully he moved further down into the earth. After several twists and turns he found what he was looking for. A door. He smiled in satisfaction before turning to leave. Halfway back to the entrance he heard the door open and in a panic he quickly scanned the vicinity to find a place to hide. Eyeing a small indentation in a dark corner, Spike quickly folded himself into the area after turning his flashlight off. He waited as he heard footsteps coming his way and breathed a smile sigh of relief when he realized that it was only one person but apparently a large one from the impact of the feet.

As the person walked past where he was hiding, Spike realized he was looking at Adam. Not only had he found an entrance into the Initiative but he had a way to locate the monster. Now all he had to do was safely get his butt back home so he could tell Buffy and Angel his accomplishment.

~~~~~~~~

Angel quickly checked the hall before entering while Buffy followed closely behind him. While she had been talking to Riley, Angel had found a staircase in the back of the house. After Riley and his men had moved up the stairs, they decided to follow using the stairs he had found. Hearing voices they hesitated at a corner and peered around.

Riley and two other men that Buffy recognized from the woods were staring into a mirror. A glowing green light appeared to scan them and a computer voice droned, "Retinal scan accepted." Buffy almost gasped as the mirror moved and the men stepped into an elevator.

"Did you see that, Angel?" Buffy whispered.

"Yeah, and I think…" Angel started then hauled her to him in a passionate kiss.

"Hey, this area is off limits to the party, people. Find some where else to make out." 

Appearing to be reluctant to break apart they slowly separated and turned to the speaker.

"Sorry, it was crowded downstairs and I just wanted to a minute alone with my girl."

Slipping an arm around Buffy he quickly led her downstairs. As they moved toward the front door they could see Xander and Anya heading their way. And from the other direction Willow and her friend came toward them.

No one acknowledged the other until they were down the street. Everyone gathered at Angel's car for a quick meeting before they broke up for the night. Willow was the last to join them.

"Hi, everybody," the red head said smiling. "This is Tara. She's in the new Wicca group I joined."

"Hi," Tara said before she quickly looked down.

After Willow introduced Tara to everyone, she looked back at Buffy. "So, did we get the information we wanted?"

"Yep, it is definitely the Initiatives living quarters." Buffy said. "Can you see if you can find plans for the house and anything that might be under it since Spike said when he escaped he came up."

"Sure, no problem. I'll get started on it first thing in the morning." Willow said.

"Thanks, guys and have a good rest of the night." Buffy said as she and Angel climbed into the car.

~~~~~~~

Spike snatched the note off the table as Angel and Buffy walked in, trying to keep them from seeing it before he unveiled his surprise.

"Hello and how did you two manage tonight?"

"Good, real good. We found out for sure that the fraternity house is over the Initiative." Buffy said as she grabbed a bottle of water out of the refrigerator then sat at the table.

Angel and Spike joined her as Angel asked, "And what did you do with your evening?"

Raising only an eyebrow Spike turned his gaze to Buffy. "I found the cave with the back entrance into the Initiative." He said enjoying the look of surprise on both their faces.

"How did you do that?" Buffy asked.

"Well, I figured that while you all were having fun at the party that I'd do some real work and go get some useful information."

"And could have gotten yourself killed?" Angel said. "Didn't I tell you to stay home?"

The other two could hear the displeasure in his voice for having been disobeyed and while Buffy reached over to stroke Angel's arm in an effort to calm him; Spike openly stared at him in defiance.

"Yeah, and I decided not to. I can take care of myself. And by the way that's Adam's way in and out."  
  
"You saw him?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah, passed about ten feet in front of me."  
  


"What would you have done if he had attacked you?" Angel asked.

"You're just jealous because I came up with something useful and it's not all about Angel playing the hero."

"Stop it both of you. Now." Buffy said as she laid her free hand Spike's arm and turned to look at him. "I'm glad that you got the information, Spike but I don't like you being out there alone. We worry about you because of that chip."

"You may, he doesn't."

"I guess I don't because you say so." Angel retorted.

"Can we possibly move on now at least until you two can talk without the testosterone running wild?" When both of them seemed to relax a little under her hands Buffy continued. "We have found ways to get into the Initiative now we need to figure out how to do it?"

"Maybe if they knew they had a Slayer in their midst they might invite her to work with them." Spike said.

"No, absolutely not," Angel said.

"It might work and…" Buffy hesitated knowing that Angel was on the edge of losing his temper. "This Riley guy said tonight that he wanted to ask me out."

"No," both vamps said in unison.

"Look, you know I wouldn't actually go out with him but maybe if they saw me in action and then with Riley liking me I might get an invite. I get in, get us some information and get back out."

"I don't like it, Buffy." Angel said as he covered her hands in his. "It's dangerous."

Buffy moved to sit on her mate's lap. "I love you but you know I'm the Slayer and danger is my middle name. I need to do this. I'm the only one with a snowball chance of getting in unless either of you want into their lab on the wrong end."

Angel stared up into her determined face, wrestling with his desire to protect her and the need to get the information they needed. Finally he capitulated even though he wasn't happy about it. "Okay, but I still cover you out in the field and we make sure that you go in there with someway for us to communicate with you."

"Yes sir," Buffy said. She leaned down to kiss him as she looped both arms around his neck. "I do love you."

"Love you too."

She ran her fingers down his cheek, turned to glance at Spike, and then whispered in Angel's ear. "Can we play now?"

"Yeah," Angel said with a grin.

"What are you two talking about?" Spike asked suspiciously. They both looked too devious and it was making him uncomfortable. He stood and started to back out of the room when Buffy followed him.   
  


"Angel said that you didn't feel I was satisfying you enough and I decided you needed a reward for being a big brave vampire tonight."

Blue eyes flickered between his lovers, "Don't know what you are talking about." Actually, he had a clue as to what she was referring to but didn't want to hope too much. 

Her hand stroked him gently through his jeans. "I heard that you wanted my mouth to go somewhere it's never been before. Angel said he'd coax me through it. So, are you ready for my lessons to begin?"

Buffy found herself flung over his shoulder and being carried into the bedroom as Angel followed 

"I think he means yes," the brunette said. 

"Yeah, I got that idea." Buffy mumbled. "Hey, Spike, baby, would you mind taking a shower first? You smell like woods."

"Anything to delay, huh?" He said as he dumped her on the bed and when her nose wrinkled as he tried to lay on her, "fine, I'll take a bloody shower. It had better be worth it."

~~~~~~~~

Frustration filled him and he reached out to grab Buffy but Angel stopped him. Taking Spike's wrists in his hands he crossed them over the younger vampire's chest and held him in place.

"Buffy, Pet, please," Spike whined.

"Am I not doing something right?" Buffy replied while batting her eyes innocently. "You told Angel he could give me lessons and I'm following his instructions carefully." 

"Do you know what you are? Sitting there in your little girl pink underwear and big eyes," Spike finished with a shout, "you are the reincarnation of Lamia**."

"Who?" Buffy asked.

"Buffy, he's distracted. Take him back into your mouth." Angel coaxed and as soon as she did. 

Spike closed his eyes and leaned against Angel again letting the sensations flow through the rest of his body. They had been doing this for over an hour now. Every time he would be close to the edge, Angel would make Buffy stop until he cooled down again. Her fumbling enthusiasm and innocent reactions to giving her first blow job was driving him as crazy as having that hot mouth on his flesh. 

He tried to delay as long as possible but could feel himself close again and he unconsciously thrust upwards.

"Ease back, Buffy. Let him go."

"Soddin' torture." Spike swore as her mouth left him and he watched her for a moment as she wiped her mouth and reached for her bottle of water. She was beginning to become uncomfortable in the act and he knew it was time to end it. "Come on, Baby."

"You mean my hand won't do?" She asked as her fingernails gently scraped along him. Her eyes revealed her weariness and Angel saw it this time too.

"Last time, okay," Angel said and she nodded as she moved to take him again.

"It had better be the last bleedin' time." Spike moaned. "You know it goes both ways. And it's going to be so much fun."

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked as she raised her head.

Angel and Spike both laughed at her question. "It means, Love, that I can torture you for hours too." 

"Oh."

"Now come on, finish the job and I promise to play nice." Spike whispered.

"I have a question. What do I do when you know?" Buffy asked as a blush crossed her face. It wasn't like she didn't know what the choices were. It was that she didn't know what they wanted her to do.

"Swallow it," Spike ground out.

"Buffy, your choice," Angel said. "It's up to you."

She nodded and took him back into her mouth and followed the last of Angel's instructions. Spike watched her carefully as he let himself go. Angel relaxed his hold on him but still held onto his wrists.

When Spike felt more in control again he pulled a hand free so he could reach out and pull her toward him. "Thank you," he whispered as he kissed her. "Now it's your turn." The grin he gave her was pure evil as he tried to force her onto her back.

"No, you wouldn't." Buffy said as she thrashed under the blonde's weight and then Angel dragged Spike back against him.

"You have a ten second head start," Angel said as he held a struggling Spike to him.

Spike laughed as she shrieked and scrambled off the bed. He could hear her feet pounding up the stairs and gave her a few extra seconds of freedom before moving from Angel's arms.

"Be careful with her," Angel warned as Spike headed toward the door.

"Always am, mate." 

Pushing aside his guilt for that one night he followed her up the stairs. When he reached the top he paused and sniffed the air. Her scent was divided into two opposite directions and both were fresh. Deciding to follow the stronger of the two he headed into her bedroom but he couldn't see her. He lifted his head and sniffed again turned to his right and grinned. She had hung her panties on the top of one of the posts of her bed. He chuckled as he plucked them off their perch, "Found 'em Slayer. Now I am going to find you."

A giggle turned his attention to the hall where Buffy streaked by heading toward the stairs again. Getting into the chase he took off running, almost catching up with her and followed two steps behind as she ran into Angel's room again, jumped over and then crouched behind him.

"Protect me," Buffy asked as her hand kneaded Angel's shoulder.

"Of course I will. Isn't that one of my jobs as your mate?"

"Now, Angel," Spike said, "let's make a deal."

"A deal? What kind of deal?"

They both ignored Buffy as she made small whimpering noises of protest. Her eyes darted between them as Spike started to crawl across the bed.

"Tell you what. I guarantee you one blow job a day if you let me have her."

"One a day? Guaranteed?"

"Angel? You promised." Buffy said as she started to move backwards.

"Yeah, one a day," Spike said as he lunged across Angel to grab Buffy who was already on the run again.

By the time the two vampires untangled themselves, she was nowhere to be seen. They took opposite directions at the top of the stairs. Her breathing gave her away as she hid in an unused bathroom at the end of one hall. As Spike came in from one direction she took off out of the other door and ran right into Angel's waiting arms.

"Gotcha," He whispered and kissed her on the cheek.

Spike smiled and avoided her kicks as he came closer to claim his prize. 

"Angel, listen to me," Buffy begged as she twisted to look up at him. "If you let me go I'll make him give you two blow jobs a day."

"No, we already made a deal." Spike declared as Angel glanced between them and contemplated his options.

"I don't know. That would give me one in the morning and one at night. Might be worth it."

"Traitor," Spike exclaimed as Angel turned away from him and put Buffy back on her feet. His arms reached across the hall blocking Spike's way to give his mate a chance to get away.

Laughing Spike ducked under his Sire's arm and took off after Buffy. Angel was on his heels as they took the back stairs, followed her through the kitchen and back into the bedroom. Spike stopped when he came through the door making Angel run into his back.

"What did you stop…?" Angel said. "Oh, my God."

Buffy was lying on her stomach on the bed. Her feet were slowly swinging back and forth as she faced away from them. Coyly she turned back to the two males.

"Spike, I think we went about this the wrong way. Angel is the one who instigated your torture and he is the one who is so willing to turn me over to you. So, maybe we should form an alliance."

"What you got in mind, Pet?"  
  


She smiled as they came closer to the bed. "I was thinking about you denying him any access for an entire week on my orders."

"No sex for Angel for a week. Sounds like fitting punishment but it means I'll be giving up half my sex life. What do I get in return?"

"Hey, I am still the boss around here." Angel protested.

Spike stood at one side of the bed while Angel moved to the other side.

"I don't know. What do you want?" Buffy asked.

Both men groaned as she wiggled back and forth.

"Sorry, Ang, I'm going with her deal."

Angel slapped her ass playfully and when she yelped and tumbled he grabbed her and pulled her against him. "Buffy, sweetheart, you should have asked me for help in the bargaining process. There were so many other things you could have offered besides that."

"Hey, don't talk her out of it." Spike said as knelt in front of them.  
  
"Look at it.  Don't you remember how it hurt when he took your virginity? And that was where it was supposed to go." Angel whispered in her ear as he slowly encircled her with his arms. 

She whimpered as her eyes got bigger and tried to crawl away from them.

"Get her, Spike." 

Spike reached out and grabbed her feet then they turned her so they were laying the correct way on the bed. He spread her legs as Angel continued to hold her arms. 

When Spike started to tease her he could feel something else from her and looked up. His eyes met Angel and knew he wasn't imagining it. Buffy was afraid.

"It's okay," Angel whispered as he kissed her temple. "You know I won't let anything happen to you, don't you?"

She nodded slowly as Spike moved over her and pushed her hair back from her face. "It's just to make the pleasure more intense, Love. It's not meant to hurt you in any way." His fingers ran along her cheeks. "I know you might not believe it now but I'll never make you do something you don't want to."

"You promise?"

He grinned down at her, "Yeah, I promise. Even the deal you just made." He kissed her softly. "Angel is just going to hold your hands just to give the illusion that you are restrained but anytime you want you can get away."

They both felt her relax as she smiled up at Spike. "I can always get away," and she gave him her trust.

"Ready?"

As she nodded Spike started to kiss his way down her belly. He knew that Angel was still confused as to what had happened between them that night but it was their moment and their understanding. They could share almost everything but within the three there were going to be moments between each pairing that was their own and couldn't be open for them all. They needed those moments to increase their bonds as a whole. 

And hopefully in the end it would be those moments that would keep them together.

TBC

**Author's Note: For those who don't who Lamia is, she was the mistress of Zeus. Hera took her children away in jealousy and Lamia began to murder the children of others for revenge. She was also known as a monster or a vampire that seduced men.


	21. Progress and Realizations

**Chapter 19 – Progress and Realizations**

They had separated a few blocks away from the cemetery but she could feel Angel behind her. It helped to calm the antsy feeling in her stomach as she waited for both vampires and the Initiative men to show up at the same time. It was kind of ridiculous odds that they would all meet at the same place at the same time but this was the Hellmouth and unusual things always happened here.

As she moved between the graves her mind returned to the look on Spike's face when they had left him at home again. He had looked like a little boy denied his most prized possession for something he hadn't even done. His inability to fight was really beginning to wear at him as they made advancements toward the Initiative. 

This time she had made him promise that he would stay there and not go out on his own. She knew he felt useless being left but she didn't want anything to happen to him and she couldn't babysit him. If he couldn't even hit demons then he was totally defenseless in the field. In a way it wasn't fair that he had been left like that because he couldn't help himself and had to totally depend on other people to care for him. 

With a sigh she was about to give up on this cemetery and move to another one when she heard movement to her left. Suddenly a vampire ran across her path and she jumped into action. Hoping he was running because he was being chased she played with him until she heard the sound of more running feet coming her way and as Riley and two of his men burst onto the scene she intensified the fight. 

At first Riley shouted at her that they would help her but stopped in mid-sentence as he realized that she had just staked the vamp. After exchanging looks with his associates he moved to stand in front of her as she casually put her stake in her pocket again.

"Just who are you Buffy?"

"I'm Buffy." 

"No, this time I want to know who you are. You're sneaking around in our woods, you come into our fraternity nosing around where you don't belong and now you're out here staking vampires. And I want an explanation."

Buffy turned and started to walk away but tossed over her shoulder, "I was checking out the competition. I'm the Slayer."

"The who?" Riley asked as he caught up with her. "Hold on a minute." 

She stopped as if reluctant to talk to him. "You keep wanting to know who I am but you haven't even introduced me to your Siamese twin buddies here."

"Buffy, this is Graham and Forrest. Guys, you know who Buffy is." They nodded at her as she returned the favor. "Now who is the Slayer?"

"You don't know who the Slayer is but yet you're out here on my turf doing my job?"

"What are you talking about?" Forrest asked.

"I'm the chosen one. In each generation a Slayer is born." She said exasperated as she realized that they had no idea who she was.  "Look I'm a vampire Slayer."

"That's a myth that vampires tell each other. Like the boogie man." Forrest scathingly stated.

"I don't look like a myth to me. Do I to you?" She asked as her hands found themselves resting on her hips. 

"No, but come on, Buffy, you've been lying to us since day one and now we are supposed to believe you." Riley said.

"Ummm, well, now you have the truth. So, who are you and what are you doing here in Sunnydale?"

That shut them up as they looked at each other and Riley silently cautioned them not to tell her anything.

"We're students." Riley said.

"Now, you're the one who's lying." Buffy said. "Sunnydale is my town and I'll find out your secrets sooner or later. We can find a way to share or…" A delicate shrug of her shoulders as she stared Riley down.

When he didn't respond to her she started to walk away but stopped as he called out to her again. This time, however, she didn't turn around.

"Buffy, we do need to talk but I need to check on some things first."

She walked off again, "You know where to find me," she called.  This time she didn't stop as she headed toward home. Their curiosity was up and there would be future contact that much she was certain of. Angel agreed with her when he caught up with her. Their conversation on the walk home was a rehash of what had happened and what they knew of the lab where Spike had been taken. But since there was really nothing new not a whole lot was accomplished.

Once they were home Angel excused himself to take a shower while Buffy went to locate Spike. He was in his room sitting cross legged on his bed painting his nails. 

"Hey, there, glad you decided to stay home."

"Yes, the family pet was a good boy and stayed home." Spike barely glanced at her as she climbed on the bed. "Hey, you made me mess up."

"Sorry," Buffy chuckled as she reached out for his hand. She grabbed a tissue and wiped the nail clean. "Hand me the bottle." When he just stared at her, she snapped her fingers until he dutifully handed her the bottle. With careful precision she began to paint the nail again. "We made contact."

"And did he take the bait?"

"I think so. He said we need to talk but he has to report to whoever he works for. Hopefully, the next time I have class, he'll approach me." She softly blew on his nail and held it out for him to inspect. "See all better."

"Thanks," Spike said as he allowed her to pull his hand back to work on the next nail. "So, did Angel stay hidden or did he have to stick his nose in things?"

Buffy glanced up at him quickly. "He followed the plan that WE worked out. It's not a competition, you know?"

"Isn't it?"

Angel stepped into the room, and moved toward the bed. "Was wondering where you two were." When he saw what they were doing he attempted to make a joke with his next question. "What are my girls up too?" He laughed at his own effort but quickly fell silent as Spike reacted to his words and Angel realized that he had only succeeded in hurting his Childe.

The bottle of polish was snatched from Buffy's hand and thrown across the room to leave a trail of the black liquid across the carpet and down the wall. With a hurt and angry look, Spike fled from the room, leaving the other two to stare at his disappearing form.

"What did I say?" Angel asked as he stared in befuddlement as the younger vampire fled the room.

Buffy crawled off the bed, "You can be so dense sometimes." She declared as she followed Spike from the room. It was natural to Angel for Spike to be beneath him in both family structure and dignity. Maybe if Spike was able to stand on his own and fight back, it wouldn't be such a big deal for things to stay as they always had. But now that Spike was chipped, it wasn't fair that Angel constantly made him feel as if was weaker. It only reinforced the feeling of emasculation that the Initiative had left Spike with and sometimes Angel just didn't understand or realize that was what he was doing.

She knew where Spike had gone to. It was to his spot in the mansion to be alone to think, dream, sulk or read and it was on the second floor in a small, unused room. There was a window seat that overlooked the street. It was never in direct sunlight and Spike could watch the people going by or the kids playing.

~~~~~~~

"Hi," she called out softly as she waited in the doorway.

"Go away." Spike only glanced at her for a moment. A small part of him had hoped that it would be Angel that would come to look for him. All he wanted was a small crumb of hope that his Sire might care.

"No."

He sighed and continued to stare out the window as she came to sit facing him on the seat. Her hand covered his and her thumb softly stroked his flesh.

"Don't want your pity."

"I'm not offering it."

Confusion clouded the vampire's features as he stared at her. Her hand softly caressed his angled cheek and fingertips drifted across his lips then it returned to her lap as he ignored her. Buffy didn't realize it but her constant defense of him and nurturing only made him feel worse. Because he couldn't give back to her in the way he wanted, which was to be a part of the team and help in the fight, all he seemed to do was hide behind her skirts.

"Did you come to tell me he didn't mean it? That it was a joke I should forget about?"

"No, he was wrong to say it. Angel just doesn't seem to understand sometimes."

He laughed, "No shit, little girl. All he understands it that he has to squash everyone around him in order for him to feel like he's somebody."

Buffy laid her head against the wall and closed her eyes and a part of him hated hurting her like that. She tried to keep the balance between them. To protect them from each other with her own romantic fantasies that Spike didn't want to believe in but sometimes indulged in.

"He cares about you." She finally said as she opened her eyes to look at him again.

"I was beginning to think so," Spike said in a far off voice as his face briefly flashed emotions much deeper than confusion. "Like the other night when we just kissed for a long time. He's never done that before. It's always been about getting off or the power of having me at his mercy. It was almost like he really wanted me not just my body. I guess I was wrong."

He leaned his head against the window as he tried to keep the tears from rolling down his cheeks. His relationship with his Sire had always been a tug-of-war of power and pain, at least, until this time. This time he had gotten to know the man that Angel was beneath his pride and defined role. And it was that man that had crept inside of who Spike was and taken hold of his heart.

 As his expression gave him away, Buffy whispered in a voice filled with awe.  "You're in love with him."

His reaction was instantaneous as he stood, "Shut your mouth. I am not in love with him." Spike walked to the other side of the room and lit a cigarette. His mask and his amour were now fully back in place as he refused to admit to something that still filled him with a shame born of weakness.

"Yes, you are."

Spike crossed his arms across his body as he refused to say anymore even when she made her way toward him. His eyes flickered closed trying to keep the truth from her.

"Are you afraid?"

"Of what?" 

"That if you admit it then you become everything that you have called him in an attempt to tear him down. Ponce, Nancy Boy, Peaches..."

"I get it. I get." Spike bitterly laughed as he opened his eyes to look around the room. "That's part of it, you know? Never considered myself one of them but…"

"You came back and he was different. The relationship was different. He cared about you and protected you and made you feel special and you fell in love with him."  
  


His gaze was now over her head. "Yeah, he was. He wasn't the Angelus I had always known. I almost felt important to him and that he cared about me."

"Hey, talking to someone in the same club." Buffy chuckled. "Why haven't you told him?"

"Are you soddin' crazy? I'm still his Childe and now a needy Childe at that. It's pity I'm getting and his sense of responsibility. I'll even give you that, yeah, he cares about me but nothing more." Spike threw his cigarette on the floor and ground it out before Buffy pulled him into her arms. 

This time he allowed himself the comfort and security of her embrace. It was funny but in her arms was one of the few places he was sure of anything anymore. He buried his face in the crook of her neck as they shared their love for the same man.

"Don't tell him, okay?" Spike mumbled into her hair. "I don't want him to know yet."

"No, I won't, that's between you two." 

He held onto her like a lifeline and allowed the tension to leave his body.  Her hands softly caressed his back as they stood lost in their own thoughts. The silence between them was broken when her stomach growled loudly.

"Hungry, are we?" Spike laughed. "I guess that no matter what other dire situations happen, we can always count on the hungry and horny state after patrol. Which one do you want to take care of first?"

"Food, thank you, would be very nice."

Holding hands they made way their way toward the stairs, stopping briefly by his room to clean up the nail polish, but were surprised to find that it had already been taken care of.  They hurriedly finished the trip downstairs, and not seeing Angel in the living room or his bedroom, made their way into the kitchen. Angel was leaning against the counter by the microwave when they entered. On the table was a box of pizza and another take out box.

"Ordered pizza and wings for you two," Angel said. "And I'm heating up some blood for you, Spike."

"Thanks." 

Buffy and Spike sat at the table, opened the boxes and began to fix plates. When the microwave went off, Spike started to stand to get his blood but Angel gestured for him to sit, as he brought it to him. Maybe Angel had listened to Buffy after all somewhere along the line concerning Spike. He was clearly uncomfortable as he looked down at his Childe and mate.

"If you two have everything you need, I'll turn in."

"Stay," Spike said into his slice of pizza. For each gesture and step that Angel took toward him, Spike vowed that he would make sure Angel knew he was welcome there. Maybe one day things would change between them if they both kept trying. "Keep us company, and then we'll all turn in together."

Angel smiled as he sat at the table with them and the conversation turned toward the Initiative again. As they sat together and talked Spike realized that he liked being here with them and he finally allowed the wish that this would last take hold in his heart.

TBC


	22. Doomed

**Chapter 21 – Doomed**

It had started off as an ordinary morning. Bright and beautiful. Nothing to distinguish it from a thousand other mornings. And as with most mornings, Buffy and Angel had practiced Tai Chi in the shadows of the garden. Like the warriors they were, their mornings were now spent strengthening their most precious weapons, their bodies. Spike didn't mind the desertion. It meant he had whatever bed they had occupied the night before to himself. He could sleep for another hour or so alone, arms and legs flung freely across the bed. 

It was funny that even though they each had their own room and a lot of times they would start off in their own beds, sometime during the night they would all migrate to one bed. And somehow the connection between them, always led them to the same bed, alternating between the cool silk sheets of Angel's, the comforting flannel of Buffy's or the crisp cotton of Spike's, with a precision that astounded them. It was as if they now needed the presence of two other bodies surrounding them in order to fully relax. And for all fairness, whoever's bed they were in was the lucky one to be able to claim the coveted middle spot for sleep. It was in this position that one could receive the most cuddle and touch of the other two thus also assuring that whoever was there was the one who was able to pick the morning sexual games. 

Spike loved the mornings when he was in the middle because he would get them both turned on at the same time, drifting between his lovers until they were whimpering in need for him and somehow they had perfected a way for him to satisfy them both, the flexibility and strength of Buffy's body contributing to the particular pretzel arrangement that they had to achieve for it to happen. And having them at the same time was his favorite way to start the day. That morning had started off that way and now as it was easing toward mid-day they were still humming with the climaxes they had achieved earlier.

Angel reclined on the couch reading a novel while listening to the soft drone of the other's voices while Spike helped Buffy with her poetry class. She had found that having two vampires who had lived over a century was a most valuable research tool to have around when it came to certain classes. Poetry and World History were the two this particular term. Her paper on the Boxer Rebellion had earned her the highest mark in the class and Willow was reveling in her friend's academic achievements.  Even Joyce had been proud of her daughter's recent marks and that coupled with the perpetual smile on her daughter's face was beginning to wear her down on Buffy's lifestyle choice.

But as it is when the world seems to have settled into a comfortable zone something happens that once again throws everything off kilter and sends the occupants scrambling for the next moment of ignorant bliss.

And that particular morning, a small earthquake rendered its way through Sunnydale.

Buffy looked up from her book at the first rumble and was quickly grabbed by Spike as they moved into the doorway. She was sheltered between the two of them as they held onto the frame and her until it was over. 

"You two okay?" Angel asked in proprietary concern as his hands covered Buffy's body and his eyes scanned Spike as if to answer his own question.

"I'm fine," Spike answered as his own hands reached out to Buffy who was trembling. "What's the matter, Love?"

Angel already knew of what she was frightened and gathered her against him while his hands ran up and down her back. She buried her face against the security of his chest while Spike moved to cushion her between them. Over her head blue eyes requested explanation from her mate but he only shook his head waiting for Buffy to speak herself.

She extricated herself from their arms slowly.

"I'm fine, really," she reassured them. "It's just a bad memory of another apocalypse. Of course, I happened to die that time but hey, here I am." 

Buffy smiled up at Spike and reached out to squeeze his hand. 

"You sure?" Spike asked softly as he held onto her hand.

"Yeah," Buffy replied then turned to Angel. "Do you mind if I go and check with Giles?"

"Buffy, I'm sure everything is fine but if it will make you feel better, go." 

After also receiving Spike's acceptance of her plan, she headed for Giles house.  When it came down to it, she was safer with the two vampires but when it came to mystical research and causes, it was Giles that she wanted reassurance from. The minor earthquake had given her the chills and a feeling of dread she couldn't shake. Even if she hadn't told Angel and Spike, she knew that something terrible was about to befall them, and she wanted to immediately search it out and slay it before anything could happen to the two vampires she had finally admitted to herself that she loved. Angel would always be the one that was first in her heart but she had come to realize that love was very generous and could include Spike. 

At first she had thought it was just friendship and the way he made her feel but it became more as she saw him try to change and help them out. He could be gentle and sweet and other times cruel but it was the paradoxes in him that appealed to her. When the moods came upon her and she was at her bitchiest self, he didn't make her feel guilty for it but absorbed it or called her on it by being as mean as she was. And this had led them to horrible fights followed by the best sex that their combined passions could create. When these episodes came upon them Angel would usually slink off by himself unable to handle the lack of inhibitions they could display. 

Her mother had told Buffy that her desire to be with Angel was the need for a father figure but after living with him, she had sometimes found herself to be the more parental of the two. Angel's human life had left him insecure which had never been resolved and after he had been souled he had lived in isolation.  He had never learned how to deal with people, too afraid of losing the soul that he had come to welcome and too afraid of the temptation of feeding from anyone he would let close to him. Spike's boisterousness left him uncomfortable and her moods made him feel that he had done something wrong. It was her that reassured him that he hadn't and tried to lead him into more social situations. Unfortunately, his lack of skills and insecurity made him often times come off defensive which only made him look like a bully. 

Buffy sighed as she thought of the two as she approached Giles's apartment complex. No matter how many times she thought of them she didn't think that she would ever fully understand them. After turning into courtyard she found Giles going over research material in the morning sun and she took a seat across from him at the small table.

"Something horrible is going to happen, Giles," Buffy declared.  She began to pick at her nails as Giles looked up at her in mild irritation.

"It was an earthquake, Buffy. A not uncommon occurrence in Southern California. No reason to think it was anymore." He replied before returning to the text he was reading.

"Oh, I so have a reason." Buffy persisted. "A darn good reason. The last time we had an earthquake I died."

"Yes, I know that and therefore I completely understand your anxiety."

"Oh, good because I'd hate for my little untimely horrible death concerns to be ambiguous."

Giles returned his gaze to Buffy as he realized that she was really shook up. 

"I would never take a thing lightly. I just don't think it is anything to be concerned about at this point but if it will make you feel better, we will definitely keep our ears and eyes open for anything to suggest otherwise."

"I'm sorry, Giles, if I'm overreacting. I just have one of those gut feelings that something really bad is about to happen."

~~~~~~~

_It was definitely of the amusing to watch two vampires turn into hovering mushy protectors_, Buffy thought as she watched Spike bring her a glass of soda and a sandwich as Angel stoked the fire to alarming heights, as she being the princess of the hour stayed curled on the couch. They both knew that she was still upset about earlier and wanted to make sure that she felt secure and loved. Since she returned home from her futile conversation with Giles, she hadn't had to do anything for herself. She slowly lifted her hand to take the plate as her body almost purred in contentment. Spike had given her a massage after she had a long bubble bath and now she only wanted to sink into a puddle of flesh. 

"Anything else, Pet?" He asked. When she shook her head around her bite of ham and swiss cheese on rye sandwich, he went ahead and sat next to her. Apparently Angel had filled Spike in on all the details she had left out earlier and for someone who was a soulless evil demon he seemed awfully caring that his vampire great-great-grandfather had at one time murdered her. 

Angel returned to his seat in his chair, the coffee brown eyes never straying far from her form, leaving her feeling like she was an exhibit at a side show. The attention was heavenly, the concern heart warming, but the staring was beginning to wear at her.

"Guys, seriously, I'm fine. I just got spooked, that's all." She said as her eyes slid from one vampire to the other, deliberately leaving out her still there sense of foreboding that their lives were going to change. Until she had more to go on then she didn't want to worry them or find herself smothered completely. "Go, do something besides stare at the easily freaked."

"Sorry, but we just got worried about you," Angel soothed in his overly concerned calm voice. "And we want to make sure that you are all right about everything."

"I know and that's why…I haven't fought it anymore but I'm okay. Dealt with worse things than this." Buffy said as she hoped that they hadn't picked up on her almost goof of declaring her love again. She had said it the one time in the excitement of the moment but not since then.

She wanted to speak with Angel before officially declaring it to Spike. It wasn't that she wanted permission from her mate but it was out of respect for his position in her heart and life that she wanted him to know first. And it was to assure him that her love for him was in no way jeopardized by these new feelings for his Childe. She resolved to speak to him that very night so that the moment of telling Spike could be closer.

"Hey," Xander said from the open area as three heads automatically swiveled toward him and his unexpected entry into their home. "You should really fix this wall over here if you don't want uninvited guests just automatically wandering in."

"Take another step and the booby trap goes off," Spike intoned as Xander lifted his foot to walk further into the room and as he returned the said foot to its original position, Spike started to laugh.

"Spike, don't be mean." Buffy said as she swatted Spike on the arm and struggled to stand, finding herself caught in the blanket she was wrapped in and still holding the plate with the remainder of her snack. "It was a joke, Xander." And then she gave up and plopped onto Spike's lap as he caught the plate and she fought with the blanket.

"Come in," Angel said smiling at the comedic pair on the couch. "Just ignore Ricky and Lucy over there."

Everyone froze and the attention was directed at Angel.

"Angel made a funny." Spike said. "You may be right, Slayer, the world might be ending after all."

"And actually that is why I am here," Xander said as all eyes were now directed back at him.

~~~~~~~~

Buffy followed by the three males hurried into the fraternity house that Willow was waiting for them at but had to quickly step out of the way as a stretcher with a body bag was wheeled by them. Trying to ignore the dead person, the Slayer quickly scanned the room for her friend and spotted her sitting on some steps. Willow's hand was frantically waving her over and Buffy began to move toward her with the ever present hoverers behind her. 

Once reaching her side, Buffy sat beside her, and took another slower glance around the room, taking in the police questioning party goers. 

"Well, it wasn't hard to find you," she said. "What with the flashing lights and the ambulance. You should have invited me to go with you, I mean, after all, death, carnage, it does equal a Buffy party."

"I am so glad that you guys are here," Willow said as she smiled up at the guys and then reached for Buffy's hand. "You really need a phone. I had to call Xander to come find you."

"What happened?" Angel said cutting to the chase and hoping to avoid female theatrics that would lead to a long detailed much avoided explanation.

"I found him; this guy on the bed with me. Dead. Not me dead, he dead."

"God. Are you okay?" Buffy asked.

Willow nodded.

"Was it a vampire?" Spike asked.

"There was so much blood, and there…there was a symbol," Willow answered. At first she was shaking her head but then stopped and looked up at her audience with a look of indignation. "And Percy said I was a nerd."

"Percy called you a nerd?" Buffy asked.

"Who's Percy?" Angel and Spike asked simultaneously. 

"He was some dumb jock in high school. If it wasn't for Will then he still would be in high school." Xander answered.

"Well, I guess we should get to Giles, get with the demon tracking." Willow said.

Buffy stood pulling Willow up behind her. They moved between Angel and Xander leading the way to Angel's car. "Does he even go here?" 

~~~~~~~

After a long and detailed meeting with Giles found Buffy, her vampires and the rest of the Scoobie gang were at the burned out shell of the old high school. Apparently the guy that Willow found dead had been carved with a symbol that led them to three Vahrall demons ready to make sacrifices in order to bring about the end of the world. And their job as usual was to stop it. 

Spike had been fairly vibrating with excitement that somehow he got to tag along instead of being sent home like a child. He wasn't sure if they had just forgotten in the excitement of everything or if Buffy wanted him around because she was still upset about things and wanted to keep an eye on him. Whatever it was he hung out toward the back of Scoobies trying to avoid Angel's direct attention. He was determined to prove that even if he couldn't beat anything up that he could still be useful on these missions. 

"Be careful you guys, the place doesn't look to stable," Angel instructed.

"Okay, when we get to the library keep a look out for the victims they're keeping alive for the sacrifices." Buffy said and then turned around to pin the blonde vampire with a stare. "Spike, you're job is to get them out of there."

"Great," he muttered, "Got a job to do. Yes."

He lit up a little more when she winked at him, her trust in him carrying over in the simple gesture. Apparently, she was on his side about slowly changing Angel's opinion on his status in their lives. For the first time in a long time he felt like he could make a difference and made a vow not to let her down again.

The group stopped at the doors to the library and collectively took a deep breath as they prepared for the battle inside.

"Okay, you guys ready?" Buffy asked.

"Let's rock and roll," Xander said.

They stepped carefully into the burned out room that was once their home away from home but was now just a ruined shell. The center of the floor was gone revealing a gaping hole into the hellmouth itself.

"Whoa, check out the new floor plan." Willow said but quieted when Buffy held her hand up.

There was the sound of chanting that was almost a guttural growl and they followed the sound until they saw the three demons standing around a fissure in the floor.

"I don't see any sacrifice people," Spike said.

"They must be around here somewhere," Buffy said. "The ritual isn't finished. And it's not gonna be."

She quickly jumped down into hole followed by Angel and then the others made their way cautiously down. As Buffy and Angel started to fight the demons, one of them dropped a bottle they were using in the execution of the ritual and it was quickly snatched up by Xander.

"I've got the blood. Somebody grab the talisman." Xander shouted. "They can't do the ritual without them."

While Angel held one of the demons, Willow rushed forward and grabbed the bag it was holding.

"I've got the bones," Willow announced before throwing them at Xander. "Here."

One of the demon that had previously been down, stood and attempted to retrieve the bag from Xander who tossed it back to Willow as the demon slammed a fist into his stomach.

"You've got the wrong man, dude." Xander said. "I've had lots of practice with my lunch money."

The demon turned toward Willow, following the bag as it flew through the air, and as he made his way toward the girl, Willow tossed the bag to Spike who was still looking for the sacrifices. 

"Right, perfect." Spike said as the demon approached him now. 

Xander and Willow rushed to try to help Buffy and Angel leaving Spike alone with the demon that was now beating him in an attempt to retrieve the bag but after a few hits, Spike had enough. Figuring that he was already hurting, Spike pulled his fist back, screamed and hit the demon with everything he had. He clutched his head and waited for the pain that never came. It took a moment for it to fully register and then a grin broke out across his face.

"No pain," he shouted. "I can hurt a demon."

As the others immobilized the other two demons, Spike beat the remaining one, letting loose the aggression he had been holding onto for months. He didn't even notice when the others stopped fighting and just watched as he brutalized the demon in front of him.

"That's right. I'm back," Spike screamed as his slipped into his vampire face. "And I'm a bloody animal. Yeah."

"Spike, stop," Buffy said as she held his arm, "it's over."

Spike turned to her, scooping her up in his arms, "My God, Buffy, I love you." He twirled them around ignoring the astonished looks on the faces of the others. "If you hadn't brought me along I never would have known. This changes everything."

As he put her on her feet again and kissed her, Buffy knew this was what she had been dreading. The precarious balance of their relationships had been shattered with Spike's new found ability to fight demons. Although it was good for him, it would be bad news for the relationship. The carefully defined roles they were just starting to accept and be comfortable in were once again unknown territory. Buffy turned to look at Angel over Spike's shoulder and fear rose within her as she realized that nothing was ever going to be the same again.

TBC


	23. The Tears of My Broken Heart

**Chapter 22 – The Tears of My Broken Heart**

It was finally over. Buffy started to gather up her books and things quickly. All she wanted was to get home to them. To make sure the house was still intact and that they hadn't done any bodily harm to each other. Even though they had been sleeping together as usual, Buffy had ended up in the middle with two backs toward her, at least until they drifted off and turned toward her and each other in the innocence of sleep. When she glanced up and saw Riley watching her, she wanted to rush out of the room and forget about duty. The two vampires at home were slowly coming to a boil and she needed to be there to make sure they didn't.

"Hey, Buffy," Riley said.

"Hi," she replied as she stood and swung her bag over her shoulder.

"I want you to meet someone."

Riley led her down to the front of the lecture hall toward Maggie Walsh, their professor. Buffy looked around at Willow and gave her the look, telling her to go and let Angel and Spike know where she was. Her friend gave her a quick nod before rushing from the room.

"Buffy, Professor Walsh is my commanding officer and part of the Initiative."

"Hello, Buffy," Maggie said as she held her hand out to Buffy. "Riley has told me quite a bit about you, like you fancy yourself a Slayer."

"Not a Slayer but THE Slayer." Buffy replied. "There can be only one, well, actually there are two right now, but the other one isn't actively slaying right now."

When Maggie looked at her like she was crazy, Buffy quieted down. No reason to look like a babbling fool when she was trying to impress the woman. So, she waited. 

"Riley tells me that you are quite the impressive demon fighter. Staked a vampire by yourself." Maggie said. "I'd like to see what you can do. Why don't you come down and we'll give you a tour of our operations and put you through some tests? If you are as good as Riley says, then maybe we can come to a mutually agreeable arrangement."

"Maybe, let's go," Buffy responded.

Riley laughed and Maggie smiled slightly as they regarded her.

"I told you she'd be eager for this," Riley said.

_Yeah, sure, real eager, I just want to get this over with_, Buffy thought as she followed them from the classroom.

~~~~~~~~~

Angel paced across the living room, looked out over the garden, and turned, slowly walking back across the room. His eyes flickered over Spike and the look of worry that was on the blonde's face mirrored his own. After a few more laps across the living room, he turned and headed for the weapons chest that occupied one corner.

"What are you doing?" Spike asked as he followed him over.

"Getting a weapon then I'll gather the others and go after her. She's been gone too long. It's night already." Angel replied as he pulled out a battle axe.

Spike reached around him to procure a weapon for him when Angel grabbed his arm.

"No, you stay here."

"I'm going with you," Spike said as he straightened to his full height, his eyes burning indignantly into the worried ones of his Sire.

"No, you are not. We are going against the Initiative."

"Well, at least I can go to Giles while you all get ready."

Angel sighed in frustration. He didn't need his Childe tagging along when he was already so worried about Buffy. It would render him unable to concentrate on rescuing her if he was protecting Spike, too.

"I am telling you to stay here in case she shows up."

"Why? It's not like I can call you, never got the phones we talked about. We can leave a note for her."

Ignoring him, Angel headed for the door but Spike persisted by following him. 

"Damn it, Spike, stay here. That's not a request."

"I can handle it. What the hell is your problem? Buffy doesn't treat me like a child."  
  


"Maybe if you weren't acting like a whiny brat, I wouldn't be treating you like one."

"It's not your decision, Buffy runs the Slaying, and she'd let me go."

By this time the two vampires were nose to nose as the anger and the frustrations they had been holding onto finally exploded.

"She is my mate and would do as I tell her."

"She's mine, too," Spike shouted as his body tensed and his hands began to clench and unclench at his sides.

This time his insolence had gone too far. To claim that Buffy in anyway belonged to him was challenging everything that Angel was in this relationship. Buffy was his and only by his graciousness was Spike even allowed to touch her. Their declarations of love had obviously led Spike to delude himself on his relationship with the Slayer. The anger surged through the older vampire forcing the demon to the forefront as he switched to game face.

"She is not yours. You have obviously been too spoiled and think that you're place in this house is more than what it is."

Angel almost winced at the pain that flooded Spike's face and the sound of his Childe's heart breaking was almost physically audible.  But the words were already said and could not be taken back now.

"Is that all that I am? Still?" Spike laughed bitterly as he obviously tried to maintain his dignity. "Buffy and I only pretend that we believe in your roles and titles. They don't mean anything to us."

"What do you think you are? You are a vampire, my Childe and it would be best for you to remember that." 

He hated the words that came from his mouth but he couldn't seem to stop them. To say what was in his heart would make him too vulnerable and as Spike slipped into his demon guise, he knew that they had gone too far to back down now.

"What's going on?" Buffy cried as she came into the room.

"Nothing. The hero was going to rescue you and leave his minion at home." Spike ground out. His gaze never left Angel's face.

"I have never treated you like a minion. Never. You have been treated like more than what you deserve."

Buffy ran between them, her hands coming up as if she could stop what was going to happen.

"I deserve? More than what I deserve?" Spike laughed as he backed up. "That Angel is hilarious. You tell me I forget who I am. You are the ultimate lapdog of the Slayer. Your roles mean nothing because you are the most pussy whipped vampire I have ever had the misfortune of meeting."

Angel pushed Buffy aside as he took a swing at Spike. His fist landed on the beauty of that face with a resounding thud and for a moment they stared at each other. Their pain was evident before they threw themselves into the fight. The confusion and the love they couldn't express created an anger that was directed at their own inabilities to communicate just as much as their frustration that the other one didn't automatically understand came through in their fists. Snarls and growls and the sound of flesh hitting flesh echoed around the room.

"Stop it, both of you stop it," Buffy screamed.

Her small body came between them as Angel pushed Spike backwards. Her tears and screams for them to stop slowed them down for a moment but Angel wasn't ready to give up yet and moved around her. It was when her fist connected with his face that he stopped in astonishment. If it hadn't been for that then he would have hit her back. The three stood there frozen as they tried to come to grips with what had happened. 

"I'm leaving," Spike whispered. 

Angel stared at his child in disbelief. He wanted to tell him to stay, he wanted to apologize. To tell Spike that he loved him. But in the end he watched Spike turn and go up the stairs.

"Do something, Angel," Buffy begged through her tears.

"It's his choice," he replied as he headed for the garden. He couldn't watch his Childe walk away and he would hide like the coward he was until the younger vampire was gone.

~~~~~~~

It had been too much to hope for and Spike knew if he stayed he would always be Angel's bitch and that he couldn't forgive himself for. It was one thing to be love's bitch but another just to be someone's dog. He knew he was worth more than that. And if he had ever forgotten it then the look of love on Buffy's face would remind him.

He threw his duffel bag on the bed and headed for his dresser to grab a pile of clothes. As he stuffed them into the bag, she came into the room and he almost lost his resolve. Almost decided to stay, anything to chase the pain from those eyes, instead he opened his arms to catch her as she flew across the room.

"Stay," she pleaded, "please, stay,"

"I can't, Pet; we both knew it was crazy to hope for anything else." He whispered as his hands floated over her back. "We only deluded and hurt ourselves.'

"He won't force you to go. All you have to do is give him time to calm down."

Spike reached behind him and pulled her hands away so that he could hold them between them. Her face was ravaged with the tears and her nose was running. He freed a hand to wipe away some of the moisture gathered across her cheeks. 

"Buffy, I need to go. I'm sorry. It's not you."

"Please don't leave. I can't lose you." 

He pulled her against him again, laying a kiss on top of her head.

"You're strong enough to do this. I have to go. If he asks I'll stay but otherwise I can't do this anymore."

After letting her go, he headed to the dresser again and grabbed some more clothes. As he moved back and forth a few more times, Buffy sat on the edge of the bed and watched him. Her sobs never lessened but only grew in intensity as the bag filled. Finally it was time for him to go and he went to kneel in front of her.

"You take care of yourself, Slayer."  
  


Her hands caressed his face in random flutters as she leaned her forehead against his. He wanted to ask her to go with him but she needed to be safe and here she was. As angry as he was with Angel, he knew that his Sire loved the girl and would protect her with everything he had and here she would be taken care of.

"I love you, Spike," she whispered.

Slowly he pulled back and smiled up at her.

"No, you don't. You love the poof. Me, it's just a fairy tale you told yourself to excuse the fact that you were fucking a soulless demon."

He stood, kissed her on the forehead, grabbed his bag and left. It was time to figure out who Spike was. What he was made of and what kind of life he could have with the chip in his head.

~~~~~~~

She kicked her shoes off and crawled under the covers. It used to be just his bed and smell only of him but now it carried the scent of all of them and she found the pillow that he had last used and clutched it to her. The last time she had felt this bad was before she ran to Daytona and knew that like then that there would be no sympathy from family and friends. 

"Buffy, are you all right?" Angel asked as he sat on the side of the bed. His hand pushed the hair back off of her face.

"Why didn't you stop him? If you had only asked he would have stayed. Was your pride worth it?"

"It's deeper than that Buffy. I didn't ask him to leave. He is always welcome here but like I said it was his choice."

"And it was your choice that let him leave."

Her eyes closed as she listened to him sigh. She refused his comfort and only took comfort in the blame she placed on him. There was a part of her that knew that Spike's emotionalism and impulsiveness had contributed to the situation but he wasn't there and Angel was.

"I'm going to bed." He whispered as he leaned over to kiss her cheek. "I love you, Buffy, for always."

She waited until he was almost to the door before she had the courage to tell him.

"If anything happens to him out there, I will never forgive you."

He turned to meet her gaze, "Neither will I." 

Then he was gone and she was alone with a pillow and her broken heart.

~~~~~~~

The ever increasing tempo of Buffy's weeping was strangling him with its piteous sound. Angel lay in his bed; eyes trained to the ceiling, and let her tears be his punishment. For the first time in months the vampire would be sleeping alone and it was lonelier than all those decades of true aloneness. This was bitter and cold and it cut through him with dullest edge imaginable. 

He wanted to go and wrap her in his arms and tell her everything would be all right.

It wouldn't be. 

He wanted to go and find him and tell him it was all right.

It wasn't.

Everything had changed. In one hour their illusion of happiness was gone and it had taken months, no, a century to build to this point. Always, always it had been William that had played such havoc with his emotions. Anger, lust, desire, and joy. All wrapped in the beautiful package that he was and Angel wanted him home. He wanted that body next to his, to hear their laughter in the next room, to wake up like he had this morning to them making love. 

Angel turned in his bed and scooted down, until the scent of their sex, could wash over him and he let his eyes drift closed so he could remember. Remember the look on Buffy's face as she peered at him over Spike's shoulder, her hand reaching for his as she cried out her orgasm and the contentment with which they cuddled still joined next to him. They were truly wondrous together. Their bodies as if they were made for the other to fuck and it had become a joy to watch them move together. Buffy was a woman now. And it wasn't just life or him that had helped her on her journey. It was Spike. And in a way a part of her did belong to Spike. 

A tear slid down his face as he thought of the cruelty of his words tonight. Of the century of words and deeds meant to break someone that could never be broken. Spike would never allow himself to be broken and that was why he had left. If Spike had given in, content to be Angel's plaything and toy, then he would have been more broken than he had been after all the torture that Angelus had laid upon his body. His spirit would have been broken and that was the one thing that Angel loved about him. 

And Angel had failed him with his weakness.

He had failed Buffy.

Once again Angel proved himself to be nothing more what his father had told him he was. A waste. And in his blindness that it wasn't true, he had caused pain where it wasn't intended.

He stayed where he was, alone in his bed, and went to neither of them. His tears fell in earnest and soon the sound of Buffy's crying was drowned out by the sound of his own sobs. 

~~~~~~~

The crypt was cold and dank. Dust and cobwebs covered every surface there was. It was what every vampire would love to call home except for Spike. It was early. Really too early to sleep but there was nothing Spike wanted to do except go home and he couldn't do that. So, he had found a crypt that would most likely afford him no interruptions for the next twenty-four hours.

After throwing his duffel bag onto the sarcophagus he slowly walked the perimeter of the small building. There were no signs of anyone being in here in years and knew that he should be safe enough to try to sleep. He found himself a corner that wasn't as filthy as the others and after pulling down the cobwebs and wiping his hands on his jeans, he grabbed his bag and hunkered down with his back against the wall. From here he could still watch the doorway and after a quick glance to make sure that it was closed tight. He waited. Waited for one of them to care enough to look for him and hoping more for the sight of his Sire. Wasn't he supposed to take care of Spike, his Childe, even being able to fight demons, it still wasn't safe out here for him. One pissed off human and he was done for. One run in with the Initiative and he was done for. 

After a couple of hours of not moving, he gave up. Finally he realized that Angel didn't really care after all. He figured that Buffy wanted to come for him and Angel forbade it. That would be the Angel thing to do after all. Spike was on his own again. And as was his habit, he decided to play 'Scarlett', tonight he would indulge his grief and tomorrow would figure out what to do. Unzipping his bag he first pulled out a bag of blood he had pilfered on the way out of the house. He ripped it open and downed it to keep his strength up and when it was gone, reached in and took the bottle of whiskey out. Now, this would get him through the night as he took a long swig.

He thought of home, as the mansion now was to him, and wanted to return. Let Angel have his way and play Daddy and husband to him forever but he couldn't. Not and still call himself Spike. He leaned his head against the wall and thought of all that he had walked away from. Comfortable beds with even more comfortable bodies to sleep with. A refrigerator that always had blood and a decanter in the study that always had whiskey, a telly that they had rigged so he could get cable, (didn't tell the Slayer about that one, did they?), bathtubs you could swim in and hot water to fill them. 

But that wasn't what he would miss the most. It was him. Angel and his hands that moved across his flesh so knowingly and the laughter that had been growing more frequent. He would miss the Angel that took care of him and fed him and even as much as he hated it, had tried to protect him from the dangers of the world. 

And her, he would miss the Slayer, Buffy, who had started off as a conquest, a fuck in a game that would give him security. She had become his friend and a lover. Gotten under his skin with her smiles and nurturing and belief that he was better than evil even without a soul. And he was in love with her. Her declaration of love swept through him and wished that he could have taken her with him. He laughed as he glanced around his new home and asked himself how could he offer her this when she had all the things he was longing for.

Giving up and wanting to find a way to hide, he shifted so he was lying on his side on the dirty floor. A duffel bag for a pillow and the duster to cover him, he finally let the tears come as he longed to go home again.

TBC


	24. Traitor

**Chapter 23 – Traitor **

It was almost dawn when Buffy woke with a start, frantically looking around the room, hoping that she was still locked in a nightmare, and found instead that she was alone in Spike's bed. Her body was sticky with the clothes she had put on almost twenty-four hours ago, her mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton and her eyes burned from the marathon crying for him. Slowly as if she had forgotten even the most basic of functions, she stood and made her way to the bathroom, dropping her clothes in a trail down the hallway, uncaring of the mess, needing the heat of a shower to cleanse her. 

The water ran over her in torrid showers as she refused to think of the blonde vampire who had become so important to her and was now gone. Buffy knew if she started crying again that her soul would shatter into a million pieces as surely as the relationship that she never thought she would have. After drying off and brushing her teeth, she pulled on pajama bottoms then moved back into Spike's room to pull a t-shirt he had left behind from the closet to cover the rest of her.  

Once dressed she made her way to Angel's room, maybe in his arms she could find some peace, and be able to be lost in sleep for a few hours. She had already decided that she was blowing off school today, there was no way she could be there, and no way could she deal with Riley and Maggie Walsh, when she was hurting so much.

His room was dark but she needed no light to find the bed. The mansion was her home and she could traverse it in the dark as easily as the house on Revello Drive. She pulled the comforter back and prepared to slide in.

"No, Buffy," Angel said. "Go back to your room."

His voice was as ragged as she felt and she knew that his grief was as deep as hers.

"Why? I need you, Angel."

"Because I don't trust either of us not to do something that we will regret." 

"Is your control so fragile that you can't hold me?" 

The tears were already returning as she felt another rejection and fear that she would lose Angel, too.

"The greatest comfort for grief is sex. You need me to hold you and I want to hold you and feel you and kiss away your tears but I am afraid that I couldn't stop."

"Damn you, Angel, this is your fault." 

Buffy stood and began to pace back and forth.

"I know Buffy and I accept it."

"That doesn't do us any good. Why didn't you ever fix the curse or something? Or even tell me before you let me fall in love with you."

"You bring this up now. Like it will fix what the problem is or is it only the pleasure that comes from sex that you will miss."

"How dare you? You know I love him but I need you now and I can't even have that because of this curse you conveniently forgot to tell me about until I was too in love with you to want to back away."

This made him move, up and out of the room, his footsteps slapping against the floor and she followed, not letting him run from her. Her need for gentle and soothing comfort was gone and now she needed blood. It screamed through her, anger and pain deeper than she had ever felt, and she ran toward him and pounced, pushing him to the floor with her body weight. 

For a moment they lay there, his face cut by the stony floor and she stretched across his back, both stunned by this side of her that had never been directed toward him. While she was still frozen he threw her off and sat up, a trail of blood down his cheek that he wiped away with the back of his hand. Their eyes met and she saw only cold detachment from him. That infernal wall that had kept Spike from getting what he needed and she exploded again; launching herself on him, fists and feet, flowing as freely as her tears and words of fury. He fought back and she found herself sliding across the floor before he held her down with his weight, her hair tangled around his fist while her hands were caught above her head by his other and she struggled to free herself.

He ground himself against her and she kicked her legs free from his and wrapped them around him, shocked by the need and pleasure that he was creating. Arching up she took as much pleasure as she could from the movements between them as he began to nibble on her neck. Slowly his hands released her and she tangled her fingers in his hair as they continued to grind together.

"Let me please you," he whispered.

"Yes," she moaned and let him take the lead.

His erection against her simulated the act of sex, moving up and down then pushing against her, grinding to give her clit the friction that it needed. Buffy moved restless beneath him, her hands moving across his back down to his ass and back up. As her body became more needful, she heard the noises she was making, whimpering and mewling for release and she felt the change against her throat when he switched to game face. She turned her head to the side to give him access and he took her invitation, biting into her flesh and drinking the richness of her blood. Stars lit up her world as she came, shaking in the aftermath.

He didn't ask for his own, instead rolled them until she was on top, and they cried together, missing the one they needed. 

~~~~~~~

It was awkward as they sat across from one another at the kitchen table. After 'it' had happened, somehow Angel had stood and moved them back to his room. Finally they had slept in each other's arms and for a few blessed hours Buffy had found the oblivion that she had needed. But now as she glanced up at him, waiting for him to finally say 'I told you so', she squirmed in the knowledge that he was right. There was no way that they could live together without Spike. The passion between them was too tempting for them never to give into it. 

Then there was the anger and hurt that would make it so easy for them to turn on one another. To lay the blame and rip each other apart because there was too many thing never solved and never said. Spike had soothed them and balanced them. Their love for him only made their love for each other richer and without him it was like a drought had taken away the flourish of spring. Maybe if they could drown themselves in each other's bodies they could find a way to stay afloat long enough to figure out how to live with only the other there. To ease the rawness that existed by the absence of the heart of the three. 

"We need to have a meeting tonight to discuss what happened at the Initiative yesterday," Buffy ventured.

Angel looked up at her in surprise. Obviously, he had forgotten her absence yesterday that had led to his Childe leaving. After a moment he nodded. No words as he took another sip of his blood and they both wondered as he did if Spike had found nourishment.

"And I want to ask Willow to research the curse on your soul. If you have any information from when you tried to find something out it might be helpful."

"All right," Angel agreed. "I want to stop and get us cell phones. Hate the thought of those things but you need to be able to communicate."

This time she nodded. 

"I'm going to go ahead to Giles' place so that I can call the others to meet there later."

Buffy stood and headed out of the room before she stopped and back tracked. Leaning over she left Angel with a kiss on his cheek and an "I love you", whispered in his ear. As she made her way out she could feel his eyes follow her but she didn't know how to make it better.

~~~~~~~~

They were passing around the pizza box when Angel appeared at Giles. Everyone else was already there, settled and waiting. 

"Hey, where's Spike?" Willow asked when Angel closed the door behind him with no Spike following.

"You didn't tell them?"

Buffy met his eyes and shook her head. It wasn't that she didn't want to but it hurt too much and she wanted Angel's support when she did.

"Tell us what?" Giles asked.

Her hand was held out for her mate and when he clasped it and sat beside her on the couch, she looked around at everyone. Then she took a deep breath.

"Spike won't be joining us. He moved out last night."

There was a silence for a moment. Buffy looked carefully around the room, gauging the reactions of her friends. Giles appeared to be shell shocked and then a disappointment flooded his eyes. Xander and Anya merely looked stunned, Tara looked confused since she had really known Spike that well, but it was Willow that surprised her. The red head looked hurt by him being gone.

"What happened?" Giles asked.

"We had a fight." Angel said. "Now that he knows he can fight demons, he no longer needed my protection and decided to try it on his own."

"Buffy, how do you feel about this?" Giles reached over and touched Buffy's hand to get her attention because she was staring down.

At his question she raised her head and looked around the room, as tears took her over again.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"You really love him, don't you?" Xander asked.

Buffy could only nod, her throat closed up and she covered Giles' hand with her own.

"You are just going to let him go?" Willow asked. "If the Initiative finds him again they'll take him captive or kill him."

"We are going to go and look for him after the meeting," Angel said quietly. 

Earlier Angel had given no clue that he had planned on looking for him and Buffy's heart leapt at the thought that maybe Spike would be home with them later. She turned and burrowed into Angel's side.

"Thank you."

His hand played softly with her hair before bending over to kiss her but he gave no explanation as to why he had reached this decision. Maybe he was ready to start opening up and yield a little to Spike. She wasn't going to delude her self that part of his decision was only to please her and to keep them together. But as Spike said every step forward was still a step forward and needed to be celebrated.

"You're welcome."

"Now, let's get this meeting underway," Giles said bringing their focus back to the business at hand. 

For the next hour Buffy described the Initiative to them and what they had put her through. They tossed ideas around for ways to bring them down and to stop Adam before he had a chance to harm anyone else. At the end it was decided that Buffy would continue to ingratiate herself into Riley's and Maggie's graces until they could figure out what exactly their agenda was. It wasn't really comfortable for any of them but at this point they couldn't figure out anything else to do.

As they were getting ready to disband, Buffy asked them to stay a moment longer.

"Willow, I wanted to ask you to do a favor for us?" Buffy asked.

"Sure, what can I help with?"

The Slayer stood and went to stand behind Angel, her hands laid on his shoulders.

"We would like you to help change his curse so that the clause is taken out."

"Do you have the original spell?" Willow asked. Then her brows furrowed as a thought seemed to occur to her. "What happens when Spike comes back? I mean, if you two, can you know, where does that leave him?"

"Good question," Giles said.

"More orgasms for everyone would seem to be the answer," Anya chipped in.

"It would leave him exactly where he is," Buffy answered. "It just means if something happens then we are covered."

"How much do you know of the curse?" Giles asked.

"I know that the spell is only known by the gypsy tribe. When I was first souled I tracked down one of the remaining ones and tried to force him to change me back but he told me that only one of their blood could reverse it." Angel explained. "I searched for an existing member after Buffy and I got together but kept reaching dead ends. I have a folder with all the information that I have."

Angel walked over to the desk to grab the folder and then handed it to Willow. She opened it and began to flip through the pages.

"I'll go through this tonight and start on it tomorrow. If I have any questions I'll let you know."

"Thanks," Angel said. "And by the way Buffy and I…and Spike when he gets home have cell phones. So, that you can get a hold of us easier."

Giles quickly took down the numbers and passed them out so that everyone had them. After that Buffy dragged Angel out so that they could begin to look for their lover.

~~~~~~~~

Angel had led the way, systematically searching each cemetery for him, each demon interrogated for news of someone new on the scene and they trailed through a couple of bars but still hadn't found him. He kept telling her that they would find him sooner or later. Maybe not that night but the word was out that they were searching for him. Hopefully, if Spike knew that they were looking he would come home on his own.

"You know, when we find him," Buffy said, "We need to take him out to the Bronze and get him the onion thing and some wings. Maybe get him some imported beer from England. He's always complaining that the stuff here is piss water." She paused for a moment then snapped her fingers. "And then…"

"Buffy, slow down," Angel chuckled and turned to face her. He took her face in his hands before kissing her, slowly at first then let it build before pulling back. "Let's get him home first. Make sure he's safe before we smother him."

"I'm sorry. I miss him so much." 

"I know you do." He took a deep breath before meeting her eyes. "I do too and I want to be able to tell him that."

"So, you're not mad at me for rambling on."

Angel shook his head, turned and took her hand to lead her into another cemetery.

"No, I know that you love both of us. And I'm learning to live with it."

They heard voices and ducked behind a crypt to find out who it was before revealing themselves. Buffy recognized Spike's voice and eagerly started to dart out when Angel's arm encircled her waist and a hand clamped over her mouth.

"Shush a moment," he whispered. "Let's find out who he is with first."

She nodded and allowed him to pull her back into the shadows again. The voices came closer and they peeked around the corner. Buffy's mouth formed an 'O' when she saw Spike's companion and then she felt her heart breaking all over again.

He was with Adam and from the words she could make out they were making plans to sabotage the Scoobies. It seemed he had returned to the dark side and was now plotting against them. It didn't seem possible as she turned unbelieving eyes to Angel hoping he could make it better but the pain and anger in the brown depths only verified what she had seen. 

Spike was once again their enemy.

TBC


	25. Laying Down

**Chapter 24 – Laying Down **

The hallway was crowded and Buffy moved to the side trying to avoid anyone or anything. She had returned to classes today at Angel's insistence but she wasn't doing anything but gliding through them. All she did was sit and think about Spike: how he had failed them but more importantly how they had failed him.  She tried to rationalize a reason for his involvement with Adam and for him getting anywhere near the Initiative. If they caught him then he would most likely be staked or taken prisoner to be experimented on and she would never see or touch him again. That thought was unbearable and added to her already overwrought emotions and she was afraid that she would have another panic attack.

"Buffy, wait up," Willow called.

But Buffy kept moving, needing to be outside the oppressively hot building, in order to breathe. The more students that flowed into the hallway the more she felt like she was going to suffocate. She glanced briefly at Willow and waved at her, mouthing that she needed to get out and once outside she moved to the side while gulping in fresh air. After a few deep breaths she began to feel better and leaned against the building to wait for the Wiccan couple. It didn't take long for Willow to exit the building with Tara close beside her.

"Hey," Willow asked. "Are you okay? Cause you don't look so hot?"

The Slayer tried to smile but it was too much of an effort to pretend that everything was wonderful in her life.

"I'm sorry, Will, it's just that…."

"You didn't find Spike last night, did you?"

The three girls started to walk as Buffy tried to figure out what to tell her friends. Angel and she had called for a Scooby meeting this afternoon so everyone could be told but it seemed too long to wait until they reached the mansion to say anything. It was the only thing that she could possible think about and with resignation she realized that there was no way she could hold onto the information for that long.

"Yeah, we found him," Buffy finally said.

"No, he's not…is he?"

"Oh my God, no, he's alive or undead or whatever, that's not it." She hesitated as she took a deep breath. "He's working with Adam."

Buffy hoped that Angel would understand her need to talk to Willow and Tara about it without it being up for group discussion first. Everything important since she had come to Sunnydale had been discussed with Willow, except for that short period before she ran away. And Buffy wanted not only her friend's advice on how to deal with this but also her support. Even though Willow had looked hurt at Spike's disappearance she still wasn't sure if he was accepted or not by the red head but hopefully their friendship would take precedence over any negative feelings toward the blonde vampire. 

"Are you sure? Because I don't believe it." Willow responded.

"I thought he was adjusting really well to being part of you all," Tara offered.

"To us," Buffy corrected. She was glad that she had made the distinction when Tara's face lit up. It was one thing that the recent turn of events had taught her was that you had to let people know where they stood, especially if they were shy or insecure. "I know it just doesn't seem right but I can't deny what I saw with my own eyes."

"Okay, I know I wasn't on the 'Yay, Spike is now a Scooby', train but he's changed." Willow said.

"I'm surprised, Willow, that you are so sure that he's not a bad guy now. I mean last night you were upset because he moved out and now you're defending him. What happened?"

Willow laughed and took Tara's hand. "He gave me the courage to try again. It was the night after Oz left and you and Angel left us alone, we talked, I mean really talked. He told me about losing Drusilla and I told him about the spell I tried to do on Veruca and it clicked, you know. That when he kidnapped me and Xander he was trying to do the same thing that I was, protect what was his and try to hold onto his love. It made me realize that we weren't all that different. Then he told me about his feelings for you and that he was glad he had given you a chance. So, when I met Tara, I didn't even hesitate."

An arm was laid across Willow's shoulder as Buffy hugged her. 

"I'm glad Willow, for you and Tara. And Spike will be happy when he comes home," Buffy hesitated as she realized what she said but continued anyway. "He needs friends. I don't think he's ever really had any."

"Well, we'll be there for him." Willow said. "And today after the meeting I want to talk to Angel some more about the curse. Maybe if he's willing we can do some research together. Tara wants to help, too."

"Yeah, that would be good."

Buffy offered her friend a wan smile as she began to feel a little hope.  The small bit of optimism afforded by Willow's support was good because all the confusion and hurt had been making Buffy wish she hadn't taken a chance. That she was back in Daytona living with Sheila and working at the Shack. It hadn't been in anyway an exciting life but at least she didn't have to force her way through the day and pray she could be lost in sleep that was almost unattainable unless she was in Angel's arms. But the only times he would allow it was if he was awake and would only hold her for a few hours so she could get some rest. The days of lying tangled together were gone because both were too afraid of the passion that existed within them and the burning need to drown themselves in something carnal, anything to take away the memory of Spike. It was to be denied though as the evidence kept telling them that Spike hadn't changed. And their former belief that their love and presence would change the very nature of a demon was torn apart by the vision of Spike walking with Adam. 

~~~~~~~

It was disheartening the looks and moods of their small family as they learned of Spike's desertion. Buffy could feel it in the core of her as Xander looked at her with an almost smug look. She knew she deserved it. She had been the one to beg them to give Spike a chance, her words of 'he's changed' and 'he's harmless' were already echoing through her own head and Xander's look only confirmed what she already knew. She had been wrong.

"Well, that bloody well rots," Giles said cursing in his own fashion. The anger on his face was evident as he cleaned his glasses over and over. 

"So, what do we do now?" Xander asked.

"It's fairly safe to say that anything we know is now known by Adam especially our weaknesses. It would be Spike's way in the door and his bargaining tool." Buffy said.

"What would Spike want by being with Adam? I mean what can Adam offer Spike to make him turn on us." Tara asked. 

"Revenge," Angel answered. "To hurt any of you would hurt Buffy which would hurt me. And I'm the one he would want to get back."

"What if he did it to get the chip out?" Anya offered. "I mean the Initiative is the one that put it in so it would be logical that Adam could arrange for it to be taken out."

"Good Lord, I didn't even think of that." Giles said. "That would mean we would have William the Bloody on the loose again."

"Whoa," Buffy stood with her hands out. "Hold on just a minute. Okay, Spike has been a pain in the ass before but nothing we couldn't handle. I'm not saying he's harmless at the moment especially if he is selling us out but..."

"If he is?" Xander interrupted. "I think it's pretty clear what his intentions are. Why else would he be talking with Adam?"

"I just think something else is up," Willow spoke up. "Maybe he is offering to be buddy buddy with the green guy to get information to bring back to us."

"See, a good idea," Buffy exclaimed.

"Buffy, I could only hope so but," Giles said. "Until we know for sure we can only assume that he is the enemy and needs to be treated accordingly."

~~~~~~~

Outside in the garden a lone figure in black crouched in the shadows listening to the Scoobies meeting and he winced when he heard Willow's comment. A smile twisted his lips as he listened to the girl defend him but it was too late for such matters. They had to know he meant business, he decided, as he pulled the blanket over his head and ran for the sewer entrance just half a block away. To have them sympathize with him in anyway wouldn't do at this point in the game at all. 

~~~~~~~

Angel walked into the bathroom, the slump in his shoulders returned with the absence of their guests, taking a seat on the closed lid of the commode. For a few moments he watched her as she prepared to go patrolling with Riley again and a small flutter of fear ran through him.

"Don't go," he asked. If he lost her too then he knew that he would return willingly to the alleys and rats for an existence. Without either of the blondes in his life, he wouldn't want to go on, and then a sigh shuddered through him because he would go on, forever. The choice was his as to whether he wanted to merely exist or remain true to the calling he had found with Buffy if he would ever find himself alone again.

Buffy pulled her hair through the pony tail holder and smiled at him through the mirror. He watched as she wiped a small smear of lipstick off the corner of her mouth before she responded to him.

"Why?" She answered. "It's the only way that we'll find anything out."

"And if he knows everything then he could hurt you."

Angel knew he sounded like the Nancy Boy that Spike always called him but he wasn't above begging at this point. When she came to sit on his lap he leaned back to give her access then wrapped his arms around with his head cradled to her breasts. Her fingers ran through his hair and he allowed himself to feel a small allotment of the pleasure he found in her arms. Angel sighed when Buffy pressed a chaste on the top of his head.

"As if you won't be following to protect me like you do every night." 

"I just feel something is wrong tonight."

"It's only the fact that we had to bring it out into the open and it made it more real."

She slipped off Angel's lap to head back into the bedroom and like the lovesick puppy he was, he followed. As was their routine she would leave and head to the fraternity house to meet Riley while he took a more circular route to the same destination. He would then follow them while they patrolled, trying to stay out of their line of radar as he tried to protect what he had left.

~~~~~~~

The vampire headed directly toward Buffy and she bent and threw him over her shoulder before turning and staking him quickly. Standing again she checked to see how Riley and Forrest were doing. Forrest was struggling a bit more with his vampire and she ran over to stake the demon in the back. By the time they were done, Riley had dusted the vamp he was fighting and after a look around to make sure they were done, they started their patrol of the cemetery again.

"So, you and this Spike guy broke up?" Riley asked.

"Yeah, I told you that. He took off and I haven't seen him since." She shrugged her shoulders as she felt a trace of the same fear that Angel had felt go through her. It wasn't something she could identify exactly. Maybe it was the questions from Riley that had been more probing tonight. Even though she kept trying to avoid answering he kept at it until it was grating on her nerves and she knew that her concentration was shot and could only hope that nothing serious would happen.

"What's the big project that Maggie was briefing everybody on?" She asked trying to divert the conversation away from her personal life.

"Something that's coming up. It's still classified other wise we'd tell you," Forrest provided.

"Oh, because if something big is going down in Sunnydale, I want to be included."

She didn't miss the looks they exchanged over her head. Both wore small smiles at her statement as if they were amused at her enthusiasm but the shudder that ran through her was more telling of a devious plot they had that concerned her.

"You will be, Buffy," Riley said. "Were you living with this guy?"

"Riley, its over, he's gone, I'm single, if you want to ask then ask."

He chuckled at her response, "Soon, okay? I'm just trying to find out if I'm just going to be the rebound guy."

Buffy smiled up at him, "Well, then back off and quit bringing him up so I can forget."

After a moment of gazing one another they turned and with an amused Forrest following they continued with patrolling. Buffy was so lost in her thoughts of how to balance everything she didn't realize that they were at the edge of the cemetery where it ran into the woods. A noise jarred her from her thoughts as three demons exploded from the trees. They were running straight at them and she could only react as the fight began. 

It took her a few minutes before she snapped the neck on her demon and when she looked around she felt the fear overwhelm her as it moved through her bowels. Riley and Forrest were both gone and she was alone. At first she tried to tell herself that they had only gone off to fight the other demons but she knew. Somewhere inside something was screaming that she had been set up and as Adam and Spike stepped from the forest that something told her to run. 

It was too late as Adam grabbed her arm and turned her back to face him. Her eyes looked to Spike wondering why he wasn't helping her. He had said he loved her. He had said that he would always have her back. 

Adam easily picked her up and threw her against a crypt because somehow she had forgotten how to fight in the face of Spike's betrayal and was only a doll in the hands of the monster. She heard the sound of her skull hitting the stone wall and before the blackness overtook her she saw only coldness in the depths of the blue eyes that used to bring her such comfort.

TBC


	26. Sweet Dreams

**Chapter 25 – Sweet Dreams**

"Bloody hell," Spike exclaimed as he rushed to Buffy. He knelt beside her and his hand cradled her head, feeling to gauge how badly she was hurt, and when she moaned, he knew she was going to be all right. There was no denying the relief that flooded his being at the knowledge.  "I told you to scare her, not kill her."

"Does it matter?" Adam asked.

"Yes, it does. We need her for the plan to work." 

"Do you still care for her?"

Adam gestured toward Spike and where his thumb was softly caressing her cheek. It was a totally reflexive gesture and he quickly snatched his hand away. Regret moved though him as he stared down at her fragile and helpless state but he pushed it aside. This wasn't the time for any emotions that would leave him weak. 

"No, not anymore," Spike said, standing as Riley and Forrest returned. "You really need to teach him the difference between scaring and almost killing. Fine distinction there, you know."

"He cares for the girl. He will be a liability in the fight." Adam said.

"I told you I didn't. Just wanted to make sure you left her alive so that all the plans don't go to hell because you've got issues."

Buffy moaned again and Spike along with the others looked down at her as she began to move.

"Get out of here," Riley said. "And both of you had better get it together before everything gets blown."

Spike took one last look down at Buffy then raised his head a fraction to trace a scent. His gaze followed the source to some dense bushes not far from the clearing and nodded just a trace. With a smirk he turned and followed Adam into the forest. 

~~~~~~~

Intense rage filled Angel as he watched Buffy being thrown against the crypt. He had started toward her when Spike had rushed to her side so he waited for a moment to see what he was going to do. There was almost tenderness on the face of his Childe as he checked the Slayer for injuries but it didn't matter. As far as he was concerned Spike had crossed the final line when he had allowed that monster to touch Buffy. He heard his mate moan and Spike's words indicating that she was going to be all right that made him decide to bide his time for a while longer. He continued to watch as Riley and Forrest returned confirming their suspicions that they did know what Adam was up to and whatever was going down was going to be bigger than they had originally thought. Of course Spike being on their side only lowered their chances of winning but Angel vowed that by dawn the blonde wouldn't be a danger to them anymore.

Angel watched as Buffy woke and with the help of the two soldier boys made her way to Willow's dormitory. Angel waited impatiently until Riley and Forrest left so that he could hurry to the room to check on her himself. He didn't bother to knock as he entered and rushed to her side. The need to see her overwhelming any other thought in his mind.

He knelt in front of her on the floor, laying his hands on her knees. "Are you sure that you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Buffy said. "Of course I'm going to have a major headache coming on but other than that I'm okay."

"Here," Willow said, handing her a bag of ice. "I called Xander so that he can give you a ride home. I didn't think it would be too good for you to be walking."

"Thanks, Will, I appreciate it."

Buffy winced as she pressed the ice to the back of her head and her free hand squeezed Angel's hand. He smiled up at her hoping to give her the reassurance that she was looking for. 

"So, Spike was in on this? Are you sure?" Willow said. Her hands fidgeted in her lap and for some reason it irritated Angel.

"What is it? You two need Buffy dead before you'll believe that Spike is out to get us." Angel stood and paced the room. "This is it." 

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked.

Angel stopped in front of her and hesitated. He knew that if he told her of his plans she would be angry but that she would be angrier if he didn't tell her. The decision weighed on him and finally decided not to tell her until it was over. Spike was his responsibility to deal with and they would all be better off if he was gone.

"Nothing for you to worry about," he told her softly. "I just have some things to take care of, that's all. I'm going to send you with Xander and I'll be home later."

"No, you are going to tell me what you are doing." 

Willow's worried look went from one to the other and Angel tried to relax knowing that his tension was only making the situation worse. 

"Angel, are you planning on staking him?" Willow asked.

Angel remained silent; unable to lie directly and unable to tell the truth.

"No, you are not going to hurt Spike." Buffy protested. "We still don't know everything."

"He let that monster try to kill you. What more do you want? He can't touch you himself so he is having his cohorts do it." As Buffy stood, she swayed on her feet and her mate reached out to steady her. It was too much for Angel and he hugged her, feeling the softness and steel of her petite form against him. His hand stroked her back and he laid a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I need to do this to protect us."

She pushed him away from her and his own anger was radiated back at him as her eyes flashed.

"I said no. As your mate, I demand the right to exact my own revenge in my own time." 

For a moment Angel could only stare in confusion at her. One thing he had never gotten around to doing was explaining the 'rules and privileges of being a mate of the alpha male'. Both his mate and Childe hadn't wanted to play by the rules of him being the Alpha male so he had never educated Buffy on her role. He had thought that she would just scoff at the archaic rituals and domination games anyway much less ever invoke them. Just as his confusion faded, clarity clicked in and he knew that it had to have been Spike and he laughed.

"He played you really well. Got you to fall in love with him knowing that you're compassion would refuse to allow him to be punished and made sure that you knew the words to use, too. Maybe he's smarter than I've given credit for." 

"Then you'll allow me my right?" Buffy asked.

Angel stepped closer to her, his anger only multiplied, at her request. He wondered if Spike had told her everything or only what suited him as he ran a finger down her cheek. It was very doubtful that he had or Buffy wouldn't have played that card knowing that it would only end in pain for her.

"I will allow it, mate, but be aware that if we are going to play by the rules then I will demand my rights from you. So, be very sure that this is what you want."

There was a flash of defiance in her eyes as she nodded her head and accepted the challenge and Angel felt a small thrill of pride run through him that she would stand up to him. 

"Then let the games begin." He told her softly and although he knew he would never play those games with her, he still couldn't deny the pleasure he felt at the thought of doing just that.

~~~~~~

After making sure that the courtyard was empty, Spike headed toward Giles' flat. He avoided the door and instead made his way to the window. Before making his presence known he had to make sure that the Watcher was alone. Once again he surveyed the courtyard then turned to look in as Giles returned to the living room with tea cup in hand. 

_He is alone. This should be fun_. Spike thought, heading toward the front door. _Hopefully, I haven't been uninvited_. His hand turned the knob and flung the door open. With relief he stepped through the door and he grinned as Giles turned to look at him in surprise.

"'allo Watcher. We need to talk," Spike said as he slammed the door shut behind him.

~~~~~~~

Buffy pressed the end button on her phone as Angel strode into her room. With concern for the older man in her eyes she turned toward her mate. "I've tried to call Giles three times and he's not picking up. I'm getting worried about him."

"Did you ever think that he might have a date?" Angel asked with a smile.

"Giles? Date? No I don't think so." Buffy laughed slightly. "I've never seen Giles be interested in a woman much less actually be dating."

With a shrug of her shoulders, Buffy went to sit on the bed while Angel followed her. He held his hands toward her with a glass of water in one and a bottle of pain reliever in the other.

"I brought you something for your headache. How are you feeling?"

"Headachy." She quipped and watched in approval as Angel smiled in response.

Buffy took the bottle first, shaking out two tablets before popping them into her mouth, then washing them down with the glass of water. After she drank the cool liquid, she faced her lover. She smiled as his hands probed the back of her head and caressed the almond-sized bump.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital?" 

"Nah, Slayer healing. I'll be fine by morning." Buffy said, her hand reaching for his. She brought it to her lips and kissed the palm before rubbing her cheek against it. "Thank you for being there."

"No, where else I want to be. I love you."

Buffy closed her eyes for a moment as she gathered the courage to broach the subject of Spike. Things between her and Angel had been good since they had left the dormitory and gotten home. He had been caring and sweet and she didn't want to start another fight over the missing vampire. 

"I love you, too." Her eyes opened and looked into his as she held tight to his hand. "Thank you for not going after him."

Angel immediately tensed up and Buffy sighed in frustration. 

"It was your right to stop me."

"And your choice whether or not to grant my request. I know you're having a hard time with this but, it was just something that happened after I got hurt, I was really out of it but I remember him checking on me like you just did and then his hand was on my face. It was almost…tender."

It was when Angel turned away from her and sighed that Buffy knew it wasn't her imagination or wistful thinking, Spike had been checking on her. Anger flooded her as she stared in disbelief at her mate. 

"You knew he was checking on me? And you were going to kill him anyway? How could you?"

Angel stood to walk over to the dresser. His hands clenched and unclenched over and over showing his emotional turmoil while Buffy waited for him to answer her.

"I saw him stand there and not do anything while that monster hurt you. It was probably guilt that made him show some concern for you. Why do you insist on protecting him?"

"Because I love you."

"That makes a hell of a lot sense," Angel said. He gave a short bitter laugh before returning to sit next to her on the bed, the slump of his shoulders showing his pain.

Buffy immediately shifted closer to him as her anger slipped away and was replaced by compassion for the confused brunette next to her. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close while her hand caressed his arm as she snuggled against him.

"It does make sense because if you destroy him now then we'll never know why and eventually it would eat away at you and you'd wish you'd never done it. I know that there are more things showing that he is a danger to us but its little things like tonight when he checked on me that makes me wonder what is really up. And until I know I can't give up on him."

"It's going to be like looking for a needle in a haystack to find some good in him. He's a soulless demon and we forgot that."

"No we didn't. And I'll search through every piece of hay one by one until I get the answers I need. I want him to look me in the eye and tell me that he doesn't love us. I want to know why he's doing this. He may not have a soul, Angel, but he's got humanity. Willow considers him a friend and everyday I'd come home from classes to find Giles and him watching Passions before my training sessions. Why would he throw away all this?" Her hand playfully slapped his leg. "And don't tell me it's because he's evil because I don't believe it."

"I do believe it. I created him and taught him everything he knows."

"Oh, Angel," Buffy sat up again and cradled his face in her hands. Her thumbs softly caressed his cheeks. "It's not that you don't believe in him. It's because you're afraid of hoping. If you hope that there is good in him and there isn't then you'll be hurt. And if you hope for him to return then you have to put your own heart on the line and that terrifies you."

It was heartbreaking for Buffy to watch as the tears welled up in Angel's eyes and he nodded his agreement. She sighed as she contemplated the situation they were in. The three of them had been running for so long from committing themselves to the emotions that existed between them and because of that fear they had lost their grip on Spike. But no matter what Angel told her, she knew that Spike wasn't totally evil and there was always forgiveness because for her, he hadn't crossed the point of no return yet. She just hoped that they could figure out a way to get him back before it was too late.

TBC


	27. Clouds of Comprehension

**Chapter 26 – Clouds of Comprehension**

It was a typical morning - post Spike. The kitchen was empty when Buffy walked in. No Angel making her breakfast and no Spike to help her eat it. Loneliness echoed through the room as she popped her bagel in the toaster and poured her juice. She could hear Angel in the shower so while she waited on her breakfast she poured out a mug of blood and put into the microwave to heat. Not that he would join her. He would walk in, take it and turn for his study to read the morning headlines while she got ready for school.

It had been five days since the encounter with Spike and Adam; five days since Angel had been more open with his feelings. And now he was even more closed off than before. They both were. As Angel had said, 'What else are we to do?' They couldn't be a typical couple because of the 'no sex' clause. Buffy was also becoming more aware each day that even if Willow found a cure for the gypsy curse that it wouldn't help their situation. Spike would always be between Angel and her. They could never erase the memory of the three of them. 

Spreading cream cheese on her bagel; Buffy went through her schedule for the day. There wasn't anything exciting or new or even special that she had to remember. It was just a way to put off thinking of Spike. There hadn't been anymore sightings of him. It was like he dropped off the face of the planet. His name wasn't even brought up. Angel still thought she was wrong to believe in him in spite of his own emotions toward the blonde. His attitude was 'prove me wrong' while hers was 'prove me right' and it didn't bring them any closer.

Angel walked in behind her and headed for the refrigerator.

"There's already some in the microwave."

"Thanks," Angel said. And typically he opened the appliance, took out the mug and headed for the door. "I'll be in the study if you need me."

"I need you," she whispered softly as she sat at the table. She took a bite of her breakfast while she waited for him. He was still in the doorway contemplating what she wanted and if he wanted to deal with it. In the end he sat across from her.

"What's up, Buffy?"

Buffy scrambled for a topic of conversation. The words asking him to stay had come unexpectedly to her lips from somewhere in her heart. She could feel the tension from the vampire across from her and finally she sighed.

"Giles is still acting funny," she said. "I mean since that night I couldn't get a hold of him, he's been acting strange. And he won't tell me what is going on."

"He's entitled to a private life, Buffy."

Her hands were slowly ripping her bagel apart, leaving them in a small pile on her plate.

"I know but…it's like I'm in the Twilight Zone. I keep expecting Rod Serling to pop up or something. Spike goes off to join the other side, Giles is acting goofy and you…you keep slipping away."

His hands covered hers; squeezing them and when she looked up at him he was smiling indulgently at her. 

"I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. When all this is over we'll talk and figure things out but until then we need to concentrate on figuring out exactly what the Initiative has planned and stopping them. Then we'll have time."

"So, until then we act like strangers?" Buffy flinched as Angel pushed his chair back and walked to the counter. His fists pushed against the edge and she realized that even this anger was better than the cold demeanor of the last few days. "I'm tired of this. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of sleeping alone and feeling like you don't give a damn. I know you do but still I…we need you. Isn't it your damn job as head of the family to keep everyone in line? So, why aren't you taking care of it?"

Angel turned to her with an almost evil twist to his lips and she felt a chill run down her spine. Maybe she had pushed him too far. She stood and started to back up but there was no place to go as her back hit the counter. Before she could regroup he was there, his hands planted on either side of her and his body pinning her in place.

"I tried to take care of it. Remember? And you said no. Please don't. Your tears and pleas made me stop taking care of…it. What do you want Buffy? For me to go and drag him home? To lock him in the basement and torture him until he promises to be a good boy? Spike doesn't break. I've tried for years, hell a century even and he is too fucking prideful to allow it. Now, as my **mate, you can demand that I try again. Or you can try your hand at it. Maybe a whip administered by your loving touch might do wonders that no one else has done. Is that what you want?"**

Buffy shook her head. Her hands kneaded his sides as she stared up at him. She knew that she had been treading a fine line when she had told him she wanted to take revenge in her own way and now again pushing vampire family roles but she needed something. Reactions. Actions. Anything to take away the numbness. She wanted Spike here to fuck her into the mattress while Angel caressed them both. She wanted to return the favor as Angel took Spike. She wanted the love that was a hazy cloud around them in the aftermath as they drifted off together. She wanted the fighting and the playing back. She wanted them back.

"I want us back. All of us. And I'm willing to fight for it anyway that I can."

"Even if it means accepting my role as head of the family? Even if it means that you will be bound by rules that have to apply to everyone? Even if I feel that you have to be punished? And if it means that you might have to punish him. Even if you have to accept pain with the pleasure?"

Her hands cupped his face as she looked into his eyes.

"I love you, Angel. And with that I trust you to do what is necessary and if that's the only way for us to be together again then yes, I accept it. I need us again, all of us, the way it's been since he's been gone, it's killing me."

Surprise lit up Angel's face as his arms encircled her and brought her close to him in a comforting hug.  Buffy snuggled close to him as she accepted that she had just turned her entire being over to Angel this time with no clauses or agreements. Spike had never sugar coated what life had been like with Angelus and what he had been scared her; the pain that he had enjoyed inflicting and the mind games that made him laugh but it was time. Moving forward was never easy and when she had searched herself she realized that she did trust Angel. Even when he had broken up with her, he had been trying to protect her and by bringing her back, he had been trying to make her happy. It was time to let go and trust her heart instead of playing it safe. For all of them.

~~~~~~

The computer had to be lying. After everything they had gone through looking for an answer to Angel's problems and it was this simple. Jenny Calendar formerly Janna of the Kalderash clan was a professor right there at UC Sunnydale. Willow blinked a couple of times at the screen to make sure that she was reading it right. Yep, Jenny Calendar, Professor, Computer Science, it was definitely there. 

Willow debated whether to call Buffy and Angel about her discovery but decided to do some research before letting them know. If for some reason this Jenny wasn't the right person then there was no reason to give them a reason to hope only to have it dashed again. 

It was almost time for her to meet Tara and together they could walk to the Computer Science building. Gathering her books, Willow headed for the quad where she was supposed to meet her girlfriend. She couldn't deny the thrill that went through her when she called Tara that. It was still taking some getting used to, being in love with a girl, but it felt so right that she didn't want to hesitate or even question the relationship. Willow smiled when she saw the blonde waiting for her and she rushed forward to meet her.

"Hi, Tara."

"Hey, you look excited about something. Did you get that 'A' you were looking for?" 

"No, better, I found one of the gypsy clan. The one for Angel and she's here. I mean here on campus of all places. Like right under our noses. Do you want to go with me to check it out?"

Willow smiled again as Tara laughed gently at her rushed speech and nodded her agreement. With Willow leading the way they quickly headed for the Computer building. It wasn't far from the quad and they reached it within a few minutes. Ms. Calendar's office was on the main floor toward the rear of the building. Willow knocked on the closed door hoping that the Professor was there.

"Come in."

Tentatively the red head opened the door and stepped into the office followed by Tara. A woman sat at the desk busily typing on a keyboard, eyes focused on the monitor. After a few moments the woman glanced at them and smiled. Willow took a seat in front of her desk while Tara took the other when the woman sat back and gestured for them to sit.

"Hi, I'm Professor Calendar. And you are? I'm sorry if you're in one of my classes but honestly I don't recognize you."

"We're not in any classes, of yours that is, but we are students here. I'm Willow Rosenberg and this is Tara McClay."

"Hi and how may I help you?"

Willow took a deep breath as she tried to collect her thoughts. She didn't want to rush into this but there really didn't seem any way to approach something like this delicately. 

"I need to ask you something. Are you also Janna of the Kalderash clan?"

The reaction was immediate as Professor Calendar sat up and leaned on the desk. Suspicion was clearly etched on the woman's face as she looked from Willow to Tara.

"Who are you and what do you want?"

"Like I said I'm a student here but I'm here for a friend," Willow responded. "His name is Angel or you probably know him as Angelus. He needs help and I was hoping…"

"Get out. That monster gets no help from me."

"Things are different now." Willow tried again. There had to be way to reach the Professor. She didn't want to go back and tell everyone she had found her but had botched things up. "He's good and he's helped to save the world quite a few times. And he's in love and because of the curse he can't really be with her."

Ms. Calendar laughed as Willow tried to reason with her. The red head fell silently as she felt defeat but then Tara gently touched her hand. It gave her the courage not to give up.

"Do you know why he was cursed? Are you aware that he murdered the beloved daughter of our clan?"

"Yeah, like over a hundred years ago. And if the clan is still so tight then why are you here instead of being with them? He was a vampire, a demon when he murdered her. And he's saved plenty of lives since he got the soul. And I'm not really asking for him but for her. They love each other so much and they're miserable because they can't commit."

"Are you sitting there telling me that he is love with a human girl and she knows what he is and still wants to be with him?"

"Yes, I am. Why don't you meet him and see what his life is like now? Then decide."

Willow felt a little hope as the Professor leaned back again and ran her hand across her face. She sighed as she turned back to face Willow again.

"I will be in touch with my family. It is their decision not mine. And I don't want to meet him. Is that clear? Leave me your information and I will get back in touch with you when I am ready."

Grabbing pen and paper Willow quickly scribbled down her information and handed it to Ms. Calendar.

"Thank you."

Willow stood and grabbed Tara's hand as they walked out. It wasn't the ending she had been looking for from the meeting but at least it hadn't been totally bad. Now, she just needed to tell the others what had happened.

~~~~~~~

Angel watched Buffy's face fall as he told her that he would meet her later instead of walking with her to Giles'. He needed some time alone before facing everyone. And as she walked away he returned to his drawing. The pencil flew over the paper as the features of Spike became clearer. Angel concentrated to get the shadows from his sharp cheekbones just right and the lip that slightly protruded when he was sulking while his thoughts ran rampant. As he drew, Angel's mind drifted back to the conversation with Buffy from that morning. It still amazed him that Buffy had laid down her arms and given him control of their life. It terrified him and that was what his problem was. When he had slapped Buffy when this all started it had shown him how close Angelus was to the surface. Then his mate and Childe had demanded things. Things that had made him think that if he didn't be totally passive then they wouldn't love him. He had hidden away who he was and he had lost them anyway. 

Now Buffy told him that she would accept him. She would do what she had to do to get Spike back with them and for them to be a family again. She had asked why he hadn't taken control and done what needed to be done. Why he didn't act the role that was his right? And it was his right because of her agreement to be his mate and Spike, by blood, was his Grand-Childe. But it was that right that had also driven Spike away because he had to have control over the younger vampire. 

Angel threw the pencil and paper on his desk and stood, shoving his hands in his pockets as he began to pace the study's floor. Memories of Angelus and control of his first family raced through his mind; the pain and blood that had held everyone in line whether they liked it or not made him wince at his once soulless cruelty. He would never, could never, force Buffy or Spike to do anything with the methods he used to employ. Like Spike had once said, his soul would never allow it but it hadn't stopped him from using intimidation and fear to constantly remind Spike that he was the lesser being in the relationship. 

Angel knew that when Buffy had given him control, it wasn't because she really wanted him to use torture and pain to control his family. She wanted him to break through that emotional wall that she hated so much. She wanted him to let his emotions out and truly be a part of them and she was willing to accept all of him even the parts that weren't pure and good. She didn't need or want him to be perfect. With them he could be who he was because that's all that they wanted was him.  

Angel threw his head back to study the ceiling while he wrestled with what his heart and mind told him. It was time to make a decision. To decide what he wanted. And he already knew once he was willing to open the door to it. He wanted his family back. He didn't want to just let them slip through his fingers because he was afraid of losing control of his emotions and heart by taking a risk on fully loving them. But something inside of him knew that if he took that risk then they would be there to catch him if he fell.

Buffy was right, Spike did have humanity, and Angel knew that the younger vampire could be kept in line with love because that was all that William had ever wanted. The steps had been taken and it was his fault that they had lost Spike and it was time for Angel to bring his wayward Childe home. To bring him home and let him know how valuable he was to the family. And if it meant finding a new definition to the family, to let Spike be his equal and to truly share Buffy then he would. He just had to let go, let his heart lead the way and Angel knew he was ready for the first time in his existence to do just that. 

~~~~~~

Angel had told her that he would meet her at Giles' flat for the Scooby meeting so Buffy had come alone. She had stopped in his study door as he was sketching and Angel had glanced up at her before telling her to go ahead. She had hoped that their earlier conversation would have made a difference but he seemed to be just as broody tonight as he ever had been. She sighed as she started down the stairs into the courtyard when Giles' front door opened and Spike stepped out. Surprised she leaned back into the shadows and watched as Spike said something she couldn't make out to Giles and laugh. Spike gave a short wave and walked off in the other direction as Giles closed the door.

It had barely shut when Buffy pushed it open without knocking. Her Watcher turned to her, startled by her barging into his flat. She was too angry to bother with niceties. Giles knew she had been falling apart and Angel was losing his mind without Spike. He had been in contact with the vampire and hadn't bothered to tell them.

"What the hell is going on?"

Giles pulled his glasses off, wiping at them furiously with a handkerchief.

"What do you mean, Buffy?"

"Don't give me that. I saw Spike leave. What was he doing here?"

He sighed as he slipped his glasses on.

"He asked me for help and I gave it."

"For how long? How long have you been in touch with him? And why haven't you told me?"

"Buffy, he didn't want you to know."

The more that Giles stalled the angrier Buffy became. Finally she had something to go on, a small crumb of hope thrown at her and she wanted to shake it until the truth came out. The simple explanation that would be all it would take to finally put her world right again.

"Giles, please, tell me. I love him so much and I want him to come home."

When she started to cry, Giles sighed and he patted her shoulder awkwardly. Even though they had been getting along better since she had come home they hadn't full traversed their way back to being completely comfortable around one another yet.

"He's working with Adam to get information and then giving it to me. And I was going to relay that information tonight at the meeting."

"He really didn't go evil again?" Buffy sighed in relief. "I knew there had to be an explanation. Why didn't he want anyone else to know?"

"Because Buffy he wanted to prove to Angel that he was worth something. That he could be as valuable of a team member as anyone else is."

"But if he had only given Angel a little more time, he would have come around."

Giles looked a little proud of Spike as he gave Buffy a wan smile.

"Sometimes a man has to do things to remain a man in his own eyes. And that's more important than anything else."

TBC


	28. Chains that Bind

**Chapter 27 – Chains that Bind**

Willy's was crowded per its usual, flooded by the stench of smoke and unwashed bodies. Buffy hesitated briefly in the door, her glance flowing over the masses crowded into the bar tonight. But it took only that one glance to find who she was looking for, Spike, his platinum locks a beacon calling to her. She headed across the floor with determined strides, not even glancing at the clientele that nervously stepped out her way. Suddenly, he was there in front of her, close enough for her to touch, and she knew he was watching her in the mirror just from the tilt of his head and all Buffy wanted was to throw herself into his arms and beg him to come home. She couldn't though, not in this crowd and not without blowing his cover with the Initiative. Giles had begged her to leave it well enough alone but she couldn't. Too much time had passed already.

"Forgive me," she whispered as her fingers tangled in his hair and slammed his face down onto the bar. "I need information, Spike and guess what? You're going to give it to me."

Her hand, still in his hair, pulled him from the barstool and she saw the hurt in his eyes and the blood pouring from his nose, and steeling herself against it she punched his jaw sending him backwards. Spike quickly righted himself, his eyes glittering in anger now and her stomach lurched in a combination of anger, fear and arousal.

"What the hell do you want, Slayer?"

"Like I said I need information, you have it and you're going to tell me."

"I don't think so," He bit out as he headed toward the back door.

"You are going to tell me," she shouted as she followed him out into the alley.

Thankfully none of the other patrons in the bar interfered and returned to their own activities as the two left. Outside Spike was heading further into the back alleys as she followed him. He never turned around to look at her and finally Buffy had enough, reaching out to grab his arm and forcefully turning him to look at her.

"I told you that I'm not helping you. Now leave me alone." He snarled down at her but having him so close was tearing her apart and she reached a hand up to cup his face. Her fingers flowed over the cool planes of his face as her eyes filled with tears. It was almost too hard to believe that he was there, that she was touching him and she took a step closer to him. Needing the feel of him against her length and she could see the moment he conceded to her. "Buffy, don't."

"I do love you," she whispered. "If I didn't I wouldn't feel so empty without you."

His forehead rested on hers and she could hear the soft sound of him breathing her in. Her fingers reached up to wipe some of the blood from his face.

"I know the truth about Adam. I saw you at Giles tonight."

He wrenched away from her and everyplace he had been touching was now raw from his absence. She looked at him in such confusion as he looked up and she saw the coldness of his eyes. This was the Spike she had first known. Not the tender lover of the last couple of months.

"I knew you two were in the cemetery that night. I could smell the both of you and I hoped that you would care enough to come and find me. But no, you immediately lose faith in me and now you come to find me after you're hit with the truth. You're belief in me leaves something to be desired, Slayer. I believe this concludes our business."

Spike turned to walk away but Buffy was ready to fight for him, with him, anything to keep him close to her.

"Is that why you let Adam hurt me? Payback? What was I supposed to hold onto? Because after that stunt there wasn't a whole lot left."

Her words made him pause and look over his shoulder at her. The wall was huge between them and she wondered if she even had a chance to break it down.

"That was actually the idea, Buffy, to get the two of you the hell away from me. When are you going to get it through your head that I don't love you? I was using the both of you to get what I wanted."

Spike stepped close to her again, forcing her to tilt her head back to look up at him, a deep shuddering sigh moved through her being as the scent that was only him, filled her senses. It was like a cold drink after being lost in a desert. His animalistic power crackled around him as she watched in fascination as his nostrils flared and his eyes slowly turned to gold. Buffy laughed low and deep in the back of her throat as pure lust flooded her body for this predator in front of her. Possessive need to claim her mate again suppressed every logical thought from her mind, including the lie he had just told her, as she wrapped her hand around the nape of his neck and slowly brought him to her. Time enough for him to pull away and time enough for her to whisper, "I love you, Spike and I know you love me and I'm never going to let you go again."

His answering growl made her want to sing but his mouth was on hers, as hungry as she was, and the rest of the world fell away as their hands grabbed and pulled at the other's body. Her hands found their way under his shirt, nails ripping along his ribs and back, anything to have him, to bring him closer to her. Buffy found her back against an alley wall and his hands easing her skirt up and her mind screamed, yes, yes, now, as the cool night air caressed the heated flesh of her thighs. Air, she needed air and she ripped her mouth from his to swallow gulps of oxygen and she watched as he completed his transformation to vampire. A whimper fell from her lips as the wetness between her legs increased in her desire to copulate with the creature before her. Nothing mattered to her but receiving him inside of her and as his hands wasted time kneading her bottom, she ripped her panties off and he chuckled at her eagerness.

"Do you need me, Slayer?"

Something let loose in her, primitive and raw, as she slapped him for his impudence. Her hand took one of his and pressed it to her, loving the feel of his fingers as he played along.

"Do you want this?"

"Baby, you know I do." 

Buffy could have sworn that she was facing off with a large jungle cat as she watched his tongue slowly caress one of his fangs. She grabbed his wrist to get his attention and her eyes bright with desire, she whispered, "It's only for a man that loves me? Do you love me?"

~~~~~~~~~~

Her words washed over Spike leaving him quaking in awe and fear. When she had first said that she loved him and would never let him go, he had taken it as the desperate plea of a young girl for reassurance that she was loved. Her intentions were much clearer when she repeated her request for love. Buffy was different now, gone was the girl that he had come to cherish and felt a need to protect, here now, was a woman needing and wanting to claim a mate. The primal need to choose a male that was as strong as she to help her lead the pack and it sang through his veins that she would consider him worthy. Spike wondered briefly where her relationship was with Angel if she was claiming him but it was quickly shoved aside because he wasn't going to let this chance go without answering her call. Spike's hands cupped her bottom and lifted her so that she had no choice but to wrap her legs around him.

"I love you, Pet." 

His tone was strong and sure as he answered her call but instantly knew he had done something to displease her as her hand tangled in his hair again.

"Call me by my name. I want to know who you're fucking."

Her hands reached down to undo his jeans and free him as her eyes held his. He lowered her onto him as she slowly eased back, her hands on his shoulders, until her upper back was against the wall. Spike grinned as she gave him the power and control over their joining as she let go. 

"Buffy, I love you," he said. She groaned deep in her throat and a satisfied smile twisted his lips at the sound. He watched as her head rolled back and forth and her hands fluttered freely about. Spike repeated the motion and when she moaned, 'more', he settled into a demanding repetition that he knew would leave her bruised and sore. But it didn't matter; this was a claiming, a call for blood, and she only begged for it. 

With wonder she undid the buttons of her blouse and released her breasts for him. Her hands pushed his duster back so that it hung from his elbows. Her fingers and nails left trails along his chest and neck and he wanted to howl when he felt the tremors of her first orgasm. His only desire was to make her ride on a wave of them. 

~~~~~~~

Angel stared at Giles in disbelief. Buffy had taken off after Spike alone. It was inconceivable that she would do that after the incident with Adam. If Spike had baited Buffy by being at Giles' then it had to be a trap.

"You just let her leave?" Angel asked.

"Well, I couldn't exactly stop her."

It was wasting time to stand there and argue; the result was going to be the same, Buffy could be hurt or dying by that monster's hand. Turning on his heel, Angel hurried from the flat, leaving the door open as he fled.

"Angel, wait, I need to tell you something," Giles called after him.

The vampire didn't wait as he followed Buffy's scent still floating on the night air and as he turned the corner, he thought he heard the Watcher mutter, "Oh, dear." Angel began to jog as he followed her to the demon district of town. It faded as it mingled with the demons and people in the densely populated area. Knowing that Spike liked to frequent Willy's, he headed down the alley behind it. It was there that he caught her scent again strong and mingled with that of his Childe. As he followed it the aroma became fused with other scents, sweat, blood and sex, and fear rose inside of Angel as he wondered if the chip had been removed and Spike was hurting Buffy.  A few more turns into the dark passages of the underbelly of Sunnydale and he heard sounds that he knew was coming from Buffy. Moans and cries that made him fear the worse. Finally he spotted them and a feral growl broke through the night as he watched Spike take Buffy. 

His Childe had his mate against a dirty alley wall, the blood and sweat was running together on their flesh as Buffy tore at Spike's back. Her cries were becoming louder as she threw herself back against the wall and groaned.

"Harder, Spike, please," she cried as her feet beat against his ass and legs.

Brown eyes widened as he realized that Buffy was caught in the wild passion that Spike had let loose in her. There was nothing forced about what he was witnessing, it was a mutual need of the two as they coupled like animals in the dark and he felt jealous that he couldn't be included in their tryst. Slowly he walked toward them until finally they turned to look at him. Buffy untamed and beautiful as she held a hand out to him and he entwined his fingers with hers and Spike, eyes golden and possessive, challenged him to take away what he was claiming. 

The claim couldn't be completed, no matter how much they wanted it without the drinking of blood and Spike wouldn't take the chance unless his chip was deactivated. Angel pulled Buffy off the wall and slipped behind her. Spike leaned her back against him as Angel covered Spike's hands that held Buffy up before slipping one between the blondes. Her head rolled to the side as he slipped into game face. 

"She's mine," Spike growled. "It was her choice."

The younger vampire slowed his thrusts until he was barely moving. She moved restlessly between the two males that held her up and Angel wrapped his arm around her waist and rubbed his face against her hair in an effort to soothe her.

"Both," Buffy stated, her voice strong and demanding, giving them no room for argument. "I need both of you."

"We all belong to one another," Angel agreed as he bit into virgin territory of Buffy's neck. He ignored the pain and rejection that Spike emitted as he swallowed the first sweet taste of blood from the wound before pulling back. "Take it. It's yours by her right to choose."

~~~~~~~~

For the second time that night, Spike was astounded by someone that he thought he knew. He searched his Sire's eyes for some sign of a trick but saw none. Keeping his eyes on Angel, Spike attached his mouth to the puncture wounds, sucking the life giving fluid from her veins, letting its liquid fire dance along his nerve endings. He was vaguely aware of the older vampire moving to the other side of the Slayer's neck and reopening the mark that he had already given her. Without thought Spike allowed his own fangs to slip into the punctures that were already there but there was no pain. Only pleasure as Buffy bucked between them. The combination of his renewed movements and the two bites was sending her reeling as her hand slipped into his hair to hold him into place and her other slipped behind Angel to do the same for him.

A high keening sound shattered the night around them as she clamped down on him. Buffy was riding out orgasm after orgasm forcing her to throw her head back and scream. It sent Spike into his own climax and both vampires released her. After he rode through his own aftershocks, Spike laughed, and sagged against her, grateful that Angel held them both up. He buried his face against Buffy and he realized that she was sobbing and he stroked her with his thumbs along her hips.

"Shhh, Baby, it's okay, it's going to be okay," he whispered to her, kissing her softly along her jaw. Slowly he unhooked her legs from around his waist, putting her back on her feet, their surroundings suddenly forcing him to see how much danger they had put themselves in by loosing control in the demon district. It wouldn't take long, he surmised, before Angel started berating him for it, among other things. After fastening his jeans, Spike knelt and pulled her skirt down to cover her. He slipped his duster off and held it out for her. 

"Go on," Angel whispered as he guided her around so Spike could put her in the duster and as he slipped the coat onto her arms, his Sire buttoned her blouse. Angel pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. "You scared me by running off like that."

"I had to find him," Buffy cried. "I couldn't take being away from him anymore."

Pride surged through Spike at her words and he stepped toward her, with every intention of taking her from Angel but found himself pulled against her back with his Sire's hands on his arms.

"Are you all right, Spike?" Angel asked.

"I'm fine. Not that you would care."

"We need to get her home. She's as weak as a kitten."

There he went again, making decisions and just expecting everyone to follow. A scowl twisted the blonde's face as he disengaged himself from their embrace.

"Spike, come home with us, please." Angel's voice was soft and hesitating and Spike could only stare at him in astonishment. "She needs you and we need to talk. Make some decisions. If we are both her mates then we need to figure this out."

"Then you agree that I am her mate?" 

Spike was beginning to feel that someone had replaced his Sire with a Stepford model as he actually felt concern and kindness being given to him instead of the anger and punishment that he was expecting. Buffy raised her head from Angel's chest to look at him.

"Please, come with us," she pleaded.

That was his undoing. He needed to stay close to her, to look at her and reassure himself that she was truly his now. Slowly he nodded his head in agreement. Buffy was scooped up into Angel's arms and when he went to protest, his Sire smiled at him.

"You're almost as weak as she is. Let me carry her this time."

Buffy wanted them both and he would have to compromise to stay beside her. Besides Angel was right, his legs were weak from holding them up and the effort he had put into the joining, so he nodded his agreement for the time being anyway, as the three made their way to the mansion.

TBC


	29. My Childe, My Love

**Chapter 28 – My Childe, My Love**

It had been a century since Angel's stomach had twisted with nerves this bad. A century since he had felt such lowliness as he did now. None of them spoke as he led his family home. Spike followed along beside him as he carried their mate home. It tore his heart in half to relinquish any part of Buffy but he hoped that before the night was over the bonding between the three would be complete and his heart would become whole again with the addition of the sharing of Spike. One whole mate divided between two beings as he would be with them. 

Once home Angel carried Buffy upstairs to her bathroom. He set her on her feet and undressed her as Spike filled the tub. Unspoken, they both knew her enough to know that this would be what she wanted. As he knelt on the floor to remove her shoes, Spike did her hair up in a clip, as she watched them with a sated smile on her lips. Angel's hands guided him up and over her body; delicate kisses gave homage to the bruises already forming on her thighs and bottom. Buffy shivered under his ministrations before he stood. She pulled him to her, pressing her lips to his, her tongue darting in to savor what he had and he growled into her mouth as Spike chuckled behind them.

"Our little girl has grown up," Spike said unnecessarily as Angel met his eyes and nodded. Together they guided her into the steaming water in the tub and waited as she settled in for a long soak. Sighing, contented, she leaned back, her eyes watching them for a moment.

"Go, talk, I'll be down when I am done." 

"Call if you need anything," Spike said.

Angel smiled at them, at his Childe taking control, and for some reason it felt okay. Not wanting to wait any longer to settle this, he took Spike's hand and pulled him along. With relief he felt no resistance as he led him downstairs. For Buffy, for Spike and for himself, he would blunder his way through this and hope that his heart would lead him to say the right things. Angel wasn't sure whether to talk in the living room or his bedroom but it was Spike that settled it as he refused to move any further than the main area.

"What do you want to talk about?"

The challenge was in his Childe's tone, the prideful attitude and Angel felt a small pricking of anger in his plan but he forced it down. He reminded himself that it was his doing that left Spike so defensive. What choice did the younger vampire have but to protect himself from his Sire? A century with hardly any kindness and that which was given came with too many stipulations.

"Us, you, Buffy," Angel replied.

"Talk."

"You need to come home and stay."

Spike laughed as Angel realized that he had fallen on familiar demands and he floundered for something to make it right.

"No, you need to get off your damn pedestal for once. Buffy chose me, ME, as her mate and for some reason she still wants you, too. So, we need to figure out how to do this. Just know that I am not going to take orders from you like a damn minion anymore."

"I don't know how," Angel replied. It was as honest as he could be as he opened himself up for the sarcasm that he knew was coming. The scathing remarks that would make him feel like he did as a child as his father cut him to ribbons.

"You don't how to what? Share? That's obvious; it always has been, because everything and everyone has to be your possession. Or how to get off that pedestal? You know, come down with us common folk and live? Or is it that you don't know how to ask instead of issuing orders, oh wait a minute it's only me that you order around because Buffy, you bow down to. So, which is it Sire?"

And Angel felt like a ten-year-old again waiting for his father's belt as Spike tore him apart. Words would only come out wrong and besides there was a lump blocking his throat anyway so he stepped closer to the source of his pain and eventually his hope. Angel's fingers traced that face as he saw it contort in confusion and the azure eyes cloud over in doubts.

"I love you; Spike and I need you to show me how to do it because I don't know."

"You don't know what?"

Spike's voice was soft and incredulous as he looked at him and Angel asked for guidance as he kept tearing at the walls he lived behind. _Open your mouth and say it, he told himself as Spike waited for his answer. _

"I love you, William.  I think I have always loved you. Since the beginning and that's why I always tried to hurt you so much. It was because you were my weakness and I was afraid of ever being weak again."

Angel smiled as he watched the emotions dance across his Childe's face. The silence between them grew deeper as they stared at each other through the final gate between them.

"What do you want from me?" Spike finally asked. His face showed his wariness of Angel's declaration. There had to be intervention involved in the resolution of these two hearts because a voice inside Angel told him that it was no use, that Spike would never love him or help him but somehow when he wanted to be cold and sarcastic to protect his heart, his words came out entirely different. 

"God, Spike, how many times do I need to ask you, beg you, plead with you, to show me the way. I don't know how to be happy. I'm scared to live but I want it with every fiber of my being. Help me because you know how to. How to laugh, and joke, and play, and love, show me."

The gate crumbled between them as Angel was dragged against Spike's body, their lips meeting in a desperate need to communicate all the emotions they had held back for so long. It was better than the night they had kissed for so long because neither was hoping this time. This time they both knew as Spike whispered, "I love you," into his Sire's ear.

"Make love with me," Angel requested. No obligations, no familial requirements, it was a plea from one lover to another as he waited for a response.

"Nothing is going to stop me," the lover answered leaving Angel relieved.

Taking the younger vampire's hands his Sire led him into the bedroom. As Spike sat on the edge of the bed to remove his Doc's, Angel walked around the room lighting candles before shedding his clothes. He felt almost shy for the first time in his nudity before the perfection of his lover. Ducking his head, Angel returned to Spike, avoided looking into the azure depths of his eyes and began to undress the blonde. Kneeling on the floor as Spike stepped out his jeans, he repeated the journey that he had taken with Buffy. Finally, the two vampires were naked and facing each other, all the yearning and need evident on their faces and Angel felt not only his fear but also the fear of his Childe. He stroked Spike's chest and gently manipulated one small brown nipple into a hard nub. 

The blonde shifted backward onto the bed and Angel could only follow. If Spike led him into the very depths of hell he would gladly follow because he needed this moment to reaffirm who he was. Who he was trying to be and only Spike could complete his heart. They lay next to each other, eyes the color of rich coffee stared into the coolness of cerulean eyes, as they drank in the knowledge that things would never be the same again. Slow as dark molasses, and soft as a summer cloud, hands caressed skin, as if time had stopped just for this moment, they relearned flesh that was as familiar as their own and had been for a hundred years. Then lips followed, kisses, wet and cool, forged trails over heated flesh. Spike cried out as Angel nipped along the tender flesh of his inner thighs.

In retaliation Angel was laughingly pushed down as Spike teased him unmercifully. Angel alternately sighed and begged as the blonde began his assault as far down as his toes and ended with a wet tongue to the nape of his neck. The Sire covered completely by that of his love, Spike lay upon his back and nuzzled his neck and cheek before giving quick hard kisses to the corner of his mouth and Angel felt joy for the first time in a longtime but he knew. Knew that this wasn't the perfect happiness and never would be. It wasn't that his love wasn't deep or strong enough for Spike but that it would always be bittersweet because for each kiss was the memory of a whip stroke or shackles or an angry fuck that had left his Childe bleeding and hurt. Each time they made love it would only shadow another time that wasn't as beautiful. It was still Buffy, the purity of his love for her, untainted by Angelus that could bring forth the devil again. And it was this knowledge that he gave himself over completely to the emotions that Spike invoked in him.

Angel rolled onto his back again so that he could look up at his love and in that moment made a decision to prove how much he truly loved the creature sharing his bed. Shifting to his side, Angel reached into the nightstand drawer and removed the small tube. And when Spike rolled onto his stomach so that his Sire could prepare him, Angel smiled as instead he handed the tube over.

"I want you," Angel whispered as he looked anywhere but at his Childe.

~~~~~~~~~

A hundred quips came to mind, a thousand retorts, they were all there on the tip of his tongue but it was the look of insecurity and hope that were fighting for precedence in the brown eyes that made Spike shut his mouth so fast that his teeth clicked together. He placed his hand on Angel's stomach, caressing with fingertips, as he contemplated the gift that was being handed him. With Buffy it had been so easy to accept it, she had always believed in him, made him a part of them while Angel had constantly fought him. His Sire had fought giving him any power or respect in the relationship even though his words said differently. It hurt that they hadn't tried to find him before they had been hit with the truth. 

"What's the matter?" 

"Nothing, Ang, just a little overwhelmed, I guess."

Spike watched Angel's eyes close in uncertainty.  He knew that Angel had never bottomed before. The older vampire always had to be the one with the control, to be dominant, for him to give it so willingly to Spike was overwhelming. Angel looked up at him again and Spike could see the wall beginning to rise again and that made his decision. No matter what it had taken to sledgehammer through his Sire's pride and arrogance, he'd take it. This opportunity, this loving side of him, might never come again. In the morning Angel might realize what he had done and run from him. And maybe if he took the gift offered, with the love behind it, it might keep them together. Keep all of them together. 

"Don't close up, not now, just scaring me that's all," Spike said, turning the brunette to look at him. His hand stroked Angel's face as he leaned over to kiss him again. Soft, trembling, both unsure, it was almost sickeningly, humanly, sweet, like two virgins fumbling in a ritual of sacrifice for another's love. 

"Do you want me to take you?" Spike asked.

"Yes."

Taking his Sire's hand, Spike placed it on his own erection and together they led him inside. The blonde waited until Angel pushed up, his body asking for more, before Spike let himself slide in. For a moment their eyes met as they took in the magnitude of the moment. The shift in power and the vulnerability that it took for them to get there and both wanted to weep like little girls but instead they grinned. Goofy, filled with elation, at what they were doing. Freedom finally from everything that the world expected and wanted them to be, freedom that only their hearts could have given them. The solemnity was absorbed, digested and gave way to an adrenalin free fall that left both of them chuckling.

"Are you going to fuck me or are you going to stare at me all day?"

"Oh, yeah, you are going to be fucked but good," Spike promised. 

And like an earlier vow to someone else, Spike was going to make sure the ride was worth it.

~~~~~~~~~

There wasn't a part of Buffy not humming along to the soft jazz tune in her head. It was some classic she didn't even know the name of. Angel liked to play it while he read. It was associated with warmth and companionship and lazy nights with nothing to do but enjoy each other. Like this night. After wrapping a towel around her, Buffy made her way downstairs to find her vampires. There hadn't been sounds of crashing or fighting or yelling so maybe they had kissed and made up. As she made her way across the living room she could hear the sounds of their lovemaking and she grinned. Everything was working out and the bedroom door was open which meant it was all right for her to join them. 

But at the door she stopped, her grin, changing to an 'O' as her jaw dropped at the scene before her. Spike was taking Angel, their bodies and mouth entwined in the most loving basic way possible for two creatures. It was unbelievable to her and she had to blink a couple of times to fully accept it. They had never done this before and it could only mean one thing as she took a couple of hesitant steps into the room. And if it meant what she thought it did, then everything between them had changed. They both looked over at her as she waited for an invitation to join them and it came. Angel held his hand out to her and she scampered over to crawl onto the bed beside them. Spike grinned at her as she grasped Angel's hand. Her fingers weaved brown locks through them as she unintentionally mimicked Angel's gestures from the night she had given them her virginity. 

Buffy watched, transfixed at the sight of their coupling and she felt a sense of wonder at the love that had to bring them to this point. She cried for all of them as they moved closer to their climaxes.

"Be mine, Spike, let me be yours," Angel whispered, turning his head to the side. For the first time since her calling Buffy was jealous of vampires; their ability to mate and claim so easily, without the courtship of humans, she wanted to be a part of something that she couldn't and she felt left out of the bonding taking place beside her. Her hand followed the planes of Spike's back as he bit into his Sire's neck. His body shuddered in his orgasm. Angel wrapped his arms around his Childe and in turn bit his neck. 

It was too much, she couldn't be a part of this and Buffy began to back off the bed when Angel's hand clasped her wrist. The two vampires separated and Angel pulled her to them.

"Drink, Buffy, and you will make the claim complete." Angel whispered.

"Will I become a…?"

"No, Love, you won't take enough, hurry before they close."

Together they directed her to the bites and soothed her as she tasted each of them. The thick coppery fluid gave her a sense of power and love as she completed the mating between them. They were one now. Mates. Overwhelmed by the rituals and that they were together again, Buffy sobbed. The two males pulled her between them as they cuddled together. Their bodies and hearts entwined to form one entity. The love between them was now open and real and there was no turning back for any of them. 

"Okay, now what?" she whispered.

They both laughed.

"Call Giles and tell him that we are all alive and then sleep. Definitely sleep." Angel said.

"I guess I have to be the party pooper but I need to shower and get out of here. I've been gone too long."

Spike crawled off the bed to head for the shower when Angel jumped up and grabbed him.

"You son of a bitch. How could you?" Angel snarled. "After what you were given tonight? After we bonded, the three of us?"

Buffy rushed between them but Angel pushed her aside as his hand closed around Spike's throat and pushed him against the wall. Spike's hands closed around the arm holding him trying to give himself room to talk.

"What did you expect? That I would just walk away from it. I need to finish it. For me, for us."

"Us? How could what the hell you're doing with them, do anything but destroy us?"

Suddenly everything became clear to Buffy as she watched her mates. This time she stepped between them and pushed them away from each other. Refusing to let their newfound connections be destroyed, she faced Angel.

"Giles didn't tell you, did he?"

"Tell me what?"

"You don't know? You really don't know?" Buffy said in wonder. She turned to face Spike with a grin lighting up her face. "Spike, he doesn't know. He still thinks you're playing for the other side."

"What don't I know?" Angel growled.

~~~~~~~~

Spike looked from Buffy's face to that of his Sire's still filled with anger. Her words made sense and it that moment he knew that it was true, awe lit up his heart that Angel had told him he was loved, had given up control to him and bonded with him all while thinking he had betrayed them. Angel believed that he could be brought back to their family with love and had sacrificed himself not to prove a point but to bring him home and no matter how weak it made Spike look, he wept.

"You didn't know, you didn't know," Spike said as he cradled Angel's face in his hands. "You really love me."

"Of course, I love you. Wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it." Angel replied as he pulled Spike into his arms. "Will someone explain what is going on?"

"Angel," Buffy said. "Spike has been giving information to Giles. That was one of the reasons there was a meeting tonight. So, Giles could tell us what Spike knew. He didn't betray us."

"You didn't betray us. It was all to help us." Angel wiped the tears from his Childe's face as Spike trembled before him. It was too much that Angel really did love him without demands or requirements. He loved him evil or good and it broke through whatever reservations Spike had been holding onto. 

"Yes, I love you, Spike. For now and for always." Angel said, his voice assured before he chuckled. "God, I sound like a girl."

"I'm crying like a girl," Spike joked.

"Hey, I am the girl and I'm acting more manly than either of you, ponces." 

Spike and Angel laughed as they swept her into their embrace. Tomorrow they could be manly and find where everything fit but this night; the emotions would flow over and around them and keep them in a safe cocoon before they had to accept the reality of their lives again.

TBC


	30. Into the Hands of Evil

**Chapter 29 – Into the Hands of Evil**

Everyone except Spike was gathered into the Watcher's flat to have the Scooby meeting that had never taken place the night before. After Giles had shared the news that Spike was actually garnering information for them and not betraying them, Buffy and Angel had mentioned the fact that they had talked to him the night before. The Claiming, however, was going to remain private until the time that Spike would be there to participate in the happy news. 

Buffy was sitting in the shelter of Angel's arms as she watched Giles hand diskettes to Willow.

"These are supposed to give us the layout of the Initiative, Buffy should be able to confirm if they are correct.  There should also be more elaborate details of the Initiative's plans. Spike copied the information from a computer in Adam's lab."

"I'll get started on these as soon as we are done here," Willow said.

"We are planning on going in day after tomorrow." Angel said. "We can't keep every body under wraps anymore. I didn't even want Spike to go back in but he needs to get us the information on where they are going to turn these demons loose to get the body parts."

"That is just really gross." Xander jumped in. "I mean, like Riley and them are human and they are just going to collect body parts to make more Adams. It doesn't make sense."

"Yeah, it does because if they can control these freaks than they are virtually unstoppable in hand to hand." Buffy said. "Send them into war zones or urban riots and not only are they more likely to control the situation but they are expendable too."

"Is that why the put the chip in Spike?" Anya asked. "To see if they can use vampires for their plan."  

"Yeah, but the vampires weren't cooperating too much from what Spike has said." Giles said.

"Are we going to be able to stop Adam?" Willow asked. "Buffy, you said that he was stronger than you?"

"That's the only thing I'm worried about. The demons we should be able to handle. I'm not enjoying the thought of having to go one on one with the big guy."

"According to Spike," Giles said. "There is a uranium core embedded somewhere in his chest and this is his power source.  If we can remove this, then I would assume it would either kill him or immobilize him."

  
"Oh, that's just great." Buffy sighed. "All I'd need to do is get close enough to him and then ask him if we can do exploratory surgery on him."

The others chuckled but turned pensive as they tried to brainstorm on how to incapacitate him.

"What about magic?" Willow piped up. "Some kind of, I don't know…uranium extracting spell." As everyone turned to her in disbelief, she shrugged her shoulders. "Well, come on, I know I'm reaching, people but I don't hear any other suggestions."

Giles stood and made his way to the book shelf, his hand hovering as he searched for a particular text. "Perhaps a paralyzing spell." He found the book and pulled it out, turning the pages until he found the spell he was looking for. "Only I can't perform the incantation for this." 

"Right," Willow said. "Don't you have to speak it in Sumerian or something?"

"I do speak Sumerian." Giles said, returning to sit on the end of the couch. "It's not that. Only a…an experienced witch can incant it, and you'd have to be within striking distance of this object."

"See what you get for taking French instead of Sumerian?" Xander joked, looking at Buffy who laughed and rolled her eyes.

"What was I thinking?"

"See no problem," Xander continued, obviously enjoying being the center of attention and the comic relief. "All we need is a combo Buffy, her with Slayer strength, Giles' multi-lingual know how, and Willow's witchy power."

"Well, I feel needed," Angel said, looking at the others. Buffy patted his leg and smiled up at him.

"You the muscle guard guy," Buffy told him.

The others ignored their exchange as an excited expression spread over Giles' face. "Xander, you may just be onto something."

"And what would that be?" Anya asked, "Because if Xander saved the day, I want to know about it."

Giles removed his glasses, wiping at them while the others could almost see the wheels turning in his head.

"If we do an adjoining spell, we might be able to do exactly that, giving Buffy the strength she would need to defeat Adam."

"All right, Xander," Buffy said. "You've saved the day."

Everyone began to throw questions at the Watcher then answered each other as the plan began to solidify. All they needed was the information from Spike to complete everything. As they were about to call it quits, Willow leaned forward, excitement evident in her expression.

"I've got some good news. About the curse, we found…"

"A very good lead on the Kalderash Clan, a Miss Jenny Calendar," Giles interrupted the red head with a stern expression. "Willow has attempted to make contact with her and hopefully we'll hear something soon."

Buffy looked from her friend to the older man knowing that there was more going on then what they were telling. "So, she hasn't responded yet?"

Willow was flustered for a few seconds, her fingers wringing together before she returned Buffy's inquisitive stare. 

"No, she hasn't yet but as soon as she does, I'll let you know. But isn't it good news that we even found her."

"Yeah, it's good. Isn't it, Angel."

The Slayer turned to look at the noticeably quiet vampire whose expression was as usual not giving any major clues to what he was thinking.

"Great, Buffy. Thanks Willow for trying."

Noting Angel's obvious reluctance to discuss the matter, Buffy dropped the subject as she made a mental note to bring it up again when they were alone. Soon everyone's conversations turned to general catching up among the friends. Giles asked Buffy to accompany him into the kitchen saying that he would round up some drinks and snacks for everyone. After leaving Angel with a quick kiss on the cheek, Buffy followed Giles into the other room.

"So, what's on the menu for us?" Buffy asked.

Giles didn't answer, leaning against the counter, his glasses dangling from his fingers as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I know this may be none of my business," the Watcher finally said, putting his glasses back on and looking at his young charge sternly. "But last night…did the three of you do the claiming ritual?"

"Is there a ritual for that?" Buffy answered, and headed for the pantry to find snacks. 

"Don't be flippant, Buffy. If you've, actually joined with them or with one of them as blood mates then your loyalties will be divided and I think I should know."

Buffy turned to look at him in surprise, not comprehending why he was concerned. The three of them had been living together for several months and Giles had never been concerned about loyalties before.

"I don't understand. It's just bringing the three of us closer together."

"Then you did bond with them?"

"Giles, we weren't going to say anything until Spike was back, but yes, we did. It's a good thing; it's going to make us stronger. And if we're stronger then the whole fighting evil thing will be more powerful."

Giles looked away for a moment and snorted mirthlessly. When he turned his eyes back to her, Buffy felt like a four-year-old caught stealing from the cookie jar, the accusation in his eyes rendering her guilty before she even understood why she would be.

"Do you have any idea what you've vowed to do?"

"Wait, there wasn't any vowing." Buffy fumbled out. "It was all about loving and being loved and the…the drinking of blood but there wasn't any vowing. Giles, what did I do that is making you so upset?"

"Buffy, for vampires, the claiming and the bond, is a life long thing. It means that you put that relationship above all others and will choose them over anything else including your own needs and desires."

"It sounds like marriage to me. And that's not bad. Besides it can't be a total life thing because what about Darla and Drusilla?"

"Angel and Darla would never have mated. She sired him and even if it appeared differently she would always have the ultimate power and Spike would have been foolish to mate with a vampire who was mad as Drusilla is. It would have destroyed him."

Buffy sighed, unable to see what the problem was. It sounded romantic and positive to her. It meant that the two vampires and she were in a loving committed relationship. Although Spike had talked to her a lot about the vampire way of life, he had never really been clear on the mated relationships. 

"Giles, it still doesn't sound bad to me. Besides Angel and Spike aren't typical vampires and I'm human."

Buffy could feel the frustration in her Watcher as he ran a hand through his hair.

"It means life and death. It means that you would kill for them and die for them. It means that no other being would ever come between the three of you. Buffy, it means they would kill you before they would ever let you leave them.  And if you would try to leave, even if the reason was them, it means that you have consented to be punished any way they see fit. And although, I do agree they are unique as far as demons go, they're still demons."

"Oh," Buffy replied. She glanced out into the living room at Angel, her arms crossed in an effort to try to ward off the sudden chill she felt. As if he knew that she was looking at him, the vampire returned her gaze. His eyes were open and loving and with a certain conviction in her heart, she knew she had made the right decision in making them her mates. She had already turned herself over to Angel and the drinking of the blood only made that promise even stronger. With a smile she turned back to Giles. "I understand your concerns but I have no reservations about what I did. It'll be all right."

~~~~~~~~~~

The pain traveled through his body in rapid currents, but all Spike could do was moan. Even the lights hurt him as it reflected off the white walls but he refused to give into them and to the pain. Rolling to ease himself away from the boot that had been kicking and stomping on him, he laughed because after the night before there was no way he was going to betray his family. Riley and his merry army of goons were too late.

"Last time, demon, what are the Slayer and her friends planning," Riley snarled.

Laughing, Spike closed his eyes, "Told ya I didn't know, so why do you keep asking?" 

_Note to self, rolling not a good idea, just offer up your bloody kidney for them, _he thought as Riley kicked him in his lower back. Spike scooted across the tiled floor, unable to use his hands to help him since the left one had been smashed by said boot almost an hour ago. His face had been pummeled first and Riley and his two cohorts seemed to be working their way down his body. Spike knew that several of his ribs were broken and he hoped for Buffy's sake that they wouldn't decide to castrate him as they moved further south.

As he collapsed onto his back again, he found himself looking up at Riley as he squatted next to him.

"If you don't decide to start talking then you know what, there isn't going to be much use for us keeping you around."

Spike's eyes widened at the site of the stake that was now aimed at his heart and wished that he had listened to his mates last night and had kept his ass at home.

~~~~~~~~~

The usual crush of the Lowell House and their groupies wandered through the fraternity. The music blared from the stereo and Buffy sighed from the boredom of it all. At least after tomorrow she wouldn't have to bother anymore because they would be bringing down these losers and their plans for building an army of hybrids. She took another sip of her drink and plastered on a happy smile as Riley returned. 

"Hey, there," Buffy grinned up at him, using her charms to try get some more information out of him so she could go home.

"Hi, yourself," Riley smiled and tugged on a loose tendril of her hair. "Drink up and we'll go get you a refill and find something to eat.

Buffy gulped down her drink so they could get to the part where they would be alone. Looking around, she spotted Willow speaking to Graham and she wondered what had happened to Xander and Anya. They were supposed to be additional backup but so far had been a no show. Her thoughts on the two lovers were halted when she was suddenly overcome by dizziness and she shook her head to clear it to no avail. The room continued to spin.

The cup was removed from her hand as arms encircled her and Riley turned her toward the staircase.

"Don't fight it; it's just a little drug to incapacitate you until we need you," Riley whispered in her ear. 

Buffy tried to get away from him but found Forrest on her other side as they steered her to the second level. The dizziness had given way to a feeling of general weakness and her legs gave out on her. Riley picked her up at this point and took her into a bedroom to lay her on the bed.

"Handle it from here?" Forrest sneered as he looked down at her.

"Yeah, man, we are going to be just fine." Riley answered.

"Just make sure that she can still fight when we need it," Forrest laughed. "Don't know what you see in that skinny blonde but hey, everybody has their own thing."

Buffy couldn't get up, her body absolutely refused to listen to her. Panic surged through her as she watched Riley sit on the bed next to her. His hand smoothed her hair away from her face and wiped a tear from her cheek. This was a thousand times worse than what Giles had done to her and she could only think of Angel and Spike, wishing they were there to help her.

"It's not so bad. It'll wear off in a few hours but gee, until then, wonder what we'll be up to," he whispered as his hand drifted lower and cupped her breast. His fingers kneaded it for a moment before continuing to drift lower, his hand stroking her belly, cupping her ass, to travel down her leg, across to the other leg so his hand was traveling upwards between her thighs.

"No, please don't," her mouth tried to work but it came up as squeaks and moans even though her mind was screaming for him stop touching her but he didn't. She kept hoping it was a nightmare as he undid the button on her pants.

"I really liked you, Buffy; we could have had something special. It's too bad that you turned out to be a demon whore. My men saw you last night fucking that thing. I thought you were such a nice girl…" 

"She is a nice girl," Willow said as she brought a trophy down across the back of Riley's head.

When Riley collapsed across her, Buffy saw her friend smiling down at her.

"Hey, for a soldier type, he sure doesn't pay attention to what's going on around him." Willow said as she pulled Riley off of her and they watched as he fell to the floor. "Didn't even lock the door behind him. Guess that's what you get when you think you're perfect."

Buffy tried to say thank you but couldn't. All she could do was watch as Willow locked the door before returning to sit next to her. The red head pulled the cell phone out of Buffy's pocket and dialed it. Willow grasped her hand and held onto it, trying to soothe her as she waited for whoever she was calling to answer.

"Angel, its Willow." A pause, "yeah, she's okay now but we need help. We're upstairs at the Lowell House, second door from the staircase. Hurry." Willow clicked the phone off and smiled down at her. "He's around the corner, so we can get you out of here quick."

Closing her eyes, Buffy wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere. Angel would never understand, she had been careless and it was her fault this had happened. She had let someone else touch what was his and Spike's and she wondered if they would think she was as dirty as she felt. Her eyes flew open as she felt hands on her again but it was Willow straightening her clothes before Angel could get there. Tears flowed across her cheeks as she realized what Riley intended to do and would have if Willow hadn't been there to protect her.

~~~~~~~~~

Angel laid Buffy on his bed, helpless as she refused to open her eyes and look at him.  Ever since he had gotten the two girls out of the fraternity, Buffy had closed in on herself. She wouldn't even look at Willow. 

"Buffy, open your eyes, I need to know that you're okay," he whispered and held onto her hand.

Finally she peeked out at him from behind your lashes and rage filled him at the pain that was in those green depths. He squeezed her hand.

"I love you. He'll be taken care of, I promise you." He reassured her. His first thought had been getting Buffy and Willow out of Lowell house and to safety and it was stronger at the time than killing the pathetic bastard that had touched what was his. Seeing her helpless and in such emotional pain tore at him. It was worse than what had happened on her eighteenth birthday. At least then she was still able to use her body, even weakened, along with her mind to defeat her foe. To take away the use of her body entirely was beyond cruel. 

New found sympathy for Spike tickled at the corner of his heart as he realized that those humans had hurt both of his mates and he couldn't wait until he could make them pay. And pay they would.

"Angel," Buffy whispered. "Spike?"

"Hey, you're coming out of it." Angel returned his gaze to her face as she blinked at him. "No, I haven't heard from him yet. Can I get you something? Willow is still here. Do you want me to send her in?"

"Please."

Angel moved out into the living room to where Buffy's friend was pacing the floor.

"Is she okay?"  
  


"The drug is wearing off. She'd like to see you."

As Willow moved into the bedroom, his cell phone began to ring and with relief he realized that it was Spike.

"Spike, where are you?" 

"It's not Spike," Riley's voice came through the small instrument. "It's too bad that things got interrupted earlier, because Buffy was really getting into what we were doing. Think she might be over her little demon crushes and be ready for a real man."

"You son of a bitch, I'm so going to enjoy killing you." Angel snarled. "Where the hell is Spike?"

"Oh, maybe you should have asked that before you threatened me." Riley chuckled. "But you know what it doesn't really matter now anyway. Now, I know there is a song that is appropriate for this moment. Let me think for a minute."

"WHERE IS SPIKE?" Angel repeated.

"Oh, yeah, I remember." Riley said and then hummed a moment before launching into song.  "_Dust in the wind. All he is, is dust in the wind."_

TBC

**Author's Note: I have borrowed dialogue from the 'Primeval' episode to include in this chapter. **


	31. Til Death Do Us Part

Chapter 30 – 'Til Death Do Us Part

At Riley's words Angel felt a momentary wave of grief wash over him. Rage quickly followed and he unconsciously squeezed the cell phone until it was nothing more than pieces of plastic and wires that he dropped to the floor. It was too much, first Buffy and now Spike. Murder was his only thought as his demon took control. He threw his head back, panting, for some control and sifted through the overwhelming emotions controlling him. And underneath all the commotion within him was something else. It was small, beckoning to him, and he concentrated on it, letting it give him the answer he needed.

His Childe was still alive. The bond was unbroken.

Riley had lied and Angel followed the sequence of events in his mind. The human had failed in his attempted kidnapping and rape of Buffy. The last thing he had to manipulate them with was Spike. Angel had no doubt that Spike was once again the captive of the Initiative but he wouldn't be for long. They had to move now while Riley was gloating in his game, thinking that they would be too busy dealing with their pain. Soldier boy had underestimated them.

Angel headed for the bedroom to retrieve Buffy's phone but hesitated when he heard her weeping. She sounded so heartbroken and the murderous rage simmered in his blood again. Overcome by it, he leaned against the wall with one hand and tried to regain his focus. His feelings went beyond jealousy of someone touching what he considered his. It was the desecration of her innocence and the forcing of her seeing first hand the cruelty and power that sex could create. Buffy had only been protected and worshipped by him and Spike. Riley had wounded her in the core of her own esteem and he knew that she would survive it but she would never be the same girl again. Angel wished that they had the time to let her deal with it while he coddled and reassured her but they didn't. They needed her to complete the mission whether she was ready to handle it or not.

"Come on, Buffy, take a shower, and you'll feel better," Willow coaxed.

A few moments later the shower turned on and the tears either stopped or were covered by the running water. Taking a deep breath to push aside his own tumultuous emotions, Angel walked into the bedroom. Willow was gathering Buffy's clothes to stuff them into a bag.

"She wants them thrown away," the red head explained, answering what must have been a curious look on his face.

Angel nodded and turned away from her. His hands gripped the edge of the dresser, hating that he had to ask. He had to know how far his girl had been defiled in order, not only to deal with it himself but to find out how to treat her.

"How far did he get?"

"What do you mean?" 

Glancing over his shoulder, he looked at the witch who was clearly uncomfortable.

"Tell me what exactly he did to Buffy," Angel's said sternly, leaving no room for Willow to avoid answering him this time.

"He…he had undone her pants and was…was touching her."

It wasn't what he was hoping for but it wasn't the worse that it could have been and he closed his eyes but quickly opened them again. The images at her words only brought the anger and hurt to the forefront again. He had to maintain control in order to save their mate. There would be time for grieving after they were all safe.

Nodding, Angel picked up the phone and headed back to the main room, gesturing for his mate's friend to follow him. He sat in his chair leaning on his forearms and waited until Willow was settled on the couch before telling her about the phone call from Riley. As her eyes filled with tears, he assured her Spike was safe because he could still feel the bond.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am. He is my Childe and mate and I would feel the breaking of the bond." Angel explained, noting the relief on Willow's face. Buffy had told him that the others cared for Spike and for the first time he acknowledged that she was correct.  "We need to go in as soon as possible so that we have the element of surprise on our side. Will she be able to handle it?"

"I don't know." Willow said, her eyes still brimming with unshed tears. "It wasn't just the…sex part of it but it took her back to before. The helplessness she's having a hard time with. And the worst is that she thinks that you and Spike won't want her anymore because someone else has touched her."

Running a hand over his face, Angel turned to look at Willow, "Why would she think that? That our love for her is so shallow that it would be lessoned by something that isn't her fault."

"She feels like it was her fault, that's the thing, because she insisted on going to the party tonight instead of waiting for Spike. Because she was flirting with Riley to try to get information and she didn't like doing that in the first place."

Angel nodded, feeling added guilt because Buffy had told him that she felt uncomfortable playing up to Riley. He had let it continue because in his own arrogance he had thought Buffy could handle it. 

The shower had stopped running and knowing it was time for him to talk to Buffy himself, Angel stood and handed the cell phone to Willow. "I'm going to go and talk to her. Would you call the others, explain what's happened with Spike and get everyone here."

After Willow agreed, Angel made his way back to the bedroom. Buffy was out of the shower and sitting in the middle of the bed, her hair was wet and hanging in clumps around her. She was dressed in some baggy sweats; she held her legs tightly against her chest and rested her chin on her knees. Hesitating, he sat on the edge of the bed and she peered at him warily. 

"Please, don't punish me," she whispered.

"Why would I punish you?" Angel asked, genuinely perplexed by the question. Of all the emotions and problems resulting from Riley's attack on her, fear of being punished wasn't something he expected. 

"I let it happen. If I hadn't been careless, I would've seen he was up to something."

"It wasn't your fault, Buffy." He answered, trying to temper his tone; he didn't want her confusing his anger at Riley with disappointment in her.  "I don't blame you and I'm not going to punish you."

Angel reached a hand out to her hair but startled she pulled away from him and his hand dropped back down to the bed.

"No, I'm dirty."

"No, you're not."

Angel thought he was breaking through her defenses when Buffy looked away from him. 

"Spike…he's not going to understand. He won't want me anymore."

Angel hated himself for having to do this but she needed to get it together. And if he didn't make her understand the urgency of the situation they would never be able to save Spike. He moved closer to her and grabbed her upper arms and forced her to listen to him. 

"Buffy, I love you and I understand that you are hurting but right now, we have more important things to deal with." She whimpered and struggled to get away from him but he shook her to get her attention. "Stop it. They have Spike and we are going to have only one shot at getting him out of there and bringing down the Initiative. Do you understand?"

"They have Spike?"

"Yes, Riley called while you were talking to Willow and said they had dusted him."

"But you just said that he wasn't," Buffy said, tears pouring down her face and Angel wiped them away.

"Open yourself up. You've bonded with him. Do you feel like it's been broken?"

Angel was proud of Buffy as she pulled herself together and searched for the answer within her. Relief flooded her features as she found the connection between them still intact and she looked up at him in wonder.

"It's true. I can feel him." Buffy said with determination in her voice. "I can do this. So, what's the plan?"

"Willow is calling everyone and letting them know that we're going in as soon as we can. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Let me change and I'll be right out."

After kissing her, Angel hurried out to the main room to wait for everyone to gather. It was time to settle this once and for all.

~~~~~~~~~

They moved through the tunnels beneath the Initiative, the vampire, the Slayer, the Watcher, one witch and one human. Anya and Tara had been strategically left above ground, on opposite sides of the campus. They still had no clue where the demons were going to be turned loose, but it would seem logical that it would be somewhere on campus, the body parts left there would statistically be younger and healthier. 

The others had gone through the entrance that Spike had found and even in his absence he was still helping them. There was little sound except for their footsteps as they moved toward the Project 314 lab. They located a small room where the others could set up Magic Central and still be able to give Buffy access to Adam once the spell was started. Angel maintained guard duty while the others set up.

From his position at the door he could see activity on the other side through the small window. His eyes flickered between the Scoobies and the soldiers. Buffy stood beside him, fidgeting nervously. But there was also a certainty about her that helped him to believe that they would succeed. She had forced herself into Slayer mode and turned her hurt to anger to be able to deal with what she had to do.

At Buffy's request, none of the others had been told what had happened to her. She couldn't deal with the emotions of her friends until it was over. Willow and he had honored her request and they had just relayed the information about Spike. And once again Angel had been pleased to see the others agreement to expedite the mission in order to save Spike.

When he looked through the window again he could see that the soldiers were in full gear as they hurried by. It appeared that their calculations were correct and the Initiative was in preparation for unleashing their plan. Angel looked back to the Scoobies to see if they were ready yet. There wasn't any time to spare.

"Dim the lights," Giles ordered, as he, Xander and Willow sat on the floor. He placed the needed items for the spell in front of those in the small circle and the Watcher looked up at Buffy and him to announce that they were now ready to begin.

"How long?" Buffy asked.

"Five minutes. Once we start the spell," Willow said.

Giles lit a candle as Buffy moved closer to the door and Angel moved his hand to the handle, prepared to open it when the time came. He gave her a quick smile to show his support and when she gave him a genuine smile of amusement, whatever doubts he had vanished. 

"The power of the Slayer and all who yield it," Willow chanted. "Last ancient first, we invoke thee. Grant us thy domain and primal strength. Accept us in the power we possess."

As the spell began, Angel ushered Buffy out into the hallway and followed her back to the 314 lab. The plan was that Buffy would fight and destroy Adam with the aid of the spell while Angel would try to find a way to stop the release of the demons.

"Are you going to be all right?" Angel asked when they had reached the lab, his hand grabbing hers.

"Yeah, I'll be fine, can't go wrong with everybody working together." Buffy said to reassure him. Her small hand squeezed his and he couldn't stop himself from dropping a quick kiss on her mouth for luck.

"Be careful." Angel warned before letting her go.

Buffy nodded and slipped into the lab. Angel waited a few moments to make sure that she was okay before he slipped off toward the containment cells. Rounding a corner he saw a group of soldiers in front of him and he retreated, hoping that they hadn't noticed him. The last thing any of them needed was for himself to become a prisoner of the Initiative.

"The doors are about to open," Forrest said. "And once they do all the exits are going to be blocked and the demons will be forced to head upwards and onto university grounds. We want to keep them contained in a small area around the gym. Don't let them outside of that area and don't take 'em out too fast. Understand?"

There was murmured responses from the others as they moved off. Angel watched as doors closed, sealing the containment cell area from the main section of the Initiative. As the soldiers departed at the other end of the hallway, Angel followed them trying to stay out of their sight by skirting along the edge of the cells. And he still tried to keep an eye out for Spike as he went. He had almost reached the end when the doors opened en masse allowing the demons their freedom. Muttering a curse, Angel ran for the end but already demons were rushing toward the only open doorway, swallowing him up in their midst. 

Not even trying to stop them, Angel opened the door leading into the Initiative, and a few of the demons turned in that direction but he needed to stop the others from heading onto the campus.

"Hey, this way," he shouted. "The other way they're waiting for you."

Not sure if they would at all listen, the vampire was grateful when some of them turned in the direction he wanted. The stream began to shift toward the new exit from their imprisonment and Angel knew he needed to get top side before any major carnage was done to students. He moved through the door leading to the outside and pushed it shut behind him after fighting back a couple of determined demons but once they had headed the other way, he was able to close the door and lock it from the key pad with the code that Spike had filched. 

Taking off at a run, following screams, Angel headed through the tunnel that dumped into the sewers beneath the University. He scanned the exits as he went, counting until he found the one that led into the Science building. This was the only access he could use to go up; otherwise he would exit into sunlight. Cursing under his breath he realized that something else had already gone this route. Scrambling up he found himself in the basement of the building and looked around, spotting stairs leading to the main level. The first floor was filled with the screams of students and teachers running but Angel could smell a demon still loose. He dashed to find it hoping to stop it before someone could be injured. The scent led Angel into a lecture hall where the demon had a woman cowering behind a desk.

"Hey, ugly," Angel yelled, knowing that the desk would offer the frightened professor no protection against the demon. The beast turned to him and Angel leapt from mid-stairs onto its back. The demon beat at Angel's arms but couldn't break the vampire's grip.  After a scuffle; Angel snapped its neck and it fell to the floor. Looking up he addressed the woman who was slowly emerging from her hiding place. "Sorry, there's some soldiers outside that will take care of the body. They should be searching for it."

"It's you," the woman said, searching his face but Angel's cell phone went off before he had a chance to respond to her.

"Yeah?"

"Angel, it's Tara, three demons just entered the gym. The soldiers aren't going in."

Even though he wanted to explore how the woman knew him, there wasn't time and without waiting Angel headed for the gym. He took out two more demons before the soldiers realized that something had gone horribly wrong and started to destroy the demons they had let loose on the campus to cover up their errors. As everything changed Angel returned to the Initiative to see how Buffy and the others were progressing. 

~~~~~~~~~~

The bullets flew from Adam's arm and Buffy dove for the console, hoping that the spell would hurry up and take effect. She had already snapped the spear from Adam's arm and when he had deployed the gun from his arm, she had been afraid, knowing that slayer strength couldn't do much against bullets. She was trapped and it was only a matter of time before Adam would…

Just as the thoughts of doom filtered into her mind, Buffy felt energy surging through her and all fear inside her vanished. Her body was infused with an essence unlike anything she had ever known and she felt within her the connection of her friends as well as something powerful; something primordial.

Buffy stood, even though Adam was still firing at her, fearless at the bullets that flew through the air.  She held her hand up in complete acceptance that he couldn't hurt her now and the bullets turned into three doves. When she moved it again, focusing on Adam, his gun retracted. 

Adam tried to attack her but Buffy was able to match him punch for punch. For every blow he missed, she connected with three. A particularly vicious kick to the stomach sent him to the floor and he stared up at her in amazement. 

"How can you…?" Adam asked.

In her head she could hear the voices of the others as they chanted and she completed it along with Xander, instinctively knowing the words.

"You could never hope to grasp the source of our power."

Adam stood and attacked again but he was hopelessly outmatched and Buffy kicked him again, knocking him to the ground once more. He struggled to stand but the Slayer was already reaching for him, pulling him to his feet and delivering a kick to his chest that slammed him back against the wall. 

"And yours is right here," Buffy said and rammed her hand into his chest. Adam stared at Buffy in disbelief as he struggled with her hand. But the fight was already won and in seconds Buffy pulled the uranium core from him, and Adam crumpled at her feet, no longer a threat. The force within her took control, levitating the power core before it disappeared in a flash of white light. As if sensing Adam's defeat, the connection was severed and the power within her vanished leaving Buffy overwhelmed by its absence and she crumpled to the ground in exhaustion.

~~~~~~~~~~

Chaos reigned within the Initiative and without premise Angel slammed the door open and burst into the room where the Scoobies had been casting the spell. They were struggling to their feet when he came in, obviously drained from the adjoining.

"Did it work?" Angel asked, even though he knew from the triumphant looks on their faces that it had been.

"Yes, it did." Giles answered. "Let's go and find Buffy to make sure everything went well with her."

Together they made their way to the lab, trying to stay out of the way of the fighting soldiers and demons that seemed to be everywhere. The door to Project 314 was open but when they went in all they found was Buffy struggling to sit up and the body of Adam.

"Are you all right?" Angel said, rushing to her side and helping her to stand. His arm snaked around her waist, pulling her to lean on him. It wasn't just to comfort her but to also give him the security that he always felt when she was near. 

"I'm fine," Buffy answered, grinning wildly at the others as the excitement hummed through her petite form and she stroked Angel's arm. Even in the glow of succeeding she still found the time to support him, sending waves of pleasure through him. Every moment that he was around her, she surprised him with her strength, loyalty and compassion. 

"It was amazing," Willow said, returning her friend's grin.

"You were great, Buffy," Xander said, looping his arm around Willow and Buffy shoulders. 

"We were great," Buffy said.

The exhilaration of triumphing over their enemy was high among the humans in front of him but Angel knew that they needed to get out. Once everyone was safe and Spike was found there would be plenty of time to relish their achievements and party like Buffy always said when they saved the world yet again.

 "Don't mean to break this up," Angel said. "But we need to get out of here. It's mayhem out there and it's only getting worse."

"The demons did they get outside?" Giles asked.

"No, I directed most of them back into the Initiative," Angel said. "The soldiers are trying to contain them again but aren't faring well."

"I hate to say it but we should probably open the exits up and give everyone a fair chance at surviving." Buffy said. "I know they deserve it but it's nothing more than a smorgasbord for the demons out there and I don't think whoever is left is going to try to finish the plan."

"I agree." Giles said.

Nodding, Willow rushed to the computer console and started typing in codes while everyone gathered around her. "Their open," she said a few minutes later.

"Okay, now let's get out of here," Angel said. 

Taking the lead, Angel headed for the nearest exit with the others following. As soon as he got them outside he could start looking for Spike. Hopefully, in the confusion of the demons coming back at them, his Childe had been forgotten and was being left alone. 

They reached the ladder that would lead up into the quad and Angel had Buffy go up first. Once she called down that it was all clear he sent the others up one by one. Giles was the last to go and as he started up the ladder, Angel grabbed his arm.

"Get Buffy home," Angel said. "I'm staying to look for Spike but I need to know she's safe."

"All right," Giles said, nodding at the vampire before heading up the ladder. 

With a quick look around, Angel headed once again for the area that held the containment cells. He just hoped that he would have the time to find Spike and still be able to make Riley pay.

~~~~~~~~~

Giles clasped her hand and Buffy helped to pull him to safety. Once he was standing beside her, Buffy looked down at the empty space and realized that Angel had gone back in without her. It frustrated her that he was trying to send her home like a child when her need to find their mate was as strong as his. Sighing, she looked at her Watcher.

"Call Anya and Tara to tell them to stay put until you guys get there," Buffy instructed. "Stay together and get out of here."

"Until we get there; don't you mean?" Giles asked.

Buffy shook her head. "I'm going back to help search for Spike," Buffy said, holding her hand up to stop any protests. And with a catch in her voice, "They're my everything and I need to do this."

Buffy didn't want to fight with Giles or any of them. If after this they couldn't see what the three of them meant to each other then they could all go to hell. She wasn't going to try to please all of them anymore. If Giles considered it divided loyalties then he would have to deal with it. She had done her sacred duty and had made sure that they were safe before leaving them and if it wasn't enough then she couldn't do anymore. She waited for the arguments to start but her friends surprised her with their understanding of the situation. 

"Good luck," Xander whispered, hugging her tightly and dropping a kiss on her cheek. 

"We'll wait for you at the mansion," Willow said, "and we'll have breakfast ready and blood heated for when the three of you get there."

"Go, Buffy, they'll need you," Giles said.

Leaving them with only a quick smile, Buffy climbed back down into the hell that the government had created. There were demons and soldiers fighting everywhere, some running for the open doors and some dying, bleeding on the ground. She took a moment to allow her instincts to take over and as soon as she heard the call of her mates, she took off at a run in the direction that her instincts were telling her to go. 

Any demons or soldiers in her way were pushed to the side as she followed the blood rushing through her. It led her back into the main area of the underground facility and there on the catwalk above her, she saw them. Spike was leaning against a wall but was sliding toward the ground while Angel fought with Riley. Not taking the time to bother with a ladder, Buffy jumped to the second level, grabbing the railing to pull her over. She landed a few yards away from them and when she looked up, Angel was holding Riley above his head. In a glance she took in her mate's stance and the direction that Riley would be tossed. Unless she stopped him, Riley would be thrown into the midst of rampaging demons that were tearing apart the equipment below. Angel waited and Buffy knew it was up to her. If she said the word then Angel wouldn't throw Riley to certain death.

And in that split second of decision, it was as if everything stopped around them.

Buffy's gaze first took in Angel's need for revenge that was evident on his face. No matter how far they had come in their relationship, she knew he would always feel that it was his duty to protect and care for his family.

Second, her gaze took in Spike; beaten, bleeding and barely conscious, leaning against the wall and looking up at her. The pain and humiliation was there in those cerulean eyes along with the joy and love that they had rescued him. And the relief that this time they had come for him and were willing to fight for him and to avenge his pain at the hands of those that didn't understand that even being a demon he was capable of great love and loyalty.

She remembered the hands that violated her and the words that implied that Spike was gone to them. 

Giles's words from the night before echoed in her mind. _It means that you would kill for them and die for them. It means that no other being would ever come between the three of you. And she now understood what he meant and her soul became complete at the seriousness of her bond with the two vampires. They were her alpha and her omega. There was no one before them and there would be no one after them. No matter how ugly or painful life could be she would always have them to love her. It was blood and honor and forever._

And in this new realization, she never said anything to Angel.

Instead she turned away from Angel's gaze and knelt beside Spike. "Come on, we need to get you home." Her arm went around him and helped him to his feet while she ignored Riley screaming as he fell into the demon pack below and then the silence that was louder then the screaming.

Spike leaned against her as they shuffled toward the exit but then Angel was there on the other side of Spike, helping her to help him. They were together and that was the only thing that mattered.

TBC

Author's Note: Hmmm, once again I have borrowed from the Primeval episode and wouldn't think about taking credit for anything I didn't write. And on that note, thank you to my wonderful beta, DarrylJ, for taking the time to help me by rewriting much of the fight scenes. They are much better with his guidance and well, words. 


	32. Resurgence

**Chapter 31 – Resurgence**

Contentment was prevailing over the pain. Spike was in the back seat of Angel's car, his head cradled in Buffy's lap while her fingers tenderly played with his hair. He had almost given up on getting out of the Initiative alive and he had thought he was dreaming when Angel had come for him. It had to have been a dream because there were tears in his Sire's eyes when he had reached for his Childe. And what Buffy had done, letting Angel destroy Riley, he couldn't believe that the self-righteous Slayer had allowed a vampire to kill a human but she had. Spike had to know if it was real or not and he struggled to open his eyes only to find her looking down at him. 

His tongue worked through dry lips, just a touch of moisture, so he could croak out, "Why"?

There was pain in her eyes, more pain than before, like a memory had come forth that hurt her even more and she shook her head and whispered, "He hurt all of us."

Something had happened; something they hadn't told him but the thought to ask was lost as Angel pulled into their driveway and bounced over the yard so that he could park in the shade by the ballroom doors. Spike groaned as he smelled the others, the humans were all there to witness his shame. He had allowed himself to be taken prisoner and tortured by the soldiers. What good was he to them? His eyes closed, refusing to acknowledge them and tried to sit up but Buffy had to support him. Hands reached for him to take him from the car and Spike growled low in his throat. 

Then there was only Buffy as he forced himself from the car. His legs were fine and when he realized that they were all standing there watching, he slipped his crippled hand beneath his coat. The hand had started healing with the fingers bent unnaturally and would probably be useless for the rest of his existence. He only stared at the ground as he climbed from the car and Angel was there as the dizziness overtook him.  Buffy crawled from the car to stand beside him. Flanked by his mates, Spike finally turned his eyes to the Scoobies and saw their faces filled with concern and his chest felt tighter than before from the realization that they cared. 

Spike knew he wasn't going to be able to stay upright for long and tried to take a step but found himself pitching forward. Someone caught him and this time he didn't fight them as he was carried into Angel's room. The scent of his mates filled him as he sunk into the softness of the mattress. He sighed and let go because here he was loved and safe. Through the fog that filled his conscious, he felt hands taking care of him. The clothes were cut from his body and the smell of Buffy hovered around him as warm towels cleaned the blood from him. Red was there somewhere as cool lotions were dabbed onto his cuts and burns. Dimly he could hear the small intakes of breath as each new wound was tended to and even if he could he wouldn't have looked at the ones nursing him. 

He was humiliated because the Initiative had taken away who he was once again. The torture had been worse than anything Angelus had laid upon him years ago. The cruelty and emptiness of their hearts made them worse than any spawn of hell. His mind tried to force aside the memories and pain but hiding behind his eyelids and echoing in his ears was the sight and sound of what must have been the ghost of Riley. The soldier had returned alone last night and his hatred of the vampire had truly been shown in tortures that were only done for the pleasure of it. The smell of his burnt flesh had filled the nostrils of his Sire telling him about the diversions with electricity that had marked his torso. And when he had taken Spike from his hell he had sworn vengeance into his Childe's ear.

A cover was pulled over Spike just enough for modesty's sake and then he was alone again. The darkness teased at him and called for him to succumb to its pull. Footsteps entered the room and Angel was there sinking down onto the mattress beside him. Spike fought to open his eyes but the familiar hand caressed his brow.

"Shhh, don't," Angel whispered. "Drink."

A wrist was pressed to his mouth and blood soothing in its power trickled into his mouth and instincts took over as Spike suckled at the life giving nourishment. Fingers continued to stroke him as he quenched his gnawing hunger. Before he was ready the wrist was taken from him and a kiss replaced the fingers. Spike whimpered in his need but instead of what he craved a cup was pressed to his lips. Buffy was there, encouraging him to drink but the liquid was foul and he tried to bat it away. Arms encircled him and the Watcher and the boy were there to help hold him down. The foulness was poured into his mouth while Buffy rubbed his throat forcing him to swallow, and Spike wanted to cry in frustration. All he wanted was the blood. Blood would heal him. Then things became hazy around him and he began to float until darkness finally pulled him under.

~~~~~~~~~~

No one had been able to stay and watch. Buffy had tried and then ran from the room crying. Only Angel now remained with Spike's head on his lap and holding his free hand but he too wanted to flee from this. He stayed because even with the potion Spike thrashed from pain as a doctor Giles had found was methodically breaking each finger of his Childe's left hand again. Then he would reset the broken digit so that it would have a chance to heal correctly and hopefully Spike would have full use of his hand again.   

Finally after what seemed like hours the doctor looked up and said he was done. The little creature wearing the guise of a human over a demon heart gathered his instruments together then waited. Angel hurried to the box on his dresser and pulled out the necessary cash to pay him, then followed him out into the living room. The others waited until he had left to question Angel on how it went.

"They've all been set and he has them taped but we should know in a few days how well it went," Angel explained. Hesitating he contemplated whether or not to ask the question that weighed on his mind. He knew these friends of Buffy's cared about their mate but this was something he wasn't sure they could handle. He stepped over to Buffy and took her hand to give him courage. "In order for Spike to heal quickly and properly, he is going to need blood. Human blood."

"We can get some." Giles said. "It shouldn't be too hard."

"No, fresh human blood would be best. The only thing better is my blood and Buffy's. I have already fed him and I know that Buffy won't hesitate but I need to know if any of you are willing to donate."

"And how exactly were planning on obtaining it?" Xander asked.

"A cut to your arm and let him drink from you. It's like with a newborn the need to suck is instinctive unlike trying to get him to drink from a cup. Besides he associates the cup with the potion now and we don't want to confuse him. If you do this, I'll stay and supervise so that you are safe."

"Please," Buffy whispered, tears still sliding down her cheeks. 

"Okay," Willow stepped forward.

Slowly each of the others agreed. Relief swept through Angel as he scrutinized these humans before him. Maybe they weren't so bad after all. He chose Willow first and had her follow him into the bedroom. She winced when he cut her arm but she never balked as Spike drank from her and that was why Angel had chosen her first. Her feelings for his mate ran deeper than the others and she would lead them by example thus ensuring Spike would get the nourishment he needed.

~~~~~~~~~

Time passed marked only by the hands that cleaned his wounds, the wrist pressed to his lips or the cup of foulness that he was forced to ingest. As Spike healed he became more aware of who was there tending to him and feeding him. The wrists that fed him were connected to separate personalities and each tasted a little different. His Sire gave him power and the lineage of where he came from, Buffy was healing and comfort, the Watcher gave him a connection to home and his roots, the ex-demon bird was excitement and desire, Willow was a power that was not yet fully realized and Tara was sweetness and home that made him miss his mother. The boy was only there a few times. Spike knew he only came because of pressure of the others but found he harbored no resentment toward Xander.  Buffy had told him about Xander's childhood friend and he could understand his reluctance to allow a vampire to feed from him. 

The first time that Xander allowed him to feed, Spike could smell the arousal on the boy and the embarrassment that turned his face a bright red. The vampire wondered if no one had told the boy that the feeding could cause such a reaction. But Spike couldn't resist the temptation to tease Xander by changing the pressure of his sucking so that it was more erotic. After the boy had finally fled Angel had turned to him with mirth dancing in his eyes and Spike knew that Xander had been left in ignorance deliberately. None of the girls would have shared and Giles would have been too mortified to discuss such matters. Chuckling Spike enjoyed Angel's little joke and figured that would be the last time that he would feed from that wrist but he was wrong. Xander had returned when the need warranted and someone must have finally shared with him because there wasn't any reaction again. 

Due to the constant care and feeding that he received his body healed rapidly and within a few days he was anxious to leave the bed. Supported by Angel they moved him to the couch in the living room so that he could watch television to pass the time. Buffy had returned to school at her mates' insistence so that she wouldn't be so far behind that she couldn't catch up. His feedings turned to bags of human blood and his Sire was still there to dote on him. They spent hours talking about all the things they had never taken the time to figure out along the way. Sometimes in the mornings Angel would read to him and in the afternoon would hold him while he napped to help keep the nightmares at bay. 

It was Buffy that he couldn't figure out. She was nurturing and loving but her affection was something he couldn't quite grasp. In the evening while she did her homework she would sit on the floor in front of the couch and he would play with her hair or caress her shoulder but her kisses were fleeting in nature and he wondered if she no longer loved him. If her illusions of him being her prince had finally been shattered by his fallacies and he ached to make love to her again. Maybe if he could still please her then the desire that was once in her eyes for him might return.

~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy stepped into the bedroom, her eyes drinking in the sight of Spike still wet from his bath with a towel wrapped around his waist. Angel was changing the sheets so that he would have a clean bed for the night. She could feel those blue eyes on her, filled with curiosity and pain, trying to figure out why she had withdrawn from him. The longer she refused to deal with what had happened to her the more remote she felt from them both. A part of her told her that it wasn't really that big of a deal. Riley hadn't done much more than she had allowed her boyfriends before Angel to do and in comparison to what Spike had gone through she shouldn't complain. But another part of her still felt shameful and guilty over it and no matter how many times she showered and scrubbed herself it seemed there was a layer of filth coating her. Those hands still haunted her dreams and even Spike touching her made her cringe in fear.

"Why don't you help Spike get dried off?" Angel asked. Although Spike hadn't said anything to her, she knew that he was ready to resume physical relations with her and Angel. His body was still healing but there was a part of him that needed the bonding that came from sex. Angel was already becoming physical with Spike again and when she had walked in on them earlier, she had retreated instead of joining them.

"I'll finish making the bed," she answered and moved to take over.

From the corner of her eye she watched Angel towel Spike off, Buffy knew, to give the blonde vampire the loving touch of being cared for. After the bed was made Spike slipped beneath the covers and Angel left to heat up blood for them. 

"I need to finish some schoolwork." Buffy told him, heading for the door.

"Stay with me, Buffy, please," Spike said, "just to talk."

Even if she didn't want to return to their physical relationship just yet she still loved him very deeply and couldn't bear to hurt him.  So, she turned back to join him on the bed; sitting cross-legged out of his reach on the corner. 

"What's wrong, pet?"

Buffy sighed because she should have known that it wouldn't be long before Spike would know something was wrong with her and ask about it. He had always been perceptive of her feelings especially ones that she was trying to hide.

"There's been a lot to deal with. I'm fine." It wasn't exactly a lie she justified to herself as she played with a loose thread in the comforter.

Spike patted the bed next to him, "I won't do anything you don't want me too. Trust me, don't you?"

Her mind reminded her of a time that Spike had hurt her with sex and she closed her eyes trying to push the memory away. She heard Spike sigh at her lack of response and in an effort to try to please him she shifted until she was lying next to him. There was still space between them and when he didn't try to breach it, Buffy let herself relax. Angel returned with the blood and the two vampires talked about general things while they drank. Her eyelids grew heavy as the hypnotizing rise and fall of their voices lulled her into a place where she felt safe.

~~~~~~~~~~

Terror filled Spike and he fought to emerge from the inky blackness that was suffocating him. His eyes opened and he blinked trying to anchor himself by focusing on the room around him. Telling himself to calm down he looked for Angel but he wasn't in the bed with him. Buffy was still sleeping beside him, her body uncurling in sleep until she was on her back. Her hand was lying over her head while the other one was flung out to the side. The mere presence of her made his heart lighter and he moved closer to her warmth. They had slept together for months, surely she wouldn't object if he needed her touch to return to sleep himself. He laid his head on her shoulder with his good hand stretched over her stomach while his bad one was tucked between them.

The fear of his nightmare was negated by the scents radiating from his mate, her shampoo, soap and the delicate aroma that was pure Buffy. His body and mind grew calm as he snuggled against her and he allowed himself to fall under the lure of sleep again. 

~~~~~~~~~~

The dream pushed through Buffy's conscience, Riley's body covered her and his hands roamed over her flesh, invading and probing, and she was powerless to stop him. There was no one to help her as he separated her legs and she awoke with a scream only to find herself still in the shadows. Somehow Riley was there pinning her to the mattress while his hand searched for new ways to molest her.

"Angel, help me," Buffy cried, panic taking over her senses. "No, leave me alone." Her hands pushed at the man covering her.

"Buffy? What's wrong?" the man asked but he wouldn't release her.

"Please, no, don't. Angel, where's Angel?" Buffy continued to resist him and when she couldn't get away, she used her fists and nails to fight him. "Let go of me. No. Angel where are you?"

"Buffy, stop it," Angel said, grabbing her wrists and pulling her away from the enemy. She was safe as she was pulled onto her mate's lap. His hands held her tight. "It's okay. You're okay. It's over. I've got you now." And she let go, sobbing as the pent up poison released itself.

~~~~~~~~~

Spike pulled away from his mates and reached over to turn the lamp on. He stared in disbelief at Buffy sobbing in Angel's arms and wondered what he had done to make Buffy hate him so much. Less than a week ago she had chased him down to make him see they were meant to be together and now she had fought to get away from him. It was Angel that she wanted not him and he was a fool for ever believing it was different. His Sire was the hero not Spike and all the insecurities and hurts threatened to drown him as they came crashing back. 

There was no way Spike could stay. Not with this. His eyes filled with tears and he swung his legs over the edge but Angel grabbed his arm. Spike was emotionally at his end and he didn't have the strength to pull away. He turned to find out what his Sire wanted to try to appease him with but found himself stunned when Angel mouthed Riley's name to him. 

"Oh, God," Spike muttered, cursing himself for not seeing sooner. The torture at the hands of Riley on that last night made it clear that he hadn't succeeded. Otherwise, the human would have been reveling in his conquest and not out of control in rage. Now, he willingly bore the pain of that night because he would gladly go through it a thousand times again to keep Buffy from what Riley had planned.

Spike settled onto the bed and waited for Buffy to cry herself out. There was no longer any resentment as he watched Angel rock and try to reassure her that she was safe. Angel was the one who knew what had happened, not him, and it was logical that she would turn to his Sire for protection. He just wondered why they hadn't told him. He had been well enough the last couple of days to handle it but, in the end, he sighed and let it go. 

Buffy sobs turned to hiccups and trickled down to sniffles as she released her pain. Angel still held her but pushed her away a bit so that he could dry her cheeks and she turned to look at Spike. He reached a hand out to her and waited until she laid her hand in his.

"I'm sorry. I was having a nightmare," Buffy said. "I didn't realize it was you."

"Its okay, Lamb."

Spike felt better when she nodded and slipped back to sit on the bed again. Her hand was still holding his and it gave him encouragement that she still trusted him a little.

"I know I've been distant from you," she started, her gaze locked on the pattern of the bedspread. "Something happened and…" Buffy swallowed and her eyes filled with tears again.

"Buffy, don't have to explain now; I'll be here when you're ready." The relief on his Slayer's face told him that he had said the right thing. So, he forged ahead. "I can wait on other things until you're ready too. Just want you to be happy."

Buffy looked up and studied his face for a moment before asking, "You still want me?"

Her voice was soft and hesitant and his heart melted at the emotions that were tearing her apart. 

"Yeah, Buffy, I still want you. Afraid you're stuck with me."

The smile that finally reached her eyes was worth it and he squeezed her hand. His eyes turned to Angel who looked just as relieved as she did that this was finally out in the open. Sighing, Spike laid back down putting his arm in an invitation to her and after hesitating for only a fraction of a second Buffy laid next to him. Her head rested on his chest and his arm encircled her. 

"See, all safe," Spike whispered, playing with her hair. He looked up at his Sire and opened his other arm. They needed this. They needed to start resuming their life together and distancing themselves from the horrific experience with happy times again. Angel crawled over them, turned the light off and settled on the other side of Spike. The older vampire covered Buffy's hand that was resting on Spike's stomach. For the first time since the night they had bonded they were sharing a bed again. None of them were the same as they had been that night but Spike knew that they had taken the first step in making their relationship stronger than ever. In time Riley would only be a memory of another victory they had achieved together. 

to be continued…

  
  



	33. Choices in Judgement

**Chapter 33 – Choices in Judgment**

"They get to stay home while I'm out here doing all the patrolling," Angel grumbled, putting a stake through a fledgling's heart. It wasn't his mates' fault that he was out here, especially since he had volunteered to do a routine night's work while Spike helped Buffy with some poetry assignment that was due the next day. But since the night of the sundae fight, there had been a niggling inside of him. Something telling him that this wasn't the way it was supposed to be. Maybe it was the something that forced him to think horrible thoughts when he made love to Spike, and although he was cumming he wasn't having orgasms because he couldn't let go enough to really enjoy it. What he had thought was safe was becoming overwhelmingly treacherous going as his love for Spike grew. Sighing, Angel headed for the back of the cemetery for one last sweep before heading to the one down the road. 

"You are wasting yourself here, you know," a voice said off to his left; one that was heavy with an Irish brogue. "Not that Sunnydale isn't a perfectly lovely burg but it is a bit Hellmouthy for me."

"Who are you?"

The stranger reached into his pocket as he looked around at the graves. Angel tensed until he saw that only a deck of cards emerged in his hands and relaxed a little as the newcomer absently began to play with them. 

"Oh, sorry, guess you're waiting for a reply. I'm Doyle."

Angel stepped closer and sniffed the air, immediately distrustful of the man before him. "You don't smell human," he said, automatically tensing for a fight.

"Now that's a bit rude. So happens that I am very human,' Doyle replied. His face scrunched up and brought his hand up to his face as he let loose with a very loud sneeze. As he lost control, dozens of blue spikes appeared on his face. "On my mother's side." Doyle shook his head and like a vampire changing faces, the spikes disappeared leaving the human guise.

"What do you want?" Angel asked, still not trusting the demon. "I mean, since you know enough to tell me that I am wasting myself."

"I've been sent. By the Powers That Be."

"Huh, the powers that be what?" Angel asked, confused and wondering why this little deranged man was bothering him.

"Let me tell you a little bedtime story." Doyle started.

"But I'm not sleepy."

"Once upon a time there was this vampire. And he was the meanest vampire in all the land. He was so mean all the other vampires were afraid of him.  I mean he was just a bastard." Doyle said, gesturing with his arm for dramatic effect. "Then one day he was cursed by gypsies. They restore his human soul. And all of a sudden he is mad with guilt." He turned to look Angel, tilting his head. "You know: what have I done? You know, he's freaked?"

Angel stifled a yawn, "Now I'm sleepy."

"Yeah, well, it's a fairly dull tale." 

"Okay, you've told me my life story but since I was there, I already knew. So, why am I listening to you?" Angel said, turning to walk away.

"Because I'm the one that can tell you why you've got that little niggling feeling down in your gut, you know, the one telling you that something isn't quite right."

Angel stopped and looked over his shoulder. So far, Doyle had been just an irritant but now he made him curious.  "I want to know who sent you."

"I'm honestly not sure," Doyle replied, shrugging his shoulders. "They don't speak to me direct. I get…visions. Which is to say splitting migraines that come with pictures. A name. A face. I don't know who sends them. I just know that whoever sends them is more powerful than me or you, and their just trying to make things right."

"Why me?"

"Because you've got potential. And even with you're being the Slayer's right hand man, the balance sheet isn't exactly in your favor."

"So, I've got something to atone for. Why you?"

Doyle smiled sadly. "We've all got something to atone for." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. "Had a vision earlier. When the blinding pain stopped, I wrote this down." He handed the paper to Angel."

"Tina? And I'm supposed to do what with this?"

"Help her. Except that's the thing. She's in Los Angeles and you're here."

"So, get someone else." Angel said, taking a few steps away.

"See, that's where the niggling feeling comes in." Doyle said. "That little relationship you're in. It's not supposed to be. The three of you have messed up a few things by being together. You were supposed to break up with the girl. She was supposed to get involved with some really boring Iowa farm boy while you headed off to Los Angeles to be a champion. And Spike, well, he was supposed to be charming and cute for awhile before he took up with your girl. But that future has been permanently screwed up. Love, with three people? Whoever heard of that?"

Angel changed directions and stepped closer to Doyle. "It's working out just fine. And I don't like you very much."

"And this girl, Tina, might die because you're not there. She needs help. So, what are you going to do? Let an innocent die so you can be permanently sexually frustrated or are you going to do the right thing. It's gotta be tonight by the way."

"I'll think about it." Angel said, walking off. 

"I've got a bus to catch in an hour and a half. If you're going you might want to help a fellow out and give me a lift back."

Angel waved his hand and headed for home already knowing what he had to do.

~~~~~~~~~~

Spike sat back in the chair and watched while Angel packed a bag and Buffy hovered with fear on her face. There was something their mate wasn't telling them. Angel had returned from patrolling and had started packing. So, far he hadn't said anything plausible to account for the trip.

"Where are you going and why?" Buffy asked, for the tenth time.

"Los Angles, I need to take care of some business." 

"And this business is? If its demon stuff, I should know I'm the Slayer."

When the Slayer crossed her arms and tried to be all business, Spike stifled a laugh. There was just something cute about this tiny girl trying to boss around Angel. But she was right. Whatever Angel was doing they had the right to know.

"I can handle it. Don't worry about," Angel said, zipping his duffel bag closed.

"Don't treat me like a little girl. I don't like this. Not one bit." Buffy protested, trailing behind Angel as he walked out of the bedroom. "You have no right just to leave us like this."

"I have every right to do whatever I want," Angel snarled, his temper finally breaking. "Quit Buffy. Please. I have to do this. We'll talk when I get home." His arm snaked around the girl, pulling her close and kissing her. "I'll be back tomorrow night. I promise."

"I'll walk you out," Spike said, relieved that Buffy didn't follow them outside. "She's right, you know. You shouldn't be making decisions without including us."

Angel threw his bag into the car and turned to his mate. His hands rested on Spike's waist pulling on him. Spike gave into him and let himself lean against his mate. This easy affection between them was something they were both getting comfortable with as the days brought them closer together. It was funny the affection between them was getting easier while the sex was waning off, but Spike pushed it aside. All he wanted was Angel's love and everything else was extra.

"This is something I need to check out on my own." Angel said his thumbs stroking bare flesh after his hands had maneuvered under the blonde's shirt. 

"There's been something going on with you since the night Buffy and I made love again. Is it bothering you?" Spike asked, searching for answers in Angel's eyes. 

"No, I'm happy that she's whole again. I promise tomorrow we'll talk when I have some more answers. Now, I need to go. Take care of her for me."

There wasn't anything Spike could do except let his mate leave. His fingers drifted across the face he loved so much and hoped that Angel would come back to them. Needing to know if the love was still there for him, Spike pressed his lips to the brunettes, relieved when it was returned with as much ardor as he needed to drive his insecurity away. When they broke apart, Angel climbed into his car and drove away without another word, leaving his mates unsure of what he was up to or what to do about it.

~~~~~~~~~~

The cell phone was playing The Mexican Hat Dance and it joined in with Buffy's dream before she realized what it was. Her hand grabbed it off the nightstand and clicked it on. 

"Hello."

"Buffy, it's Angel." 

Buffy was instantly awake and sitting up. His tomorrow had become three days and she missed him.  Her hand pushed her hair away from her face as she tried to get her bearings. A glance at the clock told her it was almost six in the evening and Spike was still sleeping next to her. A quick nap had turned into fours hours leaving her with a feeling of being disoriented.

"Hey, where are you? Is everything okay?" She asked, her hand shaking Spike to rouse him.

"I'm fine, I'll be home tonight." Angel replied. "Going to finish up a few things then I'll be leaving. Everything okay there?"

"Yeah, we're fine. Giles called a Scooby meeting. Not quite sure what about, do you just want to meet us there?"

Buffy heard him sigh before answering. "Yeah, that'll be fine. I'll see you soon. Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"Love you too, Angel. Hurry home."

Clicking off the phone, Buffy lay back down. There was something in Angel's voice that wasn't right. Sad and regretful almost and she wondered what was up. She had talked with Spike about the distance in Angel since the morning they had brought down the Initiative. They both wondered if killing Riley had only added more guilt to Angel's heavily burdened soul. And if so, did Angel now blame them for his decision. 

"Everything okay, Love?" Spike asked, scooting closer to her. 

Buffy turned on her side to face him, her fingers trailing down his chest. 

"Angel is on his way home. He says everything is fine so I guess I'm just borrowing trouble by worrying."

"Told you about that, Pet, let it go and we'll have a big talk when he's back."

"You're right," Buffy replied, smiling into the face that had come to mean so much to her. "I had the weirdest dream."

"You too? So, did I," Spike said. "Tell me bout yours first."

Scooting just a little closer, Buffy laid her head on his arm. "I dreamt about the first Slayer. Scary chick, let me tell you, and then I was in my bedroom with Tara. I told her that Faith and I had just made the bed and she said that I didn't know what was to come. I left to go find the others and she told me to be back by dawn which was silly because it was already morning.  And there was this stuff about Mom being in the wall. It was way weird. And, I almost forgot this was this guy that kept asking me about cheese." She shrugged and poked his chest affectionately with one finger. "Now yours."

"I was dreaming about this green glowy light and men on horse back in of all bloody places, Africa. Wouldn't go there if you paid me, anyway, there was all these  cave drawings, might have been your Slayer chick, the first one because she was kind of scary looking and some guy was on there too with no skin, yuck, and this demon, kept lurking about. And your cheese guy was there too. I guess no more afternoon naps for us, tends to make us dream wonky stuff."

"Why do you think we both dreamed about this cheese guy?" Buffy asked, her brows meeting as she looked at Spike in confusion.

"Cause we're on the same wavelength, which is starving." Spike answered, in his cut through the bullshit way because it's too bothersome to deal with.

Buffy giggled. He was right. She had skipped lunch and headed straight for bed with him when she got home from her classes. In their sleep or one of the times they were rearranging themselves one of them had mentioned food and it had reflected in their dreams. But she made a note to mention it to Giles sometime. Dreaming about the first Slayer had the feel of some kind of prophecy about it, like the dreams she used to have of the Master.

"You're right," Buffy finally said. "I am starving. So, we going to order pizza or are you cooking?"

"Me? I decide to go ahead and take a woman and she doesn't cook. Good thing I don't depend on food for sustenance, me or Angel, cause you would have starved us by now."

"That's why both of you cook so well, to keep me from starving. So, what are we doing?"

Spike rose on one elbow, one hand languidly capturing the breast that was closest to him and kneaded the soft flesh.

"Well, first we can head to the kitchen, get me some blood and I can make you an omelet or we can have sex first, whichever you'd like to do." 

"Oh, choices, choices," Buffy teased, while her finger tapped her chin. He growled and she laughed, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. "Definitely sex first."

Spike rolled her on top of him and Buffy forgot everything that was worrying her as they made love. Spike was holding her and Angel was coming home. For the moment life was good.

~~~~~~~~~~

It ended up that Buffy and Spike were late for the eight o'clock Scooby meeting. Only forty-five minutes before they were scheduled to arrive did they manage to untangle themselves from the other's body, ordering pizza before jumping in the shower.  They had used the pizza as their excuse for being tardy, saying it wasn't ready when they arrived to pick it up.  Everyone had ignored their feeble defenses and quickly started passing the steaming pies around. 

Spike settled back into the couch, hiding his grin in his mug, as he observed Buffy's reaction to Giles' new girlfriend. Jenny was her name, if he remembered the introduction right, and Buffy didn't seem too happy about the glances going on between her surrogate father and this woman. He leaned forward and whispered in her ear, "Relax, and give her a chance. She might fit right in with this bunch and be good to have around." Buffy followed him as he relaxed again, using him to rest her back against. And she seemed to calm some as his fingers caressed her shoulders. 

The Slayer and her little band of followers were discussing in earnest the meaning of the cheese man that had appeared in their dreams in the last day. Well, those that were involved with the spell, excluding Tara and Anya from the freaky 'Alice in Wonderland' trip that had visited the others. Spike seemed to be a lucky recipient of the tour because of the bonding with the Slayer. And, gee, he had thought it would all be fun and games as he drained the last of his blood and licked his lips. Giles told Buffy to remember to ask Angel if he had any strange dreams when they saw him. 

"He should be here. I talked to him earlier and he was supposed to meet us here," Buffy explained. 

And right on cue, the door opened and everyone looked to see who was there. 

~~~~~~~~~~

"Sorry," Angel said, walking into the flat. "There was an accident on the freeway and everything was backed up." His eyes quickly found his mates to judge their mood. Both looked at him with expressions exhibiting their uncertainty at seeing him again but there was no anger. He smiled, hoping they would relax, before turning to the others. "What did I miss?"

It was then that he saw her, the professor that he had saved from the demon at the university. Giles guided the woman toward him, a hand resting possessively on her back.  

"Jenny, this is Angel," Giles introduced them. "Angel, this is Jenny Calendar."

Angel acknowledged the introduction with a curt nod and hello. Curiosity burned him as to how the retired librarian had found her and obviously courting her from the way he was looking at her, without any of them knowing about it. But a brief glance around the room indicated that everyone did know. The averted eyes and the colored cheeks of the witches gave them away and Angel turned to his mates for an explanation. Buffy's helpless shrug and a wave of Spike's hand confirmed that his mates were like him and knew nothing about it. Finally, he returned his attention to Giles and his new companion.

Jenny stepped toward him with her hand extended. "I'm also known as Janna of the Kalderash clan."

In the moment that Angel found himself speechless, his mates took positions on either side of him. Strengthened by their presence, he found his voice again.

"You're a gypsy? A gypsy from the clan that cursed me?"

"Yes, I am," Jenny answered, with a smile curving her lips. "Thank you for saving me the other day and for that I have contacted the elders of my tribe about your problem. They answered that you have a taken a life from them and you have returned a life to them. The scales have been balanced and the request made by your witches will be granted. Your soul will be given to you with no conditions on its permanence."

There were stunned silences on either side of him as the trio tried to assimilate what they had just been given. Angel tried to grasp the fact that he could be happy. He would be free to lose himself in the playful love of his mates. No longer would he have to live in torment, driven to absolve himself of the guilt he carried. It was then that he began to let the doubts in. He could smell fear and immediately turned to his Childe. In those cerulean depths he saw the insecurity, Buffy and Angel could be together as they had always wanted and Spike would no longer be wanted. Taking a deep breath, to gather his senses, he glanced around the room at the humans waiting for a response.

"Are you certain that it will work?" Angel asked. If there wasn't any guarantee that it would work, then he would have his out.

"Well," Willow answered, stepping forward, "there is one tiny little drawback to the spell. But Giles, Tara and I have been working with Jenny to get everything figured out. And, we are fairly certain, pretty certain, it will go fine."

"And what is the drawback?'

"In order to guarantee that the soul will be permanent," Giles said. "We will have to remove the curse and once that is done, do a new spell to restore the soul."

That was what Angel was looking for. There was no way that he would allow Angelus loose even for a moment.

"No, I won't take the risk of someone getting hurt." Angel said, stepping back from his companions. He waited for them to turn to him so that there was at least an air of privacy from the others. "Not just so I can be happy. I also won't risk the happiness of the two of you so that I can be happy." He turned to look at Buffy. "Spike is already worried about losing us because we'll be able to be together. And I agree, its something that we've wanted for a long time and we might end up excluding him in our blindness of being able to make love." He paused for a moment before running fingers along Buffy's cheek. "I love you more than you will ever know but I wanted you to be complete. And because of that, you and Spike fell in love and that is as it should be. And you're not the kind of girl that can really have sex with two men at the same time."

Neither of them said anything, both watching him with expressions he couldn't read, so he forged ahead.

"There is something else. It's about the trip I just made and Doyle. It seems there is some kind of Powers That Be and Doyle is their vision guy. The three of us were never meant to happen and I should have gone to Los Angeles instead of staying in Sunnydale. In the end I think it's for the best. It will give the two of you the kind of life together that you deserve. I'll be leaving in the morning."

Silence permeated the room at his speech and Angel waited for a reply.

"Oh, holy bullshit, that is the longest self-serving speech for martyrdom that I have ever heard." Spike exclaimed, laughing with his hand over his heart. "So, you've decided, without consulting us by the way, that you get to continue to be the tormented vampire who rights the wrongs of the world." He took a step closer to his Sire. "I think that you are looking for an excuse so that you don't have to be happy. No, change that, I know you are. It scares you shitless."

"And I thought we went through this already," Buffy said, her hands gesturing wildly. "How come you get to make decisions on what makes us happy or not? You can't just run off and leave us. Who is going to make sure that the house is clean and the blood gets bought and the electricity gets paid? I have no idea what to do."

"Yeah, she's a stupid kid," Spike said.

Buffy smacked the blonde vampire in the stomach, "And he's a smartass vampire. We need you."

Angel laughed as his frustration mounted. Why couldn't they see that what he was doing was for the best? That he was thinking of them and what they needed. 

"You know, it's funny. You all don't want me to act like a Daddy and patriarchal but then you say you can't clean a house without me. What the hell do you want?"

"You, Angel, we want you." Buffy answered, her voice quavering with the tears she was fighting. "Among the three of us, you are the responsible one, but Spike and I both contribute. But it's the three of us together that make a whole."

"Face it, Daddy; we aren't just going to accept you making this decision for us." Spike said, laying his hand on Angel's arm. "If Los Angeles needs covering we'll figure it out. As for the sex things we'll switch weeks, whatever to make it work. We've proven that the three of us works. Why tear us apart now?"

Buffy took Angel's hand holding it against her heart. "The point is that we decide together. Not just one of us or two of us but the three of us. And not to bring this up now, but I'm tired of the two of you running off on one of your missions without consulting me. I am the Slayer here.  We are supposed to be forever and I've got this…"

"You bring that damn tattoo up again," Spike interrupted, "and I am going to lick it off."

That was enough. The two of them were acting like children and Angel was tired of it. 

"Stop it now. I'm pulling rank here…"

"No, you're not," Spike said. "It was a curse for you to suffer, not the choice of whatever powers or gods there are. And you paid for the mistake that got you cursed in the first place. And if we have already messed things up by being together, then we're running the show now. Screw those powers. It's us together and we'll work it out whatever comes along." Spike held his hand up, fingers straight. "Three…"

Buffy placed her hand against Spike's, palm to palm, "Hearts…"

Angel looked from Spike to Buffy and saw the undying love for each other and him in their eyes. Life was about choices and taking chances to back those choices. He had already chosen these two creatures to be his mates. In his decision to protect them, he hadn't given them a choice and that was wrong. They were so sure of the three of them being able to handle anything that life threw their way that they were ready to jump off the cliff, confidant they would sprout wings on the way down. 

Taking a step closer to them, he joined his hand with theirs, palm to the back of Spike's. His fingers separated theirs, bending them, until you weren't sure whose fingers belonged to who.

"Entwined."

Who was he to argue with them? His mates had surprised him, time after time, with the love and faith they showed in him and each other. Spike was right. If the future had already been altered by their relationship then it was up to them to forge a new one and make it a better place for everyone. After all, wasn't that what White Hats were supposed to do?

~~~The End~~~

Author's Note: This chapter contained moments from BtVS's Restless and Angel's City of Angel scripts.


	34. The Epilogue that is a Preview

**~~Epilogue~~**

**            Set sometime in the future…a small snippet of a moment**

**                        A preview of what is yet to be….**

**                                    'Menage a Trois'                      **

**                                                The Sequel to 'Three Hearts Entwined'**

The road to Los Angeles was wide open and Spike pushed the gas pedal down making the Pontiac groan as it was forced to go faster then it wanted to. The radio was tuned to his station. He grinned knowing that it would probably annoy the hell out of Angel but he didn't care at the moment. His hands beat against the steering wheel keeping time to AC/DC.

_If you got a lady but you want her gone_

_But you ain't got the guts_

_She keeps naggin' you night and day_

_Enough to drive you nuts_

_Pick up the phone_

_Leave her alone_

_It's time you made a stand_

_For a fee I'll be happy to be_

_Your back door man_

_Dirty Deeds done dirt cheap…_

His singing was cut off when Buffy leaned over the back seat, her mouth nuzzling his neck and her hand sliding down inside his shirt. She was a woman on a mission, pulling and popping buttons until she could pinch his nipple. He groaned at her heated attack and leaned back against the seat. Buffy left the puckered brown dot, stroking his chest and throat, cupping his chin, turning him so he could kiss her. The car swerved but she only laughed as they broke apart and her panting was hot against his ear.

"You feeling good, Baby?"

"Uh, huh," She moaned and her nails dug into his arm. He watched her in the mirror as she rode out her orgasm. The way her perfect little mouth formed an O and her eyes scrunched closed until she hit her peak and collapsed. Her face was buried in his neck while she came down and his hand closed around the back of her neck and played with her hair. 

"But I'm still the better lover, aren't I?" 

Angel came into visual range as he leaned over Buffy. "That's a no no question." 

Spike laughed. "Yeah, whatever, we all know the truth," he said. "Now, can one of you get up here and give me a blow job?"

"But Spike, you're the better lover. I'm sure you can handle it," Angel joked, disappearing into the backseat again and pulling Buffy along with him. 

  
"Oh, come on, this isn't fair," Spike groused, sitting up to look in the mirror and saw their girl straddling air, her head thrown back as Angel teased her. "Please, you two have been at it since we hit the highway. Bloody unfair, I tell you. I'm not driving next time. Do you hear me? I am not driving anymore…"

And the highway kept rolling onwards, the music kept playing and three hearts kept falling in love. 


End file.
